by M. J. Haag
“Please set me down.” This time, Kerr listened, his moves measured as he bent and carefully put me down.
“Was Mrs. Feld able to help?” Matt asked.
“Mrs. Feld is standing right here,” I snapped. “You should ask me, the person who treated the patient, if I was able to help.”
Matt glanced at Kerr, who remained silent, before looking at me again.
“Well, Mrs. Feld? Were you able to help?”
“I treated Merdon’s wounds as you requested. I have no idea if what I did helped or not, though. I think he might have blood poisoning.”
“What do you need?” Matt asked.
I fisted my hands.
“My daughter. Where is she?”
“She’s on a cot in the medical area. Bertha’s with her. I meant, what do you need to treat the blood poisoning?”
“I have no idea. I’m not a doctor, remember?”
Matt’s expression hardened.
“Mrs. Feld, do I need to remind you what’s at stake?”
“No. You’ve made that very clear already, which is why Lilly and I will be leaving for Tolerance in the morning.”
I enjoyed watching Matt’s expression change to shock. Served him right for trying to manipulate me.
I moved to walk away, but Matt caught my arm. A growl rose behind me. Swallowing hard, I looked up at Matt in time to see his angry expression close off. He met my gaze for a moment before he released me and glanced at Kerr. I peeked at Kerr too, expecting him to appear as angry as he’d sounded. Instead, he was as unreadable as ever to me.
“Molev asked me to speak on behalf of all the fey,” Kerr said. “Do not threaten to force females from Whiteman. This is your only warning. And, do not touch Mrs. Feld again. That is my only warning.”
My stomach gave a nervous twist. I’d been willing to hook up with one of the fey for help. But, now that Molev had given his word that the fey would help me regardless, Kerr’s protectiveness worried me.
“It’s okay.” I wasn’t sure if I was saying it to the two men or myself.
Kerr looked at me and indicated with his arm that I should lead the way to the medical area.
I hurried across the cement floor, the sound of my footsteps loud in the otherwise quiet building. When I rounded the screen, I found Bertha sitting beside a sleeping Lilly. The cook was lightly touching my daughter’s arm.
“She seems to sleep better when she knows she’s not alone,” the gruff woman said, standing.
I smoothed back Lilly’s hair, and she moved in her sleep.
“Thank you, Bertha.”
“You want me to stay a bit longer?” she asked with a glance at Kerr.
It was no secret that Bertha didn’t like the fey. Before Molev’s group had moved to Tolerance, the fey had almost cleaned out Whiteman’s stock of canned meat. That and any form of cheesy noodles. It didn’t matter to Bertha that the dark fey had resupplied Whiteman’s food pantry and done nothing but protect the survivors from infected and hellhound attacks.
Before I could answer, Matt walked into the area.
“Mrs. Feld, could I speak to you privately for a moment?”
“No,” I said at the same time as Kerr.
Kerr crossed his arms and watched Matt closely.
“Whatever you have to say, just say it,” I said.
“As the only person qualified to look after the health and wellbeing of the survivors here, you have an obligation to stay. You could be condemning countless people to unnecessary pain, suffering, or even death without your care.”
Bertha’s horrified gaze swung to me.
“You’re leaving? But why? You can’t mean to go live with those creatures.”
“Bertha, when people start asking why I left, let them know Matt threatened to kick me and Lilly out if I didn’t go outside the fence to doctor the fey today. I’m going to Tolerance because I’m no longer sure my daughter and I are safe here.”
“It was a mistake, Cassie,” Matt said. “I never should have—”
“Save it. I don’t care. The next time you’re feeling desperate or cornered, what’s to stop you from pulling the same thing? That’s why I’m leaving. If anyone here needs help, you know where I am. I’m not refusing to treat people. I’m just refusing to live here.”
A howl echoed distantly, and Lilly’s eyes popped open.
“Mommy?”
“I’m here,” I said, squatting beside her.
“Where were you? I woke up and you were gone.”
“I was looking after someone who was hurt. And guess what I found while I was gone? A house that’s safe. It has a bed just for you and toys.”
Instead of lighting up with excitement like she would have done before the hellhounds, her expression turned to fear.
“Toys aren’t safe, Mommy. They make too much noise.”
“Not these toys. Not in this house. You’ll be able to play, and nothing will hear you.”
She shook her head just as another howl rang through the air.
“Mrs. Feld, please consider the hardship your departure will create for the people of Whiteman.”
“No, Matt,” I said, picking up my daughter. “That’s something you should have considered when you made me leave this morning.” I looked at Bertha. “Thank you for taking care of her. I think we’re going to go pack now.”
Matt ran a hand through his hair as I walked past him. Kerr immediately moved to follow us. I couldn’t say that I minded the escort this time.
“Mommy,” Lilly said softly. “I don’t want to go to the tent. I want to stay here.”
“We’ll be safe, Lilly.” I stopped walking and turned enough so she could see Kerr. She’d seen the fey before. Seen what they could do. As much as they disturbed me, I hoped that having one with us would help her feel a sense of safety my presence, alone, could no longer provide.
“This fey’s name is Kerr. He promised nothing would hurt us.”
Kerr moved closer, looking at my daughter.
“No hound or stupid human will hurt you. Ever. I will keep you and your mother safe. I swear it.”
Chapter Four
The way Kerr looked at Lilly, then met my gaze, made me worry about what would happen once she and I were in Tolerance permanently. For Lilly’s safety, I knew we needed to leave Whiteman. I didn’t trust Matt anymore. However, I was no fool and knew living in Tolerance wouldn’t be all rainbows and sunshine. The fey obsessed over women.
I didn’t let on to any of what I was feeling, though. Instead, I looked down at my daughter with a smile.
“You see? He won’t let anything happen to us.”
She stared up at Kerr for several long seconds then nodded. I took that as permission to continue on.
Outside the hangar, the temperature had dropped with the sun. Lilly pressed her body against mine as I walked in the direction of the tents. I could feel a small shiver ripple through her but doubted it had anything to do with the cold. She wore several layers of clothes like I did. No, it was the hounds howling in the distance.
I wanted to reassure her some more but knew better than to say anything. Not out here. Not in the dark. She knew the rules. We all did. Quiet after the sun sets. That rule hadn’t changed with the presence of the fey. They kept us safer, but the hounds still wanted a piece of anything that moved or made noise. Especially humans.
Lilly’s shaking grew worse the further we progressed from the hangar, and I regretted that she’d woken up. Not that I would have left her in the hangar under Matt’s care. I didn’t trust that man any further than I could throw him now. No, I just wished she could have slept through the night for a change.
Shifting her weight to relieve the ache in my arms, I nodded to the people we passed. All of them returned the silent greeting, their solemn gazes watching the shadows and the fey walking beside me. I couldn’t help but wonder how long it would take them to find out that I meant to leave. Matt’s reaction would be mild compared to some of them.
I smoothed my hand over her back.
“Shh,” I said softly, more to him than her.
Lilly put her hand over my mouth, and I gave her a squeeze to let her know I understood. One moment, I was hugging my daughter; the next, she and I were in Kerr’s arms. The man took off at a run, crossing the distance from the last of the pavement to the field of tents.
Without asking where to go, he wove among the rows of tents until he came to a stop before ours. He put us down before Lilly fully registered what had happened. I’d registered it well enough though.
I quickly pulled back the tent’s flap and ducked inside with Lilly still in my arms.
A soft rustle of noise came from the dark. Terror ripped through me a second before light ignited. I blinked at Kerr, who set the oil lantern on top of the small table in the center of the room. How had he gotten around me so quickly? As soon as I had that thought, I wanted to roll my eyes at myself.
“Why is there no stove?” he asked.
Lilly whimpered but kept her head against my shoulder and her arms around my neck.
“Talking after dark scares her,” I said softly. “Please stop.”
His gaze shifted to Lilly in that creepy, unblinking way.
Trying to ignore him, I placed her on our cot and grabbed one of the several backpacks I’d acquired since living at Whiteman. When we’d started sleeping in the hangar, I’d kept the hot pink one packed with essentials on a supply shelf there. Something to grab in an evacuation, if there was half a second to spare, so Lilly wouldn’t be without a dry change of clothes and a picture of her family. What remained in the tent wasn’t much. Just more clothes, which were necessary to stay warm through a Missouri winter.
It didn’t take me long to pack up the sum of our existence into the bags. When I turned, Kerr was squatted down by Lilly, staring at her. She was staring back just as hard.
As I watched, she reached out and touched the red bead in his hair. He blinked, pulled the bead free, and picked up a piece of her hair. My pulse jumped, but before I could move, he started braiding the strands together. Stunned, I considered the huge creature capable of ripping heads off an infected with little effort. He gently and neatly twisted Lilly’s silky tresses, carefully weaving in the bead near the end. When he finished, the braid hung just behind her ear. She touched it and looked up at him. Without a single word, he’d just shown us both something very important. He might be dangerous, but he wasn’t as scary as he looked.
However, neither of us had time to deal with that revelation before a scratch sounded on our tent flap. Lilly’s eyes filled with renewed fear, and her gaze flew to me. When the sound came again, along with a polite cough, I motioned to her that it was okay.
“It’s probably someone who needs my help,” I said softly.
I stood to see who, but Kerr beat me to it. He pulled the flap aside, blocking my view but not the swirl of cold air.
“Is Dr. Feld still here?” a man asked. “I need her to look at my foot before she leaves.”
“No talking,” Kerr said before he stepped aside.
I nodded to the young man in greeting then glanced at Lilly, who was shaking. I’d hoped to avoid Matt by staying in the tent for the night. But, with news of my departure spreading, this man would only be the first of many who sought me.
“I’ll be in the hangar in a few minutes. Please wait for me there.”
The man nodded and walked away. I scooped Lilly into my arms, hugging her close. Her trembling little body clung to mine. Without a word, I moved toward the tent entrance. The cold wind hit me in the face, and I cringed. Hopefully, it wouldn’t snow again. Not so soon after the last one. As soon as I thought that, I knew it would snow. Missouri weather was fickle like that.
I’d only taken a few steps before Lilly and I were up in Kerr’s arms once more. Although I appreciated getting to the hangar faster, I knew I’d need to talk to him about picking me up without permission. Like Julie had warned, I didn’t want him thinking he could do it whenever he wanted. Especially not when his fingers liked to move so much while holding me.
As soon as the hangar door closed, Kerr put us down, and I started for the makeshift medical area. My steps echoed in the quiet.
Lilly lifted her head from my shoulder to look at Kerr, who walked beside us.
“You run really fast,” she said quietly.
“I do.”
She studied him for a moment.
“Do you run faster than the bad dogs?”
“Yes.”
She set her head on my shoulder, seemingly satisfied with that answer.
When I rounded the corner, no one was waiting, and I realized Kerr must have passed the man on the way here. I set Lilly on a spare cot.
“Close those eyes. I want you to try to sleep. Okay?”
She nodded. Her gaze briefly shifted to Kerr, who stood by the entrance, before her eyes closed.
It didn’t take long for the first person to show up or a line to form shortly after. I managed to quietly treat four patients before noticing Matt speaking to the next person in line. The woman shook her head without looking at him, noticed I was watching them, and quickly came my way as the prior patient left.
The young, blonde woman looked pale and shaky.
“Hi, Mrs. Feld,” she said quietly. “My name’s Angel Pratt.”
“Have a seat, Angel.” I gestured to the pair of chairs I had set up next to the cot. “What’s troubling you?”
She sat, smoothing her palms over her legs like she was nervous. I took the other chair and waited for her to talk. She glanced at the opening to the ward where a few other people, as well as Matt, waited.
“I’m sorry it’s not more private,” I said, keeping my voice soft and low. “Usually I don’t have this many people coming here at once. News of my leaving must be spreading fast.”
“I want to come with you,” she said quietly.
“You do? Why?”
She swiped at her legs again.
“I know you’re not a doctor. That there’s a lot you don’t know or are figuring out as you go. And, I’m okay with that. Some knowledge is better than none at all. And, none is what’ll be here when you leave, so I’d rather go with you.”
I frowned, wondering why she thought she needed me. Had Matt sent her to talk me out of leaving? If so, she wasn’t doing a very good job.
“As I told Matt, although I’m leaving Whiteman, I’ll still treat whoever needs me. I just don’t want to live here anymore.”
“I know. Bertha’s telling people.”
“Then, I’m not sure I understand. Why would you want to live in Tolerance? There are a lot of dark fey there.”
“Living with the fey is better than living without you.”
I studied her for a moment. She looked pale, tired, and underfed like everyone else. Beyond that, there was nothing wrong with her that I could tell.
“Why?” I asked.
She swallowed hard.
“I just hit six months, and I’m scared shitless. The idea of giving birth…”
My insides went cold. Pregnant? In this world.
She paled further, and I reached out to give her hand a squeeze. My heart wanted to break for her and for my son. Babies in this world were a terrifying thought. They were so helpless.
“The only experience I have is from my own pregnancies. I’m not sure how much help I’ll be, but you’re welcome to join me in a few weeks.”
“A few weeks? Why not in the morning?”
“I’m leaving in a couple of days to go look for my husband and son. A group of fifty fey will escort me. While I’m out there, I’ll be collecting medical supplies for Whiteman, too.” I let that news settle in silence for several long moments. We both knew what leaving the protection of the fence could mean for me, even in the presence of so many fey. There would be no point to her moving to Tolerance if I didn’t make it back.
“When I return with the medical supplies, if you still want to join me, I’m sure you’ll be welcome at Tolerance.”
She nodded, and I could feel the tremor run through her hand.
“Is the baby moving every day?”
“Yeah. A lot.”
“Do you know how much weight you’ve gained?”
“I’m losing weight, not gaining.”
“Morning sickness?”
“No. Just not enough food.”
“We’ll need to take care of that first. I’ll talk to Bertha about double servings for you.”
“No, I don’t want to eat someone else’s share.”
“You won’t be. You’ll be eating your baby’s share. It’s a living, breathing person, too, and counts in the ration distribution. Do you understand?”
She gave me a small smile and nodded.
“If you need anything while I’m gone, Julie in Tolerance might be able to help you.”
Angel stood.
“Thanks, Mrs. Feld.”
“Call me Cassie. I’ll see you again in a few weeks, Angel.”
She offered me a small smile again and hurried from the area. When I looked at the entrance, Kerr was watching me, blocking the presences of Matt and the rest of the patients. Not far from the screened opening sat a stack of the backpacks from our tent.
I glanced at Lilly, who’d fallen asleep shortly after the second visitor. Her tousle of red hair stood out against the white pillow case. My gaze lingered for a moment while I thought of her brother and wondered how much he’d grown since I’d last seen him. If he’d grown.
Shaking myself from my thoughts, I faced Kerr once more, only to see Matt at his side. He didn’t wait for my acknowledgement to invade my domain.
“Mrs. Feld,” he said.
“Please tell me you’re not going to beg or threaten again. Both are beneath you.”
He sighed.
“You’re right. I won’t do either. However, I will continue to apologize. My behavior was out of line. You were right about my desperation.”
I studied him for a moment, trying to gauge his sincerity.
“What were you saying to Miss Pratt before she came in here?”