After The Break

by Andrea Joan

  His declaration overwhelms and consumes me, soaks into my soul and heart, and I have no idea what to do with it all. It scares the shit out of me because for some reason my heart doesn’t want to accept what I’m hearing.

  “But you said to your mom last night that I’m nothing like Ali. That what we have isn’t the same thing.”

  “And?” I turn to walk away. I need a second. “Hey.” He grabs my elbow, spinning me around to face him. “Sky, you aren’t like Ali. What you and I have is completely different, but not in a bad way.” He pulls my hands into his own. “Yes, Ali was my first love. She will always hold a place in my heart. I wouldn’t be a man deserving of you if I didn’t admit that. But the person I was when I loved Ali is gone, Skylar. He’s fucking broken. I will never be the person I was before. But the man I am today, the one that is looking into your beautiful eyes, the version of me after the break, loves you. Ali may have been my first love, but you, Sky, you will be my last.”

  I am full on crying now. I want to stop the tears, but it seems impossible. Now that he’s laid it out there, I know I have to. He can’t take this risk without knowing the facts.

  “But what if I decide not to go on any medication, Liam? Are you really prepared to deal with what you went through all over again, what I put you through?”

  “Without question. It wasn’t that terrible, Sky. I was just scared because I felt out of control. I wanted to help you, but didn’t know how because I didn’t know what was wrong. Now that I know, we’ll proceed however you want as long as it’s safe. I’ll be there every step of the way for you. Your highs, your lows, your fucking mediums and unknowns.”

  “What if I get worse?”

  “You won’t,” his thumb brushes against my cheek reassuringly. “This isn’t a death sentence, sweetheart. We’ll figure it out. We will get you the help you need in whatever form you need it.”

  “But what if I decide I never want children? I don’t want to risk getting sicker like my mother did. That’s no life for a child.”

  “We can look into all of that. You’re a millionaire, baby. When the time comes you can use a surrogate or adopt fifteen kids, or if you decide you don’t want any, I don’t care. All I want is you, Sky, whichever way you come.”

  My smile grows bigger with every syllable he speaks until I start laughing through my tears. “Fifteen kids? I can tell you right now that I will never want fifteen kids.”

  He blows out a breath. “Thank fuck, baby, because I gotta be honest, I’ve always seen myself as a one and done kind of guy. I think I just got a little ahead of myself for a second.” Throwing an arm around my neck, he starts to walk us back the way we came.

  “For the record, I love you too.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “So cocky.”

  “No, confident.”

  “So, what happens now?”

  “Whatever you want to happen. You want to go back to L.A. tonight, we can. You want to wait it out a few days and spend some time here, we can do that too. But one thing that absolutely must happen now is I take you to get some tacos.”

  “Tacos?”

  “Yep. Best tacos you will ever eat. Come on, we just have to get Shayla first. She will disown me if she finds out I got Deeno’s Tacos without her.”

  “SHAY! YOU WANT SOME tacos?” Liam yells from the bottom step.

  “Liam, must you scream at your sister? You have two workable legs, use them to walk up the stairs and ask her,” his mother scolds.

  “HELL YEAH! I’m coming, give me a second!” Shayla’s voice carries down to us.

  “No time for travel, Ma. I gotta feed my hellcat. She gets fucking feisty when she doesn’t eat regularly.” He wraps an arm around my neck and pulls me into his side, kissing me on the forehead as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.

  Which for us, before my breakdown, it would have been. Liam never shies away from PDA. My biggest fear was that he wasn’t going to look at me or treat me the same way he had before. That maybe I would embarrass him, or suddenly become unattractive to him, or he would treat me with kid gloves. But this, him showing me affection, in front of his mom no less, shows me we can still be us, even now that he truly knows the real me.

  “Oh no. Don’t you drag me into this, slugger.” I duck under his arm and jump away when he tries to pull me back. I’m even laughing which feels nothing short of amazing. It’s weird to think that something as simple as laughter can be taken for granted, but when you can’t find the will to laugh no matter how hard you try, you learn really fast.

  “Baby, the last time we were all late to go get lunch you told Noah to ‘eat a dick’ when he asked if you liked the shirt he was wearing before we left. Then, when you finally got a burrito, you almost bit your own finger off because you were scarfing it down too fucking fast.”

  “Oh my god.” Yep, I can feel it. My face is turning red. I also feel an overwhelming need to slap that sexy smirk right off Liam’s face.

  “Liam, language,” Lillian scolds, to which Liam simply rolls his eyes. “And don’t worry, Skylar, I know how my boy can be, I’m sure you didn’t actually tell someone to ‘eat a dick.’”

  “Ma she absolutely di—umph,” Liam stumbles forward, and that’s when I see Shayla attached to his back, her arms wrapped around his neck, her legs around his waist.

  “Let’s go!” Shayla says as Liam puts his arms under her legs to hoist her up further. “No time for idle chit-chat about dicks, Mom. Deeno’s tacos wait for no one!”

  Lillian shakes her head, Liam laughs, and I just stand there smiling and a little in awe at seeing how an actual family acts.

  “All right, Ma. You heard the little monkey. We’re outta here.” Liam walks over and kisses his mom on the cheek.

  “Why don’t you take some tacos to your dad at work? You know how he loves them.”

  “You got it.”

  Shayla bends down slightly, still attached to Liam’s back, and kisses her mother on the cheek before saying goodbye.

  Liam starts to walk toward the front door and I know I need to follow him, but I can’t seem to move. I’m just stuck here trying to comprehend what I’ve seen.

  This is a family. An honest-to-god, loving family, the kind I always wished I had. And it’s beautiful and sweet, and honestly a little weird to actually witness.

  “Baby.” Liam’s voice breaks me from my trance.

  “Huh? What?”

  “Come on, let’s go.” His hand is outstretched, and I run over and grab it, but not before waving a quick goodbye to Lillian.

  By the time we make it to the end of the driveway and onto the main road, Shayla has disengaged from Liam’s back, walking next to me, while he has his arm thrown around my neck.

  “So, Skylar, I have a very important question for you.” Shayla starts walking backwards ahead of us.

  “Okay.”

  “That Versace gown you wore to the Oscars last year, do you still own it, and if so can I come to L.A. and try it on?”

  I laugh. She is so my type of girl.

  “Jesus, Shay, what is it with you and her clothes?”

  “It’s not just clothes, Liam. It’s fashion. It’s wearable art! Tell him, Skylar.” She throws both hands in the air as she continues to walk backwards, almost skipping. Her free-spirited nature and flair for the dramatic is completely endearing, and I find myself catching it like a virus.

  “She’s completely right, Liam. A Versace gown is art. Do not disparage the dress by referring to it simply as clothing. And of course I still have it. You are welcome to try it on anytime.”

  Shayla smiles huge and I swear the sun shines a little brighter. “You are the freaking best! You can never leave her, Liam. Keep her forever!”

  He chuckles lightly before leaning in and whispering, “I plan on it,” into my hair. “I missed this,” he says quietly, brushing his thumb across my cheek.

  “What?”

  “Your smile. That laugh. Your spunk.”
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br />   I’m hit with guilt at his confession because I hate that I’ve caused him any worry or stress. I hate that I can’t always be the better version of me for him.

  “Don’t do that, Sky.”

  Jesus, he really can read my thoughts.

  “Do what?” I ask, testing to see if he is some kind of weird Skylar specific clairvoyant.

  “Just because I missed your fucking light doesn’t mean I don’t accept and worship your dark, too.”

  I’m stunned. Shocked into silence. Not only because he clearly can read my mind but also because he somehow managed to come up with the exact right words to say.

  “Oh no! Run, bunny! Run for your life before it’s too late!” I hear Shayla yell, interrupting my staring at Liam. Shayla’s running in the middle of the street trying to shoo a little black bunny to the side of the road.

  “Shay, get out of the street,” Liam commands in that bossy tone he seems to love so much.

  “Not before Thumper is safe!”

  I’m pretty sure I hear him mutter “fucking Care Bear” under his breath, scowling until Shayla runs back to us.

  “So, since we’re speaking of fashion,” she starts, and Liam groans, making me laugh. “I think I know what I want to do with my life.” At that admission, Liam suddenly perks up, making it clear he really cares about her future plans. “I want to be a fashion designer!”

  This doesn’t surprise me at all. The girl has an eye for it. Even the way she’s dressed now is cute—black shorts and designer tights matched with a funky vintage t-shirt and short boots. She has her own style, and that is important for any future designer.

  “Can you sketch?” I ask her, suddenly curious.

  She beams and I swear the sun shines brighter. What is it with this girl? “Yep. I have a few if you want to see them.”

  “I would love to. You know, if you’re serious about it I can get you an internship with a few designers.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Sure. Show me a few of your sketches, and if I think they’ll fly I’ll take some back to L.A. with me and get you in with someone. There’s also a Fashion Institute in L.A. I could probably help get you into, but if you’re good enough you could probably skip that step altogether.”

  “Oh my god, you’re the freaking best!” She jumps up and hugs me. Hard. So hard I almost can’t breathe and probably would have fallen to the ground if Liam wasn’t holding my hand.

  “All right, Shay, let up.”

  “Oh, back off, big bro. You’re not the only one allowed to hug your woman.”

  “Jesus. Look, why don’t you run ahead and place our order, Shayla. Work off some of that energy or something.”

  “On it, big brother!” She salutes Liam and takes off running down the street.

  “You didn’t even ask me what I want.” I nudge him as we continue our steady pace.

  “Because it doesn’t matter. No menus. They just serve tacos. Whatever kind of tacos Deeno decides to serve today. But don’t worry, you’ll love them.”

  “I wasn’t worried.” I smile at him and he rewards me with a smile back.

  “Thank you for that.” He kisses me on my cheek, leaving me confused.

  “For what?”

  “For helping out Shay.”

  “Of course, she’s your sister.”

  “Yeah, but she’s also a nut.”

  “Whatever. You adore her and you know it. Plus, if she likes it and I can get her an internship, it may be good for her to live in L.A. It’s a perfect spot for a fashionista, and I have all kinds of connections. And I think she wants to be near you. I also think it will give you peace of mind to have her close. With as much as you talked to her on the phone while you were in L.A. it makes sense to have her in the same city.”

  “Can’t fucking disagree with you there. It drives me nuts sometimes not being able to look after her. She’s too fucking trusting, you know. Gets her into trouble.”

  “What about you?” I ask, because this is a question that has been haunting me since I got here.

  “What about me, what?”

  “What do you want to do with the rest of your life?”

  “You firing me as your bodyguard already?”

  “Come on, we both know this isn’t for you, and I don’t think it’s particularly good for our relationship. Not that I don’t love you looking after me—”

  “I’ll always look after you, Sky, whether you pay me or not. That will always be my fucking privilege. I love you.”

  I stop and kiss him. Kiss him until my lips are numb and he has lifted my feet off the ground by grabbing my ass. When he sets me back down, I grab his hand again and we continue walking like we didn’t just full-on make out in the middle of the street.

  “Well then, now that we have that settled, answer the question.”

  “I forgot what it was.” He smirks at me.

  “What do you want to do with the rest of your life?”

  “To be honest, I don’t know. I’ve never known anything but boxing and bartending, and I definitely don’t want to be slinging drinks the rest of my life. And even if I was allowed to box professionally again, I wouldn’t trust myself to. My mind isn’t right for that anymore.”

  “Not competitively at least. But what about training other fighters? I’m sure there are gyms in L.A. you can work at. Or you could open your own.”

  The smile he gives me now almost matches the one his sister has mastered so easily. “That’s not a half-bad idea, sweetheart. I’ll have to think about it.”

  I like the idea of him staying in L.A. with me. Of his sister being there with us. I love the idea of a family, even if it wasn’t mine to start with. By the time we reach Deeno’s Tacos, which happens to be in a basement I’m pretty sure was once the home of a serial killer, Shayla has a huge plate of tacos ready for us, and despite the overall ambiance, these are the best fucking tacos I’ve ever had.

  MY STOMACH GROWLS LOUD as Barry pulls up to my house, causing Liam to laugh. We just got back from the airport after having spent an extra two days on Orcas Island. We talked about our plans more, and my disorder, which I was surprised and extremely touched to learn he read up on. Thanks to his weird superpower of a photographic memory, he actually knows more medical facts about it than I do. I thought I’d feel embarrassed, but instead I just feel confident, secure, hopeful. Liam was right; this isn’t a death sentence. This diagnosis doesn’t stop my future.

  “You hungry, baby?”

  “Not for food.” I creep my hand up his thigh in an effort to be flirty. It totally backfires when my stomach rumbles lightly again. Caught red-handed. “Okay, yes for food. I’m actually starving.” He kisses me on the temple before getting out of the car. Barry already has our bags out of the trunk and on the driveway ready for us to take in. I give him a hug goodbye and Liam shakes his hand. Liam picks up both bags and we walk to the front door. When we get in, he disables the alarm and sets them down.

  “Hey, why don’t you take the bags upstairs and I’ll make us something to eat?” he suggests, knowing full well there is no way I can cook something edible. Only there’s a small problem.

  “Yeah, about that. I don’t really have any food in here for you to cook.” When he shakes his head I just shrug him off. “What? You were gone and we both know I wasn’t going to cook anything.”

  “Well, how about I go pick us something up? What are you craving?”

  “Hmmm. Chinese.”

  “Okay, Chinese it is.” He heads toward the garage but I quickly stop him before the door closes.

  “Wait! I changed my mind! I want In-N-Out.”

  “You want burgers?”

  I nod excitedly.

  “Are you sure?”

  I nod again.

  “Okay, burgers it is.”

  “See, this is why I love you.”

  “Good to know it doesn’t take much. See you in a few.” He gives me that sexy smirk before getting in the Mustang. Nothing is hotter than wat
ching Liam O’Connor drive off in that car. Well, except, maybe having sex on the hood of it.

  I run up the stairs to my room, our bags in hand, ready to unpack and shower off the plane ride. When I drop the bags and head into the bathroom, what I see has me freezing in place.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” My entire body starts to tremble in fear when I see Carl sitting on the edge of my bathtub. I don’t even wait for his answer before I start to back away. There’s no good reason for him to be in my house right now, and my gut is screaming at me to get the hell out.

  As if he can read my thoughts, he stops me. “I wouldn’t if I were you.” When he looks at me, his eyes are cold and vacant. Not even angry, just nothing. With his forearms resting casually on his legs, he is the picture-perfect version of relaxed, almost as if he is sitting in his own bathroom, in his own house, and he hasn’t broken into mine. It’s when I take him in fully that I notice what’s in his hand, and my blood turns to ice.

  “Carl, what are you doing in my house? How’d you even get in? You know Liam is here, right?”

  “No he isn’t. He went to go get you food. I must say though, him being here, back with you, kind of fucks up my plans a little.”

  “Plans? What are you talking about? Get the hell out of my house before I call the cops.” I try and keep my tone steady and threatening, but I know it will do nothing.

  He just laughs and shakes his head like I’m being a petulant child. “So here’s what we’re going to do.”

  Is he for real right now? “We are not going to do anything. I’m calling the cops.” Is he going to try to shoot me in my own house? Carl may be a lot of things, but stupid is not one of them. Before I even get a chance to turn and run, he’s got my hair in his hands, pulling me back and forcefully shoving me down on the side of the tub where he was just sitting.

  “You are going nowhere, Skylar, and you will do exactly what I tell you to do for once in your fucking life.” I don’t know what the problem is between my brain and my mouth seeing as I currently have a gun pointed in my face, but apparently even the threat of a bullet isn’t enough to make my filter kick in.