Wolf-Way (Wolf of my Heart)

by Linda Palmer

  "As if. I'm going to be the mother of your children, Rhyan. I'm definitely not scared of you."

  He laughed softly, not exactly the panic I'd expected. "So you're seeing the future now?"

  "Not exactly. I...well...this is probably going to sound really farfetched."

  "I'm a wolf. I'm sure I can handle it."

  "I dreamed of us." I gave him the details.

  "So we're together as wolves?" For the first time, he sounded disconcerted.

  I wished I could see his expression in the dark and regretted my confession. No doubt he found the possibility of spending a lifetime with me and, by default, my family, rather daunting. Or maybe wolfiness weirded him out. After all, he couldn't wait to get rid of the "curse," as he called it, and here I sat, eager to be a wolf and still talking canis lupus possibilities.

  The flush of the toilet downstairs made me jump.

  "I love you, too." I lowered my head to give him a quick kiss, then rolled out of bed to stand at the door until I heard Chief's bed frame squeak. Thank goodness he hadn't looked in on me first. Without a goodbye, I slipped soundlessly downstairs and got back into my bed.

  Once there, I blocked my insecurities out of my head. Things always made more sense in daylight.

  There'd be plenty of time to work it all out tomorrow.

  Thursday morning after breakfast, Rhyan and I put on warm, comfortable clothes and headed straight for the jogging trail. Being used to physical activity of some kind every day, I'd really missed it. Today the clear mountain air felt nothing but good.

  We started in the res park, warming up with stretches, then setting off at a leisurely pace until our muscles warmed up. I deliberately took the path near the obstacle course, a permanent fixture at the west end of the park, a little ways away from the picnic tables, jungle gym, and swings.

  Rhyan stopped running to check everything out, carefully assessing the low crawl-under barrier, horizontal ladder, two-handed vault, tire footwork, vertical rope, balance beam, and ten-foot horizontal wall. The course ended with a sprint lane. Trying to see everything through his eyes, I imagined he perceived them as a challenge. I didn't blame him. A military obstacle course had provided inspiration when Chief planned the layout years ago. The course, designed to test agility, strength, technique, and cardiovascular ability, could definitely make or break hopeful wolves. It didn't help that someone timed the whole thing.

  Since my boyfriend appeared to be more out of breath than I'd have expected, his next words came as no surprise.

  "I'm going to need at least a week to get used to this mountain air."

  I nodded.

  "Will you be my motivational coach while I'm training?"

  "Of course," I said, smiling encouragement even though I wanted to die inside.

  Rhyan had never really answered my after-the-cure questions last night beyond sharing his immediate plans. Sure, he'd called my doubts about our future "crazy." But what did that really mean? Would one of the colleges in the area suit him? Or would he stay far away while he completed his education--a long four years that would inevitably change his outlook and maybe his goals?

  Once we started running again, we passed a coffee shop. I made Rhyan stop to rest, using the excuse that I needed to pee when I really worried about him. A week might not be long enough for his lungs to adjust, and he definitely needed to practice the obstacle course.

  I took my time on purpose, and when I finally headed for the door, I spotted Rhyan talking to an older man on the sidewalk. The conversation looked intense. Naturally curious, I hung back for a moment, then went outside and approached them. But before I got there, the stranger saw me and quickly walked away.

  I looked after him in surprise. "Who was that?"

  "Some old guy asking directions. I couldn't help him."

  I watched the man in question, now standing on the corner, waiting on the light to change. He glanced back at me, but only for a second. "I probably could've. Why didn't you tell him to wait?"

  "He seemed to be in a hurry."

  O-kay. Something didn't ring true, but I buried it. I had enough to think about already.

  "Do you mind if we make a couple of stops on the way home?"

  "Where?"

  "On Thursdays I check in with Ruby Talisman and Oscar Mayes. They're both frail, so I do whatever they need me to do to help out."

  "Okay. Sure."

  We stopped at Ruby's first. Rhyan wound up on her roof, adjusting her TV antenna, while I mopped her kitchen floor, dusted her living room, and cleaned her toilets.

  Our next stop, at Oscar's tiny one-room house, resulted in Rhyan's driving Oscar's ancient truck to the gas station for new wiper blades while I gave him a haircut and ironed his Sunday shirt. I also fixed him a sandwich for his lunch.

  Once we finally headed for home, Rhyan gave me the oddest look--one that seemed to match his funky mood since his talk with the mystery man outside the coffee shop.

  "What?" I asked.

  "Are you sure you hate the reservation? Because you fit in perfectly."

  "It's not that I hate it. I actually don't. Living here is like living in a small town where everyone knows everyone else. Of course, that can be good and bad."

  He still looked puzzled. "Yeah, but..."

  "What?" I asked again.

  "Have you thought about getting your physical therapy degree and then coming back here to live?"

  "Whether or not I could do that would depend on--" Just in time I stopped myself from saying you. At eighteen, I had no right to include myself in the future of a brilliant, in my opinion, almost-twenty-year-old with the world at his fingertips. Especially one who'd experienced such tragedy.

  "On...?"

  "Oh, um, job availability."

  "But you'd do it if there was work?"

  "Maybe."

  That seemed to satisfy Rhyan, though I still got a strange vibe from him that worried me.

  Bad dreams woke me again on Thursday night. Wondering if I had PTSD or something, I waited for my heart rate to slow and wished if I could share Rhyan's bed, even for five minutes. Any time spent with him calmed me, though admittedly his mood had remained a little weird through supper and afterwards.

  I suddenly wondered if he'd link again, something that would give me insight into his behavior. I told myself I just wanted to help him. In truth, I wanted to lay my own doubts about our future to rest.

  But Rhyan wasn't in his bed when I got up there. Instead, he stood at the window, looking out at the vehicles parked in the drive, his and Chief's, which had arrived at the house while we jogged that morning. I realized that it snowed outside.

  "Hey, you," I said, joining him. I gave him a hug from behind. He turned in my arms and kissed my forehead.

  "Hey."

  "Why are you awake?"

  "Why are you?"

  "I asked first."

  He chuckled. "Too much caffeine, I think. Should've passed on that last Coke. Your turn."

  "I want to link again."

  He tensed. "Why?"

  "Just do. Will you?"

  "No."

  That didn't surprise me. "Why not?" I tickled his tummy. He grabbed my hand to stop me. "Do you have secrets?"

  "There's just stuff I don't want you to see."

  "You and another girl?"

  "Yeah. That's it."

  He lied to me. I knew it as surely as I knew I loved him, and the knowledge left me cold. "Okay. No problem. Goodnight, Rhyan."

  I turned to go. He grabbed my arm. "Are you mad?"

  "Of course not."

  "You seem mad."

  "Well, I'm not." I tried to slip past him.

  He stopped me again. "Thanks for everything you've done for me, Tehya. You and Chief, well, you're both the best, and I'll be grateful forever."

  Since that almost sounded like a goodbye, I could barely nod. I let him kiss me, then broke away and lightly ran to the door and down the stairs. Just as I reached my room, I heard Chief's bed
creak. A second later, he stood in my open doorway.

  "Are you okay?"

  "I'm fine."

  "I thought I heard you rustling around. Still having bad dreams?"

  "Not tonight."

  Though I hoped that would satisfy him, it apparently didn't. He came to my bed and sat on it, near icy cold feet I hadn't had time to cover. I immediately stuck them under the blankets, which I pulled up to my neck.

  "I think you should press charges against Cam. Assault and attempted rape, for starters. It'll teach him a lesson."

  "It might send him to prison, too. Do you really want that?"

  "He's still a minor, so prison isn't going to happen. Besides, I have an in with the judge. As for what I want...nothing more than your safety and happiness. Having Rhyan around has opened my eyes to a lot of things. Seeing you as he does, I see a mature young woman with wide-open future lying ahead of her. So I apologize if I've ever made you feel trapped or less than the miracle you are."

  He patted my knee and stood. With a sob, I jumped out of bed and hugged him. "Thanks for that."

  "My pleasure and long overdue."

  Friday morning Rhyan and I ran again. I took a different route, one that led us through the woods. Rhyan did very well, or so I thought until he stopped, panting, in the deepest part, where tall trees hid the sky from view and resulted in patchy snow underfoot. Though I expected him to try to catch his breath, he sort of tackled me to the forest floor, twisting so that I landed on top of him in the icy moss.

  "I love you, Tehya."

  His words sounded a little desperate. "And I love you back."

  Rhyan began kissing me, each one more passionate than the one before it. I could barely breathe and in seconds panted as hard as he did. I wanted to toss off my clothes and love him right there in the snow. But when I tried to act on my impulse and unsnap his jacket, he pinned my hand in place.

  "So you're allowed to attack, but I'm not?"

  Rhyan lifted me off him and groaned. "That's not it. I'm just..." He covered his eyes. "Sometimes I feel like I'm going to explode, like a balloon blown up way too big. And if I do, I'll be in so many pieces I'll never pull myself together again."

  "Believe me, I understand."

  He lowered his hands and looked at me, suddenly very intense. "Do you?"

  "Rhyan, if anyone knows how trapped you feel, it's me. But it won't be long now. You'll be free."

  "And what about you? What do you get out of this?"

  My blood ran as cold as the snow, sifting through the branches. If he asked what I'd get, if he didn't already know, my hopes for the future lay in jeopardy. Because I wanted nothing more than Rhyan as my reward for setting him free.

  "I'll be okay."

  He frowned. "What kind of answer is that?"

  "The only one I have." I got up and dusted snow off my jacket and workout pants. "Get up, Rhyan. We still have another mile to go."

  And I don't want to talk about freedom anymore.

  Chapter Twelve

  As we had the day before, we stopped at a couple more houses on the way back to Chief's. At Rosita's, I balanced her checkbook and paid bills while Rhyan caulked the windows to keep out the cold. After that, we went to the home of Mike and Ayeshe Martin, where I helped Ayeshe wash her long gray hair. Mike, a spry eighty-year-old and tribe elder, stood on his porch and watched while Rhyan shoveled snow from their drive. When we finished, we ate lunch with them.

  The clock said noon by the time we got out of there. Because of our full stomachs, we didn't resume our jog, but walked back to Chief's at a leisurely pace.

  "Ayeshe and Mike adore you."

  I just smiled, knowing Rhyan spoke the truth.

  "This reservation is filled with senior citizens, isn't it?"

  "They're definitely in the majority."

  "Because the younger generation is leaving instead of sticking around?"

  "Right in one."

  "You should really think about coming back after you get your degree."

  "So you said, but I'm not sure I want to."

  Rhyan stopped walking. I turned to see why. "There's not that much out there, Tehya."

  I knew he referred to the real world. "You'll be out there."

  "I don't want to be the reason you leave."

  That hurt a little.

  "So what if I come here, instead?"

  Though my heart swelled at the idea, I knew I had to discourage it. "And why would you do that, Rhyan? There's not any more here for you than there is for me. Our high school is tiny. We don't even have a football team."

  "I know, but I want us to mate...like in your dream."

  Ew. "No offense--I mean, you're a very hot wolf and all--but I'd really rather we did it as humans." That made Rhyan laugh. I couldn't help but join in, so felt better by the time we got home.

  The minute we stepped into the kitchen, I sensed a change in the atmosphere of the house. A nanosecond later, I heard why. Levi. Talking with Chief in the living room. With a squeal of joy, I charged in there. My beloved half-brother met me halfway, lifting me right off my feet and into a rib-challenging hug. I hadn't realized how very much I'd missed him until then. I could barely keep from crying.

  A little late, I glanced back at Rhyan, who lingered in the doorway, the oddest look on his face. I belatedly realized what that expression meant.

  Jealousy. I guessed why. He saw me hugging a tall, good looking guy with messy blonde hair and sky blue eyes. For sure, Levi collected girlfriends the way some guys collected baseball cards. I tried not to show how much I liked Rhyan's reaction as I motioned for him to join us. He did with obvious reluctance.

  "Rhyan, this is my brother, Levi. Levi, Rhyan Knox."

  "Oh!" Rhyan came to life, shaking hands with Levi, who grinned at him.

  "Not here to steal your girl, man."

  Rhyan gave him a sheepish grin.

  "How long can you stay?" I asked, as we all found a seat near the fireplace.

  "'Til Sunday."

  Two whole nights! That made me so happy I volunteered to cook his favorite dinner: pork chops with macaroni and cheese.

  I really hated to leave the guys long enough to feed the horses, but I finally had to around three that afternoon. Half expecting Rhyan to come along, I felt a little disappointed when he didn't. Clearly, he and Levi had hit it off already. Even Chief seemed in a better mood than usual, so I didn't pout as I headed to the barn and doled out the usual equine rations.

  I noted that our boarders seemed a little skittish. That gave me the creeps, and more than once I looked over my shoulder in response to the feeling of being watched. At that moment, I'd have given anything to have wolf senses so I could sniff out the problem. As it was, I hurried to the house when I finished, for once glad to be out of there.

  Levi complimented me several times on the dinner I cooked. He claimed he never got food that good anywhere in Washington DC.

  "I thought you worked with some rich lawyer," I said, pleased by the compliment, but not believing it for a second. I passed him more mac and cheese.

  "Lucas Norris is rich all right." Levi scooped a generous portion onto his plate. "But that doesn't mean his lowly workhorses are."

  Rhyan leaned forward. "Did you say Lucas Norris?"

  I looked at him in surprise. "You know him?"

  "I know of him. His daughter is the girlfriend of a guy I used to, um, hang with." He gave me a telling look.

  One of the gang wolves? I naturally wondered. How coincidental was that? Way too, if the sudden tension in the room meant anything.

  Apparently oblivious to it, Chief got up and took his plate to the sink. "Dinner was great, Tehya. Thanks." He scooped up the mail sitting on the counter, and headed to the living room for his usual routine of six o'clock news, Vanna White, and Friday night television. We never waited on each other to finish eating before getting up from the table at the Rainbolt house.

  "So you know Cassidy?" asked Levi, still shoveling food into h
is mouth.

  "Actually, I don't. Brody just said something about her the last time we talked. I think he's living in Norris's guest house."

  Levi glanced toward the living room. "I'm going to make a Coors run when I'm done here. Why don't the two of you come along?"

  Since I'd never been invited before, the gesture surprised me. It must've shown on my face.

  "We need to talk," said my half-brother, his voice very low.

  Rhyan and I exchanged a glance. Rhyan nodded to Levi.

  A half hour later, we loaded into Levi's Mustang. I sat in the back seat so the guys could talk. Though I expected Levi to make a right turn when he reached the highway, he went left, instead. He drove about five miles, stopping at a grocery store, where he parked in the darkest corner of the lot.

  "What's up?" I asked, unable to stand the suspense any longer. At this point, anything out of the norm put my stomach in knots.

  "A lot," said Levi. "I'm really here on official business that I don't want to share with Chief yet."