by O E Tearmann
"I vote we lie about in freakish glory for the morning. You can always say you worked late," he added, smiling up at Aidan where he stood, an indistinct shape in the half-light.
This man was his commander. A kind of person Kevin had only read about. The complications were going to be enormous on every level. Insurmountable, perhaps.
And yet…
And yet it was Aidan. Gentle Aidan, who'd laughed with him, who'd almost ended the constant squabbling around the base, who'd picked up a hell of a lot of broken pieces and brought the Wildcards back to something like themselves. Four months ago they'd been on the verge of disbanding. A week ago, they'd gotten a small commendation mark for Damian's Synth idea. Because of Aidan.
This was Aidan, who put up with his own dry humor, his bookishness and oddities. His unattractively acerbic wit. Aidan, who had taken the first real steps towards saving Kevin's family from themselves.
Last night, Aidan had said 'I'm not your type.'
His type. What was his type?
Someone he didn't have to pretend in front of for once. Someone he could talk to. Someone who listened.
Aidan.
He did his best to analyze emotions as he lay, waiting for Aidan to make up his mind. His chest was tight. His mouth was dry. He'd tried to do this the night before, but all he'd come up with was the fact that he was afraid, and the fact that he hated his own cowardice.
Was he still scared this morning?
Yes.
Why?
Because Aidan was so… different.
He knew that wasn't the full answer. Ask the questions that tell you the truth, his parents had taught him. Socratic method. Analyze. The thought system had helped him fight the indoctrination he'd gotten at school. His parents had gone through asking series of questions on topics for years, taught him the terminology of logical fallacies and drilled him until he could walk through finding loopholes and emotional manipulation for himself. It was one of the best things they'd left him with.
So, he said to himself. Answer the question. Why are you afraid?
I'm afraid because this is aberrant. He's aberrant. I'm aberrant for wanting him.
I hate that I still think like this.
And if I can want him… If I can want him maybe I could have liked girls. I could have been normal.
A new flash of anger burned up his gut. If that was the reason he was afraid, then he swore he was going to teach himself to stop. Fuck Cavanaugh. Fuck their narrow concepts of human perfection that labeled anything outside the lines 'aberration'. Fuck the noise about morality and improving humanity they'd tried drilling into his head. He'd be damned if he listened to it. They'd taken enough away from him. He was not letting their bullshit deny him the only person he'd felt right with in two years.
He wanted Aidan. Anything that told him he shouldn't could go fuck itself.
Aidan stood still for a moment longer. Kevin heard him gulp.
"You really don't mind?"
Kevin smirked, eyes closed. "Aidan, have you ever heard the phrase 'don't look a gift horse in the mouth'?"
"No," Aidan admitted sheepishly, though he carefully sat on the edge of the bed again.
Kevin sighed theatrically. "All my best metaphors are wasted. Lie down?"
Slowly, the weight of Aidan's body settled back in place. Kevin rolled easily to rest his head on Aidan's shoulder. For once someone had stayed the night. Idly, he played with a few locks of Aidan's hair, teasing them between his fingers.
"You really don't mind," Aidan repeated in a whisper.
Kevin was silent for a long time, working out the words.
"I'm not saying there won't be a few awkward moments. You… er, know I'm a Cavanaugh kid originally. So if I take a little time to adjust to anything? Blame those bastards. I'm still trying to jettison some of what they lumbered me with in the morality department," he murmured eventually, opening his eyes to watch Aidan's face. "But like I said last night, if you can accept my oddities, I owe it to you to return the favor. Right?"
Aidan lay still for a long, long time, studying him. He gave a crooked smile that looked like it might hide something else. Then he wrapped his arms around Kevin in a rush, kissing him.
Kevin pushed down his surprise and returned the kiss with interest, deepening it, drawing it out. He tipped his head, smiling coquettishly. "I take it that's a yes?"
Aidan chuckled breathlessly as the kiss broke and nodded, endearingly bashful.
"By the way?" Kevin added quietly between kisses, "What I said last night about my type stands as well."
"As long as I'm not too much," Aidan muttered in return, one hand sliding hesitantly up to stroke Kevin's hair.
This time Kevin gave in to his instinct to make a joke. He opened his eyes wide and teasingly batted his lashes. "Oh dear." he whispered in a breathless falsetto. "He's so big and manly. I don't know if little me can manage! He's just so much!" He pressed one hand to his mouth like a heroine in a bad vid, hiding his grin.
Aidan stared at him for a long moment. Then he burst out laughing. He shoved at Kevin's shoulder.
"Oh, shut up."
"Why don't you try and make me?" Kevin retorted with a wicked grin, delighted with this change of mood.
Aidan laughed again and pulled him back down for another kiss, his hands gliding gently along Kevin's naked shoulders.
"Good start," Kevin whispered against Aidan's lips, tracing his cheek with soft fingers. He traced the back of Aidan's neck and his hands skittered over Aidan's back, fingers learning the topography of muscle and bone.
"What's the next move?" Aidan asked in a breath, one hand trailing lightly over Kevin's shoulder blade. His back pressed just a little into Kevin's touch.
"Depends on how long you want to stay in bed," Kevin quipped with a smile. "If I'm not on a timetable, I prefer a more leisurely approach." He slipped his fingers further down Aidan's back, resting on the seat of his spine.
Aidan tensed just a little, but quickly relaxed again. His hand glided across Kevin's side and dipped between them, tracing hesitantly lower.
"How leisurely?"
Kevin's lips quirked up as fingers traced down his chest, across his navel. "That's up to you. How much can you draw things out, do you think?"
"Well, I don't really know how the T might have changed my stamina, so… No idea." Aidan smiled weakly, letting his fingers linger in the hollow of Kevin's navel, circling slowly.
Kevin blinked as his teasing come on line was taken and discussed so seriously. He gave a nervous chuckle and covered the puzzlement with a kiss for Aidan's throat. "Okay. Surprise me."
His hand flattened against Aidan's tailbone, pressing them close, his other hand burying itself in Aidan's hair. Pressed against Aidan, he felt his body start to stir.
"I'll try," Aidan whispered, his voice sounding a little strangled. His hand trailed a little lower, fingers brushing Kevin's cock ever so softly.
Behind his teasing manner, Kevin watched his companion's expression carefully as he touched Aidan, now that they were close enough for him to see without his glasses. He moved carefully, wary of sparking off the panic he'd caused last night. He didn’t want to ruin this again. Not with the only—yes, man— the only man he’d really wanted in almost two years. His brain stuttered less over the gender this time.
He caught his breath as Aidan touched him, then breathed a chuckle as heat thrilled between his legs. "Keep that up and I'm going to be embarrassed on the stamina issue."
Aidan chuckled softly and ran one finger around the tip of Kevin's slowly rising erection.
"Guess that means I'm not as rusty as I thought."
Kevin swallowed, controlling his breathing as soft electricity ran through him. "Shall I return the favor?" he murmured, bringing his hand around to trace Aidan's thigh, the angle of his hipbone, his navel.
Aidan ten
sed. "I-I mean, I guess?"
Slowly, Kevin maneuvered his hand past Aidan's and down. Aidan's breath caught as Kevin's fingers found his small member, already swollen. After a moment, he muttered, "Just, um- Just treat it like a dick."
"Right," Kevin agreed softly, hiding the jolt of panic that went through him. How was he supposed to pull that off exactly?
But he did his best, and based on the noise Aidan made, his best wasn't too bad at all.
"Like lube?" he inquired in a whisper.
Aidan nodded without a word.
Gently slipping away, Kevin rolled and reached under his bed for the small, unmarked bottle there. Rolling back, he slid back into place against his bedmate and popped the lid. Tipping just a little gel onto his fingers, he smiled at Aidan and slid his hand down again, wrapping his hand as best he could around what Aidan had for a cock and stroking, spreading the lube.
Aidan's head tilted back, and Kevin was pleased to hear a few surprised gasps. Aidan whimpered, and his hands stopped their pleasant explorations.
"A little preoccupied?" Kevin chuckled low in his throat. "How about we take care of one thing at a time?"
He pulled gently away from the fumbling fingers and pushed himself up and over Aidan on his arms, settling behind him so that he rested with his chest against Aidan's back, his hardening cock pressed against Aidan's tailbone. After all, a little delayed gratification would be good for his moral fiber, he told himself with a smirk.
He guided Aidan's upper leg back a little, giving himself better access, then returned his hand to its work. He used his free hand to play with Aidan's hair, pulling gently so that Aidan tipped his head back, which gave Kevin perfect access to the soft skin of his throat. "How's this?" he whispered.
Aidan whimpered happily in reply. One hand awkwardly reached back to try and touch some part of Kevin and wound up brushing the curve of his hip.
Kevin grinned against Aidan's cheek. It looked like his own favorite position was going to be just the thing for getting that frantic look out of Aidan's eyes. It hadn't been what he'd expected. He usually was the one letting someone else take control. He'd taken more than one man to bed simply as a means to get to that state of utter peace and release from responsibility, with mixed results.
But Aidan's body relaxing against his was its own satisfaction. His heat was making Kevin harder all the time, and Aidan's unguarded expression made his heart turn over. He was so lovely.
In some ways, this was going to be difficult. But the benefits of having a partner who didn't get off at the drop of a hat? That was going to be fun.
No, that was going to be amazing.
Tentatively, he trailed his free hand down to one of Aidan's breasts as he stroked. Touching the nipples was supposed to feel good, wasn't it?
Aidan tensed again as Kevin's hand touched his breast, his fingers pressing into Kevin's hip.
"You're tensing up. What's wrong?" Kevin asked, kissing his lover's throat up and down again as the back muscles against him stiffened, relaxed slightly.
"Nothing," Aidan muttered, shifting to press further into Kevin's hand. "I'm fine."
Kevin frowned at that, but decided to leave it for now. Whatever it was, he'd soothe it away with touch.
He teased Aidan's cock, his own beginning to throb. Strange as Aidan's body was, the way he moved and the expressions on his face were heart wrenchingly gorgeous. Irresistible.
A little more daring now, Kevin sucked at the thin skin over Aidan's beating jugular vein, ran the back of one hand over the nipples and sped the strokes of the other.
Aidan gasped and whimpered under his touch, then gave a beautiful little yelp as his body began to shiver.
Kevin kept with Aidan as he rode out his orgasm, holding him as long as he could in bliss. Once Aidan had relaxed completely, he nuzzled against the other man's throat, kissing his cheek.
"Oh, by the way. Good morning."
Aidan chuckled breathlessly and rolled over in a puppyish flop of limbs. He wrapped his arms around Kevin and kissed him, and Kevin grinned when Aidan laughed.
"Good morning for sure," Aidan managed.
"Enjoyed that I take it?" Kevin chuckled, his grin impossible to hide. Aidan was unexpectedly sweet post-orgasm, and Kevin gladly relaxed into his embrace, so relieved that he hadn't screwed up twice in a row.
He'd made this man happy. He felt as if there was a balloon expanding inside his chest, and marveled at it. When had he felt more than a general satisfaction when he pleased a partner? This was more akin to teenage giddiness.
Aidan nodded and kissed him again, running his fingers through Kevin's hair.
"You have no idea. Can, um. Can I return the favor?"
"I don't know, can you?" Kevin parried with an inviting grin for Aidan when he looked up. Gently, he opened a little space between them and took Aidan's hand in his, guiding it down his belly. "I'm looking forward to finding out."
Aidan gave a quiet laugh as he let Kevin guide his hand, following it with his eyes. Kevin watched the delight on his face as he glanced back up.
"Where'd the lube go?" the blonde man asked softly.
"Good question," Kevin murmured, his voice a little rough. "You'll have to find it. I can see about as far as your face right now. I think I set it behind you, originally."
"Right, sorry." Aidan twisted around to look for the bottle. Kevin relaxed and listened to him search, closing his eyes. After a moment Aidan's heat returned, and slick fingers caressed his shaft.
Kevin drew in his breath slowly, luxuriating in the heat and the electric frisson of those first touches. "Here." Slowly, he rolled so that he was on his back, his shoulder and hip pressed into Aidan's warmth, and laced his fingers behind his head in a studied move that looked casual but gave him the benefit of controlling his hands as the pleasure built. He shifted his legs with easy grace, until he lay fully exposed. "All yours," he quipped.
"You're so damn handsome," Aidan whispered. When he spoke the words were so earnest that Kevin opened his eyes. Aidan's face was oddly, beautifully ecstatic. He reminded Kevin of a painted saint attaining paradise, his golden hair catching sunlight from the window in a halo as he ran his thumb over the head of Kevin's cock.
Kevin's lips quirked slightly. The compliment was nothing he could take credit for. His genome had been tailored for good looks, among other things, by some lab tech somewhere. But the way Aidan said the words, the way Aidan was looking at him now, as if he were something newly discovered and precious, made the words mean something more and dispelled his inclination to joke dryly about good genes.
Well, that and the touch. He focused on his breathing, steadying it. It took some work.
As Aidan's hand faltered into a slow, reverential rhythm, he leaned down and kissed along Kevin's hipbone.
Kevin arched his hips into the hands and lips playing over him, letting himself cede his control of the moment with the pleasure of a man laying down his burdens. The chance to leave himself absolutely open was nearly as much a pleasure as Aidan's touches.
Nearly.
"You really are out to test my staying power," he managed as the hand on his erection stroked, just fast enough to tighten his muscles, just slow enough to be excruciatingly teasing.
Aidan's head jerked up, eyes wide and frightened. His hand sped up a bit. "Sorry. Better?"
Kevin gasped, his back arching involuntarily at the sudden change. "Um, Aidan? Ah… Wasn't a complaint. But this…" He had to gulp in air at that point, and decided on brevity. "Yes, great." The last word was almost a squeak.
Aidan paused for a moment, hands loosening, then drew a breath and continued his strokes at the new speed, his bright eyes watching Kevin's face.
Kevin gave an unintended groan as the strokes paused, started again relentlessly. Usually he had impressive self control in bed, but this was getting impossible. His bo
dy was twanging. His heart was hammering. His pulse felt like a snare drum inside his pelvis, and he was so hard that it physically hurt. But the pleasure was still building. His head tipped back as his body tightened further, impossibly further. God, he'd gone far too long without sex. He wasn't ready for this kind of teasing.
Aidan slipped his other hand over Kevin's thigh and carefully fondled his balls.
Kevin moaned aloud, unable to stop the sound, his fingers digging into his own hair. Scintillating fire burned through him as Aidan handled him, as a thumb stroked the soft skin and sent electricity burning through his nerves, adding to the burn of his shaft. If he didn't come soon, he was going to scream.
"Aidan, faster… I need…"
Aidan sucked in a breath and did as Kevin asked, speeding his hand on Kevin's cock, tightening the hand on Kevin's balls.
Kevin's perception exploded. His body spasmed as he lost control and the electric heat ran through him, a live wire burning away everything but this one moment of existence.
Bliss.
Heat spattered his belly. Slowly, reality reassembled around him as his senses reconnected. His muscles relaxed, his entire body tingling.
"Very good morning," he murmured in a breathless chuckle, eyes still closed, savoring.
He felt tissues mop his belly and smiled. Not only a conscientious lover but a pragmatic one, Aidan was. Then Aidan was lying beside him, not quite touching.
Kevin turned his head, opened one eye. Aidan was propped up on one elbow, watching Kevin's face as if he were, indeed, one of the angels at the gates into paradise.
He smirked and rolled to curl against Aidan, nudging Aidan's arms open and pushing contentedly into them. He let himself drift in the warm, safe space there. For this little time, there was perfect peace.
Bliss.
There were going to be issues, he mused as his brain slowly reassembled its faculties. He was going to need to adjust his thinking quite a lot. Maybe some of his expectations.
But for now?
Bliss.