The Hands We're Given

by O E Tearmann

  A lump grew in Aidan's throat. He set the vodka and chocolate on the floor and closed the distance between them, hesitantly taking both of Kevin's hands in his. "You're the man who's doing a damn fine job keeping me from going batshit."

  He watched his thumb tracing circles on Kevin's skin instead of meeting his lover's gaze. "You're the only person on this base who… who sees the real me. You're the man I desperately want to talk with when I'm off duty, and laugh with, and kiss, and take to bed. You're the man I'm so fucking afraid of-of being with, because you're too damn good for me, and I'm going to screw it up. I know I screwed up, Kev, and I'm so, so sorry. If I can fix this, I will, but… Can you forgive me?"

  There was a heartbeat's silence.

  "If you-if you feel like that about me, can you try to believe in me?" Kevin's voice was almost a whisper.

  Aidan nodded and forced his eyes up to Kevin's face. "Of course. I just might need a kick in the ass for a bit." He tried to smile.

  Kevin's lips turned up, tremulous. Taking a shaky breath, he leaned in and brushed his lips over Aidan's. "I'm sure something to put in your ass will make itself available as required."

  "I was hoping so," Aidan replied quietly, squeezing Kevin's hands. His smile strengthened just a little. "I brought booze and chocolate. Figured we might need a wind-down, and we dragged the stuff all back here."

  "That'd be nice," Kevin agreed, pulling off his glasses and polishing them. This time, Aidan used the chance to step in and put his arms around Kevin's waist, resting his head on Kevin's shoulder instead of letting Kevin use that thing with his glasses to distance himself.

  "Sorry about that." Kevin murmured, leaning his warmth into Aidan's. "I'm afraid I'm rather too attached to the concept of my own moral virtue. It's a bit of a tender spot. I guess you noticed."

  Aidan smiled into the crook of Kevin's neck, wrapping his arms around the other man. "Yeah. Come on. We might as well enjoy this stuff while we have it."

  "True," Kevin agreed, kissing the top of Aidan's head. "And you know, I've never had decent vodka before."

  "Me, either," Aidan agreed. He forced himself to step back as the other man replaced his glasses and meet Kevin's gaze. After a long moment, he swallowed. "Kev, I… Can you really forgive me? I don't-I don't want to lose you."

  Kevin smiled, the low light catching in his eyes. "I'm standing right here. If you… When you want me, I'll be standing right here."

  Aidan smiled in relief and leaned in to kiss him. When Kevin returned the kiss, the smile widened into more of a smirk. "Maybe you'd rather lie down over there, huh?"

  Kevin cocked a brow, his smile turning sly. "Hm, propositions already. And the man hasn't gotten me a single drink yet. Well." He leaned in, kissing Aidan long and slow this time. "I suppose the man's rather intoxicating himself."

  Aidan chuckled and pulled Kevin closer. "They say sex is better when you're making up. I figured we could give it a shot when we crack open the vodka."

  "You do make a convincing argument." Kevin brushed his fingers through Aidan's hair. "By the way, 'boyfriend's' a pretty intoxicating word by itself. You sure you meant to use it?"

  Aidan's breath caught. Was he sure?

  "I guess we'll have to find out."

  Kevin's lips traced his throat, fingers twined in Aidan's hair gently tipping his head back. Kevin's other hand pressed against the small of Aidan's back, holding their bodies against one another.

  "I'll be looking forward to aiding you in reaching your conclusions," Kevin whispered against his skin. "Now, what was that about lying down?"

  "What was that about something up my ass?" Aidan parried.

  Kevin blinked."Really? You want to?"

  "Yeah," Aidan agreed with a smile. "I want to."

  He didn't, not really. He remembered how it felt being entered. It felt like hell. It felt like being turned into somebody else's toy. But he remembered how much Sam had loved it. If Kevin liked this, it was worth doing to pay him back for doubting him.

  "But I want to do it our way, okay? Like men," he added, wishing so much that he didn't have to say that.

  Kevin swallowed, his cheekbones flushed pink. Then he nodded, his smile soft. "Well, you do happen to be a man, Aidan. I hadn't considered anything else."

  Aidan's chest expanded. Kevin would never know how adorable he was when he lost that suave act he put on and got sweet. And Aidan was never going to be able to do something big enough to repay him for what he'd just said.

  Tentatively, Kevin stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Aidan, kissing him. Their bodies leaned into one another. Kevin gently walked them until Aidan's shins were pushed against his bed. Setting his glasses aside, he shucked his jacket, then his shirt.

  "Shall we have that drink?"

  Aidan knelt and lifted the bottle. Kevin cracked the seal and took a sip.

  "Well, at least the little monster has taste."

  Aidan accepted it and tasted. The silky smooth liquor washed down his throat. It didn't taste good-it didn't taste like anything really-but it felt good. Kevin's warm lips sealed his.

  "Where'd that chocolate bar get to?" Kevin asked against his skin.

  "I can get it." Aidan murmured.

  Kevin's lips lifted in a smile. "Mm. I think we can put it to rather good use."

  Anticipation thrilled through Aidan. Whatever Kevin was thinking, the way he said the words made him willing to give it a try. He set the chocolate bar on the bed, and Kevin's hands were pulling off his shirt. Aidan only stopped him when Kevin reached for the zipper of his binder.

  "Not tonight," he breathed. For what he wanted to do tonight, he wanted Kevin looking at him. And if Kevin was looking at him, he wanted Kevin to see him as he wanted to be.

  "Mm?" Kevin murmured into another kiss. "Going to be uncomfortable, isn't it?"

  "These new ones you got me I could sleep in," Aidan deflected, only half lying. "I want it on for the next bit."

  "Sounds like we both have plans," Kevin whispered against his skin, chuckling. "Let's see how they interrelate, shall we?"

  Aidan didn't bother answering with words. His fingers undid Kevin's jeans. Leaning over, Kevin grabbed another sip of vodka and kissed Aidan again, sliding his tongue skillfully into Aidan's mouth so the feel of the drink filled him again.

  Aidan's belly tensed. He slid Kevin's pants down as Kevin did the same for him.

  "Lie down," Kevin whispered when they were both mostly naked. "Just here on the edge of the bed. Let your legs hang off."

  Aidan agreed with a murmur, lying back and feeling Kevin follow him down, still kissing him, stroking his hair, fingers running along his throat and down his body. Then Kevin pulled away a little. There was a sound of tearing paper, and Aidan opened his eyes to watch Kevin carefully break off four tiny pieces of chocolate.

  Leaning down, he slid one between Aidan's lips, sealing it there with a soft kiss. The taste of chocolate filled Aidan's mouth, and this was the real stuff. He could have gotten lost in that alone, but Kevin was laying the second piece on his collar bone, and the third in his navel. The last he rested just above Aidan's dick. The touch made his body twang.

  Kevin gave him one last wicked smile before he lowered his head. He nibbled at Aidan's collar bone. His tongue dipped into Aidan's navel, and Aidan gasped. Then the trail of soft kisses reached his dick.

  Kevin raised his head where he knelt between Aidan's legs. His eyes were the color of rain soaked pavement. "Ever done it like this?"

  Aidan snorted. "Haven't done much of anything before you."

  Kevin smiled. "Well, then. You put your feet on the edge of the bed, and I do the rest."

  Aidan rested his feet where Kevin placed them. For once, his breathing was ragged for a good reason.

  Good? Screw that. A great reason.

  Kevin reached out one arm and pulled the lube bottle from i
ts usual place. With another one of his quick, wicked grins, he lowered his head and started to lick.

  Aidan could barely breathe. Before, when somebody had told him what to do in bed he'd felt dirty. This time, he felt so alive. Every muscle in his body felt like the vodka had gotten into it, making him bright and crystal clear inside.

  The lid of the lube bottle popped. Warm, wet fingers slid between his cheeks to tease him. Kevin's lips teased him. Then one finger slid inside.

  Aidan sucked in a breath and squeezed his eyes shut.

  Everything he'd thought about how it would feel to be penetrated went out the window. He'd thought he was going to hate it. He had hated it before. But this wasn't someone ramming into him for their fun and ignoring him as a person. Kevin was all about paying attention. He kept everything so slow, so slow, and he made it feel so good. He teased until Aidan was shaking before he slid a second finger inside.

  Aidan tried and failed to stop a whimper. He could feel his body stretching, new sensations zinging through him to mix into the familiar ones of a building orgasm.

  Kevin added a third wet finger, and his mouth worked Aidan's dick harder.

  Aidan tensed and squeaked as pleasure rocketed through him, turning his vision to black and making him curl his fingers desperately in the sheets.

  But Kevin didn't stop, not until Aidan cried out and thrust against his hold twice, not until he shuddered and fell back on the bed.

  Kevin stood, nestling his length to Aidan's. His dick twitched and pulsed against Aidan's hip.

  "Now I understand you have a plan for the rest of the night?" Kevin's voice had taken on that low tone he only got in bed.

  Aidan grinned. "Can you hand me the lube?" he asked in a breathless whisper. His vision was starting to come back, but all he could think about was how good it would feel to have Kevin inside him the second time around.

  "Here," Kevin murmured, pressing the bottle against his fingers, "No rush."

  His shaft made a liar out of him by twitching against Aidan's leg.

  Aidan rolled over and dabbed the slick gel onto his palm. Then he rolled back and stroked his hand up Kevin's erection, slathering the lube as he went. Kevin groaned, and he loved it.

  He took a long moment to tease with his wet fingers, then swung one leg over Kevin's hips so he lay on top of his boyfriend. He gently guided Kevin's erection inside him, avoiding the goddamned vulva. The entrance ached a little as his body stretched, but it also sent him into pleasant shuddering again.

  "Not-not so fast," Kevin gulped out. "You'll hurt your-mmmm-self."

  "M'okay," Aidan muttered back, shifting his hips to a different angle. Very carefully, he slid further down Kevin's shaft, wincing just a little and hoping Kevin didn't see it. It felt good once the stretching pain subsided.

  Kevin closed his eyes a moment, then opened them, desperately taking in every line of Aidan's face with his eyes as Aidan moved over him. Aidan loved that look so much. This was why he'd kept his binder on. He'd wanted Kevin to stare at him like this as he let Aidan ride him, to look up with that complete, honest abandon Aidan only saw on his face just before he lost it and see Aidan above him.

  Kevin's eyes widened, nearly black in the room's low light. "Aidan." The word was a hitched moan.

  "Yeah?" Aidan whispered as he began to slide himself back and forth a little faster. He'd never get over hearing his own name said like that. He lowered his head to kiss Kevin deeply, not giving him a chance to respond to his breathy question. He knew that once he had come, it would be easy as shit to make him come again-one of the very few benefits to still having a bit of female in him-and he was certain that Kevin getting off would probably send him over the edge again, too.

  Perfect.

  Below him Kevin was panting, his hips rocking. His hands gripped Aidan's arms. "Aidan, please, please!" he gasped out.

  Aidan laughed without breath and shifted, until Kevin sank even deeper into him. He clenched around Kevin as his own body gave out again, shuddering and rocking uncontrollably.

  Kevin cried out beneath him, body bowing up into Aidan's, heat and pressure and pleasure all slamming into him in a rush. They rode the skyrocketing orgasm out together.

  Slowly, Kevin's body relaxed under him, until he lay panting for air. "Oh, my God."

  Aidan let himself drape over Kevin's chest, gasping for air as the last of his shuddering pleasure dissipated. He hummed happily and shifted to let Kevin slip free from his body while pressing himself closer. Quietly, he murmured, "Thank you."

  "I'm… the one who just got… taken for the best ride of my life. Who's… thanking who… now?" Kevin managed, just barely coherent as he flopped limp arms around Aidan's body.

  "You forgave me," Aidan whispered.

  Kevin's chest moved with a soft laugh. "Yes, well. I was trying to figure out how to express that. That's why I didn't say anything for a while. Couldn't find the right words."

  Aidan snorted. "You're the guy with all the words, if you can't figure out the right ones we're screwed."

  Kevin sighed.

  "Let's get cleaned up?"

  When they were clean again and lying in each other's arms, Aidan listened to Kevin's heart beating. His binder was starting to bug him, but he could ignore it a little longer.

  "About words…" Kevin murmured, and Aidan snuggled against him.

  "Yeah?"

  "The words people use. For each other." He heard Kevin draw in a breath before he spoke. "Everything people use is so lewd. Date, lay, partner, fuck, toy, 'friend', screw. The connotations are either vile or imprecise. Even lover, which should be beautiful, it's gotten a tarnish. It's the word people use to describe sexual indiscretion, not love."

  Aidan's brow furrowed. "Kev, is this going somewhere?"

  When Kevin spoke again, his whisper was soft. "Boyfriend was the only word I wanted to use. But I didn't think I had the right."

  Aidan's heart ached at the sound of that whisper. Leaning up, he brushed his lips over Kevin's.

  "Use it."

  Kevin let out a breath. "Okay."

  "You really thought about which word to use that much?" Aidan asked, tracing Kevin's jaw with his lips. Kevin gave a quiet laugh. "You think this is bad, when I was eighteen and the crew had got me out of my shell a bit, I had a date tell me 'man, you're a pretty good fuck.' He meant it as a compliment. I didn't touch another man for the rest of the year. Those words made me feel so... polluted. So dirty."

  "How do you feel now?" Aidan asked softly.

  Kevin's arms tightened around him. "Like somebody's boyfriend." Kevin whispered.

  Aidan grinned. "My boyfriend." He kissed Kevin's temple. "My boyfriend needs to go to sleep."

  "Mm." Kevin agreed, already halfway there.

  Holding his boyfriend close, Aidan unzipped his binder with one hand and closed his eyes.

  Event File 37

  File Tag: Weather Warning

  Timestamp: 14:00-10-14-2155

  "Come on, come on. We're gonna miss the ch-ch-chance!" Tweak yapped, standing beside the bikes across the garage.

  Yvonne gave Kevin a look, brows raised. "Y'know I can take Sarah and get her out there, let you get back to routine runs."

  "Yes, but routine isn't what they pay me for," Kevin replied quietly. "If a month's work for two divisions is going to go down the drain, it really ought to be on the officer's head."

  "You don't trust her," Yvonne observed.

  "However much she may have sworn her allegiance and her reformation after that mess she caused a month ago, no. I don't trust her," Kevin agreed. "But apparently she's staying. and Aidan keeps telling me to give her a chance, and I'll admit her work is good. The possibilities for this tech she's been working on are fairly stellar. Therefore, I'll coordinate the route and keep an eye on her, personally, for the sake of my own sanity. Call it my gesture of goodwill.
"

  "Come on!" Tweak whined, and Kevin tried not to grimace.

  Yvonne sighed. Reaching over, she patted his shoulder. "Just don't lose it with her. She's kind of a good kid under the street junk and the Corps junk."

  Kevin rolled his eyes. "Oh, lovely. You, too?"

  Yvonne gave him a smirk. "Kev, you know you acted kind of like her when you first got here, right?"

  Kevin gave her a dry look. "I highly doubt that."

  Yvonne opened her mouth to retort, but Kevin stepped away and crossed the garage. "Right, Tweak. I'll drive,"

  Grabbing her a poncho off the peg and disconnecting it from its charger, he tossed it to her and pulled his own off. "Get that and your helmet on, store your gear in the back box, and you can hang on behind me."

  Tweak caught the poncho in midair and stood staring at it for a moment before snapping her head up. "I'll take that one," she stated sharply, pointing at another bike.

  "Tweak, look at the controls. These aren't Go equipped," Kevin replied cooly as he pulled on his poncho. "If you can drive manual and I haven't been informed, feel free to correct me."

  Tweak froze. "I'll walk," she muttered after a moment, tugging the poncho on.

  Kevin resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Maybe Yvonne had been right. Maybe she ought to be the one to go out with Tweak. He didn't have the patience to deal with this.

  "Tweak, it's forty-five miles. You can't walk."

  The tiny girl glared at him. If looks could kill, he'd be dead, but Aidan had asked him to try to give the little beast a reason to act like part of their family. And he had said he'd try. Damn it.

  Attempting a new tack, Kevin held up the edge of his slick poncho and the heat gloves. They were coming into the cooler part of the year, but better to wear them than not.

  "I understand that you don't want to be touched, but take a look at what we'll be wearing out there. This stuff is quite thick. Nobody feels anything through it."

  Warily, Tweak reached out and felt the corner of the poncho. She gave a quiet grunt. "I guess." Turning, she lifted her helmet, the poncho nearly down to her ankles and barely held up by her small shoulders.