Lilith had stood by her. Their escape to the mountains had felt almost romantic. She didn’t know then of Lilith’s secret and when she witnessed the cruelty of her lover she couldn’t understand it. Now she understands, and the knowledge chills her. I fell in love with a demon and this is my destiny.
Satori promised he would find her. She remembers dying in the forest at the foot of the mountains. Deliverance was playing in her head and his hand held hers. He promised to find her, but he was wrong. I am alone. Satori cannot help me. Escaping this place either by dying or crawling out of harm’s reach is the first step. She does not know which to hope for, but she keeps crawling.
‘Hello darling.’
The icy female voice stabs into Sarah’s ears. It is a voice she knows as well as any other: her lover’s voice - Lilith. Sarah turns and tries to crawl away. The cruel laughter of Lilith follows her. Knowing there is no escape, she tries anyway. Nothing will make her submit willingly to more of Lilith’s lies.
‘I said hello, darling.’ Lilith’s voice is sharp. It tells Sarah it would be wise not to test the woman’s patience further. Sarah fights the urge to be obedient. If I am to die let it be with honour, not quaking at evil’s feet.
A powerful kick lands on the small of Sarah’s back and she falls face down onto the earth. As she hits the ground she realises the knife is no longer in her stomach, but this thought does nothing to cheer her. Her arms and legs struggle to push her back up, but she has no strength left. ‘I hate you!’ She spits.
‘I hate you too, my love,’ Lilith replies. ‘You’re so tiresome, you and your burden of guilt. Why did you have to kill yourself? It would have been more fun if you’d lived.’
‘The baby?’ Sarah asks.
‘Yes. Its birth would have rocked your world, created chaos. I love chaos. So my plans had to change when you died, but I will win.’
‘It survived?’
‘Of course. He’s flesh of my flesh just as much as he is part of you and Satori.’
‘Satori?’
‘He didn’t tell you? Well how chivalrous of him. His sperm carried me to your womb. He wanted to sleep with you and I let him.’ Lilith’s laughter is frightening, maniacal.
Sarah wants to cover her ears, deny entry to the laugh and Lilith’s words. The sounds push past her fingers. She opens her mouth and starts shovelling dirt into her throat and nose. If I cannot crawl away I will suffocate. The laughter keeps coming.
‘Darling, you can’t kill yourself. You’re already dead. You belong to me now. And I will torture you as I see fit. You will nourish our son until he is strong then he will return to your Earth, empowered by your body. That is your fate. Whether you accept or fight it makes no difference.’
Sarah spits the dirt from her mouth. Rubbing her face against the ground, she shakes her head in denial. Deep inside she knows it is the truth. There is no other explanation that makes sense. This is hell. Will Satori come? Will he brave hell to be with me? She hopes not. She tries to warn him with her thoughts, hoping their connection remains unbroken.
A vicious kick to Sarah’s belly pushes her over. She imagines Lilith’s face gloating above her and feels only hatred for that perfect smile and those bright green eyes.
‘I’ll do everything I can to stop you,’ Sarah says.
‘And what, exactly, do you think you can do? You can’t even stand up. I’m a fucking god here. This is my world. You’re simply a prisoner and a weak one at that. All you can do is provide some amusement, and for that I thank you.’
Sarah turns away. She is thankful that she cannot see the face she loved corrupted into a hateful mask.
The familiar shuffling sound returns. Sarah tries to pull her legs towards her chest in a protective ball. A scaly head nudges her thigh away. She is powerless to resist the sharp-toothed maul. The monster squeezes her breast between razor-teeth and feeds. Repulsed by its phlegmy, snuffling noises against her skin, she nourishes the demon. What will happen when it is strong enough? What will the three of us, Lilith, Satori and I, unleash on the world? Sarah shudders. Her brain refuses to process any more. She shuts down and achieves the oblivion she craves, at least for the moment.
Chapter 16
Satori opens the front door for Freya and watches her go. She looks tiny as she strides away from him, her limbs thin and delicate and her blonde hair woven with coloured ribbons like a Maypole. No wonder she inspires a need to protect and shield her from harm. Maybe that’s why she reminds me of Star, that and the aura of magic and mystery which resonates from her and calls to me like a siren. And I need more complications in my life because? As she disappears from sight he breathes a sigh of relief. Thank fuck she said no.
He checks the clock in the kitchen - an hour to wait. Will she be there? Is it possible to arrange such a meeting in the planes? Yes, yes. Of course it is. Why all this self-doubt? Everything is possible.
His mouth feels dry. He pours himself a glass of water and sips it slowly while staring into the dark garden beyond the window. He breathes deeply. That was too close. Why do I think about sex when Star is waiting for me? I must purge myself of destructive temptations. My mind must be clean, renewed. Why is this old snake in the grass ready to bite me again?
Freya. Who would have thought it, Freya a worshipper of Lilith? He smiles. Why not? What greater power for a woman than to harness her sexuality? Maybe Freya has done just that. He doubts it. She seems as confused and insecure as always, but then - she did say no.
He grabs the empty wine bottle and rinses it out, straightens the magazines and puts all four glasses in the dishwasher. After checking the living room once more he turns off the light and heads upstairs. Grabbing a towel from the cupboard, he heads into the bathroom to take a shower.
Water hisses out from the shower rose. It falls hard on his head and shoulders, flattening his hair, making it stick to his scalp and throat. He rubs soap between his palms, working up lather. The white foam spills over his hands and covers his feet and the shower tray. He rubs the rest onto his face, ears neck and shoulders and starts to work the soap again. His armpits next, he pushes the soapsuds into the crook in small circular motions. He cleans each armpit then makes more lather and washes them again. He massages soapsuds onto his chest and back. His cock and anus get the same double treatment. He removes every trace of his smell and does the same to his legs and feet. His skin squeaks when he tests it with his thumb. He squeezes expensive shampoo into the palm of his hand and massages it into his scalp. He does the same with conditioner. His cleansing complete he switches off the heat and lets freezing water cover his body before getting out and reaching for the towel.
His teeth chatter. Feeling cold like this reminds him of those days in the mountains - the day he sent Lilith back to Chaos. He was frozen, naked and unable to move from that circle of stones outside the cottage. He would have died had it not been for the salamanders. The terrible loch, when Star swam into its icy heart and he had to bring her back, nothing had ever hurt him like that frosty water, stabbing at his toes and heart. Star is lost. Unless I find her again it will have been for nothing.
Satori dries himself then douses his body in powder and deodorant. He combs his wet hair carefully, not wanting to break the delicate threads.
He checks the clock in the hallway - nine-fifty. He takes a dry towel from the cupboard and spreads it across his pillow. Lying on his bed, he thinks of Star. Where is she? Will I see her tonight? Logic tells him it’s unlikely that he’ll find her so quickly. He pushes logic aside. It has never helped him before.
His eyes close. He tells his mind to stay awake and pictures his sacred space: the hill and his tower. As he feels his mind rise from the mattress his body shakes. His flesh doesn’t want to let him go. He concentrates on the feeling. Every muscle jars. The uncontrollable shuddering feels like an epileptic fit.
‘I’ll be back,’ he whispers. His body clings to his mind like a jealous lover. He shushes his body, coaxing its agreement. I am
going, but I will be back.
The tower reaches towards the sky in front of him. The descending sun lights the granite so that it sparkles and shimmers. Gripping the iron scales of the bannister he follows the curved steps downwards. His knees ache. Beads of sweat cling to his forehead and he feels weak. Why? I didn’t feel this way before. Why now? Sitting for a moment, he tries to calm himself. He wipes his brow with the back of his hand and breathes slowly. His heart slows and he attempts to stand, but his legs shake. Bile burns his throat. This isn’t right.
Abandoning his descent for the moment Satori turns and looks toward the tower. Its sombre stone calls him back. Mounting the stairs energy tingles across his limbs. He opens the door and steps inside. It looks the same: thousands of books, an armchair and table. He notices one difference. A piece of paper rests on the table. He hurries towards it and picks it up, two words “Be Careful” and two diagrams are scrawled across the page in pencil. Satori recognises them. They are the two sides of the tree of life.
‘Thank you, Ivan,’ he says. He looks at the paper again. ‘Or Freya?’
He rolls and pushes the map into his pocket, realising that he is dressed while his naked body lies in his bedroom. I’m dressed well. The black leather jeans fit him beautifully and his shirt is silk. Very well. He leaves the tower feeling lighter than when he entered. The steps do not bother him this time and he descends them quickly, eager to find Freya and then, with a lot of luck, Star.
At the foot of the steps he turns clockwise. The pathway beckons and he marvels that he could not see it the first time he was here. Perhaps the hare had to lead me to just the right spot for my mind to create it?
As he steps through the gateway of trees the light changes. He looks up. The sky, no longer blue, wears the hazy silver of pre-dawn. Needles sink beneath his boots like a cushion. Walking on them is pleasurable, almost as though the forest is pushing him onwards, happy to aid his progress. Confidence builds inside him. He feels as though he can do anything, achieve anything. He knows he will save Star. There is no doubt in his mind. I will find her and I will bring her back to Earth. The murder charges will be dropped or Raven will still be alive. Star and I will have our second chance together. All this he feels with an unshakeable conviction. In his perfect plan he has no need for Freya’s help. He even forgets he is supposed to be moving towards her. He follows where his feet lead and they lead him through the wood.
The vibrancy of the yellow and brown needles seems to fade as he walks further from his tower. Colours become less saturated. Yellow becomes silver and brown changes to charcoal. The sky darkens and the trees loom around him. Their trunks and empty branches create threatening, impenetrable walls. A movement to his right makes him turn sharply. Staring into the velvet darkness, he sees nothing. The crawling skin across his shoulders warns him he is being watched. Invisible eyes follow his movements, maybe one pair, perhaps many more. The hairs on the back of his neck tingle and stiffen.
‘Freya.’ His voice is no more than a whisper. Even if it is her she would not hear him. He coughs and speaks again, louder this time. ‘Freya, is that you?’
No answer. Not that he was expecting one. Just an unnatural hush as if the forest is holding its breath. He walks faster. But other than the increasing dimness there is no change in the pathway, no indication that it will end soon. He looks behind him. It is hard to guess how far he has walked. It could be half a mile or four miles. He cannot remember how long he has been here. Time has no value when day becomes night due to geography rather than the ticking of a clock.
‘I need to find Freya. Walk towards Freya.’
His feet pick up speed again. The forest seems just as dark but he hurries past ignoring his fears. He will find her soon, and he has the maps. They will be okay.
Satori pats the rolled paper in his pocket.
‘Yes, all will be well,’ he whispers, pulling his clothes closer around his chilled skin.
The sharp sound of a twig cracking startles him. Spinning around, he sees the hare hopping onto the path.
He exhales. Air rushes from him and he realises he has been holding his breath. ‘Hello,’ he says, kneeling down. He crouches, bringing his face level with that of the animal. The hare nods. It’s a delicate movement. He might not have noticed it if he were still standing, but he recognises the greeting.
‘You’re my spirit guide, aren’t you?’
He hare stretches its neck and nuzzles its nose against Satori’s hand. He strokes its head. Its coarse looking fur feels softer than he expected.
‘Can you take me to Freya?’
The animal lifts its face to Satori’s. Its eyes seem to darken. The creature trembles.
‘Not Freya, huh? Is she okay? Is she in danger?’
It doesn’t respond.
‘You think she might hurt me? I can handle her. Anyway, she’s sorry. She wants to help. Please take me to her.’
The creature seems to hesitate. Its ears twitch and it turns his head to look back at the forest then at the path ahead and finally back to Satori.
‘I know what I’m doing,’ Satori says. ‘Do as I say.’
The hare stretches a long back leg out behind it. Then with a final dark look at Satori it hops slowly along the pathway. Satori hopes he’s right. What if I am forcing my guide to lead both of us into danger? No time for doubt. The pathway could be eternal if I walked it alone. Who knows how big or small this world is. It seems to stretch and contract with purpose. Although their speed seems frustratingly slow, within moments Satori sees a pool of light at what he hopes is the mouth of the path. Where will it lead?
He hurries past his guide, racing towards the light. Vines hang from the trees. He pushes past them. One brushes against his face. Scales rub against his skin. He stops running and looks around him. The vines writhe and move. Coiled among the branches that overhang the path are hundreds of snakes. One drops to the ground and he stumbles backwards to avoid it. Another dull and heavy sound as a second snake hits the pathway.
Satori pushes through the hanging snakes, avoiding the growing number on the floor. Their tongues reach for him. Their hisses echo in his ears. He holds his arms across his face and struggles on. A thud on his shoulders drops him to his knees. He feels the monster slide off. The serpents are all around him, coiling over each other. Why don’t they strike? He’d be dead in moments if they attacked. Assuming he can die here. The pain in his shoulder warns him he can. He looks in desperation in all directions. His path is blocked ahead and behind him and his guide, the hare, has fled. His body shakes. Fear paralyses him. He dares not step upon the living carpet of anacondas. The forest on either side of the path might hold more horrors. Shadows seem to shift and bloom as he peers between the trees.
I could leave this place. Return to my bed. Wake up and save myself. It would mean abandoning the quest. Is it better to die trying to be a hero or stay alive and try again later? No, I cannot leave. I must conquer my fear. No doubt what Star faces is worse than a few snakes.
Like a Jack in a Box he springs up, leaps across the path and into the trees.
Chapter 17
Freya strides along the street. She has plenty of time but she likes the feeling of walking swiftly. The pavement is wet. She doesn’t try to avoid the puddles. Her boots are protection enough. The sound of water splashing around her soles reminds her of the walls in Lilith’s cave. Pools of light make the paving stones sparkle. Water makes the world beautiful. It is a pity the rain has stopped.
As she passes the park she cannot resist looking through the gateway. No lights shine within the park walls. It looks empty although she doubts it is. The midnight park shelters junkies and drunks. It is not a place many people walk. She knows this more than most. She lost her sister inside this threatening darkness. Still the silence beckons her and she has to remind herself of her meeting with Satori lest she loses track of time.
Sirens howl and azure lights flash through the sky. A fire engine screams past the gates.
The noise retreats and silence descends once more. Picking up her pace, Freya continues to march home.
As she approaches a street corner she sees a group of teenage boys. Her stride slows to a more measured pace. She stretches her legs like a prize racehorse before a race, enjoying the movement and the power of her body. The satin skirt clings to her thighs and her coat, buttoned to the waist, flows behind her like a cape. These boys are not of her tribe. They are normal, all sportswear and caps, but why shouldn’t they appreciate her beauty too?
She feels their eyes upon her and hears their nervous laughter. A year ago she would feel paranoid, wonder why they are laughing at her. Now she feels magical. They are simply releasing their tension, unable to understand her exotic allure. She smiles to herself. Her heart beats faster as she skirts around the group. Breaking the spell, she increases her speed and hurries home.
Her brother bends over his Citroen. His body is shaking and he appears to be struggling to unlock the car door.
‘Ivan,’ she calls.
He hurries across the road towards her.
He reaches for her and draws her towards him, squeezing her into his chest.
She feels her legs melt. She looks up to him, lips parted. Her heart hammers against her ribs. Why now? Who cares? At last it’s really happening.
‘You’re okay,’ he pants in her ear.
‘Sure, why wouldn’t I be?’ She frowns in confusion.
‘Donna. It was on the TV a minute ago…There was a fire at Donna’s…we didn’t know if you were still there. Oh thank god you’re okay. I - I. Hurry inside. Dad’s frantic. Oh Freya. Don’t ever do that to us again.’
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