PUCKED Up

by Helena Hunting

  “Really? So you don’t think subsidizing a camp for low-income families or financing a partnership with an inclusion program for kids with special needs is going to have an impact? That’s an interesting perspective.”

  He blinks like I’ve high-beamed him. Lily looks stunned. Sometimes the stereotypes associated with being a professional athlete piss me off. I’m glad I remembered the explanation Amber sent when we were figuring out what camp I’d contribute to this year.

  “Miller’s involved in a lot of charity work.” Sunny’s eyes bounce between the two of us.

  I don’t want to defend myself to this jerkoff, or have Sunny do it for me. I work hard for the money I make. And yeah, it’s a lot, which is why I do what I do.

  I’m also aware that my current career is limited. I’m only going to be able to do this for so long before my body starts to break down on me, before I’m not fast enough or good enough to keep up with the younger players. I’ve started doing the charity stuff now so I can continue it later and have something beyond professional hockey in my life when that’s over.

  Lily puts an end to the smoldering argument before it can really ignite. “We should get going. It’s a long drive, and we’ll want to set up camp before it gets dark.”

  Andy sticks his head between Sunny and the douche, nudging her with his head. “What’s up, Andy?” Sunny takes his drooly face between her hands and goes nose to nose with the dog. Usually she’d get a kiss, but he keeps his mouth shut. “What’re you eating? Give.” He doesn’t listen right away, so Sunny holds out her hand. “Drop it.”

  A gummy, green blob covered in drool lands in her palm.

  “What is that?” Kale gets in closer.

  I lean over so I can get a better look. It only takes a second for me to recognize it. It’s one of my Green Giant condoms. Andy must have dug it out of the trash in Sunny’s bathroom. I’m out of my chair and around the table with a napkin before anyone else can identify it.

  I scoop it out of her cupped palm. “I got this, sweets. You should wash your hands.”

  “It looked like chewed gum,” Daisy exclaims. God bless her.

  “He was digging around in your bathroom when I went upstairs to change. You know what he’s like, always loving on your used tissues and stuff.”

  “Oh no! Bad Andy! That stuff makes you sick!” She gives him a tap on the nose. He whines.

  Robbie makes a noise from the other side of the table. I peek over in his direction. I have a feeling he might know what it was, too.

  We help Daisy clean up the plates and cups and bring them inside. Lily excuses herself to the bathroom while Sunny gets her bags. Anything I want to say before I go I can’t, like don’t go, or I hate your ex-boyfriend and I want him to get eaten by a bear.

  I’m about to find a reason to run upstairs when Lily comes out of the bathroom. I need to get her on my side; that way she won’t be pushing Kale on Sunny while they’re away.

  “I think we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot,” I tell her.

  She crosses her arms over her chest, looking like she wants to be anywhere but trapped with me in the hall. “What makes you say that?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it’s the way you hate me.”

  “I don’t hate you, Miller. I don’t trust you. You’re too smooth and too . . .” She waves her hand around.

  “Too what?”

  “Too . . . Ken.”

  “Ken?”

  “You know, like Barbie and Ken.”

  “What does that even mean? Ken’s not a bad guy.” Randy’s little sister used to watch Barbie movies all the time. We’d get stuck babysitting when his mom had to work.

  “You’re a player.”

  “You think Ken’s a player?” If anything, Ken was whipped.

  Lily rolls her eyes. “All this charity stuff you do doesn’t change the reputation you have with women. Sunny’s my best friend. I don’t want to see her get hurt, and you seem like a guy who does that often.”

  “How do you get to decide what kind of guy I am based on the little you actually know of me? I’m not looking to hurt Sunny. I care about her. I’m trying here, Lily, but you’re not giving me much to work with.”

  She plants her hands on her hips. Oh, man. Here we go.

  “I’m ready!”

  I look up to see Sunny at the top of the stairs with two wheelie suitcases. It seems like she prepared for an all-inclusive vacation rather than a camping trip. I sprint up to help her. It’s unnecessary. She’s more than capable.

  The guys come out of the kitchen with Sunny’s parents. Everyone shoves their feet into Birks and heads outside. I have my bag with me since I’m planning to leave at the same time, even though I don’t have to be at the airport for hours.

  The door opens to reveal not one of those beat-down camper vans, but a for-real camping trailer. Where people can sleep. It’s old, but seems well maintained. Still, I don’t want Sunny stranded anywhere with Kale. I also want to check out the inside so I can see the sleeping sitch.

  Daisy hugs everyone while Robbie shakes hands with Ben and Kale, then hugs Lily and Sunny. I stand back, observing the interactions, wishing I was going instead of that Kale fucker. When it’s my turn, I go for Lily first. It’s like hugging a steel pipe. I shake her boyfriend’s hand, then I turn to Kale. He’s looking too smug. I need to fix that.

  I take his hand and squeeze harder than I need to. “Take care of my girl for me.” I know Sunny’s going to be annoyed at me for saying something she likely considers sexist, but I need to make it clear I’m in this for the fight.

  “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I always do.” He gives me a pat on the shoulder, his satisfied smile pushing my last damn button.

  I lean in close and give him a slap on the back, lowering my voice so only he can hear. “Not as well as I do.” I wink and turn to Sunny.

  She’s not happy. I can tell by the pinched look and her pursed lips. I pull her into my arms and hug her tight. Putting my lips to her ear, I whisper, “He gets you for a week. I only got you for two days.”

  I take her face in my hands. If her parents weren’t here I’d tongue-fuck the shit out of her mouth. Instead I brush my nose against hers, then kiss the tiny dimple on her left cheek. “Have fun, Sunny Sunshine.”

  “I’ll try.”

  “But not too much.” This time I press my lips softly to hers.

  She holds onto my forearms, fingernails digging in. “I won’t.”

  I’m relieved when Benji and Kale get into the front seats, and Lily and Sunny get in the back. I can see right inside. There’s a table with cushioned seats that turn into a bed. I grab the door before Sunny can close it and peek in. There’s definitely room for a four-person orgy in here.

  “Wow. This is spacious. How many does it sleep?” I wait for one of them to meet my eyes.

  “There’s two double beds,” Kale says from the front seat, back to being a smug jerkoff.

  “And we have tents,” Sunny says.

  Her panic is clear. She’s expecting me to say or do something to cause a scene. I want to. We need to have a conversation, but it isn’t going to happen now. It’s a shit situation. Still, I drop my bag on the driveway and cram myself into the confined space. I’m blocking her parents’ view since I fill the entire door.

  This time I lay one on her. She gasps, and I slide my tongue between her parted lips. At first her hand goes to my chest like she’s about to push me away. I suck on her tongue, and she fists my shirt, making a plaintive noise that tells me she’d like me to continue. Lily coughs, reminding me we have an audience. I’m completely aware of this.

  I break the kiss and bite the inside of my cheek when Sunny tries to keep our mouths connected. “I’m sorry I keep messing things up. I get it. No more bunny pictures. I promise. Just remember how much fun we had while you’re away with your friends.” I pull my phone out of my back pocket and hold it up, snapping one of the selfies I usually hate while I kiss her on the
cheek.

  I point at Lily. “Make sure no bears eat her.” Sunny’s confusion matches my frustration as I close the door.

  Everything good about this weekend evaporates as they drive away.

  “I hope she has an okay time.” Daisy pats her hair.

  I’d forgotten Sunny’s parents were standing in the driveway with me. “Yeah. Me, too.” I pick up my bag. “Well, I should be heading out. I have to pick up a buddy at the airport on the way to the camp.”

  Daisy goes in for a hug. I turn my face in time to avoid the hairspray assault. “It was nice of you to stop by, Miller. I hope we get to see you real soon.” She pats my cheek and sighs.

  Robbie stays behind while I throw my bag in the back of the SUV. I shake his hand, wanting to get the hell out of here. I need to call Randy and check flight times, and I need to call Violet. I’m not feeling too good about how things ended here. I also want to text Sunny, and I need to use the voice-to-text function so it doesn’t take a year.

  “Thanks for the hospitality, Robbie. I’m sure I’ll see you before the season starts.”

  “You take care of yourself, Miller.”

  He stands by my door as I turn on the engine. As I’m about to pull out of the driveway, he knocks on my window. I roll it down. My palms are clammy, and I have the lip sweats. “’Sup?”

  He inhales and releases the breath slowly. “I know Sunny lied to us.” Leaning on the edge of the window he makes a clicking sound with his tongue. “The neighbors said this vehicle has been here since late Friday night.”

  “I didn’t want to get her into trouble—”

  He holds up a hand. “Sunny’s a big girl, but she’s still my little girl, so I’m going to ask you to be careful with her. I like you, Miller. I think you’re a nice kid, and I know the media skews things, but I’d hate for my baby to get hurt by someone who’s stringing her along.”

  “It’s not like that. I really like Sunny.”

  “Then I suggest you step up your game.” He taps the hood of the car as he strolls up the driveway, Andy following.

  His parting words don’t make me feel better at all.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  THE KICKER OF PANTS

  I drive around the corner and park the car. I don’t have to be at the airport for another seven hours. I have an entire day to kill, and all I can think about is how this weekend went from awesome to total shit. All because of Kale. Well, all because of me and the bunnies and the stupid pictures I can’t control posted all over Instagram and Tumblr and wherever the fuck else. And Kale.

  I pull my phone out of my back pocket. I have messages from Sunny:

  I wish weed had alone time b4 I left.

  Thx 4 cuming 2 visit me.

  I had fun. <3

  I send her one back, along with the selfie, using voice-to-text so I don’t mess it up:

  Me too. I can't wait to see you again. Message me when you get to camp if you have reception.

  When I’m done I set the picture as my wallpaper, and then I post it to every social media platform I have access to, and tag her. I add the caption “Spending time with my favorite Canadian girl.” It’s not as in-your-face as I’d like to be, but I think it gets the point across. If any pictures are going up of me with bunnies, I’ll combat them with nice ones of me and Sunny.

  I check my emails while I wait for a reply. Randy’s sent two. I use text-to-speech to listen to those. Apparently his flight times have changed, and he’ll be in a few hours earlier. He says he’s cool to wait at the airport in the bar however long he has to. Since Sunny’s already gone, he won’t have to. I shoot him a quick message instead of an email so he gets it right away. Sunny still hasn’t responded, so I call Vi. She picks up on the third ring.

  “Buck.” She says my name like a swear word. I don’t even get a chance to say hi before she fires off threats. “Care to explain the hat trick message you left for me yesterday before I beam myself to Canada and beat your ass with a nine iron?”

  I forgot about that message. Since I know I’m not in real trouble, I decide to be a jerk, hoping it’ll make me feel better post Kale-introduction. “You don’t golf.”

  “I might start. It seems like it might be fun if I’m aiming for your balls. It’d be challenging though, since they’re the size of peas.”

  “My balls are the size of Canada, and everyone knows the world maps are wrong, and Canada’s the biggest country out there.”

  “Actually, I’m pretty sure that’s Australia, or maybe it’s China or Russia. Geography was never my thing. Seriously, Buck, I’d like to believe you’re smart enough not to brag to me about bagging three bunnies when you’re supposed to be with Sunny.”

  “I hat tricked with Sunny.”

  “You did what?” She screams so loud, my ear starts to ring. Her voice is muffled when she says, “Everything’s fine. I’m talking to Charlene. She bought another purse off the shopping channel.” There’s a few seconds of fumbling around and then, “You better explain yourself. Quickly.”

  “So, like, Sunny had a boyfriend in high school, right?”

  “What the hell does this have to do with a hat trick?”

  “I’m getting to that. So get this, he was terrible at sexing.”

  “Everyone’s terrible at sexing in high school.”

  “That’s not true. I was awesome.” At least that’s what the girls said.

  “Says you. I’m still not understanding what this has to do with hat tricks.”

  “Apparently the guy never gave Sunny an orgasm. Not once.”

  Violet gasps. “You’re kidding.”

  “Nope.” Clearly I’m not alone in thinking that’s poor boyfriend form. The first thing a guy should do is figure out what gets the girl off, especially if he wants a repeat.

  “If that’s true, it really is terrible.”

  “What do you mean, ‘if it’s true’?”

  “You’re sure Sunny didn’t tell you that to boost your ego?”

  “Why would she do that?”

  “To make you feel good about yourself?”

  “Do girls really do that?” I can’t imagine lying about not having orgasms, and Sunny isn’t much for dishonesty. That’s more my area. And I usually just leave out details so they can draw their own conclusions.

  “I don’t know. Sometimes? Maybe. I’ve lied to Alex about . . . never mind.”

  “You can’t not tell me.”

  “You don’t want me to finish that sentence, Buck. I promise it won’t make a difference to this conversation, other than causing irreparable emotional damage.”

  “I highly doubt that. What have you lied to him about? Sex stuff? Orgasms? About never having one before?” I try not to think about the two of them together in the locker room last spring.

  Vi barks out a laugh. “Hardly. I’m like a coming machine. I can have, like, eighteen orgasms in a row. It’s awesome.”

  Girls don’t realize how good they have it. Unless I learn Tantra, I’m good for a max of six a day, and that’s spread out over a twenty-four-hour period. “So if you didn’t lie about orgasms, what did you lie about?”

  “You’re sure you want to know?”

  Vi has a tendency to overshare and say exactly what’s on her mind at any given time. If she’s censored herself, it has to be bad, which makes me want to know even more. “I’m sure.”

  “Once I lied about my level of leakiness.”

  “Leakiness?”

  “Leakiness.”

  “What does that even mean?” I regret the question as soon as I ask it.

  “How wet I get.”

  I gag. “Shit, Vi. I didn’t need that information.”

  “I told you you didn’t want to know, but you wouldn’t listen. It’s not my fault I’m a naturally lubey person.”

  “Okay. Enough. I don’t want to hear any more. Sunny wouldn’t lie about her lack of orgasms. She looked way surprised every time I gave her one.”

  “Maybe that’s her O fac
e.”

  I might agree if Sunny’s reaction to me going down on her had been different. “I also gave her first orgasm by mouth and her first sex-gasm, so there’s my hat trick. It totally kicks Waters’ fake hat trick’s ass, right?”

  Once, a long time ago, a rumor circulated that Waters had slept with three different chicks in one night. It wasn’t true, but it caused a shitload of issues for him when Vi found out about it. Eventually he set things straight, and it ended up being a prime example of how the media can twist information.

  “You do realize you called to brag about bagging my fiancé’s sister, right? Super classy, Buck. Who else have you told?”

  “No one. I called you because I can’t tell anyone else. And I didn’t bag her; we had sex. Lots of it. All over the damn house. Believe me, if I could talk to anyone other than you, I would, but I can’t. So fuck you, Vi. I’m oversharing. You do it all the time.”

  She sighs. “I guess you have a point, and I’d rather you tell me than one of your hockey buddies. Those guys have big mouths. So obviously Sunny forgave you for being relationship-challenged.”

  “Yeah. She got over it.” That’s not one-hundred-percent truth, though, considering where she is right now versus where I’d like her to be.

  “That’s good. I’m glad. So I’m taking it your weekend’s been good?” Crunching follows.

  It could be cereal. Or chips. I’m hungry. “It was up until an hour ago.”

  “What happened?” She doesn’t immediately throw the blame at me.

  “So you know how all those bunny pictures got me into trouble in the first place.”

  “I’m familiar, yes.”

  Vi’s disapproval is obvious from her tone. I’m glad this is a phone conversation. “Well, I guess Lily, Sunny’s bitchy bestie, found out about them—”

  “That shouldn’t be a surprise.”

  “Yeah, well, Lily doesn’t like me much. She convinced Sunny to go on a camping trip way up north, like, super far away. They left right before I called you.”