by A. E. Murphy
A year goes by, I’m officially twenty and Caleb has thrown me a party. I feel bad because he looks a bit peaky but insists he’s okay. He’s been suffering with migraines a lot recently but his mood seems to pick up when he’s ill, rather than get worse. Which is weird.
I’ve never known a person be so happy about being ill. Maybe it’s because of the way I slave over him.
“Over here!” Sasha screeches from the stage. We’ve hired out a bar for my birthday bash and I’m happy to see all of my friends have come. “You look absolutely gorgeous.”
I look down at my tight gold over the shoulder dress and nod my agreement, “I know right?”
“SHOTS!” I hear Tommy shout from somewhere near the bar.
I dance with my girl and wave at Caleb who is stood by Tommy. He winks at me, throws his head back and cringes as the fluid burns his throat. Tommy laughs and slaps him on the back, I can’t hear what they’re saying but I can see them talking about something that is probably a secret. Hm. What’s that all about?
“Oh my god, Stacey just fell on her face,” Sasha starts pointing and laughing along with the rest of our group. That’s kind of funny.
“You’re such a bitch,” Stacey jests and elbows Sasha in the ribs. “I’m getting another round.”
“Can you handle it?” I giggle, which earns me a glare from our friend.
We climb down from the stage and head to the bar, as soon as I make it to Caleb’s side, Caleb walks away and Tommy wraps his arm around my neck.
“What’s up with Caleb?” I ask, trying to crane my neck to see him but Tommy’s arm is too tight. “You can let go now.”
“Nope.” Tommy says and sways a little. Sigh.
Sasha hands me a pink cocktail, I sip it sparingly, not wanting to get too drunk. It’s my birthday, I want kinky birthday sex.
Where is Caleb?
“Okay, so… ha, I almost fell,” Oh god, what’s he doing on the stage? “So, well… It’s her birthday… Gwen’s I mean.” He scratches his head, Tommy actually releases me so I’m assuming I’m allowed to watch this. “And for her birthday I got her a gift.” He looks me straight in the eyes. “Come here Gwenny.”
I shake my head and take a step back. There’s no way in hell I’m going up there.
Seconds later Tommy has my arm and forces me towards the stage. Oh god.
My palms are sweating. What’s he doing? “Are you crazy?” I hiss as Caleb tugs me up to his side.
“For you,” he responds into the microphone and a collective ‘aww’ can be heard.
I’m in hell. “Stop it.”
“She hates being the centre of attention,” Caleb tells everyone like this trait is adorable. I’m mortified. “So I’ll do this as quickly as possible.”
“No sex on the stage,” Tommy shouts making everyone laugh and me blush further.
“Shut up,” Caleb responds and looks at me. He turns me to face him and grips my hands in his. “Marry me.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Sasha shrieks and my eyes go to her. “All of the planning, all of the preparation and that’s how you’re going to ask her? You’re hopeless.”
Ask me what?
Caleb’s eyes go wide and the room goes silent. Did I miss something?
“Fuck,” he says and takes a step back. “Seriously?”
I blink in astonishment, “What? Do I have something on my face?”
“I ask you to marry me and that’s all you have to say?”
Oh.
I mean, what? He wants me to marry him? “You want me to marry you?” I cry and take my own step back. “But…”
“You didn’t hear me? How could you not hear me? I was standing right here.”
“I was too busy thinking you wanted to have sex on the stage,” I mumble so only he hears me. He laughs and pulls me into his arms.
“So, will you?”
I chew on my lip and nod slightly, “Only if you let me off this stage.”
He smiles, it’s wide and brilliant and his eyes glitter with happiness. “She said yes.”
There’s a roar of sound as everyone screams together. Caleb lifts me and kisses me deeply. I return it before pushing him away, blood bubbling in my cheeks.
“Where’s the ring?” Tommy shouts.
“Fucking hell!” Caleb curses and sways a bit. “I have it, one second.” He pulls a small box from his pocket and falls to one knee before me. Oh dear god.
“Will you marry me?” He asks again. Why is he asking again?
“I’ve already said yes,” I laugh and watch as he places the ring on my slender finger. It’s beautiful, gold with a single diamond. We can’t afford much but if we were able to afford the most expensive of rings, they wouldn’t even rival the beauty of this one. “I love it.”
“And I love you.”
“Ugh, cliché, I hope you know you ruined this night for me,” Sasha pouts, slaps Caleb upside the head and stomps away leaving us laughing in each other’s arms.
“I did mess it up a bit,” Caleb admits, his body swaying again. “Dance with me precious.”
“Kay,” I agree. We don’t dance, however we do kiss… a lot.
I’m engaged.
Oh my god. I’m engaged!
I’m marrying the man of my dreams.
Three shots later I stand on a wobbly chair and announce this to the entire room.
Caleb gives me two more shots and an hour later I’m announcing it around his dick… in the privacy of our bedroom.
******
I pace back and forth, my teeth nibbling on my fingers. This isn’t happening. This can’t happen.
I’m scheduled, I’m on time and everything I own has a place. Caleb always says my body doesn’t know how to be late for anything. He’s not wrong.
“I’m back,” Caleb charges through the door, panting like a dog.
I don’t hesitate to snatch the plastic carrier bag from his hand and race him up the stairs, shedding the bag on the way and the box. When I make it to the toilet, all I hold is the stick.
“You’re seriously going to stand there and watch?” I quirk a brow at Caleb.
He closes the door and leans against it. “Yep. I’m not missing this. I should take pictures.”
“Why the hell would you want pictures?” I gape at him in disbelief.
“Because then we’ll be able to show our son or daughter the moment we found out about them.”
“Son or daughter?” I choke and sit on the toilet. Once that’s done I rest the stick on the side of the back and wash my hands. “What do you mean son or daughter?”
He shrugs, “Well, what else does a pregnancy lead to?”
My jaw hits the floor, “I don’t want it to lead to anything.”
He freezes, his eyes on the stick as the pee starts slowly moving across the white paper behind the little window. “You don’t want kids?”
“Not right now,” I cry and run my damp fingers through my hair. “It’s… we can’t afford a kid. We’re both in University. I don’t want to give up my education.” How did this even happen? “I haven’t missed a pill. Not one. I haven’t been sick, I haven’t had any kind of medication that can mess with it and I haven’t suddenly changed my eating habits. I don’t get it.”
“We’ll figure it out,” he looks way too happy about this. Way too happy. He picks up the stick after a few more moments and compares it to the back of the box that I dropped on my way in. His smile widens, “Positive.”
Sob.
His arms wrap around me, “It’ll be fine. We’ll figure it out, I promise. I love you so much Gwenny.”
This only makes me sob harder. I don’t want a baby right now. I want to finish school and get married and all of the other stuff that comes with growing up.
“We’re still kids,” I sniff and wipe my nose on a piece of tissue. “We need to deal with this, I can’t be more than a couple of weeks. I’ve only missed one period.”
His eyes darken to an intensity I
’ve never seen before, I wish I hadn’t blurted that so callously. “Deal with it? What do you mean deal with it?”
I tread cautiously, my words soft and hopefully convincing, “The doctor can have it solved in no time. It’s just a minor problem and then as soon as I finish University and we have our own house and jobs we can try again. Obviously we’ll be married then too.”
He stares at me, his mouth hanging open in shock.
I continue, “It’s what’s best, Caleb.”
Pain flits through his beautiful browns, his hands fist on the counter in front of him.
“It sucks, if it’s… look,” I sigh, hating that I’ve put this look on his face. “We’ll talk about it later. I have to get to class.”
I throw my bag over my shoulder and lean down to touch my lips to his unresponsive ones. He doesn’t look at me and of course this worries me, but I have a test in twenty minutes. I need to go.
On the way to class I meet up with my closest friend Sasha. I admire her hair choice of the day, it hangs in loose, blonde waves to her shoulders and a black clip holds her fringe out of her eyes. “Hey,” she grins and links her arm through mine. “How’s tricks?”
“Same old,” I lie but she doesn’t see through it. “I’m so not looking forward to this test. Have you got a placement sorted yet?”
“Me too and nope. We aren’t all as fortunate or as smart as you,” she jokes and elbows me in the ribs playfully. “How’s the husband?”
“He’s fine,” I lie again and again she doesn’t see through it. “He’s got a placement at Anderson’s firm. He’ll finish his remaining year there.”
She shakes her head, “I’m so jealous.”
“Of?”
“Your life, it’s so organised and you know what you’re doing. Not to mention the fact you have the best guy in the world and he worships you.”
HA! How wrong she is right now. Still I reassure her as a good friend does, “You’ll get sorted babe. You’ll see, it’ll all work out in the end.”
“Hey Tommy!” She calls to our classmate. He races over to us, breaks our link and shoves himself in the middle. His arms curl around our necks. “How are two of the most beautiful females on campus this morning?”
“Fabulous,” Sasha responds and smiles up at him. “Where’s your woman?” He met a very nice girl called Maci at my birthday party two months ago and they’ve been dating steadily ever since. I’m happy for him, they’re a good match.
“Over there,” he points to a group heading into the building. “Hey sexy!” His girlfriend rolls her eyes but I see her smile and know all is well. “Got to go if I want to get me a little somethin’, somethin’, before my next lecture.”
“Your next lecture is in three hours,” I laugh, knowing my friend’s schedules by heart. That’s just how organised I am.
“Exactly. It’s just not long enough,” he races away and waves over his shoulder.
“That lucky, lucky girl,” Sasha sighs wistfully and pushes her way past a group of people loitering by the door. “Come on, we’re nearly late.”
The test went well and even though my mind was on other things I have no doubts that I’ve passed. I’ve studied my arse off for this test. If I fail it’s not a huge deal but it counts towards a percentage of my overall grade that I’d like to keep.
My culinary course is going great, mostly because there are only twelve of us in the class. It’s my English Literacy class that has me constantly studying. I’m not sure why I took this as an extra, it seemed like a good idea at the time and I do love to write.
Now, to solve my current problem. I tell Sasha I’m going home for lunch when in reality I’m going to call my doctor to book an appointment and then I’m going home.
As expected Caleb is inside, he’s sat in the living room drinking tea and eating biscuits whilst thumbing through his phone.
“Hey,” I announce and his head tips back so he can see me.
“Hey,” he responds, his eyes dead and his easy smile non-existent. This makes my heart hurt.
“The test went well,” I sit on the arm of the chair and run my fingers through his hair.
He manages to smile but it’s too sad to be put in the happy smile category. “That’s great news babe. Proud of you.”
“I also booked an appointment at the doctor’s for tomorrow,” I say this cautiously, not wanting to sadden him further. He needs to see this from my point.
His eyes darken dangerously, I’ve never seen him look so… angry. “Just do what you have to do but don’t expect me there if you do it.”
What? “Are you serious?”
His eyes go back to his phone, “Yep.”
“I’m doing this alone?”
“Uh-huh,” he sips his drink, his face firm and unrelenting.
My heart breaks, “You’re not going to support me? Hold my hand?”
“No.”
“Well… okay then,” I struggle to say because I’m fighting back tears that seemed to be lodged in my throat. “I’m going upstairs.”
“Whatever,” he says. Seemingly unaffected by my obvious distress. He’s always supported me, always. With everything and he hates to see me cry. Whenever I cry he tells me it breaks his heart.
Once we argued so badly he ended up throwing a plate against the wall, it scared me. I thought he was leaving me. I cried. I remember how much pain I felt when he said he couldn’t deal with this anymore and threw his plate of food across the kitchen.
It wasn’t long after we got engaged that this happened. My mum isn’t being supportive in the slightest. She thinks I’m a young and naïve girl with her head in the clouds. She’ll see just how happy and stable we are when I finish university and get married and all is well.
He was pissed off because his parents refused to give him his trust fund even though he’s doing amazing in university. I told him it’d all be okay and he just looked at me and shouted, “You don’t get it, you’ll never get it.”
He was angry at them, not at me and it’s the first time he’s ever raised his voice so it scared the hell out of me. Angry Caleb is not a good Caleb.
I remember how much pain I felt when he said he couldn’t deal with this anymore and threw his plate of food across the kitchen. What couldn’t he deal with anymore? His parents? Me? Us? The house? The lack of money? He never did tell me, he just told me to drop it which was totally unlike him.
I started crying and instantly he sobered. He stopped being angry and just held me, begging me not to cry. Telling me it breaks his heart when I cry.
And now, he sees my anguish but does nothing. Screw him.
I stomp up the stairs, my eyes burning even though my tears are spilling over. I try not to think about it too much, he’ll forgive me I know he will. At least… I hope he will. Now is not the right time for a baby.
I’m shocked when I hear him follow me up the stairs, clearly he has something on his mind that wants out. Maybe we can resolve this.
I sit on the bed and wait for him to reach me. When he does he stands in the doorframe just staring at me, his eyes blank. I can’t read him at all.
“Why are you doing this?” He asks suddenly, his brows scrunching.
“Because it’s the wrong time. I’d like it if you came with me,” I say, my sorrow clear.
“No.” He bites out through clenched teeth. “I won’t.”
“Babe…”
“If you do this…” He stops speaking and straightens abruptly while his fingers run through his hair. He looks devastated. It hurts me deep. Too deep.
“Yes?” I prompt, not wanting him to finish his sentence but knowing he should.
“I’ll never forgive you,” my chest constricts at his words. “Never.”
“Caleb,” I gasp, my hand going to my chest, as if trying to shield it from his emotional blows. “You don’t mean that.”
“It’s ours,” he shouts. “It’s half mine. I should get to decide.”
“We’re not ready,”
I shout back. “I want to finish my education and buy a house first.”
“We’ll figure it out,” he says, his voice almost pleading. “Together we’ll figure it out. I’ll ask my parents to help with childcare.”
I laugh coldly, “You mean the parents that disowned you for staying with me? Why would they help?”
He winces, “They’ll help. I’ll just go into work for my dad.”
“The reason you left home in the first place was to avoid working with your dad, how is this a better option? You’ll end up resenting us,” I reach for him but he steps away. “We have a lot of student loans to pay off and the first year of work neither of us will be bringing in much money. They’re just placements. There’s no guarantee they’ll keep us and they definitely won’t keep me if I’m pregnant.”
“We’ll make it work. You’ll see. It’ll all be fine.”
“You’re living in a dream world. We have no money, no family. It’s just us.” I say this firmly.
“I’ll drop out, I’ll go back to University in a couple of years,” he grips my arms. “We’ll make it work.”
“It’ll be too hard.”
“I want this baby. I want a baby with you.”
I scoff. “You don’t think I want that? Of course I do. Just not now!”
“So you’ve made up your mind then?” He spits, his face a mask of anger and hurt. “Without even listening to what I want?”
“What about what I want? What I need?”
“Fine,” he snarls, I’ve never seen him so angry, he’s even angrier than the time he smashed the plate. He rages past me, his body tense and trembling. My heart stops when I see him packing his things into a large suitcase that he’s just pulled from under the bed.
“W…what are you doing Caleb?” My heavy heart stops entirely when he looks at me and replies, “I can’t stay here.”
“Why?” Panic at full throttle. I think I’m dying. My body hurts.
“I can’t watch you kill our baby.” That stings.
I blink in horror, “You’re leaving me?”