“You said you love him.”
“Yes.”
“So, does he know? I mean, don’t you feel unfaithful?” I asked hesitantly.
“No. I did, for a day, I guess. I live my life. Why complicate things?”
“Vera, it sounds so simple with you. You may be wiser than some people may think.”
“You mean Ema, your friend. She despises me. I know who I am. I never liked school, never wanted to go to the university. I want to live my life and get maximum fun. And when the right time comes, I’ll get married. I will have children, get fat, and raise my grandchildren. So simple.”
“I like you, Vera.” I sighed. She sounded so together, so sure. On the other hand, her life seemed like a lot to juggle.
“Me too, but Ema is not your friend. I see you admire her, and she will hurt you. I’m telling you!”
I liked she was thinking about protecting me. No one one – especially not another girl – had expressed such concern for my feelings.
“I know we have no real friendship, it’s just, she is in a fucked-up place right now.” I trailed off.
“So what?” she interrupted. “Even if she is distracted by her problems, she should still be there for you. You don’t have a real friendship, Mona.” She leaned toward me to emphasize her words. The words were lighthearted, but she spoke earnestly. “A real friendship should involve sharing secrets, alcohol, shenanigans, and disliking the same people.”
“And questionable morals,” I added, with a raised eyebrow.
“Of course. And sometimes may require some nudity as well.”
“I don’t want to know about that, you slut,” I replied, laughing.
Giovanni seemed suddenly annoyed. He told her something in Italian. She talked back in Italian, and afterward she said in Romanian: “You can’t act hard with me. I know your dick size.” Then she gave him a passionate kiss and told him, “I love you, mon amore, and I love your dick.” She looked at me. “You see, simple. Don’t complicate life. Give them sex and tell them they have the biggest dick.” She grabbed Giovanni’s arm and my hand, tugging us to our feet. She smiled flirtatiously to the waiter as we left the restaurant. Always one to take the lead, she decided for all of us: “Let’s enjoy that perfect day.”
It was a gorgeous day, and I felt easy, able to forget my larger issues and my demons for a while. I set my worries aside and enjoyed my time with Vera. Giovanni drove us to another resort, and we spent the morning shopping. Vera insisted buying me a bag I really liked. I bought her chocolate. Giovanni sweated every time Vera would stop at the next boutique. She was not really interested in shopping, but she still bought a lot of stuff and made Giovanni pay for everything. “You are not allowed to sell yourself cheap, Mona! Men have to take you seriously,” she advised me while trying a pair of sunglasses in the mirror. Her taste was questionable, to say the least. She tried on clothes and modeled them for me, letting me make the final decision. She told me she had more clothes than she ever wore, because she was not into fashion. She had her favorite T-shirt and jeans, and she was comfortable with them. That didn’t stop her from buying more, though, especially when someone else was paying.
After a long morning of shopping Giovanni drove us back. I asked her if she wanted to join me at rehearsals but she refused. She was tired from our shopping trip, and still had to pack, but she said she might join us later for the show. Giovanni dropped me at the beach, and I walked over to the crowd. The place was packed, and I remembered the Festival was still going on. I entered the rehearsal hall and I tried to find a familiar face. I saw Geta and walked over to her. She told me that all the bands were there with their entourages. Alin saw me and came over, smiling. He kissed me, wrapping his arms around me possessively. I returned the hug, putting my hands around his neck and raising up on my tiptoes. Apparently he had recovered from his night of drinking. I told him I was going back to the house for at least an hour to freshen up and do my nails. He asked me to be on the lookout for Jony, who hadn’t bothered to show up to rehearsals yet. I hoped my sudden tension didn’t show as I realized Jony might very well be alone in the house. Alin gave me another kiss to send me on my way, oblivious to my traitorous thoughts. I left and made my way back to the house, apprehensive about what I might find when I got there.
CHAPTER 25
OH, JONY!
I let myself into the house and carried my shopping bags into the bedroom I shared with Alin. The house seemed empty; I didn’t think Jony was there. Torn between relief and disappointment, I took off my clothes and filled the bathtub. I shaved my legs and did my nails; dried my hair, and I started to try on the clothes Vera — well, Giovanni — bought me. I tried on several outfits without bothering with underwear, ending with my new favorite – a pretty, flowing beach dress that swirled when I turned in circles. Putting the other clothes away, I grabbed some chocolate, put my sunglasses on, and went out onto the balcony to enjoy the sun. I relaxed in the chaise lounge, soothed by the background noise; the quiet but unceasing rhythm of the waves, overlaid by the music from the radio – the carefree sounds of summer. I could hear the crowds below but couldn’t see them; the waist high railing hid everything but the sky unless I looked between the wooden slats. Comfortable in my isolation, my thoughts drifted to Alin and his warm welcome when I showed up at rehearsal; I let thoughts of Jony go for the moment, relishing the happy memories. It was a good day.
I must have fallen asleep, soothed by the atmosphere. I woke slowly, sensing someone’s presence on the balcony with me. I groped for my sunglasses before opening my eyes to the brightness of the afternoon to find that Jony was sitting beside me, watching me sleep. I remembered that I was almost naked; the beach dress was transparent. Not feeling so free anymore, I could feel my skin flushing. I sat up abruptly with a gasp.
“What are you doing in here?” I remembered waiting for him last night; watching the light in his bedroom, apprehensive, then disappointed when he didn’t come out to find me. I was embarrassed because he had to have known I was out there. Still conflicted about my feelings for him, my discomfort turned into anger and I snapped at him. “Do you think that you can just come into my room, any time you like, and only when you please?” I stood up and tried to go back into the bedroom.
Then I saw his puzzled look.
“Jony, I’m sorry I snapped at you. I was angry - you woke me up, and I thought you didn’t knock.” Maybe he really didn’t know anything about last night.
He was silent for a moment, looking at me. His heated gaze scorched like a touch as it roamed over my body, outlined by the sun under the dress – I might as well have been naked. “Actually” he drawled slowly, his voice husky, I didn’t knock.” He smiled seductively.
I liked his openly admiring scrutiny. A rushing heat started at my toes and ended at my scalp. I knew the effect of his frank appraisal was obvious. I hesitated for a moment, and I tried to recapture the upper hand, feeling like the situation was spiraling out of control: “You didn’t knock? How dare you?”
“Mona, stop. I saw you come in alone. I was here before, on the balcony.” He leaned back in his chair, smirking.
“So, the whole time, you knew I was in the house?” I aimed for indignant, but fell far short.
“The same as yesterday, Mona. I heard you; I knew it was you. I knew we had the house to ourselves.” I knew it! I knew he was aware of me from his bedroom.
Why do I always feel ashamed in his presence? I thought. But I knew the answer. I was ashamed of my attraction to him when should be content and happy with one man.
“Really, Jony. You just fucked my friend, and you think I was expecting you to come and… and - ” My voice was trembling, and I hesitated, unwilling to finish my thought.
“To come and what, Mona? Say it!” he demanded, standing up and walking to me challengingly.
I closed my eyes, my shoulders slumping in defeat.
Then he reached out and touched my shoulders and ran his hands down my arms to
my hips. I closed my eyes. It was the perfect moment. The moment you want to keep it alive forever. It was the only moment of sincerity. The only moment when I knew he was mine. But it was my surrender as well. I knew I would only have that moment. I knew he would discard me after that. But I didn’t care anymore.
I opened my eyes as he closed the distance between us, lowering his head to my hair, inhaling the scent of my shampoo. I stood motionless, hypnotized by the moment, refusing to do anything but feel. His strong hands gripping my hips, pulling me toward him; time slowed to a crawl as I focused on everything that was happening. The sound of holiday, the song on the radio, Jony’s breathing in my scent, the heat of his body and the sun combining to overwhelm me.
His hands moved, caressing, from my hips to tangle in my hair. His eyes continued to devour me. It was too much. The hungry look on his face aroused me.
He murmured in my ear. “Doesn’t it feel good to surrender?”
Maybe this was freedom? When when you know you’ve lost the battle and you still enjoy it? When you want to stop that moment and freeze the beauty of it?
“Mona, are you still fighting it? Surrender will set you free.”
The heat was unbearable, and there were waves of sweet goose bumps on my whole body. I whispered his name. I leaned into him, inhaling him as he had done to me. I tilted my head, ran kisses along his jaw. His fingers still in my hair, he turned my head to gain access to my neck. I tried to move; he held me in place.
I grabbed his hand. “Jony, let’s go inside.”
He shifted me toward the balcony chair instead. Silently he brushed the straps of my dress off my shoulders and let it fall to the floor. He continued to back me up toward the chair, murmuring instructions.“Lie down, Mona.”
I complied quickly, still aware of our vulnerability. The chair felt hot. Was it the sun or was it me? I relaxed once we were out of sight, back in the moment that was fated to be. Suddenly uninhibited, I spread my legs invitingly. He smiled and eased himself down, supporting himself with his forearms as he kissed me from my eyebrows to my lips, teasing gentle kisses that tantalized, ratcheting up the heat even more. Somehow his shorts came off. I ran my hands over his body, luxuriating in the feel of him, inhaling him, reveling in his strong, muscular body. I wanted more; I wanted that weight to smother me, to consume me.
“I want you so badly, Jony, I want you inside me.” I whispered in his ear. I felt a slight throbbing between my legs. I raised a foot and caressed his calf, urging him closer.
“Not yet babe.” He said, his hands caressing my breasts. His hands were rough, calloused. Everywhere he touched he set me aflame. I shifted impatiently as he kissed my jaw, my neck, making his way down to my breasts. He kissed, sucked and then blew on a nipple; I arched my back toward him in response. He chuckled sensuously as he continued his way down my body, finally reaching the apex of my thighs. He knew what he was doing; his tongue teasing, the most intimate of kisses. I moaned and jerked my hips in response.
“I like your taste,” he murmured, looking up at me as he continued his ministrations. I pulled his hair, he was driving me mad. He responded to my insistent tugs on his hair, but at his own speed. He slowly kissed his way past my navel, attending to each breast before finally kissing me deeply on the lips. He pulled back slightly, making eye contact as he slammed himself inside of me all at once. I bit back a scream. He slowly backed out, establishing a rhythm that encouraged me to follow. Sweat slicked between us as we increased that most primal rhythm.
“It feels so good, don’t stop,” I moaned and coiled my slender legs around his back. His hands continued to caress me as he moved inside of me. Suddenly he flipped me over and had me kneel on the chair. He violently entered me from behind. Enjoying the sensations that the change of position offered, I met his thrusts eagerly, moaning. He filled me, fully, and completely. Lost in the moment, I gasped, breathless, holding on to the back of the chair as our bodies slapped together, dripping. His hand crept down, expertly finding my clit and rubbing in time with his thrusts. His fingers were only slightly touching it, not pushing it. He was driving me mad; I was beyond thought, blind to everything, drowning in sensation. His rhythm increased and I came, screaming and thrashing. I collapsed onto the chair but he wasn’t finished. He flipped me over again, grabbing my legs and lifting them over his shoulders as he entered me even more completely than before. His rhythm finally became erratic and he came with a shout, straining, pumping, gasping, shuddering. His head fell onto my stomach and he rested there to get his breath back. I wanted the moment to last forever; I could feel him already slipping away.
He raised his head and looked over the balcony. I tried to fix my hopelessly tangled hair and tried to discreetly look out through the slats of the balcony rail as I knelt on the floor. He joined me, sitting down with a thump and looking out at the indifferent crowd below.
“Do you see, Mona? The world is still minding its own business. We mean nothing to anyone.” He said pensively. He was remote, already withdrawing from our intimacy.
I mean a lot to Alin. I could’t help thinking, awash in shame. I looked again at his perfect body, while he pulled on his shorts.
“You know, I find your lack of tattoos intriguing.” I tried to lighten the moment, searching for a safe topic.
He laughed. “I never considered myself a rock star – that is Alin’s role. So, why have one?”
I wanted to kiss him, recapture our moment in time; I was already longing for his affection, but I knew our moment was gone. Realizing that I had completely forgotten about Alin and rehearsal, I turned to Jony, horrified. “You are supposed to be with the band; what if they had come looking for you?!”
“No way; if I don’t show up, they rehearse without me. What about you?”
I looked again at his perfect body, while he was getting dressed.
“I think something deep inside me wanted to get caught – I tend to sabotage all my relationships.” I said shamefully, admitting the truth. I leaned my head back against the balcony railing and closed my eyes in defeat. I could feel Jony withdrawing further with every breath. Sure enough, he made and excuse – albeit a plausible one – to leave.
“Mona, I should go – the band doesn’t care if I don’t’ show for rehearsal, but I need to make it in time for the show,” he said standing, walking to the bedroom door.
“Jony, please.” I said, not sure how to ask the question, scrambling back into my dress, then following him through the bedroom into the living room.
“I know. I won’t tell him. Unless you will.”
“Oh, no! No way!” I said, aghast. There was no way I wanted to see the hurt on Alin’s face if he discovered my betrayal. No way I wanted to lose Alin.
He kissed me casually as he tugged a shirt on and grabbed his keys. He smiled, then said,“I liked the transparent dress. I have loved your body from the moment I saw you in the train station.”
“So you did notice me. You hid it well. All this time, I tried to get your attention.”
“You had it, babe, from the moment I saw you. You just didn’t deserve it right away,” he said with a teasing smile.
As he walked out the door, I returned to the balcony, leaning on the railing as I watched him disappear into the crowd.
CHAPTER 26
I WANT IT ALL
I scrubbed my hands over my face as I walked into the bedroom after watching Jony disappear. I needed to tell Vera what I’d done; to process it with someone. I knew I could confide in her. I took another shower, locked up the house and hurried to the theater. She was already there, sitting close to Ema. I was glad the band was already on the stage. I couldn’t face Alin yet. I approached them. Ema looked at me strangely. “Where have you been?” she asked.
I couldn’t help noticing – once again, she totally changed her hair. Now she sported interlaced braids of hair with smooth strands and jeweled links. The long fall of soft-bodied curls was making her look frivolous and sophisticated at the same
time.
“At the villa.”
Vera grabbed my hand and interrupted me. “I need to talk with you, love.” And she grabbed my hand and made me follow her outside. I was relived to get her alone so easily.
“I hate Ema. If I was alone on an island with her, I would masturbate,” Vera said in disgust.
“Vera, you are a woman. The statement is valid for two opposite-sex genders.”
“No, it’s not,” Vera replied like I was crazy.
“Anyway, what’s wrong?” I asked.
“Nothing is wrong. I just didn’t want to be in the same room with her.” Vera smiled, and leaned against the wall.
I blurted, with no warning. “I slept with Jony!”
“Damn, Mona, I told you!” she exclaimed in a concerned voice.
“Thank God. I thought you would be angry!” I exclaimed, relieved.
“Why? Because we fucked? Don’t worry. I never fight for a dick. Even if is a good one.” She stood up and faced the tourists grouped around the theater and hollered, “Dicks are all around us, and if there is a shortage, we can share!”
An approval from the crowd reached us, “Amen, Mama!”
I grabbed her hand, leading her back to where we had been standing, blushing furiously. “Stop, Vera. What if Ema hears us? She doesn’t have to find out!”
She turned back to me. “Were you wet?”
I felt myself blushing again. Shivers crossed my spine again. Embarrassed, I shared, “I was.”
“Again, I told you so. So what do we do now?”
“You don’t do anything. You go back home, and I get to stay here to deal with the mess I have made of my life.”
“Mona, you haven’t screwed anything up. You are not married to Alin. It happened. You slipped. Nobody has to know.”
“Vera, I don’t want to end it.” I admitted, ashamed.
“Of course not. Alin is great.”
Just a Monumental Summer: Girl on the train Page 19