Greener Pastures

by Alyssa Brugman

  With every haul Chance's head would lift off the ground, but as she got close Shelby could see the vein throbbing in his neck. He was so sweaty that Shelby could see the coloured pattern of his skin underneath. His eyes were wide and panicked, but at the same time, dull and dead inside.

  And Shelby knew it. It was the look that her great-aunt had told her about. The little pony stared at the sky, as though he was wishing for it all to be over. He stared with such concentration that he almost seemed catatonic.

  Shelby grabbed Lydia by the shoulders. 'What happened?'

  Lydia looked at Shelby, noticing for the first time that she was there. She spoke between sobs. 'I was just riding along, and then all of a sudden he just crumpled up. He crumpled in a heap and I can't get him up again. He won't.' She hauled at his head again. 'He has to get up! Get UP!' She pulled at the reins again.

  'Lydia!' Shelby grabbed the reins from the girl. Lydia went around to the side of the pony and dropped to the ground, burying her face into his shoulder. 'Chancey, get up. Please!' She bawled into his hair.

  Shelby turned back to the car, but her dad was already on the mobile phone. He snapped the phone shut and walked towards them. Aunty Jenny was standing halfway between Chance and the car. She had her hands on her cheeks.

  'Can you tell the vet to . . .' Shelby started. 'Can you tell her to . . .' Her voice trailed off. She felt the tears welling in her eyes. She looked down at Chance. He was staring at her. He let out a long groan, deep from his belly. She felt a pain in her chest just looking at him. 'She needs to be prepared to . . .'

  'I know,' her father said. 'I've just talked to Brenda Edel. She's going to call a truck for us.' He opened the phone again and moved away from the two girls to make another call.

  Shelby sat down in the road and put Chance's face in her lap. He looked into her eyes and her heart lurched. She stroked his cheek and ran her fingers across his eyes.

  'Shh,' she whispered. 'Not long now. I promise.'

  The vet seemed to take forever. Every now and then Chance rocked and groaned. Shelby looked at his legs thrashing. Her great-aunt came over and touched her on the shoulder. 'Is there anything I can do? Can I get you a water? Anything?'

  Shelby shook her head. She sniffed.

  'Maybe a tissue?' her great-aunt suggested.

  'Thanks,' Shelby said.

  Aunty Jenny headed back to the car.

  Lydia whimpered into the pony's shoulder.

  Shelby had never been so pleased to see the vet from the stables, Miranda. She nodded a welcome to Shelby. She shook hands with Shelby's dad and Aunty Jenny and they talked quietly for a moment. Then she quickly moved over to check the pony. When she examined Chance's feet Shelby could see her wince, even though she was trying to maintain her expression.

  Miranda rocked back on her heels. 'Lydia, I can see by the type of shoes Chance has that you've already had a diagnosis of acute laminitis, so you understand about rotation of the coffin bone. What has happened here is that your pony's coffin bone has sunk through his sole. I don't think it is going to get better, and he's in a lot of pain. I am recommending that we euthanase him – that we put him down. We need to do it right now. Do you understand?'

  Lydia wailed and pushed her face against Chance's side. The vet turned to Shelby's father. 'I need permission.'

  'I'm giving it,' he answered quickly.

  'Normally we would move the animal to a place that's more convenient for burial or collection, but I'm not going to try to move this little man. To do so would be too cruel.'

  'That's OK,' Shelby's father said. 'I'm sure we'll manage.'

  The vet continued. 'We can arrange collection. It's an extra cost, or Brenda Edel can organise . . .'

  Chance groaned again. It was a long shuddering sound that made Shelby shiver. He rolled back. The sweat on his neck was foaming white.

  'We're dealing with it,' Shelby's dad told Miranda.

  'Lydia.' The vet tried to get her attention. Lydia sobbed into Chance's coat. 'Do you understand what I need to do? Look at me, sweetheart!'

  Lydia looked up. Her face was swollen from crying and dirty marks smeared her cheeks.

  'I'm going to give you a moment to say goodbye, but I want you to remember that he will understand what you are feeling, so you need to keep your sadness inside for him. Do you hear me? We don't want him to feel panicked and afraid. Save up your sadness for after.' Miranda went to her car to collect her bag.

  Lydia stood up, moved around Chance's legs and knelt down next to Shelby. She pressed her face against the pony's cheek.

  'I'm sorry, Chancey,' she whimpered as she rubbed her face against his. 'I thought you were better. I really did.' She started crying again. 'And now you're going to die and it's all my fault!'

  Shelby patted her friend's shoulder. 'You're supposed to be calm for him, remember? Just tell him you love him.'

  Lydia kissed the pony on the soft velvety part of his nose, whispering to him through her tears.

  The vet came back. Lydia was crying uncontrollably now. Aunty Jenny put an arm around her shoulder and led her a short distance away.

  Shelby kissed Chance's face.

  'You've been such a good boy,' she told him, while the vet shaved a patch of hair on his neck. Out of the corner of her eye Shelby could see Miranda loading three syringes.

  'I'm going to do it now. He will stiffen for a minute and then he will drop. He might twitch for a while afterwards. That's normal. OK?'

  Shelby nodded. 'You're a lovely boy,' she told him again. She put her hand in the middle of Chance's forehead. She smiled at him, even though she could feel the tears rolling down her face. She closed her eyes for a second, trying to think calm thoughts, trying to be peaceful for Chance.

  'Such a good boy,' she said, patting his face in long strokes.

  The vet slid the first syringe into Chance's neck. She pushed the plunger down quickly. Leaving the needle in place she swiftly inserted the next syringe and the next, pushing the plungers down fast.

  Chance's ears shot up. His eyes cleared just for a second, as though he had spotted something in the distance, and then his head flopped down and he was dead.

  23 A Dumb Design

  'Can you take Chance's bridle off, Shelby?' Miranda asked.

  Shelby undid as many of the buckles as she could and slid the leather straps out from under his cheek. She reached over his front legs and undid the girth too. Then she moved away, leaving Lydia with her lifeless pony.

  Miranda received another call and had to leave. Shelby thought she saw the vet wipe her eyes when she sat in her car, but she couldn't tell for sure.

  Lydia lay on the road with her head on Chance's belly. She had stopped crying for now, instead she just stared. Shelby's dad led his daughter out of earshot, to where Aunty Jenny was standing.

  'I assumed that Lydia is happy for them to take him away. It's not the sort of pet you bury in your backyard.'

  Some of the workers came out of their mechanic shop and stood on their driveway watching, but they stayed respectfully hushed. Shelby was glad it was such a quiet street. So far no cars had tried to drive around them. Every now and then a car would drive along the cross street. Shelby could see the drivers rubbernecking, but Lydia hadn't noticed.

  'I don't think we can leave Chance here on his own,' her dad continued, 'but when I talked to Brenda Edel she said that Lydia might not want to see them collect him. She said it's not very dignified. What do you think we should do?'

  Shelby could picture in her mind how it would happen. She sniffed and rubbed her face, which was sore from crying. 'How about when the truck turns up I walk her home? She only lives at the other end of this street, around the bend. And then you can pick me up from her place after they have finished.'

  'Good plan,' her dad replied.

  'Would you like me to come with you?' Aunty Jenny asked.

  Shelby shook her head. 'It's probably best if it's just me. You'll need to take off his saddle when . .
.' Shelby took a deep breath. 'When they lift him up.'

  They both looked over at where Lydia lay forlornly draped over her pony. Shelby imagined how she would feel if it were Blue and her chest hurt. 'I might leave her just for the minute,' she whispered. She felt her lip wobble and bit it.

  'You have been so brave and clear-headed during this whole thing, Shel. I'm proud of you.'

  Shelby gave in to her tears. She wrapped her arms around her father's waist and cried. He stroked her hair and when she pulled away she could see that he was crying too. Aunty Jenny's face was wet with tears as well.

  Soon the truck trundled into view. Shelby squatted down next to her friend. 'Lydia, would you like me to walk you home?'

  'No, I'm going to stay here,' she replied. Her voice was tight and wavering. 'I don't want them to take him away yet.'

  The driver of the truck opened the door. Another man in overalls jumped out of the passenger side. He pulled a lever near the cab and the tray began to tip. The truck made loud warning beeps as it crept backwards along the road. Shelby heard the rattling of chains as they wound down the winch.

  'You should probably come with me, because . . . you just should.'

  Lydia sat up and took in the truck backing slowly towards them. Her face crumpled and twitched, and she let out a long sigh. She stood up wiping her face. Shelby grabbed the bridle and then the two girls walked side by side down the middle of the road.

  Behind them the driver and Shelby's dad worked together to unfold a big green tarpaulin. Shelby could hear it crinkling and flapping in the breeze.

  Shelby tried to think what to say. Nothing seemed right, because Chance hadn't had a long and happy life, and Lydia hadn't done her best, or done the kindest thing, so she said the only thing she could think of.

  'Everyone makes mistakes.'

  Lydia's head was down so her hair covered her face. Shelby couldn't see her expression.

  'I did so many dumb things with Blue when I first got him. It's just luck that nothing happened to him – and there was this other pony called Brat. She looked a lot like Chance actually. That was a disaster! Remind me to tell you about that some time.'

  They walked silently around the bend in the road. Shelby could see Lydia's house at the end of the street and she was glad. Lydia still hadn't said anything, and Shelby squirmed. She was pretty sure what she was saying wasn't helping.

  The truck came along the street behind them. They couldn't see much – just a lump under a tarp strapped to the tray of the truck. The driver raised his hand to them and Shelby waved back. Tears had started rolling down Lydia's face again.

  Shelby slipped her arm around Lydia's elbow and led her along the street towards her house. She changed the subject.

  'When you're feeling up to it you could come up to the stables and hang around with us. We do trail rides on the weekends, and also there are lessons, or you could come along to Pony Club. There's always stuff happening.'

  'I think I killed him,' Lydia whispered.

  Shelby looked away. She thought so too. She thought Lydia did the wrong thing – not because she was mean and nasty, but because she didn't know what she was doing.

  'There's a lot to learn,' Shelby said. 'Heaps. You could spend your whole life learning about them and still have something like this creep up on you.' She squeezed Lydia's elbow. 'Horses are a really dumb design. Did you know they can't vomit? How dumb is that?'

  'I think I read about that,' Lydia said.

  They had reached her driveway. Shelby's father drove up behind them. Shelby pointed out Lydia's house and he parked outside.

  'You want me to come in for a bit?' Shelby asked, handing her the bridle.

  Lydia shook her head. 'It's OK.'

  Lee came through the front door. 'What's happened?' he called out. 'Where's Chance?'

  Shelby's dad crossed the lawn and climbed the stairs. He carefully propped Lydia's saddle against the wall of the house.

  Aunty Jenny walked over to the two girls. Shelby wrapped her arm around her great-aunt's waist.

  The two men shook hands and spoke but Shelby was still too far away to hear what they were saying. Shelby's dad turned to where Shelby was standing in the street and grimaced.

  Shelby looked at her friend. 'Are you sure you don't want me to come in?'

  Lydia's face was white. Shelby thought she was going to faint.

  'No, I'll be OK.' Lydia trudged up the front steps and inside. The flyscreen door slammed behind her.

  24 Boxes

  'Do you really think you will see a lion?' Connor asked.

  'I hope so,' Aunty Jenny answered.

  Aunty Jenny was helping Connor and Blake build a fort out of packing boxes. Shelby's mum was wrapping the for-best china in newspaper on the dining room table. Shelby's dad was slipping books off the shelf and into boxes in the lounge room. Several boxes were already packed and stacked by the door.

  Shelby was trying to use the computer, but all the noise was distracting. She had hoped that Chad might be online, but he wasn't. She thought she might be a bit more coherent if they weren't face to face.

  'Are there lions in London?' Blake asked.

  'Only in the zoo, sweetheart,' his mother answered.

  'Can we go to the zoo in London?'

  'If you'd like to.'

  'Yay!' Blake ran around the lounge room with a box over his head.

  'What is the thing you are most looking forward to?' Connor asked.

  'Ooh. That's a hard one.' Aunty Jenny rubbed her chin. 'I've always wanted to see Machu Picchu.'

  Blake lifted the box off his head. 'Manchu Pinchu?'

  'Manchu, pinch you!' His dad said, chasing Blake and holding his fingers out like pincers.

  Blake shrieked.

  'Do you have to be so loud?' Shelby said.

  Where were U today? came a message from Erin.

  Finally! Shelby thought. Someone she could talk to.

  Shelby wrote a long message. She told Erin about the stupid camel club and about how her great-aunt was staying, and now Shelby would have to sleep on the lounge. She told Erin that she had seen Chad up at the beach, but she didn't know what to say. She explained how it was hard to concentrate because everyone was being such a pain. There was paper and cardboard everywhere, and everyone was laughing as though it was a celebration.

  So U are going? Really truly going?

  Yeah, but I'm coming back, she typed.

  'What is the second most exciting place you are going to?' Connor asked.

  'I've never been to Paris,' Aunty Jenny answered.

  Shelby's dad said, 'The city of lurve.'

  'City of lurve,' Blake mimicked. He put the box on his head again and ran straight into Shelby's chair.

  'Watch it, will you?' Shelby barked.

  'Sorry, Shel,' Blake mumbled from inside the box.

  I haven't even told you the worst thing, Shelby wrote.