by M. J. Haag
He immediately put his head down without argument.
“Here are the scissors,” Kerr said from beside me. I hadn’t even heard him walk in.
I took the package and set to work. Removing the stitches wasn’t easy. Ghua’s skin didn’t want to let go on the first try for a few of them. Kerr helped with several. Ghua didn’t twitch or say a word. Eden played with his hair the entire time until I reached his neckline.
“There were a few scalp stitches, right?” I said. “Hopefully, the hair they wouldn’t let me cut away didn’t grow into the wounds.”
“They” actually referred to the fey standing elbow to elbow with me.
“They’re super weird with their hair,” Eden said. “It signifies their rank. The longer the hair, the more important they are.”
Ghua and Kerr both grunted at the same time.
“Yeah, yeah. The longer the hair, the longer you’ve lived, and the stronger you are,” Eden said with a wink at me.
I looked at the length of Ghua’s hair, then peeked at Kerr. I hadn’t paid much attention to their hair before, but I had noticed very few of them had short hair. Kerr’s was longer than Ghua’s by several inches. This was the information I needed.
“We’re almost finished,” I said, snipping a stitch and carefully tugging it free. I dabbed the tiny spots with some alcohol-soaked bandages then stepped back.
Ghua immediately got to his feet, bare assed and very turned on. My eyes widened as he picked up Eden. She grinned and called thanks as he strode out the door. She didn’t seem the least bit worried about the man holding her. In fact, she seemed excited by the prospect of being hauled off by a naked demon. I shuddered, unable to imagine it.
A light tug at my fingers had me looking at Kerr. His gaze held mine as he pulled the glove from my left hand. It caught on the rings, and he needed to lift my hand to carefully work the glove free.
This was the moment to find out if Kerr was my best bet.
“Does anyone have hair longer than yours?” I asked, only a hint of a quaver in my voice.
He blinked at me, and his slitted pupils narrowed. My pulse picked up speed.
“Yes. Molev and Drav have longer hair.”
The thought of going to Molev directly terrified me. And Drav, I knew, had Mya already.
“Anyone else?” I asked.
He stared at me for a moment before answering.
“A few close to the same length. No one else has longer.”
It felt like my insides were climbing out through my throat.
“Are you seeing anyone, Kerr?”
“I see you,” he said.
“I mean, are you dating anyone?”
He blinked at me again.
“No.”
He didn’t do or say anything else.
“Okay.”
All I needed to do was reach out and touch him. One touch somewhere simple, like an arm. Then, see what happened next.
However, instead of reaching out, I turned to leave, running like a coward.
“Wait.”
He caught my right hand, stopping me.
Feeling faint, I faced him.
Chapter Three
“Ghua was attacked by hellhounds, too,” Kerr said as he carefully tugged the final glove free.
Unlike the last time, he stayed right where he was, standing before me motionless and taking up far too much space. And, the intense, unblinking focus of his gaze began to make me nervous.
I opened my mouth ready to mumble a reason to excuse myself when I identified the moment for what it was. An opportunity. My pulse jumped at the thought of trying to seduce the dark fey right there and then. The thought of kissing him made my mouth dry. I licked my lips and tried to draw courage from some forgotten corner of my soul. However, the action drew the focus of his snake like eyes to my mouth.
“Kerr.” I said his name in the hopes it would make him seem more human. It didn’t work.
Trying to play it cool, I placed my hand on his chest. The muscles under his shirt twitched, but his expression remained undecipherable. Did that mean he wasn’t interested?
“Where is your husband?” he asked, taking me off guard.
“Lee?” The reminder of what was at stake settled my resolve, and I slowly trailed my trembling fingers down Kerr’s chest. He had to be interested. There wasn’t any other option for me.
“I don’t know,” I answered.
He studied me for a moment and lifted his hand. I thought he would touch me, but at the last moment, he stepped back abruptly.
“I will return you to Whiteman.”
Shit. Could he tell I was afraid of him? Was that the problem? I couldn’t help my fear when he didn’t blink. I couldn’t tell if he was angry or not.
Desperation motivated me to step closer.
I opened my mouth, ready to be a little more blatant in what I was offering, but Julie interrupted me.
“Are you hungry, Mrs. Feld? I made something if you’d like to eat before heading back.”
Embarrassed at being caught, I quickly stepped away from Kerr.
“Yes. Thank you.”
As I followed her out the door, I berated myself for so readily walking away from my chance. I should have told her I’d be there in a moment then taken just enough time to stand on my toes and kiss Kerr. He would have understood that.
“How is Merdon?” Julie asked, pulling me from my thoughts.
“One of the wounds had a hellhound tooth in it. I think Merdon has an infection, but I’m not sure. They heal from things we’d never survive. I have no idea if he’ll be okay.”
He had to be okay. If Matt thought he wasn’t, I didn’t know what I’d do when he shoved Lilly and me outside the fence.
Julie chose that moment to glance back at me and caught my expression.
“Oh, honey, you’ve done your best; that’s all we can ask.”
“You would think so,” I said softly.
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing.” She gave me a look I’d often given to Lilly when she wasn’t listening. And damn if Julie’s look didn’t make me squirm.
“It’s not nothing. I saw you working in there. You did what you could. Do you honestly think these men would think less of you if something ends up happening to Merdon?”
I hadn’t even considered the fey’s reaction. Would my lack of doctoring skills negatively influence the possibility of one being interested in me? Was that why Kerr stepped away?
“They wouldn’t,” Julie said.
Her answer didn’t reassure me. Kerr obviously wasn’t interested in me for some reason. If it wasn’t my bedside manner, then what? I needed him to like me. Now. Today. Things outside the fences weren’t getting better. They were getting worse. I heard reports from people who went on our infrequent supply run. The infected were getting smarter with their traps. How much more time did my son have? I refused to believe his time had already expired.
Julie studied me for a moment longer.
“The fey’s opinion isn’t the problem, is it?”
“No.”
Between the patience in her gaze and my desperation, the dam holding everything in broke, and I could feel tears starting to well up.
“I asked Matt for help. My husband and son were away the night of the quakes. I need to know what happened to them. My son is only eight months old. He needs me. If we survived, there’s still a chance that they survived.”
Tears streamed freely down my cheeks. I didn’t know how desperately I needed some comfort until Julie reached for me and wrapped me in a hug.
“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry,” she said.
“I don’t want your sorry. I want help. I can’t go out there alone. I need help to go check where Lee said he was going. I want my baby.”
“Of course you do. When is Matt sending men out?”
Her hand smoothed over my back in a motherly way, only encouraging me to spill more.
“He isn’t. He told me he cou
ldn’t risk lives by sending people outside the fence. Then, he told me I needed to come here.” That was the part that was killing me the most, and I couldn’t help but start crying harder. “Outside the fence. Like I’m not a person like the rest of Whiteman, just a tool. Because he’s worried if he doesn’t help the fey, the fey will stop helping us.”
A growl rose behind me, but Julie didn’t release me so I could see what was going on.
“You hush, Kerr,” she said against my head.
Her hand patted my back before she pulled away.
“I understand why Matt might think the fey might stop helping, but it’s not true. I doubt anyone could stop them from trying to assist the people at Whiteman. It was very brave of you to come here to care for Merdon, though. Thank you.”
I wiped at my tears and gave her a disbelieving look.
“I wasn’t given much of a choice. Come help or get kicked out. Everyone at Whiteman needs to pull their weight. I’m desperate, Julie. I can’t stop thinking about my son. I can’t give up on my baby.”
The woman’s face turned red, and her eyes started to water, making me tear in response.
“I understand. Kerr, go get Molev.”
He stepped around me, starting for the front door. I grabbed Julie’s hand and held her gaze.
“I’m willing to hook up with one of them,” I said, before I lost my nerve, “if that’s what it takes.”
Kerr stopped walking and slowly turned to face us.
“What?” Kerr asked.
Julie waved him away.
“Go on, Kerr.”
He gave me another long, unblinking stare then left. She waited until he’d walked out the door to give me a reassuring look.
“There’s no hooking up needed,” she said. “Come sit down.”
She led me to the kitchen and sat me in front of a bowl of steaming mac and cheese.
“Lilly would love this,” I said. I picked up the spoon and took a small bite, not really hungry but smart enough not to waste good food.
“Who’s watching her?” Julie asked.
“Hopefully, Bertha by now.”
“And before that?”
“Matt.”
She made an annoyed sound.
“I know that man is doing the best he can, but he’s made more than a few decisions that I haven’t agreed with. Living here’s been nice.” She tilted her head, studying me. “There are extra houses, you know.”
I couldn’t keep the disbelief from my expression.
“You’re saying I should live here?”
Julie shrugged.
“I thought you said I didn’t need to sleep with any of the fey.”
She snorted and patted my hand.
“Don’t let them hear you’re willing to have sex. They wouldn’t leave you alone then. No, I meant you and your family could live in a house here.
“I think once Molev hears that you’d like help looking for your husband and infant son and that Matt turned you down, you’ll have the help you need. Besides, Lilly will be more comfortable here, in a real house with real beds and heat, than waiting for you at Whiteman under Matt’s care. Don’t you agree?”
* * * *
In the fading daylight, I looked at the upstairs bedroom in Julie and Rick’s home. A collection of toys took up one corner with a rocking chair, books, and a twin sized bed finishing out the room. Perfect for Lilly.
“Lilly will be safe and as happy as a toddler without her mama can be,” Julie said. “I’ll do my best to keep her busy so she won’t know how much time is passing.”
My head was spinning, and I couldn’t shake my disbelief that Molev hadn’t even hesitated to offer fifty of his men to escort me to Parsons, Kansas, my hometown. Not only did he willingly offer his men but also a truck so I could gather more medical supplies for Whiteman. Not that I gave a rat’s ass about Whiteman and what Matt might need. But, Molev cared.
“There are several other children here,” Julie continued, “so Lilly will have playmates while you’re gone.”
Julie placed her hand on my arm, gaining my full attention.
“You’re also welcome to stay here until it’s time to leave. That way Lilly can get used to all of us before you go.”
My gratitude overwhelmed me for a moment. However, I’d teared up spontaneously too many times over the past few hours to allow myself to do so again. It was a struggle, but I managed to swallow down what I felt so I could speak.
“Thank you, Julie. So much.”
“It’s nothing.”
“No. It’s everything.”
Movement in the hallway drew my attention. Kerr had stayed close since returning with Molev. He hadn’t said anything, but if I’d thought he’d watched me intensely before, how he watched me now made my skin prickle.
“We should leave soon,” he said. “The sun is setting.”
That sent a jolt of fear through me.
“Yes. Sorry.” I focused on Julie. “I’ll get Lilly ready tonight, and we will see you tomorrow.”
“It’s been so long since I could do someone’s hair in the morning,” she said, leading the way down the hall. “I’m looking forward to having Lilly here. I always found taking care of a little girl so rewarding.”
“Mya must have been easier,” I said with a small chuckle. “Lilly is—”
My humor left me. Before the hellhounds, Lilly had been a completely different kid. A normal kid, truth be told. Sassy. Stubborn. Prone to not listening. Now, she didn’t sass. She was quiet and listened immediately. She’d learned her life depended on it. Fear had changed her. Fear had changed us all.
Julie once more seemed to read my train of thoughts.
“It’ll take her a while, but she’ll remember how to be a child when she feels safe again.”
“I’m sure you’re right.” I wondered, though, if my daughter would ever have a chance. The world wasn’t getting any less dangerous to live in. Hellhounds eating people and spreading the plague. Infected eating people and also spreading the plague. And the dark fey. I still wasn’t fully convinced they posed no danger to us.
I glanced back at Kerr, who was following quietly behind me. There were so many of them in Tolerance. When the dark fey had lived at Whiteman, it’d been easier to avoid them and pretend humans were still alone in the world. Here, they were everywhere.
In the living room, I tugged my sweater on then my jacket. It wasn’t until I was fully layered that I remembered just how I would need to return to Whiteman.
My gaze flicked to Kerr.
“Are you ready?” he asked.
“Yes.”
He stepped closer, and my pulse jumped.
“Keep her safe, Kerr,” Julie said from behind him.
“I will, Mom.”
It wasn’t the first time he or the other fey called Julie that. She didn’t seem to mind the title. In fact, she treated them all like they were an extension of her family. I didn’t understand how she could be so at ease around them.
Kerr leaned forward, and a second later, I was up in his solid arms. His heat radiated into me as he pressed me to his chest. I wasn’t sure, but I thought I caught the hint of a rumble coming from him.
Before I could worry, Julie chuckled and reached around us to open the door.
“You could have let her walk to the wall,” she said.
“No.”
That was it. Just a one-word refusal. I looked up at his snake-like gaze then back at Julie, who was shaking her head and smiling. She seemed completely comfortable with the fey, no matter what the situation.
“Be careful,” she said. “If you let him, Kerr will carry you everywhere.”
Kerr stepped out the door and took off running across the snow-covered lawns, robbing me of breath. Like before, I turned my head toward the man carrying me but avoided leaning in.
Once outside, I could see just how much the light had faded and was glad for Kerr’s speed. However, the return run seemed to take a little longer. It
felt like he was weaving more than running straight. A distant groan in the trees as we neared the base confirmed it.
I shivered hard, and Kerr pulled me closer to his chest.
“You are safe,” he said softly. “We are almost to the gate.”
Something brushed the top of my head. I frowned and lifted my head. But, Kerr was focused on the lit entrance he approached. The guards stood on their raised platforms and watched us. Seeing them distracted me from whatever Kerr had done.
A mix of relief and anger filled me at seeing Whiteman again. I was back to the place where I had felt the safest. Now, it was a place I no longer trusted.
“I am returning Mrs. Feld,” Kerr called when we were almost there.
The gate started rumbling open, and he slipped inside as soon as there was enough room. The guards stared down at us, and I didn’t miss the curiosity in their eyes.
“You don’t need to carry me anymore,” I said as soon as the first gate closed.
“No. I will take you to Matt Davis.”
“You all right, Mrs. Feld?” one of the guards asked.
“She is unharmed but cold,” Kerr said at the same time I said, “I’m fine.”
The guard nodded to me and hit the switch for the inner gate.
“I really can walk,” I said.
Kerr’s gaze dropped to mine.
“I promised Mom that I would safely return you to Matt. Matt is not here.”
His fingers brushed against my thigh a moment before he lifted his gaze and raced through the opening. He crossed the expanse from the fence to the hangar in less than a minute. Not enough time for me to process what I’d felt.
Matt opened the metal door and stepped out the moment we neared. Just the sight of him angered me all over again.
“Kerr,” Matt said in greeting. “How is Merdon?”
Matt completely ignored me and said nothing about my daughter. I wanted to deck him.
“We will talk inside,” Kerr said. “It is too cold for Mrs. Feld out here.”
“Of course.” Matt held the door open, and Kerr stepped inside with me.
The pair’s disregard of my presence made me want to hit something. Preferably a nose. Maybe even a set of testicles. I wasn’t sure yet.