Choices

by Liz Schulte

  She sighed. “Well, I can’t do anymore today.”

  “We’ll rest.”

  She closed her eyes, shimmering like the moon reflecting on a lake.

  “What was your dream about?” I asked casually. I watched the light seep back inside her and close itself off from the outside world completely. She could have passed for a genuine human. “How’d you do that?”

  “Do what?”

  “You’re not glowing.”

  She cracked her knuckles, uninterested, “I don’t know.”

  I took her hand and inspected it, not one trace of a beam shone anywhere. “Release it.” I told her, wanting to see if she could.

  She exhaled and her skin took on the same glow it had moments ago.

  “Hide it.”

  She sighed, but somehow managed to make it disappear again. Outstanding.

  “Wonderful, Olivia. That’s wonderful.” She gave me a half smile then looked away. “Back to your dream.”

  She frowned and didn’t say anything. Instead she stared at her own hand.

  “Was it about Holden?” She flinched at his name, but still said nothing. “You can talk about anything with me, Firefly—even Holden. It might help to discuss it.”

  “There’s nothing to discuss.” Her voice came out in barely a whisper.

  “Olivia—”

  “Let me rephrase.” She glared and the light around her built in intensity. “He’s not a topic open for discussion. Period.” She stood and stalked back to the guest bedroom.

  Before I could decide what, if anything, I should do about this outburst, I felt a pull just under my navel. Two meetings with elders in as many days? Unprecedented. I transported to where they were calling me and once again I was in Ezra’s office.

  “How is she doing?” Ezra asked, hunched over papers on his writing desk.

  “It’s only been a day, sir.”

  “And…” He rolled his hand at me impatiently.

  “She’s fine. Not unmanageable.”

  “How is she adjusting?”

  “Great.”

  “Has she asked to go home?”

  “No.”

  “Has she asked about us?”

  “No.” I really didn’t understand any of this. If he didn’t want to train her himself then why was he micromanaging me? “She hasn’t said anything about home or guardians. She has been eager to learn. We worked on light manipulation today.”

  “How did she do?”

  “About the same as other trainees.”

  “Has she excelled at anything?”

  “Well, we haven’t done much. I’m not sure if this qualifies as excelling, but she can completely withdraw her light and release it at will. Is that normal for an elder?”

  Ezra looked up. “Interesting. What else?”

  “We transported out of the woods yesterday, and she was able to pull herself back together in a matter of hours with no knowledge of how to do it.”

  “Anything else?”

  “Not yet.” I decided not to mention Holden. She was obviously trying to deal with whatever emotions she retained on her own, no need to put more pressure on her. When—if— Holden became a problem, I would let Ezra know. “I’ve noticed a couple of the guardians haven’t been around for a few weeks. Are they on assignment?”

  Ezra stacked the papers on his desk before looking up at me. “This is not something that can be shared with anyone. Do you understand?”

  I nodded, curiosity needling me.

  “A steady stream of guardians have been disappearing. We are looking into it. I don’t want you worried about them; stay focused on Olivia and keep a close eye on her. She is your only priority. But if any other guardians ask you about the missing people, do your best to diffuse their worries.” He stood up. “I wasn’t going to mention this, but as I’ve said, Olivia’s unexpected. She could upset the balance of the elders—perhaps even bring an end to our way of life. There are authorities higher than our own, and we were left with no choice but to take her. Until we know where she stands we need to be careful. I don’t know what her purpose is or what she is capable of. If she mentions anything,” he searched for the right word, “out of the ordinary, let me know.”

  “Olivia wouldn’t intentionally hurt anyone.”

  “I have no doubt you are correct, but nevertheless, can I trust you to keep an eye on her?”

  I nodded. At least it made sense what he was worried about now. Ezra dismissed me and I transported back to my apartment thinking about my missing friends. Olivia was still shut in the guest bedroom. It had been a long, long time since I had a beautiful, angry woman locking herself in a room refusing to talk to me. I rather liked it.

  Six

  Slamming the door behind me was a welcome release of some of the anger that had been building since I opened my eyes to this world. I wanted to scream, throw things, run away, but I kept it together. Quintus had no idea what he was stirring with his questioning and these clothes. Christ, these clothes.

  I couldn’t breathe. The room closed in on me. Maybe it isn’t too late to change my mind. Maybe I could just stay dead. I sat cross-legged on the bed folding over to press my forehead into the mattress.

  “You can do this, Liv. Just let him go.” Fury erupted inside of me. It felt like it was just yesterday I was in the apartment. One instant, I was fighting for two more months with Holden, the next I was here, alone. I didn’t even have a cell phone to call him if I wanted to hear his voice—no, no thinking like that. You don’t want to hear his voice or his lies.

  I didn’t even know who I was angry with. Quintus for bringing up the dream? Myself for having it in the first place? Or Holden for, well, everything. The smart money was probably on number three. The pain and heartbreak of when I first woke up was nothing compared to the rage that was slowly taking over. Liar! Traitor! He’d betrayed me at his first opportunity. How could I have been so stupid? How did I not see him for who he was?

  The worst of it was that despite everything, I still wanted to be near him. My heart almost stopped when I saw the shirt. The thought that this shirt might smell like Holden was almost too much. The dream, true to form, hadn’t been a dream at all. For one shocking, glorious instant, the wonderful tidal wave of Holden drenched me, and God help me all I wanted to do was stay in it. Ripping myself away cracked the dam I erected against him and started the steady, slow stream of anger. I was still weak where he was involved. That would be the first thing I worked on conquering. Holden wasn’t going to be my Achilles’ heel, no matter what I had to do.

  When my breathing calmed and I once again had a firm grasp on my emotions, I sat back up. I could do this stupid light thing. I just needed to focus and push the anger and Holden as far away from the surface as possible. I took some deep meditative breaths and focused inward as Quintus said. The light still didn’t appear.

  This is impossible.

  I lay back in the bed with my eyes still closed and worked on clearing my mind completely. No thought whatsoever was the safest bet for me. That was when the light started to manifest. First it was hazy beneath my eye lids as if the light bulb in the room had gotten brighter. Then I started to feel it all around me. I slowly and calmly tried to collect it all together as Quintus said to do. I envisioned the light on my feet, then pictured socks.

  The feel of something hard against my foot made my eyes fly open. Leaning against my sole was a hard flat sock without an opening, as if I’d photographed a sock and cut out the picture. I picked up the worthless image and drummed my fingers against the bed. More details seemed to be needed in my mental image.

  I did it again, finding it easier to gather the energy now that I knew what it felt like. This time I pictured warm, soft, comfy socks—with proper openings. The socks I envisioned appeared on the bed, only they were five sizes too large. I tossed them to the side and tried again. It took several more tries before I mastered the sock creation. A joyous cry escaped my lips. I’d done it. I could do it! I was
stronger than the emotions threatening to engulf me.

  My fingers drifted over my new socks and felt the material. They felt like socks—nothing like what I associated with light. They were so real. . . . My eyes trailed back to my shirt. It wasn’t quite right, not exactly like Holden’s shirt. There was, of course, the lack of his scent, but also the material should have been soft like his touch and the shoulders wider. Fingering the hem, I imagined what the real shirt was like. Moments later the garment felt like I had just slipped it off his body and over mine—

  Warmth washed over me, but I still kept him pushed far back into my mind. Having his shirt was one thing, having him in my head was another. The longer Holden didn’t know I was back, the better. In fact, if he never knew, that would suit me just fine—not that he would come to find me or anything. He’d had his fun, what could he possibly want with me now?

  I sniffed the shirt. It still didn’t smell like him. It needed traces of his cologne, the clean scent of his soap, and the warm spiciness of his skin. Just imagining it sent lust spiking through my body. My cheeks flushed. I couldn’t create fragrances, could I?

  I chewed on my fingernail as I contemplated whether I was doing myself more harm than good. Perhaps the shirt would act as a fix—a patch—so I didn’t obsess about the real thing. If I could just keep part of that time with him for a little while, could that really hurt?

  I tried one of the layers of the smell first. Just his cologne. I thought about it clinging to the fabric and the way it occasionally drifted to my nose. A masculine, but not overpowering, scent. I pressed my face into the shirt, inhaling deeply. Oh my God it worked. I bit my lip, trying to decide if I should continue or if I should erase this lapse in judgment. My stomach twisted like a teenager sneaking out of the house for the first time.

  I just need to smell him once—then I’ll get rid of it. My concentration gathered even as my heart thumped wildly, knowing full well I was toying with something that should be left alone.

  Seven

  The pretty blonde in a turtleneck sweater looked as surprised to see me as I was her. She definitely wasn’t the type for this sort of club. Her arms were crossed over her chest, and she took a step back at the sight of me.

  “I thought you were dead,” I told Juliet bluntly, watching her response to gage where we stood and how much she knew.

  She quirked an odd smile, seeming to regain some confidence. “I am.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “I do—just like you know what happened.”

  Obviously she’d made a deal. No matter where I went or how hard I tried, I couldn’t get away from St. Louis. It found me wherever I ran. “Not the particulars. I didn’t have a part in your transformation.”

  She tilted her head to one side. “But you played a large part in my transformation. You stole my best friend and set off the chain of events.”

  “Stole? That’s going a bit far.” What on earth was she talking about? Did she honestly believe all of that was about her? “And how did I set off the chain of events?”

  “Semantics. One day Olivia and I were as close as can be and the next, well, there was you.”

  I couldn’t help but to smile at the annoyance it still caused her.

  “You killed Christopher which set off the chain of events that lead to my deal.”

  Christ, him again. My eyes rolled involuntarily at the thought of that douchebag. “What makes you think that?” I asked, still not giving her anything.

  “I put the pieces together. Mark explained a few things and in retrospect, it was easy to see that a jinni was in the mix—once I knew a jinni didn't live in a lamp and grant wishes.”

  “Easy to see, is it?”

  She flipped her hair back. “Well, yes, and obviously I was correct.”

  “Please, amaze me with your powers of deduction.” I hoped I wouldn’t have to kill her, but she was the only living person besides Olivia’s mom who could link me to Olivia.

  “One day Olivia was rational and normal, then she sees some stranger from across the room and suddenly becomes obsessed. Things like that don’t really happen without a little push, especially not to people like her. Olivia started disappearing and keeping secrets. She didn’t react as she should have to Christopher’s death. . . . Hell, Christopher’s death in general should have been suspicious. He was a self-absorbed asshole, but wasn’t the type to kill himself.” Anger radiated from her. “She stopped caring about me or what I felt. She was only worried about you. Joe breaking up with me for no reason just before all of that started—it was like dominos. Knowing Olivia like I did, I can’t believe I bought all of that while it was happening.”

  “Check your emotions," I snapped. "I'm running a business here.” She still harbored some resentment, but most of her ramble was poorly strung together accusations about Olivia. She didn’t seem to know much, and if she told that story to anyone else, I would simply appear to have been doing my job. Juliet could live—for now.

  She smirked. “You weren’t as sneaky as you thought. My question is why didn’t Mark tell me everything?”

  I shrugged. “How was it any of your concern? They keep us on a need to know. It was probably easier to get you to agree to your deal not telling you. What did Vetis say?”

  “Who’s Vetis?”

  I rolled my eyes. “The demon you knew as Mark.”

  She furrowed her brows and looked put out. “That he came for me. To help me. He was the only one who cared.”

  Either being a jinni was starting to break her down or she had absolutely no sense of self-worth and only saw herself reflected through other people. No wonder she liked Olivia, everyone’s reflection through Olivia's eyes was far superior to their reality. “You believe that?”

  Bitterness colored her expression. “What happened to Olivia?”

  “She’s dead.”

  “How do you know?” Her eyes narrowed.

  “I watched her die.” It was common for new jinn to be removed from their original territory. The only rule we had to follow in the Abyss was not exposing its existence, so she would’ve been sent far away. It was curious that she already managed to make it back this close to St. Louis.

  “Good,” she said with a self-satisfied smile that surprised me.

  I understood she had a lot of misplaced anger towards Olivia, but I expected some deeper emotional connection to remain. The way Olivia reacted to Juliet’s death and the way Juliet seemed pleased about Olivia’s didn’t add up. “I thought you were friends,” I said, looking back at my papers in an effort to appear only half interested.

  “I'm glad little Ms. Perfect is gone. I told him she would never agree to any deal, and he wouldn’t want her if she did. She was always above such things. Olivia would have tried to hold me back. She would’ve recognized what he was, and she would’ve never understood what he could offer.”

  “Demons can be tricky.”

  “Olivia would've known." Juliet's face twisted in what I hoped was confusion. "How did she not recognize you for what you were?”

  Because she had my heart, I thought and struggled not to moan. “Maybe she wasn’t as good at judging people as you thought.”

  “Maybe.” Her doubt was obvious. “Or maybe she was blinded by lust. She was really hung up on you, you know? I've never seen her like that with anyone. She would’ve followed you anywhere. You had her completely wrapped around your finger; you were the right person for the job. Fear would’ve never motivated her.”

  I smiled, but didn’t comment. I wished Olivia had just been a job then I wouldn’t be in this mess. Juliet's words nagged at me. Was all of what Olivia felt for me a product of my powers? Maybe I hadn’t done as good a job holding them back as I thought. Maybe Olivia didn't love me at all, and that’s why she didn't come back.

  No. Our feelings were real. They were. Even time couldn’t convince me otherwise. However, I was beginning to get the impression there was something else involved in all of this. I could o
nly take so much coincidence. Something was moving all of us around like pieces on a chess board, and I didn't like it.

  “Besides if she became a jinni, I’d have to kill her.” Juliet’s hiss brought me back to her still standing in my office.

  “Really?” Like hell she would. She’d be dead on the ground before she even finished thinking the threat if Olivia were standing next to me.

  “Absolutely.”

  “Even though she was your friend?”

  “You know as well as I do, in the end, no one has friends.”

  Interesting. The change in her seemed extreme. I didn’t know her well when she was alive, but Olivia couldn’t have been best friends with someone like this, could she? It was getting to be ridiculous. First there was Christopher, then me, now Juliet. Did she purposefully surround herself with evil? “What did the demon offer you?”

  She frowned. “Let’s just say I found Vetis’ terms agreeable.”

  “You don’t want to tell me your agreement?”

  “Do I have to?”

  “You don’t have to do anything, Juliet. What brings you here? How did you find me?” As much as I enjoyed having someone to talk about Olivia with, this conversation was only annoying me. I was bored with trying to get information out of her, and her bitter rambles told me little more than I already knew. Juliet may have been Olivia’s best friend, but I was beginning to doubt she knew her at all.

  “I work here. I take it you’re the new boss.” She smiled again. “I told Livi not to trust you.”

  “Ah, then you must be Julie Jones?”

  “At your service.” She did a mock curtsy.

  I stared at her. Could I really allow her to work near me? Then again could I afford to send her away and not keep an eye on her?

  “Have a seat.” Juliet sat across the desk and waited for me to start. “Are we going to have a problem?”

  “Whatever do you mean?” she asked, feigning innocence and batting her eyelashes.

  “I mean I'm aware you've never liked me, and I could really care less. Do I have to kill you, or can you get past your hang ups and be professional?”