Ultimate Mid-life Crisis

by Adam Graham

  Justice Woman retrieved from her utility belt a welding mask and a welding torch. Hopefully, she remembered enough from watching her dad and brother not to blow them up.

  She began to weld a hole through the safe, being careful to avoid the wired part of the wall.

  Sheriff Plato scrunched together his eyebrows. He held his hands apart about the length of the blow torch, and glanced down at Naomi’s two-inch square pouch.

  “It’s a trade secret, like your power belt.” Sheesh. The public was almost as annoying as a toddler. She carved a hole out of the wall. “Okay, we should be able to exit but be careful.”

  Justice Woman climbed out and ran out through the back entrance.

  Machine gun fire hailed at her.

  She dived behind some garbage cans. The Sheriff of Atlantis ripped the restaurant’s metal door off its hinges and used it to shield himself and Justice Woman. He let the lower edge of the door rest on the ground.

  Dr. Stero stood in the middle of the street. “You thought I’d be foolish enough to set a death trap, then drive miles away? I was only a block away. I exaggerated the power of the explosives. I remember last time, Justice Woman, and you won’t get near me again.”

  A ray of light from the sky slammed into Justice Woman. Warmth spread through her body. She smiled. Why am I so happy all of the sudden?

  “Not so fast, Stero. You’re going down,” a man said as he emerged from another end of the street on a segway, wearing a bicycle helmet with a skull on it. He fired a red beam of light directly at Stero.

  Stero fell to his knees, bawling. “I’m evil, wicked, and plain awful!”

  “Have you called your mother?” Guilt Trip Jerk asked from his segway.

  “Mommy!” Stero screamed like an hysterical toddler. “I’d kill her, if the job paid well enough! That’s how terrible I am! I’m so horrible, I’m not worthy of anyone caring about me. I’m a lousy boyfriend, and no one likes me.” He bawled even more.

  Good grief, she almost liked him better before. Naomi looked up at the sky. A newspaper helicopter was zoomed in on the weeping supervillain.

  She giggled. Seattle was not a good town for Dr. Stero’s publicity.

  Plato asked, “Can I come out and arrest you?”

  “I deserve it. Execute me. Nobody likes me. I’m too weird.”

  Plato put cuffs on Stero’s wrists. “It sounds like you’re feeling guilty.”

  “I don’t ever feel guilty! That’s why I’m such a horrible person.”

  Plato patted him on the back. “They’ll get you into some clean clothes, you can have a good cry, and I’ll bring some vittles later.”

  “That’s more than I deserve.”

  The stranger was gone. Thank God. Naomi frowned. “That abusive creep showed up, saved us, and ran off without identifying himself. We don’t even know how he inflicted such a severe psychological injury on Stero.”

  Plato shrugged. “I reckon some folks are quieter than other folks. So you want to continue with me on patrol after I take him to the jailhouse?”

  “You’re a nice guy but no.” Justice Woman smiled. She no longer needed to prove anything.

  “I was thinkin’ we could go help those folks who have lived in the store to not be in such an economy destroyin’ situation.”

  “Let me handle that.”

  The Pharaoh sneered at Varlock from across his desk.

  Varlock fumed. “It’s like one of those beasts from your ancient literature. Before, we had one do-gooder going around Seattle doing all that disgusting stuff. Now the city has two strong superheroes and hundreds of weaker ones.”

  Mitch snorted. “Your calling in Dr. Stero didn’t work out too well.”

  “I know exactly what to do.” Varlock laughed. “Give them a challenge they cannot possibly defeat and wipe every hero in Seattle and Seattle itself off the face of the Earth.”

  “Drop an atom bomb?” Farrow slammed his fist on his desk. “You’ll kill millions. I forbid it. ”

  Varlock sneered. “Nothing that primitive. Though, this will be more primeval. I shall bring upon this dimension such a terror, this world will gladly and quickly embrace King Bel.”

  Mitch’s stomach turned. The casualties would be too high. “You can’t wipe out Seattle.”

  “Can’t I? Consider how much pointless death we’ll be preventing. And then there’s your precious daughter, whose life matters more than any other.”

  “Not more than my principles!” What was left of them. Farrow slammed his fist again. “I’m not approving the destruction of a major American city.”

  “Then I shall appeal to King Bel. The loss of Seattle will be a small price to pay for ending all of your planet’s petty wars and disease. Earth will gladly welcome King Bel’s offer to stop the monster we’ll unleash. Now, I’ve got to go and prepare the script for the destruction of Seattle.” Varlock swaggered out of the room.

  No. King Bel wouldn’t approve destroying the whole city.

  Would he?

  Naomi strolled down the halls of the hospital. She scanned the corridors. Flying across the ocean on her magic minivan hadn’t been on the agenda. However, with Stero captured and the Powerhouse Squad and Plato keeping the citizens in line, it’d seemed okay to go and see her friend.

  Her friend Rachel Farrow leaned back in a chair, eating a sandwich.

  Naomi dashed over to her. “Hello, Rachel.”

  Rachel gasped, cried, and hugged Naomi. “Good heavens, dearie. How did you get here?”

  “Working for Powerhouse gives me some connections. So how are you?”

  “I’m tired but thankful. They’re just finishing up with Rosie. They said, if all is well, they’ll clear her to go home.”

  Naomi gasped. “That’s great news. I thought she wasn’t doing well.”

  “Oh she wasn’t, but she’s had a miraculous recovery.” Rachel beamed through her tears. “She’ll tell you about it, she’s so excited. Didn’t you see my Facebook updates?”

  “Sorry, I’ve been kind of busy and hadn’t had time to get online.”

  A door opened. Rosie ran out and hugged her mom. “Mummy, I can go home!” She glanced up and said, “Ms. Naomi, did Powerhouse bring you?”

  Naomi frowned. “Powerhouse is still missing, unfortunately, but there’s a new superhero in town. Justice Woman was willing to give me a lift.”

  Rosie gave Naomi big hug. “Did Mummy tell you about the angel? I was supposed to be asleep, but I woke up and saw an angel. He looked different than I thought he would, no feathers, and he was rainbow-colored. But he was so kind. He touched me and I fell asleep for real. This morning, I felt so much better. I wanted to go outside and play. Will you take us back to Seattle?”

  Giving a little shake of her head, Rachel said, “Honey, the doctor’s think we should stay close in case something happens.”

  Rosie frowned. “I don’t want to stay in stupid old Amsterdam! I want to go home and see my friends.”

  “Know the feeling, baby girl.” Rachel smiled at Naomi. “I have missed you terribly. It’s so hard with everyone far away. I need to talk to people, not just on Facebook and not in Dutch.”

  Rosie tugged on Rachel’s arm. “Does that mean we can go home?”

  Rachel hugged her child. “Dearie, let me pray about it. We have to get tickets, but we thankfully have the money. In the meantime, I’ll take you to the hotel to rest, then let I’ll take Ms. Naomi to the locals’ wonderful hamburger place.” Rachel grinned wide. “McDonalds.”

  Naomi laughed. She hadn’t flown clear across an ocean to eat at a Dutch McDonalds, but so long as she got to see Rosie out of the hospital and healed.

  Naomi tapped her cheek. Hmm, perhaps she should scrutinize the gifts of rainbow angels.

  Powerhouse frowned as he and Shorty trudged back to camp. The one tradition Perdition shared with Earth was sugary foods when watching movies. Despite the lack of anything tasty the rest of the time? There had to be a catch.

  Short
y squealed as he jumped up and down. “So what did you think of your first cinema? Great, huh?”

  Maybe that was enough of a catch.

  Powerhouse grunted. “Compared to my people’s cinemas, the writing was awful, the action was ludicrous, and the characters were all unlikable.”

  “How so? The hero managed to achieve evolutionary superiority.”

  “Yeah, by stabbing everyone he knew in the back.”

  Overseer marched up from behind Powerhouse. “Would you have rather worked an extra shift?”

  Powerhouse narrowed his eyes. “I thought you said I couldn’t work at all. And, yeah, I’d rather have stayed here and stared up at the ceiling.”

  Overseer put his hands on his hips. “I suppose you could tell us a better story, then?”

  “A thousand times better.”

  “Gather around, team. This earthman thinks he can tell us a better story than the cinemas.”

  The eight aliens gathered round.

  Overseer folded his arms. “Go ahead. Tell us one of your stories.”

  Powerhouse tapped his chin. “Well, once upon a time there was a planet in the deep part of space. It exploded.”

  Overseer snorted. “That was a short story.”

  Powerhouse frowned. “Right before it exploded, a scientist put his son in a rocket ship.”

  “Why didn’t he put himself in the rocket ship?”

  “The ship couldn’t fit him. He built it for his wife, but she opted to save the baby.”

  Overseer stared. “What’s a wife?”

  Remember, Johnson, he only looks like an adult. He’s an overgrown kindergartner that’s had information shoved in his head. “On my planet, there are men and there are women. When a man and a woman fall in love, they get married, and that’s where children come from.”

  “What are children?”

  Oh boy. “You must only meet people who are already grown ups. On my planet, we have something called a childhood, and we start out as a tiny baby.”

  Overseer pointed at Shorty. “As tiny as him?”

  “Much tinier.” Powerhouse closed his hands to about twenty inches. “I was only this tall when I was born. Anyway, the rocket ship in the story landed on my planet, Earth, and a couple in Kansas found the baby.”

  Another alien man-boy shot his hand in the air. “And they ate it!”

  Powerhouse scowled. “No! Now let me tell the story. They helped him as he grew up to be the mightiest man on the planet.”

  Overseer grinned. “And he went forth to conquer it.”

  “No, he fought for justice, defending the weak and the oppressed.”

  Overseer sneered. “You think that’s a better story than the cinema? Ha, it’s fantastic. I don’t want to hear anymore.”

  Of course, they wouldn’t get superheroes here. Oh well, he’d tried.

  Shorty elbowed him. “Tell me your fantastic earth stories later.”

  “Oh no, you don’t.” Overseer pointed at Shorty. “You’ve been inspired by the cinema. You believe in the midst of this drivel about Powerhouse and his home planet is something that you can use for an evolutionary advantage. I won’t have it. Powerhouse, you’re not allowed to do any work in the mines or to receive the electric shock for the next three days, due to your collapse, but I will compel you to tell all of us your stories, so this reprehensible specimen does not gain an evolutionary advantage.”

  Thank you, Lord. Powerhouse smiled. “If that’s what you command, I’ll do it, but I’ll need some extra water.”

  Shorty stared, his eyes wide. “Do you really have enough stories for three whole days?”

  Powerhouse snickered. “I know enough stories for three years.”

  Mitch Farrow settled at his desk in his plush upstairs office. King Bel’s cherubic face appeared on his computer screen. Farrow got down and knelt on the floor. “My lord, have you considered my response to Varlock’s plan?”

  King Bel said, “Yes, and it’s clear Varlock didn’t outline his plan to you well. Seattle will be wiped off the face of the Earth, but it will not be exposed to the destruction wrought by your humans’ barbaric nuclear weapons. Since you care for your people, you were of course concerned about a mass genocide wiping out the entire population.”

  “But you said the city will be destroyed.”

  “A giant monster will wreak havoc. The Powerhouse Squad shall be no match for it. Commands for evacuation will reach the greater part of Seattle’s residents in time to prevent the loss of life you fear. Fewer people will die than the number who perish of hunger and famine every day on your Earth.”

  Farrow frowned. He still didn’t like it. “How soon after this event can you annex Earth into your empire?”

  “Once the monster levels Seattle, I’ll examine our options. The monster may need to go to Portland before your people are willing to cooperate to get me to eliminate it. Within months, I’ll have the allegiance of all Earth, and I’ll be their savior, and the mythical saviors will be forgotten as we begin Earth’s new golden age. In the meanwhile, depart from the city. There is far more to Dorado Industries than Seattle, and I will not risk any damage to you.”

  Farrow bit his lip. “How about Amsterdam?”

  “We have plenty of operations there, and it is a great city that will have a great role in the new order. Go and make the arrangements.”

  “When should I go?”

  “You should be out of the city within a week.”

  “It’ll be done.”

  “Farewell, my vassal.”

  Farrow lifted himself up. He could see Rosie. It’d been years since he could bear to see her long. Years since the guilt wasn’t too overwhelming. It was all his fault that she was so sick. At least if she was better, he’d know all this was worth it, including taking a father away from his two sons.

  He stared down over the city. By this time next week, Seattle’s skyline wouldn’t look so good.

  Chapter 24

  Justice Woman and the Monster

  Naomi lay in bed. It was all her fault. She’d lost Dave. It was all like her dad said. “God, I know I don’t deserve it, but please help me. Please help me stop being so horrible and awful. I’m sorry. Please bring Dave back to me.”

  The doorbell rang.

  A wave of sadness washed over her. Whoever it was would go away just like Dave and the boys did.

  The door opened.

  Naomi jumped up, grabbed her gun from the nightstand, and crept to the living room. She jumped forward, gun pointing at the intruder. “Stop, or I’ll blow you away, dirt bag!”

  “Dirty Harriet, it’s me!” Carmella emerged into the living room.

  Naomi put the gun on the end table. “You scared me half to death.”

  Carmella glanced at Naomi’s gun. “It’s infectious.”

  “How did you get in? The door’s locked.”

  “Some street skills don’t go away.” She held up a twisted bobby pin.

  “You picked my lock!”

  “Would you prefer Randy’s method? He’d have kicked it in. You haven’t been answering your phone and you haven’t been online, but your car is here. Something’s up, and if anything had happened to you—”

  “I’m fine!”

  “Really?” Carmella snorted. “It’s four-thirty in the afternoon, and you’re not dressed, you’re not wearing any makeup, and you haven’t left the house. Something is not okay, girl.”

  “It’s stupid. I’m a Christian, I shouldn’t feel this way.”

  Carmella put her hand on Naomi’s shoulder. “We all have times where we’re down. Your husband’s missing and is God knows where.”

  Naomi shook her head. “I didn’t feel like this a couple days ago.”

  “Can we sit down?”

  Naomi nodded, and Carmella settled next to her on the couch. Naomi tucked her hair behind her ears. “Right after Dr. Stero got caught, I felt such wonderful warmth. I wasn’t afraid or insecure about anything. I felt so great, I went to see Rac
hel. The next day, I had a good visit with the boys. I prayed and didn’t feel intimidated. I thought God might have listened. Only the good feeling has disappeared.” Naomi wept. “I’m back to feeling everything I felt before the fight.”

  Carmella held her hand. “It’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not. I got a taste of real peace. Now what I thought was normal is miserable, and I have to live the rest of my life like this.” Naomi wailed.

  Carmella hugged her. “Were you hit with a ray right before Dr. Stero had his breakdown?”

  Naomi nodded. “How could that have anything to do with it?”

  “I don’t know, but it appears it extracted all of your fear, insecurity, and guilt, and shot most of it at Dr. Stero. I doubt he could have handled it all.”

  Naomi bit her lip. Perhaps that made sense in a world where aliens gave out magic arm cuffs that allowed her to talk to pets. “Why isn’t it working?”

  “Something like that couldn’t be permanent. Our emotions are part of us. No simple ray gun is going to fix us.”

  “So I’m stuck like this.” Naomi thrust her hand. “Don’t say it. I’ve read the Bible, and it just tells me that I’m screwing up.”

  “Honey, we have to push through some things. You won’t overcome anything by denying the problem exists and pretending you don’t hurt. You have to work this out. Maybe it’s time you confronted your parents.”

  “Have you forgotten my parents are dead?” Then again, maybe now it’d finally be safe to confront them.

  Powerhouse was on his feet as he stood in the cave with his teammates listening to him. “And so both Superman and Doomsday met their deaths.”

  “Enough!” Overseer got in Powerhouse’s face. “I’ve listened to your adventures and to the stories of your world’s highest evolved heroes, involving radioactive spiders or a man with metal arms, and a creature that travels the universe on a strange board. I’ve been willing to believe it all, but not this. You say that the most powerful being on your planet died to save your planet, that he surrendered his existence to save less evolved beings.”