‘A fire? Is Donna…is she okay?’
Ivan shrugs. ‘They didn’t say. But the whole building was like an inferno. It doesn’t look good.’ He shakes his head. ‘So much death. When will it stop?’
Freya burrows into his warm chest.
Ivan lets go of her. Her body screams noooooo! But he doesn’t seem to hear her. Staring at the ground she follows him across the road to the house.
‘Dad! She’s fine. She’s here.’
Her father’s face is wet as he grabs her and nuzzles into her hair.
Freya looks beyond him, into the kitchen and sees her mother leaning against the kitchen door jam. Lorraine’s face is red and puffy but she doesn’t rush along the hallway to embrace her daughter.
‘Dad, is Donna okay?’
‘I honestly don’t know, Baby,’ Mike answers.
‘Can we phone the hospital?’ she asks.
‘I doubt they’ll be able to tell us anything yet, Sweetheart, but I’ll try.’
Freya feels the world close in around her. She starts to hyperventilate. Her father spins around as her brother catches her fall from behind. She lets Ivan carry her into the living room and place her gently on the sofa before asking for a drink.
‘What do you want?’ her father asks.
‘Whisky,’ she answers.
Ivan frowns at her. ‘Whisky?’
She nods.
‘Where did you go this evening?’ Ivan asks.
‘Shh, don’t pester her. Here love. Here’s your drink. I’ll phone the hospital.’
Ivan perches on the edge of the couch. ‘You don’t drink whisky.’
‘I just fancied it,’ she says screwing up her nose at the fiery taste.
He nods, his eyes are clouded. She wishes she knew what he was thinking.
‘What time is it?’ she asks.
‘Half past ten,’ Ivan says, glancing at the wall behind her head.
She nods. She thinks of Satori. Will he forgive me? Will he survive? As long as he doesn’t reach my tree. Is that even possible? For someone else to visit your space when you aren’t there? His dagger is there. Maybe it will call him. Surely Lilith will stop him if he tries.
Her father walks back in. He looks older. His skin and lips look pale.
‘Tell me,’ Freya says.
‘She’s in a coma. She’s badly burned and she’s inhaled a lot of smoke.’ Mike’s voice cracks with emotion.
‘Can I see her?’ she asks.
‘No, I’m sorry love. They’re not letting anyone see her.’
Freya takes a gulp of whisky and blinks. Tears line her eyelashes but she doesn’t feel like crying. ‘She’ll be okay.’
‘They don’t think so, love.’
‘Believe me. Donna’s a fighter. She’ll be okay,’ she insists.
Her father kisses her forehead. ‘I’ll go and check on your mum.’
Freya nods. Even now the gulf between her and her mother is a chasm. If only Mum hadn’t seen her that night. But there is nothing she can do. If time won’t heal the wound nothing will.
They wait until their father has left the room then Ivan whispers to his sister. ‘How are you? Tell me everything. What did you do tonight?’
‘I took some wine round to Donna’s. We chatted. I asked about Star, but she said she didn’t know anything. We argued and I left.’
‘And then…’ he asks.
‘I went to see Satori.’
‘Why?’ Ivan holds eye contact with his sister.
Freya knows he is trying to guess her motives. ‘I thought he might know about Star. Donna went to see him today but she wouldn’t tell me what he said.’
‘What did he tell you?’
‘That he’s going to find her. But that’s crazy isn’t it? He’s not talking about this world. He thinks he can find her again even though she’s dead.’
Ivan looks at her carefully. ‘Anything else?’
‘He knows about me.’ Freya stares at her lap.
Ivan sighs. ‘You shouldn’t have gone there. You know Satori isn’t stable. He could be dangerous.’
‘Did you tell him?’ she asks.
‘No, of course not.’ Ivan’s forehead wrinkles as he frowns.
‘Then how did he know?’
Ivan grabs Freya’s glass and takes a sip. ‘I don’t understand a lot of what Satori does or knows, but I do know he’s powerful. You should stay away from him.’
‘I know…look Bro, I’m tired. I’m going to bed.’
‘Night, Sis.’
Freya stands on unsteady feet. Ivan stretches up to hold her hand. They make eye contact.
‘I’m sorry,’ she whispers.
He nods and she sees his eyes shine with tears. She wants to kiss him. Wipe the saline from his face, but she can’t. Instead she turns from him and walks away. She stumbles but catches herself before she hits the floor. ‘I’m okay,’ she calls back over her shoulder.
Aching, she climbs the stairs, moving away from him. She listens for sounds of Ivan below, but he is silent. With each step she feels another part of her tear away and fly back to the living room. By the time she reaches the top she’s empty.
Lying in her bed, she looks at her alarm clock, ten forty-five. It is probably too late to join Satori. Maybe Ivan is right. Maybe that’s for the best. She rolls onto her side and lies watching the red numbers glow with her hand burrowed between her thighs. She wishes life wasn’t so complicated. That she was in love with someone else. Anyone else, but her brother is perfection. She cannot imagine anyone replacing him in her heart.
She drifts off to sleep. Her brother greets her in her dreams.
‘I love you,’ he tells her.
‘Hold me.’
His strong arms wrapped around her, she listens to the steady beating of his heart. She pulls up his t-shirt and kisses his chest. His skin is soft and tastes like the ocean. His chest expands then contracts as he lets out a sigh.
‘We shouldn’t,’ he tells her.
‘Love this powerful can’t be wrong,’ she reassures him.
His lips brush her hair and she burns with desire. Her body is on fire. The flames that lick her skin are delicious not frightening. Her thoughts jump to Donna’s room. Donna rolls on the floor, consumed by flames. Freya feels almost envious of the look of ecstasy on her friend’s face.
‘Does it hurt?’ she asks.
‘Less than losing her,’ Donna answers.
‘I can’t lose him,’ Freya says.
Donna closes her eyes. ‘Then don’t.’
‘Please, Ivan. Make love to me.’
His fingers fumble with her buttons. She could help him, but his nervousness excites her. Her shirt falls open and he strokes the lace of her bra. She sighs. Oh god yes. He descends. He kneels before her. His beautiful blond hair brushes against her skin. His lips and tongue explore her stomach. Her legs shake. He looks up at her with sad, blue eyes.
‘It’s okay,’ she tells him. ‘It’s what I want.’
His arms circle her waist and he unzips her skirt. It falls to the floor. He tugs at her underwear. The lace clings to her, but his patience is rewarded and the intoxicating scent of her sex fills their nostrils. She pushes herself towards him and after a moment’s hesitation he parts her legs and touches her velvet skin. The sensation of his fingers on her vulva sends her mind soaring. She tries to swim back to him, to recover the sensuous pleasure of his tentative strokes. Her mind does not obey. She is no longer in her brother’s arms, nor in her bed, nor Donna’s room. She is alone beside her willow tree, crying in her sacred space.
‘Noooooooo!’
‘What do you mean? No?’ The voice is in her head. She knows its source.
‘Goddess I’m sorry. I was just…’
‘There will be time for your fantasies later. Satori is already here. He’s on the edge of the first realm. You agreed to meet him, I believe.’
Freya nods. There is no point in denial.
‘Good. He is looking for yo
u. I’ve delayed him but I will not prevent him coming. There are things I want him to see. I will guide you, but the journey won’t always be easy.’
‘Thank you, Lilith.’
‘The pathway starts between the two silver birch trees. Focus on him and you will reach him quickly.’
‘And Ivan?’ Freya asks.
‘It wasn’t Ivan. It was simply your imagination, a dream,’ Lilith says.
‘I…’
‘Use the magician. You can paint another’s face over his if you will it.’
Chapter 18
Branches tear Satori’s clothes as he shoulders his way between the cramped trees. He tries to redesign the forest with his mind, but all he achieves is brain cramp. If this world is within me I should be able to change it. His legs ache and his head throbs. His eyelids feel as though weights are tied to his lashes. What am I doing this for? I cannot reach Star and where is Freya?
Gravity tugs at his limbs. A moment’s rest, no more, that’s all I need. He sits down with his back against a tree trunk. Low branches dig into his spine, but he is too tired to care. This forest is a prison. I cannot walk any further. He closes his eyes.
The branches above rustle and a bird sings. Its song is beautiful but melancholy. A lonely sound which makes him yearn for company. I’m alone, robbed of my power and unable to change a thing.
Opening his eyes again, Satori grins. The idea expands within him, strengthening him. ‘Of course! I can’t change the world but perhaps…perhaps I can change myself.’ A bird? No, soaring above the trees I might miss Freya. A hare? I could dart between the trees, enjoy the run. If I’m threatened I’ll change back.
He imagines himself with long ears and strong back legs. Fur grows from his follicles. He leans forward as his back hunches. He wonders whether he could do this on earth. Earth is simply another plane of existence – Malkuth.
Now he travels faster. Swift as the wind he races across grass and moss between the trees. He concentrates on Freya, but the image of Star, eyes hooded and a gentle smile on her lips, keeps pushing into his thoughts. He pushes back, knowing he must concentrate on his destination or risk getting lost again. Freya. Running faster, he exerts his will on the landscape and feels the world contract before him in response. Trees are thinner ahead and beyond them a figure in black. Is it Freya?
As he leaps out of the forest and lands beside Freya’s feet he sees her jump. He stays still, nose twitching. There is a smell. An aroma he recognises. A warmth, it smells like comfort. She kneels beside him and strokes between his towering ears. He lets her. It feels good. His back legs tingle slightly. He sniffs again. That glorious smell. Rolling onto his side, he lets Freya stroke his belly. He should change back, let her know it is him, but the sensation is too wonderful. He lets the tension flow out of his body into the mossy earth below. Just a few minutes more.
Freya looks away from him and into the forest. She is looking for someone. She is looking for me. Will she get tired and leave? I have played here too long. I cannot change back now. He rolls back onto his feet and hops away into the forest. Behind a large tree he changes back into Satori, human Satori. He looks down to check he is clothed and steps into view. Freya’s smile greets him. He wonders if she knew it was him all along. The thought excites him but he dismisses it. It’s a fiction created by his over-inflated ego.
Freya pushes herself to her feet. ‘Did you get lost?’
There’s a trace of mockery in her voice or is it playfulness? ‘Kinda, yeah. It’s hard to get anywhere here unless you know where you’re going.’
‘But you figured it out?’
‘Of course. There’s an answer to every puzzle. You got here quickly. How did you find your way so easily?’
‘Magic,’ she says.
At that moment Satori falls in love. He smiles at her and she smiles back. He wants to kiss her but he stops himself. Star!
‘Do you know the way?’ he asks her.
She closes her eyes and breathes deeply. He watches the pulse in her throat as it flutters. His body sways back and forth. Stop this. No good can come of this obsession. Ivan might kill me. Her father certainly would.
‘I think it’s this way,’ she says, pointing.
‘Where are we going?’ he asks.
‘Yesod.’
‘Do you know anything about it?’
‘Not yet.’ She lifts her face and their eyes meet.
He can feel her desire.
They walk together towards the blood red globe of the sun. Moss cushions their steps. No trees block their progress. Only the occasional shrub interrupts the emptiness. No insects, birds or mammals cross their path.
Satori’s breath creates a mist in front of him. He looks across at Freya. She wears a wreath of mist around her body. Beyond it he catches glimpses of her pale flesh. His throat tightens. Checking his own body for clothing, he sees his shirt and jeans. The rips made by the trees repaired, his battle with the branches has left no permanent damage. Focusing on the dying sun, he looks ahead. He feels the whisper of Freya’s body beside him, but does not turn to look. His eyes want to bathe in the beauty of her nudity, but he cannot let them. He knows if he looks again he will be lost.
Fog closes in around them. Fingers close around his hand. Her musical voice whispers. ‘I can’t see where we’re walking. Do you think we should stop for a while?’
He shakes his head although he isn’t sure if she’ll see him. He can see nothing now, other than coiling, dancing whiteness before his eyes.
‘I don’t know. It might always be like this,’ he tells her. ‘Maybe it’s some sort of portal, a tunnel between worlds.’
‘Okay, but don’t let go of me. I’m frightened.’
He grips her hand. The electricity of her touch makes his legs shake but he keeps walking. Moving towards where he hopes the sun still hovers, or beyond. The gap between them narrows and he feels her entire arm brush against his own.
‘Freya,’ he whispers.
‘Yes.’
He thinks for a moment. She’s right, I can’t let go of her hand. I might lose her in the mist, but to ignore her body beside me, push the thoughts of stroking her skin from my mind. I doubt my will is strong enough.
‘What, Satori?’
‘Nothing,’ he answers. His mouth feels dry and his head feels as though it’s filled with the smog that threatens to smother them. ‘I just wanted to make sure you were still there.’
‘Can’t you feel me?’
He gulps. ‘Yes, yes, of course I can. Sorry.’ Oh god I can feel her. I can feel each stride she takes as if it is my own. I can feel her heart beat through the pulse in her wrist. He imagines sinking to his knees and Freya joining him, sitting astride his thighs. His fingers tingle to stroke her hair as his tongue explores her mouth. He can feel everything she is and everything she could be. It terrifies him.
Trying hard to ignore his desire, he keeps walking. One foot in front of the other, he treads blindly across the terrain. His left foot rises again, but there is no ground below him. His foot falls through air. His knees buckle. In his panic he loses her hand. She screams his name as he drops away from her.
‘Freya,’ he calls, but the only answer is the echo of her scream.
His body somersaults through the air. The fog is too dense to see where he will land, assuming he does land. If I die here will I die on earth or will I return to my body, shaken and upset as if waking from a nightmare? I could try to wake before I hit the ground, but this could be a gateway. If I leave I may never see Star again. What of Freya? Is she falling beside me? He tries to calm himself, but he is too disorientated and terrified to be calm. His body continues to fall. He pulls his knees to his chest and he falls faster. He straightens his body and spreads out his arms. His descent slows but doesn’t stop and he feels exposed and vulnerable. He imagines his body smashed against rocks below.
He is here to rescue the woman he loves, who died because of him. Once he told Lilith he would gladly exc
hange his life for Star’s. Why am I afraid?
‘I will die for you or I will rescue you, my love,’ he says.
The ground comes up to meet him and he bounces. His back and shoulders are bruised. He rubs them gently, waiting for his body to cease shaking.
He stands up and looks around him. No sign of Freya. Maybe she wasn’t willing to take the chance. The landscape is breathtaking. The sky is violet. It moves like steam above a boiling pot. It looks solid, touchable, but when he tries his fingers close around nothing.
The ground, in contrast, is bone white. It feels hard beneath his feet. He rotates his shoulder. The movement makes him wince, but it isn’t shattered, merely bruised. I was lucky or maybe luck had less to do with it than destiny.
He turns around, trying to look for a destination, something different on the barren landscape to head towards. At first he sees nothing in the strange, shifting light. As his eyes adjust and the dancing sky becomes less distracting he spots a black shape in the distance. He cannot tell whether it is the silhouette of a rock, a person or even a tower. He cannot see the sun. Even if he could, without knowledge of this realm, he cannot gauge whether the silhouette lies to the north, south, east or west. He wishes he had researched these lands. Vague recollections of gods and magic, and diagrams of circles and interconnecting lines, are all he has to work with. The magic he uses comes from here, or perhaps the other side of the tree, but this swirling, shifting chaos is new and confuses his senses.
Circling once more and seeing nothing else to break the vista, he heads towards the shape. His steps are light as if gravity’s pull is weaker here. Energy tingles through his feet and into his body. With a smile on his face he walks towards the horizon.
He walks for hours without tiring. The shape is a little larger now. A little more defined. It cannot be a person. It must be massive to have walked so far and not yet reached it. He reminds himself that the rules of time and space are different here. That nothing should be taken for granted. He could reach that darkness and it could be a tiny ant. He has no way of knowing until he reaches it. Time passes, or doesn’t, but Satori’s body feels as though it is passing. He does not feel tired but his stomach yearns for food and his mouth feels as dry as the ground beneath him. His nostrils catch the scent of something, a faint hint in the air. It might be food, although not a dish he has ever smelt before. He moves his head around, trying to pinpoint the source of the aroma. Nearby he sees a plume of smoke dance in the purple ether. Someone or something is cooking. He is convinced of it. He runs towards the smell. His stomach growls in excitement.
Starblood Trilogy Page 29