Ultimate Mid-life Crisis

by Adam Graham

  Shorty trembled. “No, we can’t do this. It’s the law.”

  Overseer’s voice came over a public address system. “I invoke Rule 4. If one of you does not die in the next two minutes, you both will die.”

  “You heard him. Let’s finish this.”

  “No, I don’t roll that way.” Powerhouse knelt on the ground. “You can kill me, but I’m not doing this. I love you, Shorty, and this is sick. It’s wrong.”

  Shorty pulled the knife from his belt and moved in.

  “Good luck on getting that name from the king you’ve chosen to serve, Tim.” Powerhouse closed his eyes. Never imagined it’d end like this. Maybe a giant dinosaur or an alien invasion, but stabbed by a five-foot-tall guy in an alien arena?

  Shorty shouted.

  Powerhouse glanced up as his friend tripped and fell over the edge of the platform. “No!” Powerhouse jumped to the ground, landing but a second after Shorty hit. His head was smashed and his body was broken and bleeding.

  Shorty’s knife stuck out through his heart.

  Powerhouse cried out. “Tim!”

  Shorty looked up at him. “You tell the truth. You serve the Lord. You are most fit to live.”

  “Every life is precious.” Powerhouse held the little guy’s hand.

  “Overthrow Bel.” The light went out of Shorty’s eyes.

  His only friend on this miserable rock was dead. Tears streamed down Powerhouse’s cheeks.

  Laughter broke out from the audience.

  Powerhouse snarled, picked up a quarter ton boulder at the edge of the cage and ripped it in two. “You think that was funny?”

  The crowd fell silent.

  “Tim was a good man. That was no accident. He fell because he didn’t want to kill me.”

  The tongue-walker laughed. “That’s absurd.”

  “I’ll show you something else absurd.” Time to bury Shorty before they disintegrated him. Powerhouse ripped the bars at superspeed, scooped up his friend’s body, and sped away the arena.

  Powerhouse ran across the vast ranges for about thirty seconds before he stopped. He dug a six-foot hole with his hands and gently lowered Shorty into the grave. “Goodbye, Tim.”

  Weeping, Powerhouse covered the body, ran across yet another canyon at top speed and flopped on the ground.

  Maybe now they’d let his friend rest in piece.

  The caves seemed to go on for miles. He could evade the law for hours, but he couldn’t pass over the barrier, or the members of his team would die.

  Powerhouse whispered, “I’m scared, God. I have no way to get myself out of here without killing seven other people. Even then, I can’t find my way home. There’s no super teammates I can call on to help. I don’t know what to do. Please take care of Naomi and the kids. And please show me what the right thing is to do.”

  Beside another team’s overseer hopped a band of tongue-walkers armed with sticks that emitted a blue light.

  The tongue-walkers surrounded him and raised their sticks at him.

  Powerhouse swallowed and raised his hands. “I surrender.”

  The unfamiliar overseer sneered. “You have little choice.”

  Blue light surged out of the sticks.

  Electricity coursed through Powerhouse’s body.

  Powerhouse’s Overseer knelt in the Imperial box before King Bel. “Your majesty.”

  King Bel frowned. “You fool! You’ve made a fiasco of this whole affair. I gave you a simple task, to care for an idiot and guide his evolution. And what has happened? He’s not only failed to evolve properly, you have allowed him to spread pernicious stories and lies.”

  “My Lord, it was an attempt to evolve and to grow in understanding by learning from others like in that cinema.”

  Bel raised his fist. “His kind have nothing to teach. He serves an enemy of Perdition. His words are nonsensical prattle that you should punish him for. Somehow, he has also spread a rumor that I’m not a benevolent master.”

  “Evolution forbid, my lord, that he would speak such treachery.”

  “You should have forbid it. I assigned him especially to you, and you even let him take the body of an evolutionary inferior and escape.”

  “He moved too fast and was out of range too quickly.”

  “Indeed, slow-witted one. I could condemn you as evolutionarily unfit and banish you to oblivion.” Bel leaned back. “I’m willing to give you a chance to prove yourself. You’ve been seeking an overseer bout. I shall arrange it.”

  “Thank you, My Lord.”

  “You shall fight in four days, and face Overseer number 104357.”

  Powerhouse’s Overseer gasped. “My Lord, he is the strongest overseer there is. He is only two wins away from winning immortal glory.”

  “Would you rather die now?”

  “No, my Lord. Thank you. What of the metal one?”

  “Hopefully, we can persuade him to publicly renounce his lies against me. Either way, in two days, he shall be made an example of, and you have the privilege of executing him.”

  “Yes, my lord.” Pain filled the stomach of Powerhouse’s Overseer. What was this? Powerhouse had earned his execution. He had opposed King Bel and had to die. So what was this strange feeling of dread?

  Naomi awoke, breathing heavily. “Dave.” She picked up the phone and dialed Carmella’s home number.

  It rang six times and went to answering. Naomi dialed again.

  Carmella’s voice came groggily over the other end of the line on the second ring. “It’s two thirty-two in the morning.”

  “It is?” Naomi glanced at the clock by the bed. “Sorry, it is, but this is important.”

  “Just a sec, hon. Let me get my robe on and go out to the living room.”

  Naomi tapped her fingers on the nightstand.

  Carmella said, “I’m here. What is it?”

  “It’s Dave, he’s in trouble.”

  Carmella said, “Worse than simply being missing?”

  “I have the same feeling I had years back when Dave was a janitor and I got the feeling he was in danger. The security guards found him trapped under some crates. I’d called the security guard, and he’d thought I was nuts and only went to check it out to get me to stop calling.”

  “I remember. This time, all we can do is call on God.”

  Chapter 26

  The 300 Foot Monster That Attacked Seattle

  Powerhouse slouched on the floor of his prison cell. His head ached, and his body throbbed.

  Groaning he tugged against his chain and bowed his head. “God, thank you for helping me to not give in. Thank you for not letting them get me out of my armor. That at least limits their options for how they can hurt me.”

  The door slammed open.

  They were back again. Powerhouse grimaced. “God, give me strength.”

  Three members of his team stormed in.

  Powerhouse gasped. “What are you doing here?”

  One with a splotched complexion said, “We’re here to rescue you.”

  A six-fingered one nodded. “You have to get home and resume your heroic deeds.”

  Powerhouse asked, “What happened to the guards?”

  Six-Fingered laughed. “They are taking a nap. Now hurry.”

  Powerhouse smiled. These guys liked his stories so much, they’d risked their lives for him? “I’m touched, but I don’t know how to get back home.”

  Splotchy said, “You said your planet has a surface. Is there one here?”

  Leaving the cave might blow up his rescuers. “I can’t go there.”

  “But you have to. You’re our hero!”

  Aw. These poor guys were just little boys at heart. Powerhouse smiled sadly. “Sometimes heroes die.”

  Their overseer stormed through the door. “What’s the meaning of this?”

  What would protect them? “They came in after I knocked out the guards and broke the doors.”

  Overseer snorted. “And then you chained yourself back to the wall.”


  The three convulsed with pain.

  Overseer said, “Get back to our quarters. Be thankful I need no more trouble with the Command, or you would be joining the prisoner in his fate.”

  The three overgrown boys ran out.

  Overseer glowered at Powerhouse. “You are slated to die in a few hours for you’ve caused great trouble and have upset our whole society.”

  “Glad to do it.” A bolt of electricity shot through Powerhouse. He grunted. “That’s just annoying now.”

  “I’ve been given a chance for my first overseer battle. I don’t need you.”

  “Are you facing a tough overseer?”

  “Yes, the top ranked one, but I shall beat him.”

  “No, you won’t. Bel’s not rewarding you. He’s sending to your death.”

  “If he wanted to kill me, he would have me in here with you.”

  Powerhouse leaned forward slowly, lest he go too far and jerk his chains out of the wall. “Bel’s evil. He wants you to struggle, to give everything you have to win the battle. Even if you win, you get nothing that really matters.”

  “I will have won a name and a place in the gene pool.”

  “On my planet, everyone gets a name simply for being born, and access to the gene pool is free unless you’re infertile. Only Bel has set up this world so these are special achievements that you kill, cheat, and lie for. You’ve all been set up.” Powerhouse received another electric shock. “That’s weak. You know what I’m saying is true.”

  “It’s not true!” Overseer stared at Powerhouse. “Are those chains really holding you?”

  “Nope, but why upset the guards?”

  “Why don’t you escape? Most of the men on my team will die in combat. What does it matter whether they explode now or die in the arena?”

  “They won’t die because of me.”

  The overseer smirked. “This is why our planet is superior to yours. We live by the only law of the universe that really matters. You and all you stand for will die because it is weak.”

  Powerhouse said, “Who are you trying to convince? Me or you?”

  A stronger bolt of electricity surged through his body. It screamed with pain as intense as a million shocks of static electricity. No carpet anywhere could bring this much agony.

  Lunch time. Naomi finished folding the socks and piled them all in her mesh clothes hamper. Her cell phone buzzed. It was Carmella.

  Naomi turned picked up. “Hey you.”

  Carmella said, “Have you seen the news?”

  “I decided to not depress myself.”

  “You need to go into action. Plato’s in the hospital and the Powerhouse Squad can’t do diddly against the monster.”

  “What monster?”

  “I got to get back to my desk, but you better check the news.”

  “Will do.” Naomi hung up and turned on the TV.

  A female anchor in a blue blazer said, “We are in the ninth hour of the monster’s rampage. It came ashore at three o’clock in the morning, pacific daylight time. It is estimated to be three hundred feet in height.” The camera shifted to a dragon rampaging through the streets and towering over several small buildings and blasting some of them with fire breath. “The city has been declared a disaster area. State and local officials are evacuating. Flights in and out of Seattle have been cancelled. The beast is headed to the SeaTac airport.”

  How was she supposed to take on that?

  Naomi’s shoulders slumped. Whether she was strong enough for this or not, she couldn’t stay here. People were going to die. “Body, clothing, change into Justice Woman.”

  Her black cape swirled around her.

  Justice Woman cupped her mouth. She was supposed to have dinner with Rachel tonight in Seattle, as Naomi, of course. Hopefully Rachel’s plane had been redirected before it landed.

  Mitch Farrow strode through the hospital. It was time to face her. On the down side, Rosie wouldn’t be here without him having transmitted AIDS to her. On the upside, she’d be dead without him.

  A nurse approached and said something to him in Dutch.

  “Do you speak English?” Farrow asked.

  The man said in a Dutch accent, “You do not need to speak so loudly. I’m Dutch, not deaf.”

  Farrow cringed. So much for his vow not to be a rude American. “I’m looking for Rosie Farrow.”

  “She left the hospital and went back to the states and her home city of Seattle. The mother said they would be back today, but with the monster—”

  “Thanks.” Heart sinking, Farrow reached in his jacket pocket, grabbed his phone, and ran to the elevator.

  His blood ran cold as he read the headline on his phone. “Three hundred foot monster heading towards the airport.”

  Tears flowed as he got in the elevator and dialed Rachel’s mobile.

  It kept ringing.

  The phone beeped. “Hello, this is Rachel. Sorry I’m not available. Leave a message, and I’ll return your call. God bless you and have a great day.”

  Farrow hung up and dialed again. “Come on! Pick up! Please pick up!”

  It kept ringing.

  “Please Rachel. Please be there. Please, please.”

  The machine picked up again.

  Farrow cursed. He called Varlock.

  The phone rang. “Greetings this is Varlock. I am probably available but not to you. I’m not a fool who allows a little box to run my life, so leave a message and I will check this when I feel like it and decide whether you are worth the limited amount of existence I have in order to converse on whatever trivial matter to wish to bother me with.”

  “Call me back immediately! This is an emergency. You had better divert that monster from the airport, or I will rip your throat out!” Farrow breathed heavily. It couldn’t end like this.

  Justice Woman dashed ahead of the monster who was more than fifty times as tall as her. She needed to get people out of the airport, but how? The power cuff magnified her strength by a factor of seventy-five, but that meant she could lift one elephant who weighed a ton and a half, or twenty people who weighed a hundred and fifty pounds each.

  That wouldn’t do. What would Dave do?

  Justice Woman stared up the advancing monster and at the unprotected airport. Dave would change the airport into something else.

  She’d better disguise herself, lest people notice her abilities’ similarity to Powerhouse’s and get suspicious. Justice Woman dashed behind an alley. “Let’s change to an alien woman with purple skin, black hair, and green eyes, in a rainbow-colored jump suit.”

  She reached in her pouch. “Mirror.”

  She pulled out a compact mirror and peered at herself. “Hideous, but unrecognizable. Good.”

  The monster roared about three blocks from the airport. A television crew was filming.

  Justice Woman ran out into the street. “People of Earth, I am the Queen of the Hachette, and hath come to save these people.” She hurled candy at the beast. “I fire a wall of solid ice at thee.”

  A giant wall of ice encased the dragon.

  Justice Woman sped inside the airport at superspeed. Rachel and Rosie trembling against the back wall.

  Rosie smiled. “Mum, isn’t she pretty?”

  Her tastes would mature. Justice Woman dashed to the intercom and picked it up. “Attention, this is the Queen of the Hachette. You are not safe in this airport. However, my people can change this structure into a spaceship.”

  A chubby man gasped. “You’re not taking us to a godforsaken hellhole!”

  Justice Woman groaned. “Nonsense, Earthman. I will transport this place to downtown Tacoma.”

  “That’s even worse.”

  Smart aleck. Justice Woman rolled her eyes. “You’ll have your life. Be thankful for that. Now, let the terminal be transformed and all humans outside get in within one minute.”

  The terminal turned into a giant spaceship and hovered over the ground. Several people from outside got on board.


  Justice Woman said, “The ship must rise and take us to a vacant lot in downtown Tacoma.”

  The ship flew up in the air.

  She glanced out the window. A dozen people remained outside. She’d save the stragglers after she ditched her hideous disguise.

  In seconds, the ship made it to Tacoma and landed downtown.

  Justice Woman smiled. Powerhouse couldn’t have done better.

  A man in a suit ran up. “You can’t just move the entire airport terminal! You’ve screwed up all our flight plans. This will cost us billions!”

  Ingrates. She thrust out her palm. “The Queen of the Hachette will fix everything.” If there was a Seattle left to have an airport once this was done. “I bid you farewell.”

  She raced out at superspeed. “Change back to Justice Woman!”

  The black cape swirled around her.

  Justice Woman grinned. Queens were fun, but not her.

  She arrived back at the airport’s former location.

  The monster rampaged through the pit she’d left behind. A few survivors scrambled in different directions, trying to avoid the creature’s wrath. Water a foot deep flooded the streets.

  Justice Woman shook her head. That was what she got for imprisoning a fire-breather in ice.

  “I need a light-weight cart.” She pulled it out of her utility belt’s pouch and dashed across the airfield, grabbing fifteen pilots, flight attendants, and mechanics and scooping them onto the cart. “Hold on!” She got underneath the cart and took off into the air at two hundred miles an hour.

  The monster swatted at her but missed.

  “Hover shoes, activate!” She soared above the city.

  The passengers were screaming.

  One man said, “Put us down.”

  “I will as soon as I can do so safely.” She eyed a parking lot below. That would be perfect. She glided to the ground and put the cart down. “Folks, you better evacuate.”

  A man with chipmunk cheeks said, “You didn’t have to tell us twice.”