Choices

by Liz Schulte

  He nodded, so we worked out another time to bring Olivia to him for a bit more focused training. “She doesn’t know, so don’t mention what she is.”

  “She doesn’t know she’s an elder? Why ever not?”

  I sighed, not knowing how much I could share. “Ezra didn’t exactly say. He said he was worried about her throwing off the balance.”

  Jace rolled his eyes. “I bet he is.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “Judging by his actions, my guess is she’s high council. Right now they’re stalemate on many issues. Since there are only four members, the council is often split on decisions. If Ezra doesn’t know whether she’ll take his side of arguments, of course he’d be worried about her falling onto his opponent’s side.”

  I laughed. “If they only knew Olivia and her lack of decision making, they would feel perfectly safe in her addition.”

  “You like this one.” Jace’s eyes sparkled as he looked at me.

  “She’s a nice enough girl.”

  “No, that’s not it. You actually like her. I haven’t seen you so interested in someone since Catherine.”

  “I’m simply interested in what she can do. When will I ever have another opportunity to get to know a high elder this well?”

  “Plausible excuse, but I’ll judge for myself when I see the two of you together. Have you heard the rumors about our missing friends?”

  I didn’t know what Jace knew, but Ezra was clear. “I’m sure it is nothing. I am not concerned.” The lie burned in my throat. I was concerned and hoped the situation was resolved soon.

  Jace nodded. “Safe journey, my friend.”

  “See you Wednesday.” I transported directly to my apartment and was glad to see Olivia’s light was on in her room, though the door was closed. So much power and so unwilling to use it. I would find a way to get through to her.

  Twelve

  I was a fraud. I was using jinni methods, my decision had been right. I should’ve been a jinni not a guardian. I knew it. I wasn’t going to be a good guardian. I couldn’t even nudge someone correctly. I didn’t think I’d be good at hurting people, but I’d been so angry since I got back, maybe I was wrong. Quintus had always been a calm, relaxing presence around me, but I felt anything but calm or relaxed. I was always on the verge of being caught, figured out. How long before they realized they made a mistake and I wasn’t supposed to be here.

  Did they know what I almost chose? Did Quintus know that if Holden had not been quite so quick on the trigger, I wouldn’t be his problem at all? Helping the old man felt great, felt like maybe I was in the right place. But what we did today felt meaningless. I didn’t care if I made the reading woman leave or not. I understood what Quintus was telling me and even why we were doing it, but I didn’t understand why I had to help her and not the person who really needed my help. . . . Doing that just made me a bigger fraud. I was never going to be an obey-without-questions sort of guardian. I hoped they knew that.

  I wandered the streets until I was good and lost, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to go back. I sat on a bench and stared out into the ancient city. I wanted to talk to Mom and Juliet. I wanted my life back. I didn’t want to be a soldier in the guardian brigade. There were a lot of things I wanted—but I couldn’t have any of them, all because of one person.

  I welcomed the anger back because it drowned the sadness and gave me the will to master this. I had no illusion I could avoid Holden forever, so when the time came to see him again, I would be ready. I wouldn’t be defeated by my feelings for him. It took my constant concentration to keep his thoughts locked out of my mind, and I couldn’t sleep much and maintain this privacy. A little grumpiness, however, was better than hearing how he played me or worse falling back into his arms to be hurt again.

  A movement to my left interrupted my thoughts. I looked up and saw a young man close on the heels of a young woman who kept looking behind herself nervously. I hopped up without thinking and headed for the man. His light was growing darker as resolve was setting in. I put a hand on his shoulder, and he whipped around startled, knife in hand.

  I blinked at the thrill of the rush I felt at the situation. I let my light pour into him, combating the darkness. “Why would you want to ruin your life?” I asked him quietly.

  He stood staring at me dumbfounded until the knife fell from his grip. “Where did you come from?”

  “It doesn’t matter. Killing her won’t make you feel any better.”

  “That’s my girlfriend. She just left my friend’s place. What will make me feel better?”

  “Moving on. Killing her ruins your life more than it does hers. But if you leave her and find happiness somewhere else, then she’ll always see what she lost.” I didn’t know if my argument was a good one or even a pious one, but it was the only thing I could come up with on the fly. I hadn’t been prepared to talk someone out of murder. The darkness in him was still strong, the energy I fed him was only enough to keep it at bay. In a split moment I made a decision, I pushed him just like I had the girl in the coffee shop. I sent him the feeling that he didn’t love his girlfriend as much as he thought.

  He shook his head, but stopped struggling against me. The darkness receded until it was nearly gone. “You’re right. You’re absolutely right!” He smiled and threw his arms around me and headed in the opposite direction.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” a voice snapped from the alley fifty feet away. A shadow of a woman approached me. As she came closer, I saw the darkness swirling around her and I wondered if she was a jinni. She was skinny and brittle looking. Her face was stark and pissed off and there was something reptilian about her eyes. Was this what Holden would look like now? “He was mine.”

  I looked back in the direction the man went and smiled to myself. “Not anymore.”

  When I turned back towards the woman, her open hand met my face. I clasped my stinging cheek, shocked. I’d never been in a fight in my life. The crazed jinni didn’t seem to care as she lunged at me, hands curling around my throat. She ranted on and on about how much planning and work I ruined. I fought against her to no avail, and as I struggled to breathe and my chest burned, anger filled me, lining my spine with steel. One jinni already killed me; I wasn’t about to let another do the same. I stopped flailing and hit her as hard as I could on the side of the head. The blow didn’t do much besides rock her slightly to the side. She slammed my head against the sidewalk. As a Hail Mary, I sent her a light suggestion to release me and to my amazement she did. She looked at her hands in horror as they blistered.

  She fell off of me and scrambled away. “What did you do to me?” she shrieked.

  I watched, just as confused as she was, while nasty boils continued to grow over her. I hadn’t done anything. I just wanted her to let me go. I had no intention of hurting her, but the fact that for the first time in my life, I wasn’t completely helpless smothered any guilt I had. I didn’t know what I did, but I was glad I could do it. It made me feel alive, it made me feel as if I had choices all of a sudden, but most importantly it felt right—different, but equal to how helping the old man felt.

  I pushed myself up to my feet. “Leave this city and don’t come back.” I told the jinni before walking away rubbing the back of my head. I felt good, strong. Maybe I couldn’t nudge, but I could make a difference my way.

  I couldn’t tell Quintus what I did because he wouldn’t approve, so when I got back to his apartment I was thankful he wasn’t there. I closed myself in my room and looked in the mirror. The red scratches and finger prints were beginning to fade, but there were still signs I had been in a fight. I showered and sat on the bed meditating. I pushed back the anger that filled me during the confrontation and used it as a further barrier against Holden.

  Something new occurred to me once my mind was clear. Maybe I hadn’t picked up how to do this from Holden, but I stole how to do this from Holden. He was in my head and I was in his. Maybe I could do wh
at the jinn did simply because of our connection. It made sense that anger would feed the ability. I lay back contemplating this. That was why it felt right—because it felt right to him. There was a definitely a piece of me that didn’t believe hurting her was okay. Even though she attacked me and even though she was a jinni, part of me had just wanted to walk away and not hurt anyone. If that was the case then the ability was definitely something I shouldn’t use. If I drew too much on the connection, it would alert him to my presence and as far as I could tell he had no idea I was around. I was a guardian now, and I should follow their rules, shouldn’t I? Hadn’t I learned my lesson about messing around with darkness? Whatever it was I couldn’t risk using it again.

  I sighed, disappointed that my little bit of freedom was already taken away. I cursed the day I ever met him. My life, or after life, would be so much less complicated without him constantly factoring in. I rolled onto my side annoyed in general. I just wanted to go home.

  Thirteen

  Putting Baker on retention may have been the smartest thing I had done. He knew absolutely everyone in the Abyss. He called himself my underboss, which was fine with me. He even drew me a diagram about how I needed to structure the “organization” if I wanted to succeed where the others had failed. He was wealth of knowledge and pegged Juliet as a threat right away which made me like him more. He said I needed to compartmentalize. If one person knew too much about my business, they could take over, but if everyone only knew a piece, then I had security; himself excluded since a shifter could never lead the jinn.

  Juliet, at my insistence, was a caporegime, or captain, for the club section of the business. Baker argued that I needed people I could trust in these positions, and I told him I wanted her close so I could keep an eye on her and what she was plotting against me. Plus I liked to be able to control the information she had and could spread. I also had to make sure she didn’t get suspicious about my real feelings for Olivia. Perhaps I was being overly cautious, but perhaps not.

  He shrugged. “I guess you’d know a thing or two about deception,” he said and dropped the subject, though he still kept eye on her and mentioned anything he saw as out of the ordinary which I appreciated.

  We still needed a captain for the jinn and one for the business side of things who would keep me looking legitimate. The jinn captain would have to be another jinni and one who already had soldiers. Baker suggested a human for the business side to find me new investments and corporations to run my money through, so the club and Juliet would be as separate as possible. He chose a human because we could keep the human secret, and he would be easily influenced to do as we want and never rollover. I hadn’t exactly been a tax paying citizen before this, nor did I ever intend to be, so I needed someone who could legitimize me if someone started digging.

  Baker set off to find us a businessman and my first responsibility was to make a connection with a jinni. Baker knew a few jinn who had beefs with Danica and directed me to their local hangouts, but jinn were a notoriously closed group. We didn’t trust each other; we trusted outsiders even less. I had no idea how to do this. I didn’t make friends, and I sure as hell didn’t reach out to people. The thought of asking for help made me cringe. I sat sprawled on my couch, staring at the wall, trying to decide how to approach this. If another jinni came to me for help, I would see him/her as weak. I couldn’t afford that; our relationship needed to appear mutually beneficial. If a jinni came up to me and struck up a conversation, I’d be suspicious and think they were angling for something I had that they wanted. I wouldn’t trust anything the jinni said or did, and I certainly wouldn’t enter into a partnership with said jinni. How would someone get me to help them?

  The sound of the clock ticking on the wall was like a metronome. I couldn’t think of anything but the sound of it, as I tried to figure out what I had always avoided. What could I do that other jinn couldn’t do? Just like humans, some jinn were better suited for some areas of life. Not every human could be a doctor and not every jinni could work the subtle influences where I excelled. I needed to find a brute out of the possible candidates Baker chose. Someone I could help and would want me to keep helping him. If I made myself indispensable, he would protect me and my interests with his life.

  The first jinni I went to scout was Mears Olsen. He looked like a mean fucking giant. He was enormous. He was at least half a head taller than me and had to go a good 350; he didn’t look soft either. His head was hairless and his black eyebrows came to a point in the center of each brow giving him the constant appearance of being pissed off. Part of me wondered if I could take him and was itching to try. Mears was surrounded by leather clad lackeys the whole time I watched him in the biker bar. I couldn’t figure out what his specialty was until half way through the night a brawl broke out like none I had ever seen. It wasn’t punches being thrown—people were being stabbed with pool cues, four or five guns were fired into the crowd, and tables were set ablaze while he sat in the center and laughed. His eyes connected with mine when he noticed I wasn’t participating. He tilted his chin slightly, acknowledging that he knew I was a jinni. I stood slowly and finished my drink before I walked over to him, easily dodging the mayhem.

  “What do we gain by this?” I asked him as I sat at his table and a barstool flew past me through a plate glass window.

  “Who da fuck cares?”

  I shook my head and stood up. “Clean it up now or suffer the consequences.”

  Walking outside, I pulled my phone from my pocket. He wasn’t right for the job. He was a brute, but he had no sense, no game plan, no big picture. He was an idiot. I texted Baker that Mears wasn’t going to work, then sensed Mears behind me, wrath still radiating from him.

  I side-stepped his slow swing easily without even having to look back. He had so little control I could tell exactly where he was at any moment. I could have fought him blindfolded. He was slow and sloppy, obviously depending on his looks to frighten people. He pulled a switchblade out of his pocket and I shook my head.

  “You should have stayed inside and did as I told you.”

  “Come on, pretty boy. I’ve been needin’ a new bitch.”

  He took a clumsy lunge at me, and I disarmed and hamstringed the big fellow before he even realized he was outmatched. He lay on the ground bleeding and holding the back of his knees. I squatted beside him, laid hands on his bald head and sent a blinding pain that made it feel like his skin was being peeled off with rusty, dull razorblades. I let him jerk and spasm until his eyes rolled back in his head, then I let go. “Next time you cross me, you’ll wish I sent you to hell.”

  “Who are you?” he croaked, his voice hoarse from yelling.

  “Holden Smith, your new regional commander, and I’m not impressed.” I walked away satisfied with the encounter. I may not have found my new captain, but I’d established dominance, and he would think twice before challenging this pretty boy again. Asshole.

  The next contestant was Phoenix Harbolt. I found him in a Goth punk club. I took my seat amongst the plastic-garbed, eyeliner-wearing menagerie of people who all wore identical woe-is-me expressions. In fact, I’d felt that heavy burden of self-pity and discontent blanketing the room as soon as I walked in. It was subtle, but intense and relentless. Already Phoenix was more interesting than Mears, and I hadn’t even laid eyes on him.

  I sat casually observing while people wallowed in self-pity and paid for the right to do so. He didn’t even have to go look for targets. They sought him. I finally caught sight of him at the back of the room with an arm around two girls wearing black lipstick and not much else. He was short, probably no more than 5’8, with a sharp nose, a hair lip, and heavy eyebrows. I waited to see what he would do, how he would perform, but nothing changed. He simply maintained the room’s despondent feeling and I bored quickly. I followed one of his patrons as they left the bar, curious about how strong the influence really was. Did Phoenix just make them depressed while they were in his presence or was it lingeri
ng? What was his recruitment and mortality rate? Why did other jinn follow him?

  I caught the girl I was following by the arm and smiled at her letting some of my own energy flow. Her scowl immediately vanished, along with the downtrodden posture. “You hang out there a lot?” I asked, pointing back to emo heaven.

  She nodded. “A couple times a week, but I never saw you there. I don’t know how I could have missed it.” She ran her fingertip down my chest.

  I gave her a quick once over, but she wasn’t worth my time. I was only interested in wholesome these days. Olivia had spoiled me. I turned and walked back into the club, ready to throw Phoenix a curve ball. I stood opposite of where he’d been and let the lust gates crack open. Slowly but surely it spread out from me and towards him. The petting and groping spread across the room and threatened an orgy, but slowly the wet blanket of despair became heavier and heavier until it started to put out some of my fires.

  I released another small amount of sexual passion and once again took the upper hand. Minutes later, when lust had firmly taken over, and I was about to leave, I felt a strong assault directed solely at me. Olivia’s face popped into my mind, and I wanted to fall to my knees and weep at my loss. I didn’t want to wear eyeliner or anything, but it was a strong attack, especially on a jinni of my age and strength.

  I walked Phoenix’s way. He scanned the crowd with irritation, trying to find me while his two female companions made out.

  “You’re welcome for that, by the way,” I said, nodding towards the two girls.

  He looked down at them as if he hadn’t noticed, then back at me. “Holden Smith, I presume.”

  “Does my reputation precede me?”

  “I heard you were in the area and lust was your strength. I took a guess.”

  “So, you are what? Sloth?”

  “I prefer acedia.”

  “What’s the point of all of this? What’s your gain?”