Heartstopper

by Lauren Landish

  Chapter 28

  Dahlia

  I can’t believe he did it.

  I suck in a deep breath of guilt as I drive to Sandra’s office in my beat-up, piece of shit Mazda. I should be incredibly upset about what Lucian did. I’m still trembling. It’s one thing to have suspicions, it’s another thing entirely to have them confirmed. I wish I’d just lived in denial.

  He murdered someone on my behalf. But ever since getting over the initial shock, I feel relieved that the person who caused me so much pain is gone from the world. I’m a horrible fucking person for being happy with his death. I’m torn and conflicted. I need help. I’m not okay.

  I suck in another deep breath as I turn off the highway, taking the road that will take me straight to Sandra’s office.

  I’m free. Tears prick at my eyes. I hadn’t realized how much pain I was in just knowing that man was still breathing. I feel… relief. And guilt.

  And what about Lucian? I don’t know how to feel. But nothing matters without him.

  The thought causes a large lump to form in my throat and tears to sting my eyes.

  When I step into Sandra’s office, she’s waiting for me in her leather tufted chair, her legs crossed in front of her, her notepad and pen in hand. It’s after hours, but when I called she said she’d be here. She’ll never know how much that means to me. Her hair is loose in her bun and her cream-colored blouse is a bit wrinkled from being worn all day, but she’s here for me.

  “Dahlia,” she greets me warmly with a gentle smile. She gestures at the couch across from her. “Please, have a seat.”

  “Thank you,” I say softly, feeling nervousness start to set in, and trembling slightly. Barefoot, I walk over and sink onto the couch, pulling my legs up under me, sucking in a deep breath and exhaling slowly.

  “Now, would you like to tell me what’s bothering you?” Sandra asks me when I’m fully seated, her soft voice soothing the turmoil that’s roiling beneath the surface. Her pale blue eyes focus on me behind her glasses.

  I open my mouth to speak, but then close it when I realize something critical I missed on the way over. I can’t tell her anything that will incriminate Lucian, so I’m going to have to be very careful talking about my uncle’s death. I sit there for a moment, my mind racing on what I could safely disclose. I run my hand over my face, hating this and hating everything.

  “Dahlia?” Sandra prods gently.

  “My uncle is dead,” I announce, suddenly deciding that I will just go with a variation of the truth. Hopefully Sandra won’t read too much into it.

  Sandra lowers her pen to pad, scribbling, and frowns. “Oh, dear, Dahlia. I’m sorry to hear that.”

  I nod. I should be crying right now, but I can’t summon a single fucking tear. Or maybe I shouldn’t. I know it must look odd, but I can’t help it. “Shot in the back of his head twice.” I hate how flat my words sound, I could be talking about a piece of trash off the street.

  And that’s what he was, I tell myself. A piece of trash. But that doesn’t make his murder right. And I know it. I just can’t bring myself to care. I bite my thumbnail, just trying to think straight.

  Sandra shakes her head, anguish flashing in her eyes. “That’s horrible. I’m truly sorry, Dahlia.” She sets her pen down on the pad and leans forward. “Was this the uncle who hurt you?” her voice is soft and full of understanding.

  I nod my head, brushing the bastard tears away. “Yes, and he’s dead now.”

  “I see. How do you feel about that?”

  “I…” I pause, feeling a weight on my chest, “I feel like I’m somewhat responsible for his death.”

  Sandra writes something down on her notepad and then looks up at me, her face twisted with curiosity. “Why is that?”

  I shrug while shaking my head. Of course I can’t tell her everything, but I feel like admitting a partial truth will help me deal with my guilt. “I just do.”

  Sandra scribbles several lines and then focuses her kind eyes on me, compassion flashing in them. “You can’t blame yourself for your uncle’s death, Dahlia. It’s not healthy.”

  I shake my head. “Yes, I can. It’s because of me he’s dead.”

  Sandra frowns at the conviction in my voice. “Why do you say that?”

  “I don’t know, I just feel responsible for it in some way.” I choke on my words. “But I don’t feel bad about it,” I admit. “Except for the guilt I feel about not caring, I feel kind of relieved actually. Like, I’m totally happy he’s dead.” The silence that follows presses down upon me, and I cringe. I hate how that makes me sound, but I can’t help it. It’s the truth. I look over at Sandra and she’s watching me, sitting very still. I wonder what’s going on in her head. “Does that make me a bad person?”

  Sandra scribbles more notes down on her notepad before looking back up at me. “Considering what he did to you, no. Not at all.” She pauses as if thinking about how to formulate a question. “But now that he’s dead, do you think his death will help you?” She pauses again, but I know exactly what she means. “It’s important I document the impact that it has on you.”

  Hugging my knees to myself, I shake my head. “No. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think I finally was able to let that all go.” That same guilt comes back over me, but I push it away. I hate the fact that I’m happy about my uncle being dead, but I can’t help myself.

  “I see.”

  I cover my face with my hands as I lean forward crying. It’s because of Lucian. It’s all because of him.

  “Dahlia,” Sandra’s soft voice prods me as she rises from her seat, the sounds accompanying my sobs.

  He killed him for me. My heart clenches. I’m a horrible person for loving him for that. That’s truly what I feel. It’s so fucked up.

  Her small hands rub soothing circles on my back. “Have you been able to talk to your partner about this?” she asks me in a small voice. ”Lucian?”

  I nod my head, wiping under my eyes and reaching for the Kleenex in her hand.

  “Do you think you’ll be able to confide in him?” she asks. I don’t know. My heart squeezes with pain. This is so real. It’s so much to take in. I love him. I know I love him, and I can’t bear the thought of him leaving me. The contract is over, but I’m not signing another. I want him. I want a commitment. I need it. I need him.

  Chapter 29

  Lucian

  I gave her a chance to come back to me on her own, and she didn’t. I’m not going to wait. I refuse to.

  The thirty days are over, we have no contract. This is just me and her.

  I check my phone one last time before grabbing my keys and opening the door. I swing it open and my heart stops as I stare back at Dahlia. Her eyes are red-rimmed and her hair is a mess.

  She came back to me. I’m still in the doorway as she looks up at me with uncertainty. I can’t believe she’s here. My heart thuds in my chest as she brushes her hair behind her ears and parts her lips.

  “Lucian,” she says and her voice is soft.

  “You came back.”

  She visibly swallows and takes in a sharp breath. I open the door wider and step to the side. I still can’t believe she’s here. I thought I’d have to drag her back here. I’m hesitant to think anything positive though. She’s obviously not well. And we need to set ground rules. We need to make sure we’re on the same page.

  She walks in slowly, her hands gripping the strap of her purse. This is either going to go one of two ways. Either she’s here to end it, or she’s here to stay. And if she’s staying, I’m never letting her go.

  Her heels click, the sound reverberating off the walls of the foyer as I close the door.

  “I’m struggling, Lucian.” She turns to face me, still tightly gripping the strap.

  I know she is, but everything is going to be alright. “Talk to me, treasure; I want to help you.”

  She takes in a shaky breath, finally putting her purse down on the table and walking toward me. I open my arm
s and she walks into my embrace freely. I breathe easy, feeling her pressed against me. Knowing she wants to be held by me. I kiss her hair as she nuzzles her cheek against my chest.

  “I’m sorry I made you feel like you had to leave,” I apologize. “What I did was something that needed to be done. It wasn’t meant to hurt you or to make you afraid of me.”

  She nods her head in my chest, but she’s quiet. I just need her to open up. I need to know what she’s thinking.

  “I don’t want you to leave again. I need you to stay, treasure.”

  “I don’t want to leave, I want you,” she whispers into my chest.

  “Forgive me.” My voice is pained. If I had to do it all over again, I still would’ve killed him. I know I would have.

  “It’s not about forgiveness. I think… I love you, Lucian. And that scares the hell out of me.” Her confession breaks the wall of insecurity between us. I breathe easily, holding her closer to me and rewarding her honesty with a sweet kiss. My lips mold to hers and I pour my passion into the kiss, needing her to feel it. My hands travel along her body, wanting to claim every inch, but she pulls away slightly, breathing heavily with her eyes closed.

  I can feel a but coming. I blink the lust-filled haze away and wait for more. Just tell me what you need, treasure. I’ll give you anything.

  “I’m not okay right now, and all I want is you, but it’s not the same for you…”

  I pull away from her with my brows pinched. “What do you mean it’s not the same for me? You don’t think I want you? I’ve given you everything I can. I don’t want to lose you.”

  “It’s just. The contract-” The fucking contract. Just hearing her bring it up makes me snap. I don’t care about it. I don’t want anything in between us. My blood heats, and all I want to do is show her how much she means to me.

  “Fuck the contract! Just don’t leave me!” I stare deep into her eyes, feeling the emotions consuming me. I’m just as raw and vulnerable as she is. “I love you, Dahlia. I want you, and I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you.”

  She takes in a sharp breath, her eyes searching my face. They’re filled with hope and doubt.

  I need to erase that doubt. I can handle anything but that. I want her passion; I want her heart. I want her everything.

  “I love you and I can’t let you go,” I whisper as I pull her close to me, crushing her small body against mine and molding my lips to hers.

  She pulls away from me, and I don’t want to let her go. I don’t want to break the kiss and lose her.

  My eyes are closed as the warmth from our breath comes between our lips, but her body stays pressed against mine. My hands slip up the back of her shirt, feeling her soft skin against mine, keeping her close to me.

  “Let me love you forever,” I say softly. That’s all I want. It’s all I need. “Don’t leave me again.”

  “Never. I’ll never leave.” A weight lifts off my chest as I crash my lips against hers again, needing to feel her. Needing to show her what she means to me.

  “I love you, Lucian.” Her words make my eyes slowly open and I stare into those beautiful hazel eyes.

  “I love you, treasure.”

  Epilogue

  Lucian

  I love that collar around her neck. My collar. The gold and diamonds belong there, letting everyone know she’s a treasure. My treasure.

  What’s better is how much she loves wearing it. She loves being mine. That’s all she wants, and that’s something I can always give her. Every day that passes I want her more.

  “Are you ready for the show?” I ask my treasure as the waitress collects our empty dinner plates. We’ve been coming here more often. Club X. It’s definitely helping her to learn how Dominants and Submissives are equals in their partnership. The show tonight will really bring that to light.

  Her eyes still light up with awe at everything the club has to offer. She’s certainly not a voyeur, but when the lights dim and the curtains open, she always asks to climb in my lap. She knows my fingers will travel right where she needs them as we watch. My lips are at her neck. My dick is already hardening. Soon.

  Isaac invited us to see the show tonight.

  He’ll be on the stage tonight, but it’s not with his Submissive. He’s yet to collar her, or rather, she hasn’t been willing to let him collar her. It’s been nearly a month of them finding each other’s limits within the club’s boundaries. No Dom has gone near her since they’ve started their play. But there’s still no collar around her neck. She submits for the shows and in the playrooms. She lets him take her to the private rooms. But it ends once she leaves the club, and she’s yet to accept any commitment.

  I don’t understand the dynamic, but it’s not my place to question it.

  Dahlia breathes in deep, setting her spoon down on the dessert plate. “I’m really excited.” She’s hardly eaten. It must be her nerves.

  “Stop worrying.”

  She’s been letting the stress of going to my sister's party get to her. Christmas is only a week away and I know she’s anxious. They hit it off last week when we went to dinner. We even got Italian water ice afterward, despite the cold temps. Both of them got lemon, of course. My treasure has nothing to worry about. Anna loves her already, for showing me I can love again. I'll always have my sister, and now with treasure it feels more like a complete family. I'll never be able to let the rest of my family in, but I'm finally at peace with that.

  I take her small hand in mine and turn it over, kissing her wrist. I close my eyes and hum at her soft touch.

  “I love you, treasure,” I say and kiss her wrist again. It’s her left hand and I know I’m going to be putting my ring there soon. I want everyone to know she belongs to me.

  “I love you, too,” she says sweetly, leaning in and kissing me on the lips. I can feel the eyes of other couples on us.

  “Settle down, treasure,” I warn her, nipping her bottom lip. She smiles sweetly and obeys. She’s still the perfect Submissive. Even when she doesn’t think we’re playing. I’m still not sure she quite understands, but she trusts me and that’s what matters. The trust between us is the only thing that matters.

  Want more of Lucian and Dahlia? Although their standalone has come to an end, their happily ever after will be updated in background scenes of the next novels in the Highest Bidder series. The dark and sensual world of Club X will continue. Continue on for a sneak peek of Sold: Highest Bidder Book 2 & Owned: Highest Bidder Book 3!

  Isaac’s book, Sold, is NOW LIVE.

  Preview: Anaconda

  by Lauren Landish

  They say size doesn’t matter...

  Football star and internet sensation Gavin “Anaconda” Adams is the biggest celebrity our little town has ever seen.

  But I had no idea who he was when I accidentally walked in on him naked.

  I was shocked, seeing all of him, a cocky grin on his face. I didn’t know what to do.

  So I ran.

  Now I’m in a world of trouble. No matter what I do, I can’t get that image out of my head. His strong muscular thighs. His washboard abs. His big, throbbing, toe-curling… Jesus!

  To make matters worse, Gavin wants a date with me. He’s seen the lust in my eyes, and he’s not taking no for an answer. I should tell him to get lost. He’s nothing but trouble, and he’s only here for a week.

  But with one look, I go weak in the knees. And whenever I hear his deep, rich voice, I feel my defenses crumbling.

  It’s only one night. What could it hurt?

  Chapter 1

  Brianna

  “This is fucking disgusting,” I mutter with revulsion, looking around the hotel room and barely able to hold back the nausea twisting my stomach from the foul stench. I clamp a hand over my nose, trying not to breathe the acrid air in through my mouth and shaking my head at the horror before me.

  Actually, disgusting is an understatement. The room looks like a frat house after a night of binge drinking and wild orgies. There
are pizza boxes, crushed beer cans, and dark stains everywhere.

  Jesus Christ.

  No wonder the smell is so bad. These guys are pigs. My eyes continue to roam and I spot at least one smashed bottle of vodka before…

  “Oh, hell no!” I croak, almost dry heaving and turning away from the revolting sight of several used condoms. I can even see something white and sticky nearby. I grab the top of my uniform and pull it up over my nose, no longer able to bear the stench. “They don’t pay me enough for this shit!” Holding my breath, I beeline for the door. I gasp as I exit the room and enter the hallway, letting go of my shirt and sucking down a lungful of air. I normally can’t stand the air in the smoking section of the guest rooms, but right now, this air is sweeter than a double-fudge chocolate chip sundae.

  After a few grateful breaths, I pull out my walkie talkie from my side pocket and shake my head as I press the microphone button. “Maintenance, this is Housecleaning.”

  “Whatcha need, Bri?” asks a familiar scratchy voice, and I sigh, relaxing. It’s Jimmy, an older man who still wears corduroy and thinks he’s in the 70s. But besides his penchant for living in the past, he’s pretty cool and will empathize with my pain. This isn’t the first wrecked room that I’ve walked in on, and it certainly won’t be my last.

  “We have a problem,” I tell him, letting the direness I feel seep into my voice. “A big, big problem.”

  “Is it that bad?” Jimmy asks. There’s a slight note of hope in his voice. I know what he’s thinking. He’s hoping that maybe it’s nothing a little bleach and elbow grease won’t fix.