The Secret Son's Homecoming

by Helen Lacey

  “Where are you going?” J.D. asked, clearly concerned.

  Connie took a breath and looked around the table. She cared about these people. All of them in different ways. But it was Jonah she loved. Jonah she wanted. Jonah she needed.

  “I’m going to Portland,” she announced, her resolve and determination growing with each passing second. “And even if I have drag Jonah back by the ankles, kicking and screaming,” she said, and smiled, suddenly so ridiculously happy she wanted to sing, “I’m going to bring him home.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Jonah moped around the apartment on Saturday afternoon, thinking about how much time he’d spent thinking lately. He wished he was a drinker or had some other sort of meaningful vice. But he was barely a social drinker and had quit smoking after the first puff on a cigarette when he was fifteen.

  He toyed with the idea of catching up with friends, but he really wasn’t in the mood for small talk. And since it had been raining nonstop for the past two days, it was as good an excuse as any to stay indoors and mope. The holidays were coming, and he figured he needed to think about his plans. He’d deliberately put off talking to his mother about it, because he knew what she wanted. Her family. Together.

  But he wasn’t ready for it. He was still coming to terms with forgiving his father.

  And falling in love with Connie.

  And then letting her go.

  Even if his head told him it was for the best, Jonah ached inside, missing her so much he spent his time working and sleeping and little else. He hadn’t called her, hadn’t sent a text message, hadn’t asked about her when he spoke to his mother a week earlier. A clean break was best.

  But he missed her. He missed her sweet touch. Her kiss. The scent she wore that was uniquely hers. He missed the gentle sound of her voice. And he missed her friendship. He missed knowing she could read him without saying a word. That she could get so far under his skin they could share a mere look and understand one another.

  He’d never believed in soul mates. He’d always thought it to be nonsense, something invented to fuel the imaginations of sappy, sentimental people.

  But now, he wasn’t so sure. Because Connie had reached him—soul deep—and he had no hope of getting her out of his heart. Only time would make things easier. But time had become notoriously slow. The days dragged and the nights were worse.

  He sighed and was about to watch television for a while when the doorbell buzzed. He wasn’t expecting anyone and figured it must be one of the neighbors.

  But it wasn’t.

  It was Connie standing on his doorstep, drenched from the rain, her blond hair plastered to her head, wearing a completely unsuitable wool coat over jeans and a sweater.

  He stared at her, as though his feet were entrenched in cement, unable to move for a moment as he absorbed the sight of her. Until he realized she was shivering and he grabbed her arm, hauling her gently across the threshold.

  “What are you doing?” he demanded and began to tug off her coat. “Trying to catch pneumonia?”

  Her teeth chattered. “I forgot to pack a raincoat.”

  He stripped the coat off and dropped it on the floor and he closed the door. “How did you get past the security gate?”

  “Your mom told me the code,” she explained, shivering. “And your address.”

  Jonah stared at her—bedraggled, chilled to the bone, her mascara running and still totally beautiful. He made a mental note to have a word with his mother for not forewarning him and shook his head. “What are you doing here?”

  “You invited me,” she reminded him. “Remember? You said you wanted me to see your city.”

  “That was before—”

  “Before you dumped me,” she said, teeth still chattering. “I remember.”

  Jonah winced. “That’s not what I meant. I’m just surprised to see you.”

  She shivered and he grabbed her hand. “You need to get warm and out of those wet things. Come with me.”

  He walked her upstairs to his bedroom and ushered her into the bathroom.

  “My overnight bag is in my rental car,” she said as he pulled a pair of sweatpants and a fleece shirt from a drawer.

  “I’ll get your bag later,” he said and dropped the clothes onto the bed. “Take a hot shower and get changed. I’ll make you some tea.”

  He left the room to give her some privacy and headed back downstairs.

  And for the next twenty minutes, he overthought every possible scenario as to why she’d landed on his doorstep so unexpectedly.

  J.D. had suffered a relapse.

  She was pregnant.

  She couldn’t live without him.

  None of his mental ranting made sense. J.D. was fine—his mother had said as much. Of course she could live without him—it wasn’t as though they’d been together very long. Sure, they’d had a real connection and some incredible sex. But it wasn’t enough to sustain feelings long-term.

  Even if he missed her like crazy.

  So, maybe she was pregnant. That had to be the reason she was in his apartment.

  “That’s better,” she said when she appeared in the kitchen looking warm and dry, other than her still damp hair. “I wasn’t expecting so much rain. I should have checked my weather app.”

  His spine twitched. “Tea?”

  She nodded and smiled. “It’s good to see you.”

  He avoided a smile. She had some serious explaining to do. “Why are you here, Connie?”

  “Why do you think?”

  Jonah stopped making the tea and came around the counter. “Are you pregnant?” he asked, figuring he should get the hard question out of the way first.

  “No,” she said and shook her head. “I’m sorry to say.”

  He rocked back on his heels. She sounded disappointed. “What are you saying? You want to have a baby?”

  “At some point,” she replied. “I’d like very much to have a child.”

  He swallowed. “With me?”

  “With you,” she said.

  “Why?”

  She shuddered, took a breath and then sighed. “Because I’m in love with you.”

  The world stopped spinning. That was the only reason there could be for the way his whole body seemed to sway and then float as though there was no gravity beneath his feet.

  “Why?” he asked again, stupidly.

  “Because...I am. I don’t know how or why. It just happened. That’s how it goes, Jonah, when people fall in love...it just happens.”

  “I’m not exactly lovable.” He wasn’t sure what to say. She was opening a door for him—and he wanted so much to walk through. But letting go of old fears was harder than he’d ever imagined.

  She smiled and his heart raced. “You are to me. And you are to your mom and your dad. And even your brothers.”

  “They think I’m responsible for J.D.’s collapse,” he reminded her. “And they’re right. I am. I can’t imagine they’ll be warming to me anytime soon.”

  “Well, they won’t get a chance if you don’t talk to them.”

  He shrugged. He knew what she was saying, what she was asking. But it was better for everyone if he stayed away. “I’m happy here.”

  “You’re a terrible liar.”

  “Would you rather I tell you things that aren’t true?” he shot back. “That’s not my style.”

  “I know that,” she said quietly. “It’s one of the reasons why I love you.”

  “Would you stop saying that?” he said, harsher than he liked, confused and torn and his mind utterly blown by her confession.

  She shook her head. “I came here to tell you that I love you,” she said, her voice raw.

  Jonah’s insides ached. “I’m no good for you, Connie.”

  “Would you stop saying that?” she said, ech
oing his words from seconds earlier, moving closer until she stood in front of him.

  Jonah clenched. “Are you planning on seducing me?”

  “If it will give me an edge.”

  He sighed. “Sex won’t change anything.”

  “No,” she said and touched his chest. “But I love the way you make love to me. And I fall a little bit more in love with you every time you touch me.”

  They were inflammatory words. Honest words. More than he could stand.

  So he kissed her. Because it had been a long two weeks since he’d felt the sweetness of her mouth against his own, and he needed her kiss like he needed air to breathe.

  They moved to the sofa, since he was certain his legs wouldn’t make it to the bedroom. And they made love, hotter than he’d known it, wilder, with more urgency and passion than he’d believed possible. Jonah held on to her as she shuddered beneath him and then, when he couldn’t hold back any longer, he let himself go to that place of sweet oblivion.

  They lay together, panting, coming slowly back down to earth. Afterward, he drew her into his arms and carried her to the bedroom. They slept for a while, and later made love again. When they stirred it was past seven o’clock. He retrieved her overnight bag from her rental car, then ordered a pizza and opened a bottle of wine, and by nine they were on the sofa, not talking, just sipping wine and clearly aware of the uncomfortable silence brewing between them.

  Finally, she spoke. “Your mom misses you. She said you haven’t committed to seeing her over the holidays.”

  Jonah rubbed her bare calf, thinking how sexy she looked in one of his sweaters, her lovely legs entwined with his. “I have a lot of work to do.”

  “I told your family I would bring you back, kicking and screaming if I had to,” she announced, watching him over the rim of her glass. “They all thought it was a great idea.”

  He laughed humorlessly. “I think we’ve already established that I don’t belong in Cedar River.”

  “Of course you do,” she said. “Whether you want to admit it or not, Cedar River is your home, Jonah. Your mom and dad are there. Your family is there.”

  You’re there...

  Logically, she made complete sense...because for the last two weeks, Portland had felt less and less like home. But he’d made his decision and intended to stick to it.

  “I’m not going back,” he said flatly.

  “Stubborn jerk,” she said and swung her legs off the bed. “You don’t deserve my love.”

  “I know that.”

  She got to her feet and pulled the sweater down over her thighs. “If you don’t come back, I don’t ever want to see you again.”

  “Okay.”

  Her face blotched with color. “Really? That’s it?”

  “What do you want from me, Connie?” he implored and stood, hands on hips. “I told you how it was two weeks ago.”

  “You were hurting and I thought you needed some time to come to your senses. We all did. But now you’ve had time and you need to come home.”

  “This is my home, Connie. Whatever else you think, it’s all in your imagination.”

  Her stare turned into a glare. “Then why did you make love to me just now? Why didn’t you turn me away when I arrived?”

  “Because I’m crazy for you,” he rasped. “You know that.”

  Her eyes sparked. “You love me?”

  “That’s not what I said,” he replied, backpedaling. Admitting he loved her wasn’t going to help defuse the situation. Better she thought he didn’t. “Don’t overreact.”

  “So, it’s just sex?”

  “That’s not what I said, either. But unless you’re willing to move here with me, I don’t see how we can have a future.” He sighed heavily. “I don’t want to hurt you, Connie. But I won’t make empty promises, either...that’s not who I am. I can’t move to a small town and be a part of the great O’Sullivan legacy. And whether you want to admit it, or not, you are a part of that legacy. They adore you, and rightly so. You’re like the glue they all need. And you need them. I get that. And I would never ask you to let go of that connection. It’s a part of who you are. It makes you who you are. The reality is, they’re more your family than they will ever be mine.”

  “And you don’t want them?”

  “Exactly.”

  “But they want you.”

  “For now,” he said, frustrated and confused. “Until the novelty wears off. And it will. Right now they think they’re doing me a favor by trying to include me in their inner circle and then act as though I should be honored or humbled or feel some other damned thing. But I don’t, and that’s why they keep pushing. Because people like the O’Sullivans always have to win. Well,” he said harshly, “I’m not some prize, consolation or otherwise.”

  She took a moment to reply, searching his face with her eyes. “And that’s how you really feel?”

  “Yes.”

  “You’re wrong about them. They’re trying to include you because you are a part of their family.”

  “It’s pity,” he said flatly. “Nothing more.”

  She nodded wearily. “Okay. I guess we have nothing else to say to one another. I’ll get dressed and leave.”

  “You can stay. I’ll sleep down here—you take my room.”

  She didn’t argue. Didn’t resist. She didn’t say another word.

  Once she was out of sight, he slumped onto the sofa and put his head in his hands. He really wished he’d never heard of Cedar River. Or the O’Sullivans. Or Connie Bedford.

  Because he couldn’t remember ever being more miserable in his life.

  He closed his eyes and begged his weary brain not to dream. And failed.

  When he awoke the next morning, he was alone. And he wasn’t surprised.

  But there was a note propped up on the counter in the kitchen. He stared at the thing for close to half an hour. Because he didn’t want to read her goodbye, even though he’d told her they were done.

  Dear Jonah.

  A decade ago, I needed someone to take my hand and say, here...take control back. And I did. I worked hard to forget that awful time in my life and become a whole and functional person, someone I could be proud of. And then I met you, and you flipped a switch inside me. A light I didn’t know I possessed. I felt real passion and somehow I reclaimed what had been taken from me. With you, I wasn’t afraid. Maybe because, underneath your arrogance, I saw my fear reflected in you and I realized I wasn’t alone.

  I know you think the O’Sullivans want to control you, but really, it’s the other way around. You’ve always known about them, and you’ve always chosen to stay away and remain hidden in the shadows. That’s a power they didn’t have, because up until eleven months ago, they didn’t know you existed. But now they do know, and it scares you to death. But you have a chance to change things, to bring everyone together, to have the family you’ve always wanted. All you need to do is forgive and move forward. I know you have the strength to do that. I just wish you could see yourself as I do.

  Love, Connie.

  Jonah stared at the note for a long time after he’d read it. And felt the truth of her words right down to the marrow in his bones. He’d never really considered himself to be in control of anything—or anyone. Determined, yes. Arrogant...well, yeah. But looking at her note, Jonah saw his reflection and it shamed him, deep down.

  You’ve always chosen to stay away and remain hidden in the shadows.

  Because that’s exactly what he had done. Stayed in control by staying silent. When the truth was, he could have confronted J.D. and demanded the truth come out years ago. But by remaining a secret, he’d had control. And he’d let that feed his bitterness. His rage. His resentment.

  My way or the highway.

  His brother had said that.

  And Connie, the most courageous pe
rson he had ever met, had called him out on his arrogant belief that he could do exactly as he pleased and not give a hoot how it affected everyone else. He’d told his mother he was giving her space to continue her relationship with J.D., when the truth was, instead of supporting her by being there, he’d bailed.

  And there was Connie. Who was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

  His lover. His friend. Perhaps the best he’d ever had. A woman who had somehow, despite his appalling behavior, managed to see enough of the man he really was and still find a way to love him.

  Jonah got to his feet and looked around. Nothing about the apartment comforted him. Nothing felt right.

  What the hell are you doing, Rickard?

  He inhaled. Exhaled. And made a decision.

  I’m going home.

  * * *

  Connie was neck-deep in training Liam’s new PA on Wednesday morning when Liam called to ask her to tend to a disgruntled customer at the concierge desk.

  But when she got there, the concierge was looking at her oddly and Liam was standing in the center of the foyer. So was J.D. And Kathleen. And Kieran. And Gwen. They were standing close together, so she headed for them but halted the moment she spotted Jonah in the middle of their circle.

  Ten feet away, and four days since she’d been so close to him, she still wasn’t sure whether she loved him or hated him. He’d let her go—twice. He really didn’t deserve any more chances. But she wasn’t going to jump to any conclusions. He was obviously in town to see his parents. She wasn’t exactly keeping track of his movements. He’d made his thoughts abundantly clear.

  They were over.

  She looked at Liam and frowned.

  “Sorry, Connie,” he said and shrugged. “I couldn’t say no. He’s my brother, after all.”

  Connie didn’t have a clue what was happening. She glared at Jonah, hands on hips. “What are you doing?”

  He took a breath, and she noticed he looked edgy. “Letting go.”

  She frowned, glanced at J.D. and Kathleen and noticed they were holding hands and nodding reassuringly. “Letting go of what?” she demanded.

  He took a step closer to her. “Control.”