‘Daddy,’ it rasps.
He opens his arms and lets the child fall to the floor. Soaked in sweat he awakes in the room full of boxes.
Chapter 31
Satori pulls bedding from the cupboard once more. The frosty air has cleansed his room. He makes his bed and stands beside it. Eyes shut, he draws light into him. He touches his forehead, chest, groin and shoulders whispering names of angels in an ancient language. His body pushes stress and the memories of his nightmare down through his feet and into the floor. The baby goes too, whatever or whoever it was. Satori is new, reborn, for the moment at least.
He crosses to the window and closes it. A full moon hangs in the sky. A few stars are visible in spite of the streetlights. He draws energy from the moon. Her song fills his body. It is a threnody of lost love and degradation. It echoes the dirge in his soul.
He grabs a faded Bauhaus t-shirt from his drawer, pulls it over his head and arms and collapses onto his bed, shivering. Lying on his back he thinks of Yesod and the man who dwells there. I must return.
He tells his mind where he wants to travel and meditates on thoughts of white rock and violet air. His body slips away. He feels compressed then weightless. As ether, he moves through gateways in his mind. He presses onwards through an open door and into Yesod.
As his spirit enters the plane Satori feels stretched then pushed and moulded into an accurate representation of the body he has left behind. He shakes his arms and legs; they tingle but they feel strong. A few feet away the water glimmers. Without hesitation he strides towards it. Like before the reflection takes time to form. He is a man and his skin is pale and smooth. A bloody bandage is wrapped tightly around his eyes. He raises his hands to his face, but the bandage only exists in his reflection. What can it mean?
‘Fuck, I hope I am strong enough now?’ he says.
Footsteps approach him. He turns around and sees Gabriel.
‘Friend, you’ve returned. I see you’ve fed yourself now. Do you feel stronger?’ asks Gabriel.
‘I do,’ Satori answers.
‘Good, you will need all your strength for what lies ahead. Are you ready?’
‘I have to be. I fear time is running out for Star.’
‘Perhaps, but time is different here.’ Gabriel nods thoughtfully.
‘What must I do?’ Satori asks.
‘Trust in yourself and step forward as man and woman. You will need both to succeed.’
Satori nods. ‘Will you walk with me?’
‘As far as I can.’
Together they walk towards the light.
‘What is that beacon?’ Gabriel asks. ‘It is new to me.’
‘It’s Star,’ Satori answers.
‘Then she is powerful. Are you certain it is you who will save her?’
‘I am certain of nothing.’ Satori shrugs.
‘Those are wise words, friend. I suspect they will serve you well.’
‘Tell me your story,’ Satori says.
‘My story?’ Gabriel asks. His eyes narrow.
‘Why are you here? What does this place mean?’
‘It means different things to different people. It is the birthplace of magic. It is where all matter is changed. It is a place of life and visions.’
‘Do you live here?’
‘I guess I am simply a reflection of this place, or maybe something greater.’
Satori shakes his head. ‘You remind me of a friend.’
‘I am altered by your memories and by your vision,’ Gabriel says.
‘Why?’
‘Things change here. It is their nature. I see you have changed too,’ Gabriel answers.
‘Yes.’ Satori nods.
‘Can you tell me why?’
‘Because I wanted to.’
Gabriel nods. ‘We can only change when we are willing to do so. This is as far as I travel with you this time, friend. I wish you well.’
Satori kisses the man’s cheek. ‘Thank you,’ he says.
Satori turns back to the horizon. A black mountain, its sides slippery and cruel pierces the purple sky. The dark stone reminds him of the haunted eyes in Paul’s vessel of Balon. As he moves closer to it he hears whispers. Is something imprisoned in its walls? He looks left and right. The base of the mountain is only about twenty meters across at this side. He could easily skirt around it and continue walking. In spite of the dread he feels as he touches its vibrating surface he knows he must climb it. This is the gateway to the next realm.
He reaches up and grasps a ledge. Jagged stone bites into his hand. He pulls back and looks, but no skin is broken. Gritting his teeth, he returns his hand to the ledge and pulls. His muscles strain with effort, but he keeps moving. He never looks down and when he looks upwards it makes him giddy with vertigo. Instead he stares forwards at the hairline cracks and metallic flecks in the obsidian. It reflects his face, his mouth tight with effort and his eyes flashing with determination. He reaches a ledge wide enough to sit on and halts there for a moment letting his legs dangle over the edge. He gazes at the land he will leave behind. The sky seems more agitated than ever. Clouds form faces, an old crone, a young maiden, a baby, then they are torn apart again their images scattered in every direction; formed and destroyed by the power of this place.
He looks for Gabriel but cannot see him. The pool is no longer visible. The bone-white ground and violet ether fill the landscape. Yet it is not barren, the living air breathes in every inch of this world.
Behind him he hears knocking. He spins around and presses his face against the stone. His reflected eyes look wide and frightened, but he doesn’t feel afraid. He tries to see beyond the barrier but it reveals only his face and the world behind him.
Rested, he continues. He dares to look upwards and sees the needle-sharp summit of the mountain far above. Feeling dizzy, he closes his eyes. Knocking again. Whoever or whatever is making those sounds it follows his progress up the rock. Friend or not he feels certain to meet it soon. He hopes his newly gained strength will be enough.
Step by step, handhold by painful handhold he moves skyward. His right hand closes around air. Another ledge perhaps? He lowers his palm and feels smooth stone. Keeping his body flat against the rock-face, he pushes upwards with his legs. As his eyes reach the point where his hand rests he sees a cave. He pushes higher and rests his belly on the ledge. Wriggling his hips, he inches his way into the hole. The roof is not high enough for Satori to kneel inside the tunnel. If it ends he may never get back out. The air is dense with particles which catch in the glow of ether, beyond is absolute darkness. Without making a conscious choice he continues to slither through the tunnel. Even when the hole grows hot he continues. The floor of the tunnel thins. The rock becomes a smoky glass. Beyond it he sees crimson light. Lava perhaps or fire? He struggles onwards. Sweat drips from his nose lubricating the ground and making his body slide. The tunnel changes angle and he feels himself slide downwards. His momentum increases and soon he feels like a slalom racer without a crash helmet or brakes. His eagerness to escape the heat counsels him to keep sliding and let the tunnel guide him towards his destination.
Below him he sees a figure: a wraith with an ancient female face, her skin deathly grey. Her grin sends shivers down his spine in spite of the heat. Her teeth are sharpened into fangs and her hair as wild as the tattered robe she wears. She knocks on the glass between them four times, waves goodbye and floats away. He closes his eyes and concentrates on finding Star intact.
Wind ruffles his hair as his shoulders shoot out of the hole and his body tumbles through the air. He hugs his knees to his chest and falls like a boulder onto the ground. As the back of his neck hits the new world the ground feels damp and cool. The dew drenched grass cushions him as he lands.
He is winded but unharmed. He turns back to the mountain, but sees only trees and grass. He turns around, taking in the new landscape. For a moment he wonders if he is back on earth. The pink sky might be the hue of sunrise or sunset. He looks for
Star’s beacon. If it remains it is hidden by trees. He listens for her call, but hears nothing except the rustle of leaves.
He walks through the forest shaded by the lush canopy - a haven for birds. Some appear familiar to Satori, others not. One bird is as large as his chest with wings longer than his arms, its feathers vibrant blues and yellows. It defies gravity perched on a slender branch. Its orange eyes follow him as he passes.
A butterfly glides past his face, brushing him with tissue paper wings. He turns and watches it land on a shrub at the base of a giant beech tree. It faces him and for a moment he wonders if it will speak then it catches an updraft of air and is off again, skirting around tree trunks until he loses sight of it.
Breathing deeply, Satori catches the scent of the forest. Calming and peaceful, it smells of mint and sage. Tension drips from his limbs. The collected aches and pains from his long climb and sudden fall are washed away by the humid air.
A deer stands in his path. Its nose nudges the ground and one brown eye quietly assesses him as he moves carefully towards it. Perhaps he gets too close and startles it. With a dart it disappears into the forest. Satori touches the earth. A patch of terracotta soil has been exposed by its nudging. It feels warm to Satori’s touch. He clears the moss and grass around the spot, hoping to uncover some secret, but finds only more soil. Standing up again he searches the trees for the deer. If it remains close it is so well hidden he does not catch sight of it. Sighing, he moves onwards.
A movement on his left startles him. He stares into the dense forest. All he can see are trees, some huge, others only a little taller than himself. He crouches and watches carefully. A twig snaps.
‘Who’s there,’ he asks.
Something moves towards him. It shuffles slowly but steadily between the trees. Its body is a warm red brown similar to the deer’s fur in colour but very different in shape and texture. Satori’s eyes widen as he tries to make sense of what he sees. A tree, about seven feet tall picks its way through the crowd. Two deep knots form its eyes. Its hands, or more accurately branches, brush other trees as it passes, as if in greeting.
‘Hello,’ Satori says.
‘We’ve been waiting for you,’ says the tree. ‘We expected you sooner.’
‘I’m sorry. I was delayed.’ Satori answers. The apology feels appropriate.
‘But are you really here? You seem different. Taller than I remember.’
‘I’m sorry. I don’t remember you at all.’ Satori smiles apologetically.
‘You’re forgiven. Perhaps I too have changed.’
‘I suspect more than you realise,’ Satori says.
‘Or you didn’t notice me before. You had a lot on your mind then.’ The tree yawns and holds a branch to the hole it uses as a mouth. ‘Excuse me. I’ve been awake for days.’
‘Waiting for me?’
‘In part,’ the tree answers.
‘Please, tell me about before. When did we meet?’
‘Well, we didn’t meet exactly…’ The tree looks around and bends towards Satori. Its next words are whispers. ‘I visited Malkuth on the night the angel died.’
Satori shakes his head. ‘Angel?’
‘Yes. She tried to sacrifice herself to save others around her. Surely you remember her. You wept as you buried her skin.’
‘Star?’
‘Yes, yes, who else?’ The tree sounds frustrated as if it is explaining the obvious to a stupid child.
‘Do you know where she is now?’ Satori asks eagerly.
‘Binah. You’ve still some way to travel, Satori. Maybe you would like some company for a while. I’m afraid I move slowly. Perhaps you are in too much of a hurry?’
‘I want to get there as quickly as possible. I’ve already taken too long. You said so yourself. But I don’t know the way and her light is hidden.’
‘All ways are the right way, Satori. Just keep walking.’
‘Thank you for remembering her.’
‘The trees will always whisper her name.’
With tears in his eyes Satori stumbles onwards through the forest. Perhaps he should have accepted the tree’s company, at least for a little while. Everything seems confused. He stops and considers turning around. If all ways lead the same way what does it matter? Logic paralyses him. To return is not to continue onwards. All ways cannot lead the same way. There will always be an ahead and a behind, a future and a past, one to be striven towards and the other to be left behind.
Ahead he sees a deer, perhaps the same one as before. Its nose digs a patch in the pathway, nudging through moss and grass. Satori hurries over, but it slips away into the trees before he reaches it. A small patch of exposed orange earth is surrounded by grass and moss. Satori grabs a twig from the ground and digs into the soil. A worm twists and flees from his invasive probing. Satori sighs and walks further along the path. The crack of a branch snapping is followed by whispers. Satori looks across and recognises immediately the shuffling tree.
He looks in both directions along the path. ‘Hello again,’ he calls to the tree.
‘Hello Satori. You look…’
‘Taller. Indeed. Would you like to walk with me a while? You can tell me about Star and why the trees whisper her name.’
The mouth hole becomes a wide grin.
‘I would be honoured,’ the tree replies. ‘If you’re sure I won’t hold you up. I don’t move very quickly.’
‘You know what?’ Satori answers. ‘I have the feeling my progress will be swifter with you rather than without.’
‘I almost forgot,’ the tree says. ‘I have something you need.’
Satori shakes. ‘My dagger?’
‘What, some worthless metal? No, why would you need that here?’
Satori opens his mouth, but the tree silences him with a wave.
‘However, you will need this.’ The tree’s mouth opens in a strange triangular shape and emits a half wailing, half yawning note.
‘I don’t understand,’ Satori says. ‘What is it?’
The tree looks disappointed. Its knot-eyes point downwards. ‘I thought you’d understand.’
Satori shakes his head. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘Maybe it will be easier for you if it is written,’ the tree says tearing a piece of bark from its trunk.
The tree passes him an intricate black letter tattooed onto the reverse side of the torn bark. Satori looks at the tree and again at the letter. Within him something clicks. He stares at the bark memorizing every detail and pushes it into his pocket. ‘Thank you.’
‘You’re welcome. There are more to discover. The more letters you have the better, but keep it secret.’
Satori nods.
They walk together when the path is wide enough. When it narrows Satori slips behind and watches in fascination at the way the trees roots propel him over the uneven ground. Snake-like roots coil and slide over each other as it progresses.
‘Tell me about her?’ Satori asks,
‘About Star?’
‘Yes. What happened before I arrived?’
‘She was pursued by ghosts, memories and phantoms. She fought their words at first, their taunts and venom, but she knew they were right. In the end she wanted to destroy the creature inside her and find peace.’
‘Did she succeed?’
The tree is silent.
‘Did she kill the creature? Is she at peace?’
‘I think you already know the answer to both those questions.’
‘Tell me.’
‘Why? So anger and frustration can ignite inside your soul. What will that achieve?’
‘Was she brave?’
‘Of course. You already know that too. She is still brave.’
‘Is she waiting for me?’
‘She hopes for you, but I don’t think she’s waiting.’ The tree yawns.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Only that inaction doesn’t seem to be part of who she is.’
Satori nods. ‘How could I have bee
n so blind to her?’
‘You always knew who she was.’
‘I never told her,’ Satori says more to himself than the tree.
‘She wouldn’t have thanked you. She still wouldn’t. It’s something she needs to discover for herself.’
‘Will I save her?’ Satori asks.
‘Are you certain she needs you to save her?’ the tree asks in reply.
‘If she’s alone and in pain she needs me,’ Satori says.
‘Like you would need her?’
‘Yes.’ Satori nods.
‘Perhaps?’
The tree’s enigmatic answer makes Satori feel uncomfortable. ‘Do you mind if I go on alone? I feel ready for action. I need to reach her soon.’
‘The way is long, Satori. I am certain you will reach her. When is another matter altogether. Please do go on though. I am feeling tired anyway. It has been a pleasure and an honour to meet you again.’
‘Thank you for everything. Before you go, please tell me your name.’
‘I am Drevo.’ Drevo bends his top branches in an awkward bow.
‘Thank you, Drevo. I’ll tell Star how you helped me.’
‘That would, I am certain, be a good thing. Farewell and good luck.’
With a wave and a smile Satori hurries away.
Chapter 32
Sarah stares at the toad and it glances nonchalantly at her. Toads, what do I know about them? They like dark, damp places.
Sarah visualises the sun. She concentrates on its golden rays and lets it grow inside her. Her body tingles and warms. The sun shines brightly inside her mind. She focuses the rays towards the toad and opens all of the doorways within her psyche. The sunlight floods through. Every part of her is ablaze with its heat. The toad shrinks and she feels strengthened by its distress. Her body sweats and her mouth feels dry and parched as she burns brighter and brighter.
In the distance she hears yelling. She dismisses it from her thoughts and concentrates only on light and warmth. The toad shakes. Its skin starts to pop and fizz. The pale brown and yellow flesh blackens and its eyes plead with her, but she shows it no mercy. One of its eyes explodes and yellow puss runs down its cheek. She recoils from the sight, but keeps burning. Her mind is full of light. There is nowhere for the toad to escape. It stamps its feet, leaps into the brightness and vanishes.
Starblood Trilogy Page 36