by EM Lynley
“Yes,” three voices replied. The captain was definitely still there and weighing in on Perez’s dating?
Hell had surely frozen over.
“I don’t know.”
“Didn’t you see how he smiled at you?” Taylor asked.
Kevin felt like he was in junior high again. That was probably the last time he’d ever told anyone else who he was interested in. He felt an odd jealousy toward Perez that his co-workers cared this much about him. On top of what he felt about Alex, though Kevin hadn’t had time to sort that out just yet.
“Okay. I will. But maybe after all this stuff is cleared up. He’s got so much going on right now.”
Someone’s chair scraped the floor and footsteps echoed out of the kitchen. Kevin had wiped the same counter twelve times, and he turned around. Riggs, Gilbert, and Taylor stared at him.
“Perez is gay?” The question popped out of his mouth on its own.
Gilbert and Taylor looked at the captain.
“Yes, he is. And if you have something to say about it, I’ll put my fist through your head.” The captain spoke through tight lips. “Off the record…. No, that’s for the record.”
Kevin put his hands up. “I don’t have any problem with that at all. I’m totally cool with it.” Kevin could see no one believed him. He’d done a damn good job of hiding, but the reality was none of his crew trusted him—at least not away from the fireground.
He could fix that, now that one more weight crashed down off his shoulders. He would fix it.
And now it dawned on him he’d ruined his chance to get to know Alex Bancroft for no reason at all. On top of that, he’d been so cruel about the way he’d gone about it, Alex would probably never speak to him again.
WHEN Alex finished talking with the arson squad again, he was fuming. “Just following up on something not in the original report?” he shouted at Lacey as she pulled out of the parking lot at FD headquarters. “That had to be Kevin Flint. Who else was handling information on our fire?” He slammed his good hand on the dashboard, making Lacey flinch.
“I don’t know. You may be right, but how will getting angry at me help?”
“I’m sorry. I’m just venting, and you happen to be in my path of destruction. I just hate wasting another two or three hours when time’s so limited as it is.” He waved his bandaged hand in her direction. “And this is slowing me down. I’ll never be able to work with the cake while I’m wrapped up like a damned mummy!”
“How about we stop at the ER and see if they can take a look?”
“I don’t want to waste ER time on a Band-Aid.”
“Let’s see how busy it is.”
When they arrived, the waiting area was almost empty. “I guess people are too busy Christmas shopping to get hurt or shoot each other,” Lacey suggested as Alex told the triage nurse why he was there.
Shopping? That reminded him of another thing he’d lost. “I don’t have presents for anyone this year. They were in the fire,” he said as they sat down to wait.
“Don’t worry. No one who cares about you minds if you don’t get them a present. Besides, wasn’t the trip to Hawaii your gift to your parents?”
“Part of it. I still like getting them something. And you.”
“You have plenty of time to get something new for them. They know what you’re dealing with.” Lacey rubbed his shoulder. “I don’t want anything.”
“And your parents?”
“They don’t care if you give them anything. Just be there for Christmas dinner and eat your weight in roast beef and my mom will be thrilled. She bought a roast big enough to feed a pro football team.”
“I can do that.” He was looking forward to it. Lacey’s parents were almost as cool as his. They’d been so lucky after the Andersons. He needed to focus on the good things in his life.
“What you can’t seem to do is relax, Alex. You need to learn how to meditate or something.”
“I have less than forty-eight hours to get the house assembled. I hope the decorations are—”
“We. We have forty-eight hours to do it. And I’ll do some of the cookies. You can’t do everything.”
“But—”
“No buts. Accept help graciously when it’s offered. That’s another thing you need practice with.”
“Alexander Bancroft?” a nurse called from the desk.
“Yes?” Alex stood and followed the nurse. “Can my sister come along?”
“Sure.”
BACK at the station, piles of gingerbread cake and more cookies greeted them. The firefighters had mixed up more icing, and Bobby Perez and Taylor had a couple dozen passable fireman cookies iced. They could add these to the batches to sell in the shop. After the fire, customers might enjoy buying cookies the firemen had decorated, even if they weren’t perfect.
“Wow, thanks for the help. How did you know what we needed?” Alex asked.
“I called Lacey and asked,” Bobby said. He had two deep dimples that made him even cuter, Alex thought. His uniform fit nicely, and the short sleeves showed some biceps. Alex wouldn’t mind being in those arms.
Not all firefighters were like Kevin Flint. And he’d known Bobby for over a year as a regular customer. He was so shy, Alex hadn’t realized the reason he kept coming in for more cupcakes was probably to see him. It gave him a nice warm feeling in all the right places.
The door opened, and it felt like an Arctic chill as Kevin came into the kitchen.
“Hey, you got the bandages off. How’s it looking?” Kevin said. He reached out, and Alex pulled his hand away. “Sorry. I was there when it happened, so I wanted to see….” He stepped back and moved to the counter. He learned fast.
“We’re going to need a sturdy table big enough to put that board on,” Lacey said, pointing to the plywood they’d build the gingerbread house on.
Everyone rearranged the kitchen to make a good workspace where Alex had easy access to the pieces of cake and the frosting “mortar” he’d use to build the house. He collected the first batch of cake, and Lacey gave the others assignments.
“What can I do?” Kevin asked.
“There’s really nothing else to do. We’ve got the cake factory working with these guys, while I do cookies and Alex builds the house.”
“I can decorate. Or wash something up. Just let me know.”
Lacey glanced over to Alex. Kevin sounded sincere, and a little hurt he hadn’t been given a task, but Alex didn’t trust him, and nobody seemed to want him around any more than Alex did. “That’s it. Maybe tomorrow.”
“I’m on duty tomorrow. There have been so many calls I might not have time in between to help.”
“Thanks, you’ve been a really big help,” Alex said without smiling. Kevin got the message loud and clear and nodded, then walked out of the kitchen.
No one said anything or moved for a long moment; then as if on cue, they all went about their assigned tasks.
“I’m so proud of you,” Lacey said, hugging Alex. “I don’t know what that guy did, besides making us give another statement to the arson investigator, but I can see he was really rubbing you the wrong way.”
“Not exactly the wrong way, but wrong,” Alex said softly so only Lacey would hear.
She turned toward him. “What? Did I get your meaning on that? Did—” She glanced around and didn’t finish.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I do,” she said with a grin. When he shook his head, she stopped smiling. “Oh, that bad? If you want to talk, I’m always here. If I could do half as much as you’ve done for me….” She sniffled.
“I know.” He pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. “I know.”
KEVIN checked his watch. It was only six o’clock. He wasn’t due for his regular shift until eight the next morning. He could go home and sleep, battle the crowds for last-minute shopping, or go to a club on the other side of town and find someone to erase the memories of Alex.
The engines
came back while he contemplated another Saturday night alone. The crew looked exhausted. They’d been dousing burning trees and overheated lawn Santas, and mopping up after TCs. Surprisingly, not many injuries. There was so much holiday traffic that collision speeds were low. Slow-speed collisions damaged cars more than passengers.
“I’ll clean the engine,” Kevin said. “You guys try to grab a break.”
“Thanks, man,” the engineer, Tilly, said. “We need it.”
“No problem.” Kevin was glad for something to do. He had too much energy to go home and relax. He wasn’t in the mood to visit his parents. He could do the most good here supporting the C-shift crew. He checked the equipment and apparatus, filled the gas tanks of both vehicles, and took care of other high-priority tasks required between calls.
Captain Turner came out as he was backing the rescue truck in after refueling at their gas pump. “What’re you doing with the truck, Flint?”
“D Shift didn’t have any duties for me, and I thought I could help C Shift out.” D Shift was what they were all calling the cookie crew.
“Thanks,” he said with a grim smile. “These guys are wrecked, and anything you can do to help is greatly appreciated.”
When he finished, Kevin went back up to the kitchen. Everyone stared at him when he entered, like he had grown horns or threatened to cook children for dinner. Possibly both.
“Can I just watch for a while?”
“Okay,” Alex said and went back to work on the cake.
Kevin wandered around to the table where the finished gingerbread men sat until the icing dried. It was the first time he’d paid any attention, and he was amazed at Alex’s artistic talent. Though the cookie base was the same for all of them, he’d managed to create distinct personalities for each cookie with icing, bits of dried fruit or candy, and little colored balls. There was a set of super heroes and another batch cleverly depicting Star Wars characters. How did he manage to do that with just a few well-placed lines of sugar water?
Now Kevin understood why people waited in line to buy them for five bucks a pop. It was more than making a donation. The cookies were unique and fun, as well as delicious.
The fireman-shaped cookies were just as impressive. Alex had created cookies for each of the firefighters he’d met. The captain’s distinct eyebrows, Perez’s dimples, and even Gilbert’s crazy, untamable cowlick. They all had little red hearts in the middle of their chests. There was no Kevin cookie, and it was probably for the best. He didn’t want to see how Alex pictured him. Then he noticed a cookie with the ones Perez had done. It was skillfully decorated so it was clearly Alex’s work. The firefighter had horns coming out from under his helmet and a big sour frown. And there was no heart in the middle of his chest. No doubt who that cookie represented. Yeah, Kevin really hadn’t needed to see that. But he couldn’t deny that’s how he’d treated Alex.
To get the image of that cookie out of his brain, he glanced over to the table where the gingerbread house was slowly taking shape. He could tell from the broad outlines it would be impressive once it was finished.
The burning feeling in Kevin’s chest and stomach wouldn’t go away. It wasn’t anything he ate. There was something he needed to do, to try to fix, and he wouldn’t be okay until he had. He’d felt like this when he’d hit a baseball through Mr. Zwicky’s back window and blamed it on Tommy. The fire had burned inside until he told his mother and she marched him next door to admit what he’d done. Even the punishment he’d gotten hadn’t hurt as much as that ache. That was nothing compared to the mistakes he’d made with Alex.
When Alex pulled his gloves off and left the room, Kevin saw his opportunity. He waited a few minutes then left, heading toward the bathroom. Alex was coming out, and they came face to face in the empty corridor.
Alex tried to sidestep Kevin without looking at him, but Kevin put a hand on his arm. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”
“No.”
“Please.”
Alex finally looked at him, but the gaze was blank, bored. “What? I’m busy.”
“I’m sorry, Alex. I’m really sorry I—”
“Feel better now?” Alex broke out of Kevin’s grasp.
Kevin spun around and caught his elbow. “No. I don’t. I’m not finished. I mean, I want to say more to you.” He wasn’t handling this well. He hadn’t handled anything well when it came to Alex Bancroft, and it would take more than a simple apology to fix it. “Please.”
Alex turned toward Kevin. “Okay.” His mouth was a hard line, turned down at the corners.
“I’m sorry about how I treated you. I—” Kevin noticed Alex’s gaze wandering. This wasn’t about Kevin, this was about Alex. Idiot! “You didn’t deserve that at all. You deserve much better. You’re a really amazing person with good intentions for helping people and….” Kevin’s brain backfired and stopped dead. “Do you think you might forgive me and let’s start from scratch here?”
“Start from scratch?”
“Once I got to know you, I realized how big a mistake I made. There was something, wasn’t there? A spark? Maybe we—”
“Are you asking me to fuck again?”
“No. Maybe go someplace for coffee, a drink, and let me make up—”
“You’re asking me out? Like a date?” Sarcasm hung on every word.
Kevin’s gut twisted into a pretzel with extra knots. He didn’t trust his voice, so he just nodded.
“A date? You’re asking me on a date?” Alex’s voice rose and echoed down the hall. Kevin didn’t even care anymore whether anyone heard their conversation. “After you called me an idiot then told the arson squad I was acting suspiciously? I spent three hours down there today, while they grilled me like a pig on a spit. I could have spent that time much more productively here, baking my stupid cookies, as you put it. Those stupid cookies raise about $10,000 every Christmas. You know how many kids you can send to camp for that? How many books you can buy? Some kids just need shoes. You ever meet a kid who wants shoes for Christmas because his foster parents spent the money from the state on booze or lottery tickets or on their own kids?”
Kevin had no idea Alex’s cookies raised that kind of money. According to Perez, Alex did fundraisers all year long. He didn’t know how to respond.
“That’s tragic, it’s a fucking tragedy. And that’s not even taking into account the nightmare some kids endure.” Alex paused for a breath, chest practically heaving. “You’ve shown no respect for my situation, my feelings, my body, or my principles. So, no, Kevin Flint, I do not want to have coffee—or anything—with you. There is nothing about you that interests me. You’re just a self-centered, obdurate, insensitive prick.” He pushed past Kevin and headed back for the kitchen.
Kevin watched Alex walk away. That certainly could have gone better.
He’d have to show Alex he wasn’t all those things, though he wasn’t sure what “obdurate” meant. The problem was, Kevin agreed with Alex on pretty much everything else.
ALEX walked around the upper floor of the station for a few minutes to recover from the conversation with Kevin. He hadn’t expected an apology, but the date invitation really threw him. There was certainly nothing dull about Kevin Flint. Something blew up whenever he was around. That wasn’t the kind of man Alex wanted to spend much time around. When he calmed his mood and heart rate enough, he went back to the kitchen. Cake building required precision and concentration, and Kevin had gotten him too riled up for either. Now he was ready to concentrate on the cake while Lacey decorated more cookies. They needed plenty so they had some to give to the kids too. Bobby Perez came up to Alex.
“Can I watch you work for a while?”
“Sure. I might need a hand actually.”
“Yeah, whatever I can do.”
Alex nodded, enjoying Bobby’s kind—and sincere—offer.
Alex went to work layering the soft gingerbread cake into what would be the main body of the building. “Does that look even to you?” he asked
Bobby.
“Yeah.”
Alex reached for a large sheet of hard cookie to form the rear wall and attached it to the back of the block of cake. Then with Bobby’s assistance, he glued a side wall, carefully aligning it with the edge of the rear wall, and held the pieces together until the icing-mortar began to harden.
Then Alex let go and stepped back to check his progress. Within a few minutes the walls separated from the base and landed on the board where they broke into several pieces.
“Oh no!” Bobby rushed toward the wreck too late to salvage anything. “Did I do something wrong?”
Alex shook his head. “The icing isn’t strong enough.”
If it couldn’t even hold the walls together the towers and parapets would certainly crumble. “I’ll need to try a different formulation until we get it just right.”
“What about the walls?”
Alex bit his lower lip. “Hey, Lace, we’re going to need a bigger oven.”
She laughed. “Let me figure out a better icing recipe and try a few tests. Let’s reduce the butter.”
“Sounds like a place to start. Thanks. I’ll work on decorating more cookies in the meantime.”
“Good plan.” Lacey went into the fridge while Alex sat down with another batch of cooled cookies.
“Hey, Alex, I know that a lot of stuff’s going on now, with the fire and the holidays….” Bobby Perez nodded toward the pile of gingerbread. “And the auction stuff….” He paused and Alex looked up at him. “I was hoping maybe after you get back on your feet with the kitchen, maybe we could go out. Coffee or something or….” Bobby let the sentence fade away and looked away.
Alex glanced up at Bobby, wondering how he’d managed to get asked out twice in the space of ten minutes. Bobby Perez had to be on the opposite end of the spectrum from first-class asshole Kevin Flint.
“That would be really nice, Bobby,” Alex said. “I’d like that a lot.” Bobby’s shyness around Alex was endearing, at odds with how he comported himself the rest of the time.
“Maybe we could exchange numbers so when you go back to Lacey’s we could talk or something.”