by B L Morticia
Hearing Sarah go on, I could feel my emotions bubbling over the surface. Tears welled up in my eyes because she spoke nothing but truth.
“Thank you, Sarah. Listen, would it be overstepping my boundaries if I hugged you?”
Sarah smiled. “Of course not!” She grabbed me, forcing me into her chest and I allowed her to. Like a child, I clung to her, letting my tears flow, crying on her shoulder. And all she did was stroke my back, telling me everything would be fine as my mother would during my teenage years.
Letting it all out was refreshing, especially with someone I could call a friend to answer all my questions and give me solid answers.
Sarah was a godsend; more than just a nanny, but a good friend and confidante. And because I didn’t have many close friends, I wouldn’t give that up for anything in the world.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Jonas
After Santiago and I finished discussing things about Myles and Macy, both of us went to the spare bedroom to play with who we hoped would be our first daughter. Fuck the step. I would push for Santiago to be listed as legal guardian along with Myles. And although I wouldn’t be able to be officially considered as her dad, it didn’t matter because with Santiago’s name on it, that role was assumed anyway regardless of what any court system said.
Macy was a bundle full of energy, but I refused to stop playing with her even when Santiago told me to go take a nap. I told him I was too wired, just like she was. Our honest talk with one another eased my mind and made me comfortable that we were on the same page. And now that we were both aware of where Myles’s head was, we could continue to support him and Macy anyway we could, even if it meant living a hundred miles apart.
Once we tired little momma out, we asked Pamela if she’d mind us moving the crib into the guest room so she could keep an eye on her while she slept. She said yes, and we retired to our bedroom, making love for about two hours before Santiago fell asleep in my arms. And now, it was about four a.m. and I lay awake, thoroughly relaxed with one of my lovers on my chest, thinking of the other, most likely sleeping in his bed, losing sleep over being alone.
At least I hoped he was.
Perhaps if he kept thinking about it, the wait would be over.
Even with my first twenty-four-hour shift of three on the horizon, I couldn’t help but stay awake staring at the ceiling. I stroked Santiago’s arm, thinking of what would happen in coming weeks.
When Myles came around, there was the matter of telling my dad, brother, and sister-in-law. I wasn’t sure how they’d feel about it, but I didn’t care because I was a grown man. I’d tell Stanley because he was my only true friend at the station and if he told everyone else, so what? I didn’t live for them, anyway. With such a small circle, I didn’t have the dilemma Myles had. I was glad I didn’t. Not that I would shy away from it, but it would make things awkward. Still, with being gay, I was used to it so who the fuck cared?
We were consenting adults, wanting to raise a gorgeous little girl and give her everything she needed. Sure, there was more to it. Our own desires and the sex, but that wasn’t the focus.
Love was.
I loved Santiago, and I knew with more time spent together, I could learn to love Myles. The makings of it were there. I saw it. I just needed to bring it out more, and really, nothing excited me as much as building something real and lasting with both of them. Truthfully, I couldn’t see it any other way.
Surely people, like the Pamelas of the world would ask why. Why I wanted the complicated when I already had the best? It was simple. Normal don’t suit me. It never had and never would. I liked things being interesting and having Santiago and Myles with me would be that and more.
It was like having the best of both worlds.
A yin and yang.
Santiago being the soft, caring, one while Myles was the rugged and dominating partner to give me what I craved and needed.
As I’d told Santiago, I loved when Myles bossed me around. While he did, I bested him which meant the man could be brought down a little and having that chance to do it on the regular excited me.
So, in a nutshell, along with Macy, the opportunity to have it all was my reasoning for wanting this relationship. Sure, there would be little jealousies, but as long as we all talked it out and kept the lines of communication open, we’d be golden.
And I was determined, one way or the other, to make all that happen.
* * * *
Myles
Although I’d mentally and emotionally prepared for this moment for the last three or four weeks, all my hard work was meaningless. Sitting in my mother’s grand living room, listening to the pastor and many others speak about my mother, Dorothy Greyson, brought my grief back to life. Thankfully, I sat with Sarah who held my hand through the whole service and Garrett and his wife who anchored my left side. Macy, Jonas, and Santiago were behind me along with several employees, close confidants, and golf partners. My mother’s family sat on the other end because although they loved her, they cared nothing for me. After all, I was the black sheep of the family.
Despite all my successes, they deemed me a heathen because—gasp—I slept with men. I couldn’t possibly be a Greyson with such loose morals and since they disowned me, I hadn’t talked to any of them for any length of time. I’d actually had Sherri call because they liked her. Why put myself through the trouble when all they’d do was gossip about me, anyway?
In truth, I could’ve had the memorial without them, only sending them notice of her passing, but it wouldn’t have been right. They were her brothers and sisters, so they had to be told. Otherwise, karma surely would’ve come back to haunt me at some point.
As my mother had wanted, the service was kept short with only the pastor’s words and music playing in the background. When we’d made out her will, she’d given specific instructions to be cremated and only hold a memorial service. Then a repast so everyone could eat, talk, and be merry. She’d asked for her final gathering to be more festive than somber. Despite her requests, I wasn’t in a partying mood, but I’d put on the best front I could since that was what mother would’ve wanted.
After the pastor concluded his sermon, everyone moved to the dining room where a large table was filled with all kinds of foods, buffet style. Sherri had hired a wait staff and had the food catered so I’d have one less thing to worry about on this tough day.
To accommodate our guests, we opened French doors on the opposite wall leading to the seating area we’d set up on the deck and in the backyard. There were about a hundred people in attendance and since it was a gorgeous day, we’d set up chairs and tables for people to sit and eat outside.
As tempting as the food was, I had no desire to eat. I’d been a bundle of nerves since yesterday evening when I finally said my formal goodbye to Mother and hadn’t been able to relax or think about eating. I stayed with Garrett and Sherri the night prior only because Sherri and I were hammering out the final details. They tried getting me to have breakfast, but I just couldn’t, knowing I might not keep it down, anyway.
Walking through the room, I said hello and thank you to everyone, accepting their hugs and condolences. Even my mom’s youngest sister commended me on the service, but reiterated that they wouldn’t be inviting me to the family reunion unless I brought a woman along. She asked about Macy though and I had Sarah bring her over because I didn’t trust myself to do so. Macy brought joy to the somber room and thankfully she was too young to understand everything happening around her.
“Your aunt is nice,” Sarah said as we walked away.
“Of course, she is. She won’t be nasty in front of you and Macy.”
“I get it. I think it’s stupid they aren’t talking to you. Their loss.”
“Yes, it is. I’m not concerned though. Them ignoring me doesn’t faze me in the slightest.”
Sarah laughed. “It shouldn’t. By the way, Jonas is a hottie. So is Santiago. Myles the three of you would make a beautiful throuple,�
�� she whispered while leaning into me.
“Throuple? As in couple, but three,” I asked her, trying not to chuckle too loud.
“Yep. I think it’s brilliant. Oh, there they are again.” Sarah waved at Jonas and Santiago who’d been talking with Garrett and Sherri. They both walked over with wry smiles on their faces, looking dapper in their suits. I could tell Jonas was a little uncomfortable in his and as usual, Santiago did more than hold my interest.
“Myles. That was a beautiful sermon the pastor gave.” Santiago said.
“Yes, it was,” I answered him. “Thank you both for coming. I know this was difficult for you, Santiago.”
Santiago shrugged. “It’s fine, Myles. I already told you, we’re here for you no matter what.”
“Yep. Are you sure you’re okay with us staying at your condo? I mean, we could go to a hotel,” Jonas asked with a cocked eyebrow.
“Yes. I thought we all could talk later on. I…” I leaned in, looking around at everyone to make sure nobody could hear. “I can’t think of anyone else I’d want to have around me right now. You, Santiago, Macy, and Sarah.”
Santiago and Jonas smiled at me.
“Oh of course, Myles. And guys, I told him he should go for it,” Sarah said whispering so only we could hear.
Santiago and Jonas gasped as if in surprise.
“Whoa. Well, lookie there, Myles,” Jonas said.
I nodded in agreement. “Yes, I suppose she’s on board with the crazy train as well.”
Santiago, Jonas, and Sarah laughed.
I didn’t, because even though I’d softened my stance, I wasn’t ready to say yes to everything yet. There were things I needed to process, and that required more time.
Macy cooed, and she seemed to reach out for Santiago or Jonas.
“Aww. You want to go to Jonas?” Sarah asked her.
“Jo Jo. We call him Jo Jo so it will be easier for her to say when she talks,” Santiago said to both of us.
Jonas came from behind Santiago to take Macy into his arms. She squealed for him, and I had to say, I was a little jealous to see her so happy to be with the big lug.
“Oh, look at that, Myles. She adores him,” Sarah said, squeezing my arm.
“And I adore her. Yes, I do. Yes, yes.” Jonas danced a little with her.
“Aww. I love when men hold babies. It’s sexy,” Sarah said.
“Sure.” I continued watching them until I caught Santiago’s eyes. He appeared to be fixated on something or someone and he looked as if he was nervous or afraid.
“Santiago?”
“I…” Santiago stuttered. “I need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be back.”
I looked over my shoulder to see what he was looking at but found nothing other than Karl standing alone by the punch bowl.
I turned back to Jonas. “Did I miss something? What just happened?”
Jonas looked up at me. “I don’t know. “
“He looked upset.” I sighed, wondering why Santiago had dashed out so soon. Perhaps he’d gotten sick or might have actually needed the rest room.
I knew it was tough for him making this trip back here because it brought back so many bad memories. Still, I was grateful he and Jonas made the trip to support me during this difficult time.
* * * *
Santiago
The mark.
I saw that mark and had to move.
Had to leave.
Gasping for air, I stared in the mirror at my pale face.
No.
That scorpion, that tattoo. It had to be a coincidence. Not the same one I’d seen when I’d been raped.
At that moment, my brain replayed the scenario, frame by frame from beginning to end. An old friend from the neighborhood invited me to a party. These guys went to high school with me and we lived in the same area until I went to live with Myles and they did their own thing. There were plenty of people in attendance, drinking, doing drugs and because I’d known these guys so long, I thought I could trust them.
Then, the unthinkable happened.
The more I relived the events, the more I shuddered.
I’d drank too much and smoked weed. I lost my focus and was taken into a room with five guys who gang raped me.
Remembering each and every hand on me, I clutched the porcelain sink tightly under my nails. Bile rose in my throat and I swallowed hard to keep it down.
No!
I closed my eyes tight, seeing all of them wearing masks, but I remembered one in particular who’d had a black scorpion on the left side of his neck that peeked from underneath the ski mask. He actually said I needed to stay away from Myles while I still could and he threatened to hurt me if I didn’t.
Recalling these memories, I inhaled sharply and leaned down, holding my head in my hands. I sobbed and shook my head, wishing I hadn’t come here.
Chicago was the place I’d been attacked. I’d never wanted to come back, but I offered to do it for Myles so he wouldn’t be so alone.
I have to fight this!
I nodded to myself and breathed in again. Tears ran down my cheeks and beads of sweat poured from under my hairline. I was jumpy, shaking like a leaf, but determined to beat this because of the possibility of Myles wanting us to move up here with him.
Despite my feelings about Chicago, I’d have to consider that. Myles liked things his way. If he didn’t have to make many moves, he might be swayed. Sure, it would be a hardship on me and Jonas, but we wanted this triad. And that meant sacrifice.
If you loved someone, you did things to make them more comfortable and my move to the big city might be necessary. Besides, the attack was over a year ago. I should be able face everything that happened and move on. After all, I’d have Macy, Jonas and Myles as family. With them in my corner I could brave even the toughest storm and…
“Santiago Mendoza.”
Hearing my name in that deep, sadistic tone, I stood stiff. I didn’t turn around.
“Santiago. C’mon, you noticed me, right? Your good ol’ friend from the Yards?”
I shuddered and then a strong hand grasped my shoulder, sending chills of terror through my body.
“You came back, even after all this time. I told you to stay the hell away.” His voice was cold, menacing, and right by my ear.
I whimpered low in my throat and began rasping in air. My lungs burned when the visions replayed in my head. My clothes being torn off, hands and feet tied to bedposts while five men fucked me, hopefully with condoms. Being so drunk, I couldn’t be sure. I’d been tested ever since, coming back with negative results so I supposed I could assume they’d used protection.
The last one who fucked me had a voice exactly like this one’s.
Cold and unfeeling.
I gulped hard, still shuddering when I sensed his nimble fingers on my shoulder.
“What did I say, Santiago? You’re a glutton for punishment, aren’t you?” He didn’t meet my eyes, and I refused to meet his. “You like getting your ass reamed? Is that what you want again, huh? I told you to stay away from Myles. Far, far away. Cause he’s mine!”
I swallowed hard and shook my head. Instead of acknowledging it, I immediately ran through the long hallway to the door. With clammy hands, I fiddled with the knob until I got it open. I scurried out the house, not bothering to look back. I was almost certain it was Karl because he talked about Myles being his. Who else would say that unless they had designs on my man? No one, which confirmed Karl was part of the group who attacked me.
Still, I ran. Not stopping, only loosening my tie as I went because I had to get away. I reached the end of the cul-de-sac, then leapt over a barrier, running into the main street until I found a cab. I hopped in and shut the door, breathing hard, clutching my chest, while I pulled my necktie off that felt like a noose.
“Where to, buddy?”
“Back of the Yards, please.” I said no address because it didn’t matter where. That was my old hood, my old stomping ground where I’d left my chi
ldhood behind.
Where I’d been raped, mentally and physically.
How could I ever forget?
“What address?”
I sighed. “Just drive. I don’t know the exact address. I will know it when I see it. Trust me.”
Oh, but I did, I just refused to repeat it.
Although I hated to ditch this memorial, I had to leave behind my men and my-to-be daughter to face my demons sooner or later.
I had to because if I didn’t we might not make it to our goal.
To be in a relationship, raising Macy regardless of where we lived. Even if it meant living in a city that nearly destroyed me.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Jonas
I’d gotten so distracted with Macy I actually forgot that Santiago left. When I noticed a good twenty minutes had passed, I gave Macy to Sarah and went searching the entire house for him. I knocked on doors of all three bathrooms, making the occupants angry. I knocked hard on a few bedrooms, and any others I could find. Santiago was nowhere to be found. So, I took off outside and explored the grounds. The moment I walked passed Myles, he followed close behind me.
“Jesus, Jonas, I didn’t realize he was gone.”
“I didn’t either,” I said over my shoulder, still looking around and not seeing a damn sign of him. “Why don’t you got back and take care of Macy?”
“No. We’re both gonna go look for him.”
“Myles you’re drunk as a skunk,” I said to him without hesitation.
“I’m not that… drunk. Besides, neither one of us are driving right now, so.”
Since he had a point, I nodded and plucked my phone in my pocket to call Santiago again.
“Myles, call Sarah and let her know we’re going to look for Santiago.”
“I’m texting her now. I didn’t want her to worry too much either, so I just said we were all going for a walk.”