by EM Lynley
“Bobby.”
“Bobby,” Alex said and smiled.
“Sure thing.” Lacey scooped some icing from a bowl into a plastic bag and twisted the top before bringing it over to Alex.
“Can I try too?” Taylor asked.
“Sure.” Lacey made another icing bag and set up another table with cooled cookies.
Kevin stayed at his table, chopping away as he glanced up now and then as Alex demonstrated how to ice the cookies. “Squeeze with even pressure and keep the tip close enough to the cookie to be accurate, but not too close to smoosh the icing. About half an inch. Watch.”
“That looks easy enough,” Taylor said.
“Why don’t you guys practice on some wax paper first, then you can try a cookie,” Lacey said. She ripped two pieces of wax paper and set them down on the second table.
Perez and Taylor sat down and started piping.
“Oh, shit. I got a huge blob and then like nothing.”
“The line of icing keeps breaking.”
Lacey hovered over them, grinning as she watched them struggle. Kevin had seen his mom ice cakes for their birthdays, and he knew it wasn’t as easy as it looked.
“Okay, Perez, you’re holding it too high. That’s why it’s breaking. Taylor, ease off. If you squeeze too hard you get blobs.” She gave them a few more pointers and praised their apparent improvement. She brought the wax paper with their scribbles to Alex. “What do you think?”
“Not bad. I think you guys are ready for cookies.”
Perez and Taylor whooped. Captain Riggs chuckled and walked over to watch. From the look on his face, Kevin assumed they didn’t do so well on the actual cookies.
“This is a lot harder than it looks,” Perez said with obvious frustration. “You been doing this a long time, Alex?”
“Since I was about sixteen. Almost half my life, I guess.”
“You like it a lot?” Perez asked, glancing up at Alex between efforts on the cookie. “Cooking, I mean, not just the icing.” He laughed nervously.
“I love it.”
“Do you take classes to learn this stuff?” Taylor asked.
“Yeah. I went to a culinary school in New York, and did a special pastry course that adds another six months to the training. We learn the basic techniques and have to practice, just like you guys practice with the ladders and hoses. We’d stay in the kitchen all night mixing or whatever so we could be perfect for the instructor the next morning. Then on the job, you do the same thing a million times, till it’s second nature.”
“Sounds like how we learn.”
“Cooking isn’t anything like being a firefighter,” Alex said. “This is so… frivolous in comparison. No one needs cookies.”
Kevin looked up from chopping. He’d been thinking the same thing, but he’d been surprised Alex had said his own work was unnecessary. He had a stricken sort of look on his face, like he’d just discovered something he wished he hadn’t.
“Everyone needs cookies. It’s better than needing a rescue,” Riggs said.
“But you help a lot of people, too, Alex.” Lacey turned around and joined the discussion. “This morning we sold out of the cookies I brought to the shop in half an hour even though I limited it to two per person. People chipped in extra money for the kids, and a lot of them gave me money for a rebuilding fund.”
“Really?” Alex seemed surprised. “Well, just put that extra into our donation for Home Sweet Home. We’ll have the insurance money. We don’t need donations.”
“Okay.”
“Didn’t the Bancrofts run the bakery until about six or seven years ago? I don’t remember seeing you there,” Riggs asked.
“I worked at Sugarland and Splice. Then when my parents retired, I took the Buns over.” He chuckled.
“Splice? Too expensive for me,” Perez said.
“I took my wife there on our anniversary once,” Taylor said. “She’s always on a diet, and it’s the one night a year she actually eats.”
Everyone laughed. Mrs. Taylor’s diets were common knowledge at the station.
“It’s a nice place for special occasions,” Riggs added.
Kevin had never been there. Fancy fusion food wasn’t his thing. He’d gone to one of those places once and couldn’t even figure out how to eat half the things on the plate. But Splice was the most expensive restaurant in town. If Alex worked there, he must be really good at more than just baking cookies and cupcakes.
“Splice was fun at first. They wanted creativity, so I could do some really unique things. But after a while, I got tired of spending ages creating fancy desserts when people would eat them in two minutes while they’re arguing with the waiter about their bill. My parents had it right. Good, simple items that everyone likes and can afford to come back for more. Plus, I like talking to the customers. You don’t get to do that in a fancy restaurant.”
Perez got up and brought a cookie over to Alex. “What do you think? Any better?”
“Yeah, lots better, Bobby.”
“Really?” Perez’s dimples were coming out, and he shifted his weight. He was so obviously crushing on Alex.
Kevin just stared, wondering if any of the other guys would say anything.
“Want me to show you some simple decorations you can do? You’re trying for something too complicated. But if you do this—” Alex demonstrated a few quick movements. “—it looks pretty good.”
“Wow.”
“Sit here, Bobby, and I’ll help you.”
“Okay.” Perez jumped up and grabbed his icing bag and sat down with Alex.
They huddled together for a few minutes, and Kevin watched as the inexplicable ache in his gut deepened. He wasn’t sure whether he was worried about Perez outing himself, or wishing he were the one sitting there getting Alex’s attention. Would Alex bring Perez to the guest room tonight? He tried not to think about Alex with Perez’s cock in his mouth—or anywhere else.
“Oh, you’re just about done with that chopping.” Lacey hovered over Kevin and startled him.
“What’s next,” he asked, hoping it entailed him leaving the room so he wouldn’t have to watch Perez drool all over Alex.
“Can you help cut up some candy to make the shingles?” She dumped a pile of thin sour-candy ribbons in various colors onto the table. “Here’s the shape we need.” She gave him a template and showed him how to slice the strips into scallop-shaped sections. “Can you separate the colors out into different bowls?”
“Sure.”
She stood watching as he started slicing the first strip of candy ribbon. Apparently his work met with her approval, and she moved back to her own workspace at the counter and started sprinkling the crushed candies onto the cookie sheets. Kevin let his curiosity win out and went to see what she was doing.
She looked up. “Do you need something?”
“Just curious what the crushed candies are for,” Kevin said.
“I cut out the windows from the dough for the walls,” she said. “Then I sprinkle the candies in and bake until they melt… so it looks like glass windows.” She pointed to a set of gingerbread walls cooling on a rack. They had various-colored transparent windows from the melted candies that glittered like jewels in the dark gingerbread walls.
“Wow, that’s amazing.” Kevin couldn’t contain his fascination with the details of the process. He noticed Alex look up from the table and stare with obvious surprise. Kevin didn’t meet his gaze and went back to his own table.
He had sliced up three more ribbons when someone’s cell phone chirped.
Alex pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Alex Bancroft.”
He listened and nodded. His smile faded away and his skin took on a pallor. “Okay. Okay. Got it.”
He hung up. Perez stared at him, worry evident in his gaze.
“Lacey?” Alex’s voice wavered. Even Kevin was worried.
“Yeah, hon, what’s up?” She walked over and put a hand on his shoulder.
Alex put
his hand over hers. “I have to go talk to the arson investigator again. Can you drive me?”
“It’s Saturday. They don’t usually work Saturdays,” Taylor said.
“I asked them to expedite the report,” Riggs said.
“When?” Lacey asked.
“Now.”
The pit in Kevin’s gut widened, and he wished he hadn’t eaten two pieces of pizza.
THE mood was somber after Alex and Lacey left.
“Flint?” Captain Riggs sat down at Kevin’s table. “Last I heard they were waiting on simulations and some lab tests. Why are they calling him in for another interview?”
“Why are you asking me?” Before the words were out, Kevin knew it was the wrong answer. “Sir,” he added belatedly. That never hurt.
“Don’t fucking ‘sir’ me, Flint. What did you do?”
“My job, sir.”
“And what specifically did you say or do that got Arson curious?”
“The investigator asked me a few questions and I answered them.”
“What questions and what answers?” Riggs’s brows connected and Kevin wouldn’t have been surprised to see lightning shooting out of his eyes.
Kevin explained. Perez and Taylor stared the whole time.
“Do you honestly think he burned his place down?” Riggs asked.
“No.”
“Then why did you say anything?”
“Because I’m not the one who makes that call. I am supposed to relay information to the arson squad. Sir.”
Riggs let out a breath. “My office. Now.”
Kevin followed him downstairs and sat as Riggs shut the door with more force than Kevin liked.
“Flint, technically, I can’t fault you for this particular incident….”
The pause indicated there were others, but Kevin ignored the implication.
“But you don’t have to follow every single reg, in every single situation. You have to learn when to let the little things slide.”
“Are you saying they aren’t rules? Just guidelines?” He took a chance with the joke and knew he could get written up for insubordination. “Could you explain, sir?”
Riggs shook his head but a shadow of a smile crossed his face. “When it’s a matter of safety, the law, or life and death, then don’t bend the rules. Those things are vital. But little stuff you can cut someone some slack now and then. A guy doesn’t pay back a shift swap now and then, or A Shift drinks your banana smoothie. Let it go.”
“What happens if I let something go and another guy or an officer catches it?” Kevin wasn’t sure why he’d said that out loud to his CO. It was something he worried about all the time. It must be the exhaustion and schedule shifting and Alex Bancroft and….
“Ah. You think you need to live up to some standard of perfection because you’re a Flint?”
Kevin didn’t reply. He stared straight ahead and waited for the captain to continue.
“Look, Kevin. You’re a good firefighter. You know what to do and when to do it, and until the other day I never saw you slip up. But you don’t have to compensate for the occasional slip by being a bastard the rest of the time. You’ve got commendations and awards for service and bravery, but those don’t get you ahead in the department. Being a guy your crew likes and respects is key. Without respect from your peers, you will not make it to the next level. And that means more than respect for how you handle the hose or ladder. It means as a man. And not just a man they want to go into danger with. The guys think you’re being particularly rough on Alex Bancroft, and they don’t understand why. I hope it’s not for the obvious reason.”
That he fucked Alex while everyone else was out on a call? “No, sir.”
Riggs stared at him a moment longer. What did he suspect? That Kevin was homophobic or that he was gay? Which would be worse?
“And for the record, Flint, I won’t evaluate you against your family or some unattainable level of perfection. I will judge whether you are doing your absolute best in every capacity. Understand?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Any questions?”
“No, sir.”
“Now go back upstairs and chop shit up.” Riggs waved Kevin out of the office. He had no idea how much weight he had lifted off Kevin’s shoulders. It felt like spring after a cold, wet winter.
As Kevin made his way to the stairs, he heard the on-duty crew returning from a run. He went into the garage to ask how it had gone, then went into the kitchen to make coffee. Everyone appreciated hot coffee after they cleaned up from a call.
The crew had cleaned up and stopped by the kitchen for coffee and to demolish the last of the lunch pizzas before they were called out again. Fender bender at the mall. Merry Christmas.
Kevin had finished slicing candy shingles and moved on to cutting up pieces of chewing gum. He had no clue how Alex and Lacey would use these seemingly random pieces. Then he’d taken the cakes Lacey was baking out of the oven when she’d asked him to.
“What else is there to do?” he asked Taylor, Perez, and Gilbert, who had arrived while Kevin was getting reamed in Riggs’s office.
“You could go home,” Perez said.
Kevin stared at him, surprised by the enmity in Perez’s voice. “Hey, what did I do?” Kevin bit his lip, hoping he wouldn’t hear what he’d really done from anyone in the room.
“Nothing.” Perez spat out. “Nothing unless the CO told you something we don’t know about.”
Kevin breathed a silent sigh of relief.
Gilbert got up. “Taylor, want to go with me to do a grocery run for C Shift?”
“Yes.”
They practically ran out of the room, leaving Kevin and Perez alone.
“You’ve had a hard-on for the guy since the minute you met him,” Perez went on.
Kevin’s stomach flip-flopped before he remembered the phrase had two very opposite meanings. “To be fair, Perez, it’s a potential arson. I’m supposed to—”
“Just cut the guy a little slack. You have no idea what he’s been through, and he still keeps trying to help other people. All you do is moan about your family and your stupid car.”
“Whoa. Granted, I’ve never had my business burn down, but I’m not treating him any different than anyone else.”
“I’m not talking about the fire. What he went through before that.”
“Sorry, I don’t know what you’re even talking about.”
“You don’t get why he helps foster kids, do you? You didn’t even think he was legit.”
Kevin waited.
“He was a foster kid.”
“But he got adopted, right? He mentioned his parents, the Bancrofts. I assume that’s what happened.”
“Yeah, but he was twelve. You know what happened to him before that?” Perez stared at Kevin. “His birth mom hit him so much they took him away from her, but then the foster families hit him too. One guy used to hit him with the belt buckle, not the strap.”
“Okay, I get it.” Kevin didn’t want to hear more. He already felt like a six-foot-tall pile of dog shit.
“No, you don’t. I’ll bet your dad hit you. But I think they did… other worse things to him—and Lacey. He said they got taken out of a place, but he didn’t go into any details. I could tell from the way he talked about it… it was bad.”
“I didn’t have any idea.” But Kevin had seen the scars on Alex’s back, and now he understood where they’d come from. But the knife marks? They were in places cutters used. Things had to be unbearable for a kid to go that far to harm himself. Kevin’s stomach churned again. “You’re right. I should have been more understanding and not so suspicious. How’d you hear all that?”
“He saw me looking at the scars on his arm, and he told me some of it. I heard other stuff from speeches he gives kids groups.” Tears welled up in his eyes. “And then, you add being gay on top of all that other shit. It’s a miracle he made it to thirteen.”
Until this moment Kevin hadn’t realized how lucky
he’d been growing up in a close family. They were tough and in your business all the time, but they always looked out for you, no matter what. Even though his dad refused to acknowledge he was gay, Kevin knew he’d risk his life for him. Maybe that was just as important as getting hugs and support. It was certainly better than what Alex had gotten from anyone for the first half of his life.
“Someone tells you you’re nothing for long enough, you start to believe it. And finally getting placed with nice people like the Bancrofts doesn’t erase thirteen years of that. And that’s why he does so much for organizations like Home Sweet Home. It takes a really strong person to bounce back from all of that and….” Perez ran out of breath. He sat back down with a thud and stared straight ahead.
Kevin’s stomach twisted again, and he ran for the bathroom. The pizza and beer came up and his stomach heaved for another few minutes until he was exhausted and tears streamed down his cheeks.
He cleaned himself up and brushed his teeth. As he stood over the sink, he remembered being there with Alex the day before. He recalled Alex’s bright, sweet smile as he flirted and teased, and the way he’d looked up at Kevin in bed.
And he threw up again, but his stomach was empty and all he brought up was a load of self-loathing.
KEVIN needed fresh air and went outside to calm down before heading back upstairs into the kitchen. Gilbert and Taylor were back, and they sat watching Perez decorate more cookies. The captain was taking dishes out of the dishwasher, but he refused Kevin’s offer to help since he was almost finished.
Kevin set up some more coffee, and he had his back to the others as he wiped down the counters and fridges even though everything was already spotless.
“So, Bobby, you seem to be getting on really well with Alex,” Gilbert said.
“I guess.” Perez paused. “You think so?”
“Yeah,” Taylor added. “Definitely. You should ask him out.”
Kevin slammed his knuckles against the backboard, and they hurt like he’d punched a brick wall—which he practically had. He stifled a shout and listened. He wanted so badly to turn around. Was the Cap still there, listening to this?
“You think he’d say yes?”