Kissed by a Cowboy

by Pamela Britton

  Jillian.

  His heart began to beat a little faster. His mom was right. He needed to trust his heart. She might have told him goodbye today, but he wasn’t ready to let her go.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Mariah filled her in on the big happenings up at the house.

  “I guess Maxine finally came to her senses. She’s giving full custody of Maggie to Wes.”

  Jillian couldn’t believe it. “What happened to change her mind?”

  Mariah’s red hair, always a handful, seemed extra curly this morning. Not surprising since they were out of doors watching Natalie work her new horse in one of her outdoor arenas—the only one that wasn’t full of jumps. Her blond friend rode in a Western saddle, something that a year ago Jillian never would have expected to see, not in this lifetime, at least. Natalie galloped around at a breakneck speed, hair flying, only to pull the horse up in the middle of the arena.

  “Oh, that was great,” Mariah called.

  “I think it was, too,” Natalie called back. “But I wish I knew what the hell I was doing.”

  “Wes says he knows someone who could help you.”

  “Does he?” Natalie patted the dark bay gelding that she’d purchased at the bull-and-gelding sale. “I would love to have someone work with me from the ground.”

  She went back to working the horse, and Mariah turned back to Jillian. “So what are you wearing next week?”

  “Clothes,” Jillian answered.

  “Ha-ha. Very funny.” Mariah shook her head. “I hope you have something spectacular picked out. There’s bound to be some good-looking men there, although I’m bummed things didn’t work out between you and Wes. He really is a good guy.”

  The statement brought to mind images of Wes staring into Maggie’s eyes. Of the way he scratched Cowboy behind the ears. Of the love in his eyes when he spoke to his mother. Yes. A good man indeed.

  “If you need help picking something out, let me know.”

  “No, I’m good.” She had something already.

  But on the day of the big benefit dinner, she suddenly found herself panicking about what to wear. Everyone who was anyone would be at the event. It was important that she look her best. That was what she told herself. Certainly it wasn’t that she’d be seeing Wes for the first time since she’d told him goodbye. That had nothing to do with it at all.

  The gates to Landon Farms were wide-open. She had arrived early to help Mariah and the other CEASE members set up for the event. Fortunately, the weather had cooperated. Most of the guests would be out on the back patio and it looked as if that would be beneath starry skies. Still, as the valley opened up before her, she couldn’t help but look to the right and the barn and Wes’s home. Couldn’t help but wonder where he was and what he was doing.

  “There you are,” Mariah said when she entered the house. “Wow. Don’t you look like a million bucks?”

  “A million bucks is what we’re hoping to raise,” she said as she hugged her friend.

  “Yeah, well, in that red dress someone might just offer to pay that to spend a night with you.”

  “Mariah!”

  Her friend laughed and as she stepped back, Jillian glanced around for Wes. She didn’t see him. Told herself that was good. She didn’t need to see him.

  “He’s down at the house with Maggie. He’ll be up later, once the babysitter arrives.”

  “Oh, no. I was just looking to see how the flowers were coming.”

  Mariah gave her a look of bemused reproach. “Yeah, right.”

  The next hour passed so quickly she didn’t have time to think about Wes. Well, that wasn’t precisely true. She thought about him as she set out flowers in rooms that had pictures of Wes as a child standing in the winner’s circle with one of his mom’s racehorses. Wes as a young boy showing a steer at some kind of event, probably the local fair. Wes standing next to his mom in a cap and gown. So handsome. So much like his father, she noticed.

  “He was a charmer, that one.”

  She almost dropped the photo of Wes and his father. “Vivian.” She turned to face their hostess. “I didn’t see you there.” She glanced with chagrin toward the picture. “I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t be touching your things.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. I suspect everyone will be in and out of this room tonight.”

  They stood in a formal living room, one with a massive fireplace set into the middle of a wall and views of the ocean off the back. Someone had lit a fire. Its warmth tickled her legs.

  “You look lovely,” Vivian said.

  Her hand went to her throat, though she wore no jewelry. The halter-top dress was a little more revealing than she remembered from the store and to say she was a bit self-conscious would be an understatement.

  “Thanks. You do, too.”

  Vivian smiled. “Actually, I’m glad I caught you. I’ve been wanting to talk to you.”

  She didn’t want to talk. She just wanted to get through the night because standing there looking at the photos of Wes had done something to her. Such a knot of emotion clogged her throat. It made her hands tremble and her legs shake.

  “Sit,” Vivian ordered, patting the couch next to her.

  Jillian felt like Cowboy, but she grudgingly did as ordered. She was completely on edge as she did it, though, worried that her dress might gap open or that Vivian would find fault with the mascara she’d used or her choice in strappy high heels.

  It’s just Vivian.

  The nicest woman Jillian had ever met. A woman who had one of the biggest hearts in the world. Just look at how she was helping them with CEASE—

  “Why are you doing this to yourself?”

  She looked up sharply into Vivian’s eyes. “Doing what?” she asked.

  “Telling yourself you’re not in love with my son.”

  She gasped.

  “You are in love with him, aren’t you?”

  No. She wasn’t.

  Her gaze caught on the framed picture on the mantel and from nowhere came a groan. She closed her eyes, shook her head, felt her fingers clutch the edge of the couch as if she might fall off it if she didn’t hold on tight.

  “That’s what I thought.”

  No. She wasn’t. She flatly refused to believe it. She’d made sure she wouldn’t. Had made sure to keep him at a distance after their one time together. She’d kept him at arm’s length and then he’d done the same and so it wasn’t true.

  Vivian clasped her hands and squeezed. “Wes tells me you’re afraid of falling in love.”

  She almost laughed. “Afraid would be an understatement. More like...terrified.”

  Vivian’s eyes were a haunting, piercing green. “Why?”

  How to tell this woman, how to explain to this wonderful, kind woman, that she’d lost so many things in her life. That grief didn’t affect her like a normal person. It stung with the sharp lash of a laser. It gouged her heart out. It brought her so low that there were times when she had wished...

  She hated remembering those moments. It made her ashamed. She had such an amazing gift. A God-given one. She should be grateful for her life, not sad that she’d been left behind.

  “You’ve lost quite a few loved ones, haven’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  “It hurts when they’re gone.” Vivian looked away, her gaze growing unfocused. “When I married Wes’s father, I was so terribly in love. I thought we’d live our whole lives together. That we’d both grow old. We’d both get gray and lose our teeth and live long enough to see Wes grow up and have children of his own. I have that now.” She patted Jillian’s hand. “But I don’t have Edward.”

  The sadness in Vivian’s eyes made Jillian’s own eyes warm with tears. She had loved Wes’s father deeply. That much couldn’t be doubted.

  “But you know what, dear Jillian?” She shook her head. “I wouldn’t trade one day of my life with him. Granted, the loss of him was terrible. Horrible. Gone too soon thanks to a faulty tire and a wet road.
Ridiculous, really, when you think about all the stupid things you do when you’re young, and then you’re driving down the road and that’s...it.” The hand went back to squeezing hers. “But I loved him. And I wouldn’t change a thing about our lives together. The pain of his loss haunts me every day, but I have the memory of our love to hold on to, as well. And Wes. Without that love there wouldn’t be a Wes or a Maggie, and to not have those two wonderful, lovely human beings in the world, well, that would have been an even greater tragedy, don’t you think?”

  Something hot fell on her cheek. Tears. She knew what the woman was trying to say, knew what she was encouraging her to do.

  “There.” Vivian straightened the skirt of her silk dress, the color of it the same as her eyes. “I’ve said what I wanted to say.” She leaned in and kissed Jillian on the cheek. “Good luck, my dear.”

  * * *

  HE’D TOLD HIMSELF he was prepared to see her. He’d been wrong.

  She stood by the side of the pool, beneath a cloudless, starry sky, a propane heater—the kind shaped like a mushroom—casting a mercury glow over her ink-black hair. She was talking to someone. A male someone. He couldn’t hear what they were saying, because music played in the background. People even danced near one side of the pool. And it amazed him, really, just how instantly his hackles rose at the sight of her standing there with that man. They weren’t a couple. They would never be a couple. She’d made that clear.

  She looked past the man’s shoulder and met his gaze. He saw her stiffen slightly, noticed that she couldn’t hold his gaze for very long, and wondered if she felt it, too: the kick to the gut. The tendril of electricity that seemed to stretch between them.

  He moved toward her.

  “...so you really talk to them, then?” the man was saying. “Talk as in you and I are talking.”

  “No,” Wes interrupted. “She doesn’t actually talk to them. She flashes images at them and they flash her back. Like a big-screen TV.” Or at least that’s how his mom had explained it.

  The man—whoever he was—turned halfway to see who’d spoken.

  Wes bent and kissed Jillian’s cheek. It wasn’t meant to be a stamp of ownership. It was meant to be the impersonal peck of a good friend, but he let his lips linger a bit too long—couldn’t help himself, because as he leaned closer, he smelled her again and he’d always loved berries and vanilla.

  “Wes.” He heard her say, startled.

  He drew back and smiled. “I’ve been looking for you all night,” he admitted.

  She glanced at her companion, then back at him, looking nervous. “Jim, this is Wesley Landon.”

  “Landon of Landon Farms?” Wes nodded. Jim reached out to shake his hand. “Pleasure to meet you.”

  Wes couldn’t stop himself from looking back at Jillian. In her red dress and strappy matching sandals she looked more beautiful than ever. She’d put her hair up, had somehow piled the short locks atop her head. Regal and elegant and so damn sexy with those long legs peeking out from beneath the knee-high hem of her dress that all he wanted to do was drag her back to his place.

  “How’s Maggie?” she asked in a transparent attempt to change the subject.

  “Asleep upstairs.” He smiled at Jim. “I have an infant daughter.”

  He saw Jim’s gaze dart to his ring finger, as if he was trying to figure out if he were married. More like hoping he was married. Wes almost smiled.

  “Good for you,” Jim said.

  “My mom was afraid to leave her down at my place with a teenage babysitter. She’s protective that way.”

  Jillian smiled, too. “Your daughter’s a lucky little girl.”

  “Yes, she is.”

  A new song came on over the speakers. Wes didn’t give himself time to think—he just grabbed her hand. “Dance with me.”

  “Oh, but I—”

  “No buts.” He winked at Jim. “Nice meeting you.” He tugged Jillian toward the spot where couples danced.

  “That was rude.”

  “No,” he said, spinning her around to face him near the other couples. “What was rude was the way you told me to get lost last week.”

  “I did not.”

  He held her too closely, and as it always did when he touched her, the electricity that stretched between them danced along his arms and his belly. It’d been weeks since they’d slept together, and yet he still craved her just as badly as that first time.

  “You did, and you’ve been avoiding me this week.” He felt her tense in his arms. “My mom says she’s asked you to come over at least a half a dozen times.”

  “I’ve been busy.”

  “You’ve been avoiding me,” he repeated.

  Just as quickly as it’d come, the tension left her body. “All right, I have.”

  That a girl. It was one of the things he loved about her. She didn’t mince words, always told the truth, even when that truth reflected badly upon her.

  “I just thought it would be—” she shrugged “—easier.”

  “Easier, yes. Change things, no.”

  She leaned back, stared into his eyes, and it was all Wes could do not to drop down and kiss her. Right there in front of God and everyone.

  “Wes, please.”

  “Please what?”

  “Don’t.”

  “My mom says you’re in love with me.”

  She gasped.

  “I told her she was wrong, but now...” His gaze swept her up and down as he danced her toward a darker part of the terrace. “After seeing how you dressed up for me. After watching the way your eyes lit up when you spotted me—”

  “Don’t flatter yourself.”

  “They did, and that’s okay, because I lit up inside when I saw you, too.”

  Her mouth dropped open. Green eyes widened.

  “You might be too scared to take it any further, but I’m not.”

  He bent and did what he’d been wanting to do since the moment he’d seen her standing there in that damn dress, that damn silk dress that wasn’t much of a barrier against his own white button-down and jeans. She resisted at first, but not for long. As if suddenly calling surrender, her mouth opened beneath his own. He groaned. She did, too, as their tongues found each other, entwined. Her hips brushed against his and the contact was fire. He had to come up for air because he knew if he didn’t, he would lift the skirt of her dress and open his jeans—

  “Come on.”

  “Wes, no.”

  “You’re going to prove it to me tonight.”

  “Prove what?”

  “That you don’t love me. That this is all carnal. That it’s just sexual attraction and that it’ll go away.”

  “We can’t do that.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I do care for you, Wes, and if we sleep together, I don’t know if I’ll have the strength to walk away this time.”

  His world tipped again, but this time for a different reason—this time it was because of the absolute finality in her gaze.

  “Why are you so afraid?”

  She shook her head. “Your mom asked me the same question. I couldn’t explain it to her, either.” And she sounded so torn, so genuinely distressed, that Wes’s heart broke. “It just hurts too much when it all goes away.”

  “But it won’t go away, Jillian. I promise you that.”

  “Nothing last forever, Wes. Look at your mom and dad.”

  He winced.

  “Look at my mom and dad.” She wiped at her eyes, and he realized she cried. “I’m sorry.” She took a step back. “I’m so sorry. I tried to make that clear to you last week. I haven’t changed my mind—instead, I think I’m even more determined.” She started walking backward, and even though it was dark, he could see the sadness in her eyes. “Stay away from me, Wes. I’m bad news.”

  Chapter Twenty

  She was the worst sort of pond scum. The lowest form of fungus. The nasty green stuff that grew on stale water. Wait. That was algae. Whatever.

&
nbsp; As Jillian drove home, she wiped her eyes. She probably shouldn’t be driving. And Mariah would be mad. She’d bailed on the party. But she couldn’t stay. She just couldn’t be near Wes.

  If you love him so much, what in God’s name are you doing dumping him?

  Because she would never be married, have kids, be a wife. Deep down inside, she’d always known that. If they got hurt, their pain would become hers. If they became sick, she would be sick with fear. If they died... Well, she couldn’t even think about that. So the solution was to be alone, and it wouldn’t be so bad. She had her animals. Well, not her animals, everyone else’s pets, but her fear of losing that connection to a person she loved, the constant worry, it was why she preferred to be alone. Why she refused to have anything in her life that she might have to watch walk away—or worse.

  She heard from Mariah that the fund-raiser was a rousing success. Between ticket sales and the silent auction they raised nearly $10,000. It was a boon they’d use to fund Mariah’s efforts to hold a free gelding clinic.

  She kept tabs on Wes and his daughter through Mariah. Apparently, Maxine had been true to her word, allowing Wes full custody of his little girl. She couldn’t be happier for him. The only thing that remained was to win the cutting horse competition—a tall order after all the reading she’d been doing on the event. The Million Dollar Futurity was one of the Cutting Horse Association’s premier events, a showcase of talent geared toward newcomers in the industry. She’d looked at the entries online and learned that Wes had entered Dudley in the main event. An open class for both professionals and amateurs alike. The purse wasn’t actually a million dollars. It was split between the winners with first place getting the bulk. She didn’t know how much Wes needed to win to meet his goal. She knew he had to do well. The event would be streamed live over the internet and she planned to watch.

  “No, you’re not,” Mariah told her when she explained her plans. They were sitting in Jillian’s kitchen, her friend having insisted she come over to cheer her up, although so far it wasn’t working. “You’re going with us to watch.”

  “No, Mariah. Seriously. I can’t.” The mere thought of it made her feel queasy. “He probably hates me, Mariah, and I don’t blame him. I’m such a coward. I couldn’t possibly show up at his cutting competition.”