Evanescent

by Carlyle Labuschagne

  Pressing my body back into the seat on board the craft, which almost hugged me perfectly, I wished I could feel the fabric on my skin. I stared at Troy, fiddling with scanners and whatnot. Sitting next to Troy was the only place I would ever want to be – if forever allowed it. I drew in a deep breath, trying to slow the pace of my heartbeat. Within my body, I felt flushed and cold at the same time, hoping it was the excitement of finally having Maya safe. Still, I didn’t forget how different my body was now. I stared back at Maya lying motionless in the cargo area tucked in beneath a thin, gray sheet. Troy had found her unconscious, he said, and where he had found her, there appeared to have been a huge struggle. But Arriana’s body was missing. And before Maya had slipped into her silent stupor, she muttered to him that she had lost Arriana, that she had sacrificed herself for Maya’s life. Troy had carried her all the way out of the fortress, up two huge dunes without being seen, and had brought her back to the shielded craft where she would be safe. She had been breathing, and that was all that had mattered to him. When he pulled her eyelids back, the traces of a potent spell had colored her irises yellow. For hours he’d sat in the ship, waiting for a sign of my awakening. My breath, as it drew in and released its tight pull in my chest, was loud and steady, filling in the silence. Rubbing my wrists, I pondered the fact that my body was able to heal itself so quickly, just like the night I had been possessed. Yet somehow, it was different. I felt different. I remembered Arriana telling me that my instinct would never heal my body because of my mental state, because I believed I didn’t deserve to heal; I was a killer. So, what was going on? Had I somehow gotten over the fact I had the potential to be a monster? Kronan had tried to nail it into my head that I would not be able to heal, as long as I harbored so much regret. Scars were my way of dealing, pain was my cross to bear. But not now, I guess being safe, having my sister back, and being with Troy was all that mattered. I was finally healing. I kept circling my wrists with my fingers, trying to rub at the memories, trying to conjure up the missing gaps. Like, how had I gotten into Enoch’s clutches? In the ugly, ragged, white dress? How had I lost Troy in the first place? I tried to think back to any other memory. How I knew him, any memories of my sister, when had I met Arriana – but the only memory I held that felt truly to be my own, was waking to Enoch moments ago, the fight, his words, my escape and that Arriana was dead, but still, I could not place her face. I shook my head in my hands. I felt panic stretch its way through my chest.

  “What’s taking so long?” I frowned, shutting out my thoughts.

  Troy didn’t answer. He knew I was irritated and snapping because I was scared. I was terrified, I felt broken. I kept my eyes on his hard scowl. He, too, seemed impatient with the situation. The soft, blue glow of the cabin lights flared to a radiant purple as it all began to sink in, like rocks to my stomach, a heavy pain settling back in my chest. I couldn’t get control of my feelings. I wanted to scream. Arriana was dead; my sister was catatonic with devastation, the outcome of the spell not yet known. Troy was injured and although he was good at hiding the pain, for him to be limping told me it was a serious injury. He was not healing, but I was? Something was really wrong with that, things were missing from my mind and other things, things I should not know, things that should not belong, glared back at me from dark crevices in my mind. I stared at the crusted blood on his pants leg. I snorted. I was grateful for my heightened senses, but didn’t want to be grateful to those who’d had a hand in creating me. I glanced back quickly, studied Maya’s face and something stirred within me, the pins and needles sizzling beneath my skin were trying to tell me something and it had to do with Maya, with me, with those things in the tubes. Somehow, Enoch had bound us all to him; how and why? I leaned back, trying to distract myself from the awful ugliness inside. Swallowing against the discomfort, I tried to forget the thing called ‘emotions’, it drags me down. If I had no feeling toward anything, things would have been so much easier. Biting down on the anger that seemed to build with every passing moment, I forced down the sensation that something awful was unfolding. It was a part of my instinct coming through – warning me. Like when a gemstone had taken on a glow in the Minoan village – it was a warning, a sign of things I needed to mentally consider.

  “Troy, please, I need to get away from here,” I pleaded again, as things inside me seemed to shift and twist unstably.

  “I know,” he said, studying the control panels.

  I stretched out my legs, my arms, my spine, trying to ignore the strange tingling erupting throughout my entire body. Leaning forward again, I rubbed my legs, wondering if being chained to a wall had affected my circulation somehow. I was fidgeting, uncomfortable in my own skin even. Taking one wrist in my hand, I stared at the absence of any physical sign that I had been captured. I tried to recall something, something Enoch said, and it wasn’t the first time he had said it either. “We are the same now.”

  Troy glanced over and I met his gaze, his hazel eyes held the same confusion as when we had kissed, and I wondered what I could have possibly done to cause him to react this way? I held my tongue. I knew what he wanted to say, to ask, but wouldn’t. What had Enoch done to me?

  I flinched when Troy swore, attempting to readjust some mechanism.

  “Something’s wrong!”

  “It took you that long to figure out?” I snapped.

  His brows furrowed, and his face darkened with anger as he repeatedly stroked a particular place on the glossy surface.

  I sat up, fear shooting through my core. “What’s wrong?” My stomach twisted in horror. We needed to get away. I started to panic. Enoch would have, without a doubt, woken up by then. And, it was like the thought of him brought it on. Suddenly, there were invisible chains around my wrists, weighing me to the floor. I drew in short, sharp breaths, felt the burn in my gut. Damn, I should have seen it coming.

  Troy shook his head. “Don’t know, she won’t take off, like some kind of… magic?”

  I wiped my hands over my filthy, white, cotton dress; it was more out of habit than trying to wipe sweat from my palms. I couldn’t feel the dampness, or pain on my skin. The craft shook violently as Troy increased the acceleration for take-off, but it would not budge. Abruptly, my body became heavier – I should have known, I was going down.

  Alarm flashed across his face. “You… you’re doing this.” He turned to me.

  “I…, I.” Looking down, I closed my eyes and kept the panic at bay. Was it really me holding the craft to the surface? Why? What had Enoch said earlier, we were connected?

  “Ava!” Troy called.

  Opening my eyes, I frowned, disgusted that I was to blame. “What do you mean?” I snapped.

  “He’s found us, because of you.” His eyes, gloomy with anger, grew darker as his frustration bred. I didn’t understand it then and felt highly offended, even.

  “Don’t be ridiculous!” I tried to deny it.

  Troy didn’t say anything; he kept his exacerbated dark eyes on me. The craft drained of all power, and the sky lit up like a thousand flaring suns. I rose from my seat, dragging my hand to cover my eyes from the blinding light coming from outside, but the invisible chains grew more burdensome. Was it all in my mind? Think, think, think! I pushed myself, but it was too late. Peering out of the windscreen and lugging against my unseen chains, I lay my forehead against my raised arm, pushing my upper body against the glass and tried to feel Enoch, tried to sense what he was doing. If he could feel me, I should be able to do the same. My mind slipped before I could find anything, fear took over in shivers. Hundreds of animated soldiers lined up in the desert-like surroundings, and struck the sky with golden, armored bodies. My eyes landed on Enoch’s glacier-piercing stare. He was smiling, he’d felt me searching for him. My stomach knotted. I shouldn’t be feeling this! His spear rested in his human arm, the blue and purple Minoan feathers twirling in the subtle breeze.

  “You didn’t think it would be that easy, did you?” His voice was in my head.<
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  The craft shut down completely. I jerked at the sudden bang as Troy kicked the instrument panel.

  “Happy now?” he snapped.

  I looked at him with a pouty mouth and big, sad eyes. “You can hear him, too?”

  “No.” He pursed his lips. “But I can read your expression very well.”

  Narrowing my eyes on his, I asked, “Why is that, Troy?”

  He looked away. He, too, was hiding something from me.

  “You make it so easy for me,” Enoch announced, he was inside my head again, like he was answering for the both of them.

  I caught Troy’s eyes again, his glare hard on mine and then he flashed a mocking smile, as if he knew Enoch was speaking to me. Or, was he speaking to us both now – that would have been so like him!

  “I don’t understand,” I said softly, looking down at the undetectable chains that anchored me to the ground, pulling the craft with it. And in a way it was true, I didn’t want understand any of it.

  “Sure you do,” is all Troy said with an all-knowing grin spreading over his gorgeous face.

  I felt the need to grab Troy’s hand out of desperation, feeling like he was already slipping away from me. I had blocked Enoch from my mind before, what had changed? Was it because I was searching for him and didn’t notice I might have opened myself up too much? I pulled my hands through my matted hair and kept my gaze on Troy with pleading eyes. Help me!

  His face softened. “Think about it Ava,” he said as he came to stand before me.

  From the tight set in his jaw, I could see he was forcing himself to understand my situation.

  Troy came closer, his touch enfolding over my shaky hands.

  “All you need to do is choose. Your energy draws him near, and as long as you are open to him, he will find you – find us.”

  I looked back to Maya, her eyes now open, staring straight ahead. Something was wrong. I had to get her away, before we never got to leave. I swallowed, closing my eyes, pushing Enoch away from me. There were things I would never understand, and I had to let that go. I had to get a hold of the force, tear it from my mind. I looked to Troy, his fingers pushed into the back of my arms, like he was willing me. He nodded, and I smiled dryly. Troy is all I could ever need. That admission lifted Enoch from my mind, from my leaded body holding us to the ground. What I didn’t understand, was what had happened between Enoch and I, why he had done the things he did, and how he could have even done them at all. I had to accept that they were no longer my concerns. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. To let go of pain. For a long time, it was all I could master, it was my brand. But the moment I released whatever was holding me back, I knew it was never mine to hold on to in the first place. All of a sudden, I felt the weight drop from all around me, and from within me. I had a moment of clarity as Troy’s hands trailed up my inner arm. I felt it, the warmth radiating like an inferno into my skin. He brought me to life. This was my future, and I could never look back. With a flash and a jolt, I felt the craft start to hover.

  “Well done, baby,” he said in a sing-song voice, which carried over the buzz as the craft sprang to life. But his words held a hollow truth – I was not the one he loved. Troy glanced at me for a second. I looked down, ashamed to show him what was floating inside my mind. Glancing at Maya, it was time to grieve the loss of a mother to us all. Maya’s head hung toward her lap, dark, chocolate hair falling past her face, covering her expression. My sorrow turned to anger. I wanted to go to her, but not yet. What did you say to someone who had just lost a loved one? A mother. I had not earned the right to empathize with such loss. I did not have the words, nor the true emotions, as I had never had such a thing as a mother. I had never experienced anything the way she had. It was clear to me what I was in that moment – a product of the Council. I let the agony of that moment well up inside of me, so I could know how not to let it beat me up anymore. I would fight back. From outside, I could hear Enoch’s desperate cries as we hurled into the atmosphere, the light of a dozen animated soldiers disappearing behind us like a dying star. For the first time, I felt nothing as I felt the claws of his mind disengage from mine. I was no longer doubting myself. I kept my gaze on Maya, her eyes like a black hole as she looked up. I locked the thought in my mind. Revenge. I sat back, heaved a big sigh; the lust for revenge was misplaced.

  We shot out of the atmosphere smoothly, where stars burned brighter, the sky a beautiful dark that brought forth clarity in my purpose. Get back to Poseidon. Stay at Troy’s side – always. He is what is real; everything else will slowly start to make sense. Memories will come back. My former self will present itself soon. In this life, all is Evanescent. Live for the now. The craft came to a slow halt in mid-space. Staring out at the scene before me, I allowed myself to enjoy the moment as we floated through the iridescent dust cloud. It was as if we were absorbing the soft peaches and russet hues right into our very skin. I was experiencing outer space with true appreciation for the first time. The inside of the craft drowned in their soft colors. I stared at Troy, my eyes gliding over his luscious lips. Then, I smelled it again – his blood. I undid my seat straps in a hurry.

  “You’re hurt,” I said, leaning forward to touch his leg.

  He winced and pulled away.

  “Let me try to heal it.”

  “Can you?” he queried, narrowing his eyes, knowing something was different about me.

  “Yes,” I admitted.

  “No, but thanks,” he shot back.

  “You’re mad at me?”

  “Just a little, but I’ll get over it.” His eyes never met mine.

  “Why?” I was surprised.

  “You really don’t know? Or are you just pretending?”

  I had to think about it.

  “Whatever,” he whispered under his breath.

  I couldn’t bear the tension any longer. I walked over to Maya; still a bit strange to be walking on a solid surface suspended in space. I took her hair in my hands, and wiped her cheek with the back of my hand.

  “Troy, what’s wrong with…”

  Her screams filled the air, a loud disgusting sound, her eyes filled with horror, but there were no tears. I shook her so hard her teeth clattered together, but her screams would not stop. My panic was back.

  “Troy!”

  He was beside me, with a needle-looking thing in his hand. I stared at the glinting sharp tip. Two memories hit me at once, one of them was not my own. I’m in a white tunnel, lined up with others like me, women are walking down the aisle, one is holding a silver tray, the others a huge needle with a thick, silver base to hide the liquid. “Good hormone supplements,” she said. I believed her at the time, because no one else seemed afraid, or thought it to be a lie. A red-haired girl smiled back at me – Sam. Another memory enfolded within that one. A needle right at my face, there was someone talking to me, a husky male voice… the presence was threatening, dominating, dark, and then it went away and I wasn’t sure which one was real.

  “No!” I shouted, and knocked the needle from Troy’s hand.

  We both watched it fall to the ground.

  “Just calm down. It’s for the shock, it’s all I can do right now.”

  Maya’s screams lit a terrible fire inside me. I remember those screams from somewhere before. I covered my ears with my hands, watched Troy scatter to retrieve the needle.

  “Hurry up! I can’t take it!”

  He just flared his nostrils at me. He pulled a small brown bottle from his bag, one that looked more Minoan. I had seen Minoan things before, but where I couldn’t recall.

  “Eteocretan,” I said out loud.

  “What?” he asked as he stuck the needle in her arm, pulled it out and rubbed the liquid in, her cries turned to sobs, her sobs muffled and she fell back onto the bed.

  “The language on the bottle,” I confirmed mechanically. “I can read it.”

  He released a breath, his eyes not meeting mine. Probably confused at why the language on the bottle b
othered me more than that of the condition my sister was in. “No one can read it beside the Pures, and those who have been taught.” His lips pulled tight. “I didn’t realize Father had you on advanced lessons so soon.”

  He closed his bag, and my eyes lingered on his gentle fingers as they buttoned up the brown pockets.

  “No, he didn’t,” I replied. I had no recollection of a memory associated to how I knew, or what Kronan looked like. I just knew I knew him, and that the knowledge had always been there. Troy looked up, his hand touching my face, and all I felt were pins and needles before life flickered back under his touch. He released me, kissed me on my forehead and went over to a line of crates stacked against the dark metal wall.

  “We will figure it out,” he said.

  I sat on the bed beside Maya, my feet dangling beneath me, not quite touching the ground. I realized I was short, like it was a new understanding to me.

  “What does it do?”

  “What does what do?” he asked, sliding the lid closed on the crate.

  “The injection.”

  “I thought you could read ancient Minoan.”

  “Well, I can, but all it said was peace.”

  “Yup.” He turned to me. “It brings on a feeling of peace.”

  He wiped a sharp-scented cloth over her arm, and then pulled down her shirt.

  “You are good at that.” I forced a smile, biting back something gripping my chest as he pulled a sheet over my sister’s body, stroking her hair with his hand. He was touching her. Was he doing this to get back at me?

  He returned the smile. “I’ve had to do this many times before.”

  “Should I even ask?” I shot back.

  He raised an eyebrow. “Never took you for the jealous type,” he said on a grin, the beauty spot on his cheek deepening into a dimple.

  I stared at him blankly, but didn’t deny I was feeling something like… jealousy. I watched his back as he walked away, the way it curved in where his belt tied around his waist. I stared at the way his shoulders cut into his triceps, his blue veins snaking down the soft skin of his inner forearm right into his wrist. My eyes lingered on his fingers. I wanted to kiss them.