Be My Baby

by A. L. Michael

  Mollie frowned, ‘But Jay will be.’

  ‘Maybe.’

  ‘No, not maybe.’ Mollie stood up, ‘Not maybe at all.’

  ‘Babe, I love you, but you’re naive. He might say he wants to stay, he might want to stay and do the best he can, but the women get left. And you have to learn that. Enjoy the time you’ll have together, keep him as long as he’ll stay, but be ready to be strong alone.’

  ‘You sound just like my mother,’ Mollie looked at her friend in disgust, ‘and you’re both wrong.’

  ***

  Mollie stood at the front of the studio and grinned at the parents and children standing before her. It was happening. Each parent and child stood in front of a large table, looking expectant. Jamie and Esme stood at the table at the back, her looking up at him with a look of sudden adoration, and Mollie’s breath caught in her throat a little. He was tying her apron on and she laughed as he said something to her.

  ‘So, we’re just waiting for one more pair and we’ll get started,’ Mollie smiled at everyone, ‘Also, don’t worry about the camera crew, they’re doing a follow-up for the morning segment which some of you might have seen last week.’ God, it had only been a week since Jamie saw that segment and appeared in their lives? How could that be possible?

  Billy, the cameraman, grinned and put a thumb up, ‘Just act natural, guys, try not to look directly at the camera or anything.’

  ‘You all signed the forms saying you were okay with being filmed, but if you’ve changed your mind, just let me know, and we’ll make sure you’re out of the shots,’ Mollie nodded, smile on her face. She felt confident; for the first time in forever, she felt like she was completely in control.

  The door opened and in rushed Olivia, dragging Max along behind her. He winked when he saw her, walking up to the remaining table at the front of the group.

  ‘Sorry we’re late, someone was having trouble finishing her homework in a timely manner,’ he ran a hand through his dark hair and grinned at her, so certain of his charms.

  Mollie raised an eyebrow, ‘I didn’t know you’d booked on to this.’

  ‘Well, Liv kept hearing Mollie talk about her mum’s amazing cooking skills, it was showing me up a little in the kitchen. I booked with someone named Evie?’

  Mollie looked at the list: M. Daniels × 2. Well, that happened when you didn’t know people’s surnames. Max grinned at her, suddenly boyish.

  ‘Well, glad you could make it, get your aprons on and we’ll get going.’

  She took the time to get them all up to the front at the long table behind her, holding a multitude of different fruits and vegetables. The table almost heaved under the weight of the rainbow of colours, from the deep purples of beetroot to the bright yellow bananas, the leafy light green romaine lettuce to the dark spinach. The apples shone and the melon halves looked juicy and fresh.

  ‘So, we’re going to start with smoothies,’ Mollie waved a hand in front of her, ‘you want to really get a good amount of veggies into your smoothie or juice, just using the fruit to sweeten it. Maybe seventy-thirty, as many veggies as you can get in. Try and think what flavours go together, and try to think about colours! Some things that taste good end up a sludgy brown colour! Pick some ingredients and have a go coming up with your own concoctions! Take a few bites of things before you put them in the blender, try to make sure you like them!’

  Esme gave her mum a big thumbs up before eagerly grabbing lettuce, spinach, apples and pineapple.

  ‘Ez, you want some help?’ Jamie laughed, holding out his hands underneath hers, where her little arms wrapped around her booty.

  ‘Green juice has magic powers, it’s like superfood, honestly! And I know how to make the best green juice!’

  Jamie laughed, meeting Mollie’s eyes, ‘Raised quite the modest one.’

  ‘She’s allowed to show off if she knows what she’s talking about,’ Mollie stuck out her tongue as they went back to their table, eager to get chopping.

  Mollie walked between the tables, talking about textures and tastes, watching the kids’ faces as they ate a piece of beetroot or sneaked a bit of melon.

  ‘Sometimes simple is good!’ she said as she walked along, stopping at Olivia and Max. ‘How’s it going, you two?’

  ‘I want it to be a pretty pink colour,’ Olivia nodded severely, gathering up the red apples and watermelon.

  ‘And what about your vegetable?’ Mollie raised an eyebrow.

  ‘Um...’ She pointed at a beetroot.

  ‘You can also use something that doesn’t have much colour, something pale that won’t change it, like celery, maybe?’

  Olivia wrinkled her nose but picked it up anyway.

  Max looked at her, then followed her gaze back across the room to Esme, where Jamie towered over her, laughing as she talked and then crouching to put an arm around her as she showed him something.

  ‘So, that’s him, huh?’ Max said quietly, looking at her from under dark lashes.

  ‘Him?’

  ‘The idiot who was stupid enough to leave you.’

  Mollie blinked into the silence and watched as Max grinned at her, like he knew she’d take the compliment the way it was intended.

  ‘It’s complicated.’

  He nodded, talking in a low voice, ‘So that’s the complication that stops you getting a friendly drink with a fellow parent?’

  Mollie raised her eyebrows and looked at him, dimples appearing in his cheeks as he looked at her, expectant. She couldn’t help but smile back, ‘One of the complications.’

  ‘There’s more! Good golly Miss Mollie, you sure like a complication.’

  ‘That’s life,’ she shrugged, looking down at Olivia twisting the stalks off the apples and lining them up in order of perfection. The ones with the bruises were at the back of the line.

  ‘It’s never worth going back, Mollie, I can tell you that firsthand.’ Max smiled sincerely for the first time since she’d met him, ‘It’s never the same as how it was.’

  ‘I can believe it,’ she smiled, shaking her head.

  The cameraman came up behind her, ‘Molls, your kid is pure gold on camera, can I get some more of you with her?’

  Mollie shrugged, and went over to listen whilst Esme explained what she’d picked and why, how she’d balanced the acidity of the lemon with the blandness of the spinach, the water of the cucumber and the sweet pineapple. Esme was a natural. She chewed on a cucumber stick as she explained, placed a lemon slice in front of her mouth as a smile, and threw her arms around her mother when she was told she was doing a great job. Of course the camera loved her. And there was Jamie, watching the both of them interact, his blue eyes, Esme’s eyes, softening as they spoke. She tilted her head, wondering what he was looking at, and she smiled, shaking her head, whilst looking back over her shoulder, to see Max staring inscrutably.

  ***

  Mollie woke up early the next morning to watch the segment on TV. Maureen McTavish had insisted they see more of Mollie, do a follow-up on her story from the week before, and she’d insisted the footage of her evening workshop was great. Mollie shuffled to the kettle to make herself a cup of tea, wiping her eyes with the white, fluffy fabric of her dressing gown. She looked down briefly at her unicorn-print pyjama bottoms, tatty purple slippers and the t-shirt Evie had brought her for Christmas the year before – plain black with the word ‘Kale’ on it. She was starting to think it was a good idea the dating was over before it had begun. She obviously had some work to do.

  She found the remote for the TV and put it on, turning down the volume. Maureen looked fabulous, overly made-up and dominant as ever, talking about the latest fads in plastic surgery. Mollie patted her stomach briefly, as if to assure herself there would be no plastic surgery in her world, rolled her eyes and padded back over to the kettle.

  She turned as she heard the door down the hall open, and Evie arrived, yawning widely, wearing an oversized, ancient Guns‘n’Roses jumper. Killian was behind her, hair
at all angles, wearing Evie’s purple dressing gown and some pyjama bottoms with pirate ships on them. Mollie snorted quietly.

  ‘Why didn’t you wear the jumper and she wear the dressing gown?’

  Killian frowned, ‘Because I’m a feminist, and am not scared of looking effeminate. Also, this robe is so soft. It’s like being cuddled by puppies, and I don’t care.’

  Evie smiled up at him tiredly, her fingers tracing his stubble, ‘Plus, I can’t remember the last time I washed this jumper. It’s a relic and I’m scared it’ll fall apart.’

  ‘That’s the grossest thing,’ Mollie shook her head. ‘So why are you guys up?’

  Evie got the cups out of the cupboard as Killian got the milk.

  ‘Why are we up? Because you’re on TV again!’ He looked at her like she was mad, ‘It’s exciting, isn’t it?’

  Mollie shrugged, ‘I guess I’m glad I’ll be able to see it this time.’

  Killian looked at her in shock, then back at Evie, like he couldn’t see why she wasn’t jumping for joy.

  ‘Molls was always meant to be an actress, really, on stage or screen... or morning TV segments. She’s excellent at hiding her feelings, aren’t you babe?’ Evie laughed and Mollie pouted, holding out her hands for her mug.

  ‘That’s what Ruby always used to say, anyway. Destined for stardom,’ Evie added gently, watching for Mollie’s reaction.

  ‘Don’t, not now. I’m not sure how I’m feeling about her right now.’

  It was entirely possible Ruby was responsible for her Jamie-less life. For Esme being without a father, for Jay changing his life choices and ending up in the army. Everything could come down to her high school friend telling a lie. And yet, with Ruby, things were never as they seemed.

  ‘Is Ez not joining us?’ Evie asked, about to make a hot juice to go with the teas.

  Mollie shook her head, ‘She’s zonked out, it’s been a big week.’

  ‘Yeah, suddenly gaining a father will do that to you,’ Evie said, collapsing onto the sofa next to Killian, and patting the space on the other side of her, ‘Come on Molls, get your secret stash of unhealthy biscuits out, and let’s watch this.’

  Mollie rolled her eyes, grabbed a pack of digestives from behind a plant pot, and plonked down beside her friends.

  ‘Haha, behind the plant pot!’ Killian grinned, nodding certainly.

  ‘I’ll move it before tomorrow, buster, you’ve got no chance.’ Mollie stuck her tongue out before turning back to the screen, ‘Hey look, it’s on!’

  Maureen McTavish turned to the screen with her terrifyingly huge grin and injected an element of peppiness into her voice, ‘And now, for a local story with a lot of heart, and even more soul... food.’

  ‘Urgh!’ Evie yelped, ‘Rubbish, Mo, you can do better!’

  ‘I don’t even cook soul food!’

  ‘Shh!’

  ‘Many of you will remember the beautiful young Mollie Williams, mother, baker and one of the creative directors of the Ruby Rooms in Camden Square. Last week she wowed us with her black bean brownies, and here we’ve got some footage from her first parent-and-child healthy cooking class, let’s see how she got on.’

  What they showed was a montage of different parents talking about their experiences, the children grinning as they bit into fruit or showed off their smoothies. There was Max, talking to the camera, telling them that, ‘She’s really amazing, what they’ve managed to achieve here, it brings families together.’

  ‘That’s Max,’ Mollie pointed out, ‘Olivia’s dad.’

  ‘Obnoxious Max?’ Killian frowned.

  ‘Silver fox sugar daddy Max,’ Evie corrected, nodding slowly.

  ‘Kind Max! And his hair’s not even grey!’ Mollie growled, ‘Hush!’

  ‘And he may be right, as families seem to be working together to create a healthier future, one where kids are proud of their healthy choices, and share that with their parents.’

  And there was Esme, grinning at the camera with her slice of lemon, laughing as Jamie tickled her, showing off her green juice to the camera and telling the camera man what was in it.

  ‘There’s pineapple, and cucumber and spinach... spinach is very important because it’s a leafy green that does all sorts of good stuff,’ Esme nodded at the camera man, so certain of herself as she pushed up her glasses.

  ‘And what does your daddy think of your juice?’ the voice was heard off-screen. Esme grinned.

  ‘It doesn’t matter, it’s good for him and I made it, so he’s going to drink it anyway!’

  Jamie nodded at the camera, and held the glass of green liquid up to the camera in a ‘cheers’ motion.

  The clip finished and they returned to Maureen in the studio, smiling that overly white smile and saying, ‘Well as we can see, families are keen for green! Stay tuned for more on healthy eating from our juicing specialist later in the show...’

  The three of them sat in silence, sipping their tea as the weather came on, promising crisp autumn days and windy, wet evenings as the days got shorter.

  ‘They look good together,’ Evie said softly, ‘She’s obviously pleased he’s around.’

  Mollie nodded silently.

  ‘Does that make you angry?’

  ‘It makes me sad that we lost so much time, it makes me worried that he’s not being honest. It makes me mad at myself for hiding myself away for so long. Maybe if I’d been on social media he’d have found us sooner, maybe if I could have afforded a fucking phone as a teenager these things wouldn’t have happened. Maybe if I’d gone and banged on his front door and –’

  ‘– and maybe if you’d raised her together, you would have ended up resenting each other and it all would have fallen apart in a much worse way,’ Evie shrugged, patting Mollie’s hand. ‘You just can’t know. You’ve just got to be brave.’

  ‘Brave?’

  Evie shrugged, smiling softly, the remains of her eye make-up still smudged darkly around her lashes, ‘Take a chance, even if you get hurt, sometimes it’s worth it.’

  ‘It’s not worth it for Ez to get hurt. It’s not worth it for her to adore this man who’s suddenly her dad, only for him to disappear off to war. What if he gets injured, or killed? What if his priorities change, what –’

  Mollie’s mobile started ringing suddenly, and she answered without thinking, hoping it would be more bookings from people who had seen the segment on TV.

  ‘Molls?’ The voice was dry and croaky, like she hadn’t spoken in a while.

  ‘Mum,’ Mollie sighed. ‘What do you need?’

  ‘I saw you on TV babe, I saw Esme.’

  Mollie waited, desperately hoping her mother was going to congratulate her, say ‘well done’ or any other simple thing that she could have said. But she wouldn’t.

  ‘I saw him. I saw him with you. Why was he there? How did he know? Did she tell him?’

  Mollie sighed, ‘Mum, were you on one last night? You’re pissed, aren’t you?’

  She could hear the desperate clicking of a lighter, ‘Well, what am I meant to do, rattling around this house by myself? I’m not so old I’m going to start playing fucking bridge. So answer my question: Why is he there?’

  ‘He found us. No thanks to you.’ Mollie’s voice was ice, and she let the silence from her mother settle around her.

  ‘Of course no thanks to me, I was doing you a favour! Stopping a whole lot of hurt in the long run. That boy would have left! He was a kid, you were both kids. And you, so wide-eyed, talking about true love and how he’d be with you forever – you would have destroyed yourself, and Esme too, if I’d let you. If he’d been with you, and left, you wouldn’t have carried on. Better for him to go at the beginning. Better to be a little sad and take comfort in your daughter.’

  Mollie felt that fury build up in her stomach, standing from the sofa and launching herself across the room, pacing desperately.

  ‘Oh sure, that’s why you did it! Not the extra cheque at the end of the month, not the allowance for
us to stay in your home, not the child benefit! It was to help me! To stop me being hurt!’ Mollie felt every painful tension in her chest unfurl as she screamed down the phone at her mother, ‘You saw how I broke apart, how alone I was and you didn’t give a shit!’

  ‘And look at you now, baby, look how strong you are! I did that! And it wasn’t just the money, I mean, that was a benefit, but that was for Esme, saving it all up for her, for anything she wants! She turned out perfect, just like you did. Didn’t need your fucking father for that, did I? And you don’t need him.’

  ‘I don’t believe you!” Mollie paced back and forth, “Even now you can’t admit you were wrong. You saw how she looked at him on TV, you saw how much she adores him already, and you still can’t fucking say you’re sorry, you miserable old bitch!’ Mollie hung up and threw the phone against the wall, turning to see Esme standing there silently, wide-eyed, clutching Jamie the Penguin.

  ‘Ez, I’m so sorry,’ Mollie sighed, shaking her head, ‘I didn’t mean –’

  Esme shrugged, adjusting the penguin toy on her hip like it was a baby, ‘Grandma.’ She shrugged again, ‘Can I have some porridge?’

  Evie held open her arm for Esme to sit in the space her mother had vacated on the sofa, and whispered loudly, ‘Kid, if I were you, I’d try for banana pancakes. Bet you five quid you get whatever you want right now.’

  ***

  Mollie walked through the door, keys rattling.

  ‘Thought you were coming back tomorrow?’ Her mum frowned, blinking up from the television. ‘How’s the old cow?’

  Mollie shrugged, ‘She was fine. She wasn’t ill at all, Mum, I don’t know what you were on about.’

  ‘Oh, just a drama queen then.’

  Mollie paused, looking at her mother, who was resolutely avoiding her gaze.

  ‘What’s going on?’

  Linda looked up, her watery grey eyes hard and sad. ‘You got a letter.’

  ‘A letter?’ Mollie frowned, ‘A letter.’

  ‘It’s on your bed. Came yesterday.’