Behind Your Eyes

by Susannah Woods

  “Where did you learn to swim?” Alex wondered, out of the blue.

  “What made you think of that?”

  He shrugged, not wanting to reveal that he had seen her several times in the waterfall. Nor did he want to divulge that he couldn't stop thinking of it.

  “My parents took me to Bath once on holiday. My father taught me. I was young, but I took to it. Northwood is not far from Bath, you know,” she told him.

  He nodded in agreement. “I have never been there. Is it nice?”

  “Yes, I liked the water and the sand felt so good under my feet. I think that is why I like this place so much,” she said, motioning towards the house and surrounding areas.

  “This is beautiful,” he agreed.

  They paused, soaking in the view. The sun was hot on their faces, but neither seemed to mind it. Anne lay on the blanket and rolled over onto her back, relishing the warmth. Suddenly, she thought about all the small talk in London about the rainy English weather. The old ladies back home would certainly have something to say about the West Indies weather. Only they would complain about how hot it was. Too much sun, they would say. Anne almost laughed aloud. She couldn't get enough of it. Her skin was starting to darken but she didn't mind it. Those old ladies in London would certainly hate it. Curious how Anne seemed to take to this place so readily and smiled when she thought about everything back in England. She had dreaded leaving home but nothing on earth could rival the simple beauty of this island. Now she was startled to discover she never wanted to leave.

  “Why is it that your parents lived in Northwood? Why not in the estate house?” Alex suddenly asked.

  “My parents spent part of their honeymoon in Bath. On their way back to London, they spotted a cottage there they absolutely loved. So, my father bought it and my mother made it our home. They much preferred the cottage to the drafty estate. But Charles enjoys it, so he lives there.”

  “And you? Did you enjoy living in the country?”

  Anne nodded. “I did. London was too much for me, I must admit. I never wanted to leave my little cottage behind. I miss my writing desk the most.”

  “Your desk?”

  “At Northwood, I had a beautiful writing desk where I kept my pencils, sketch pads, correspondence, and the like. That is the only thing about England I miss at this moment,” she confessed.

  They both mulled that over; Alex sipping his wine, Anne closing her eyes to the brightness of the sky. They stayed like that for a good few minutes before Anne thought of something she would like to ask him.

  “Tell me something about your childhood,” she requested, sitting up.

  Alex was startled by the inquiry but pleased to see the direction the afternoon had taken.

  “Well, um...what would you like to know?” He asked.

  “Tell me about your brother. You never talk about him, but I know he was important to you.”

  Alex's eyes stared off into the sea as his mind sifted through all the memories of his childhood. There had been so many good times with Phillip. Which one to choose?

  “Once, when I was ten, my father took us hunting. It was my first time, but Phillip had done it twice before. I thought he knew everything, since he had been before. I was scared I wasn't going to hit anything and disappoint my father. I knew he wouldn't think less of me if I didn't hit anything, but I wanted so badly to please him. Well, Phillip and I wandered off by ourselves. I told him how much I wanted to get a hit and he assured me I would without any problems. I asked him if he had hit anything his first time out and he told me he didn't hit a thing. I was astonished because I was so sure that my big brother could do everything right. He laughed and said that sometimes it takes a while to become a crack shot, but he believed I could hit something if I just tried hard enough. He was right. I hit a pheasant. It was small and had very little meat on it, but I hit it. I was so proud as I showed it off to my father. And all Phillip could say was that I had the talent for it that he didn't have. It surprised me how much he tried to instill confidence in me.”

  Alex paused, recalling how his brother had bragged to everyone that Alex had bagged a pheasant his first time hunting. It wasn't a great kill, now that Alex thought about it, but it made him feel like he had got a fat Christmas goose.

  Anne watched Alex's face as the memory passed over it. Before she knew what she was doing, she leaned in and kissed him gently on the lips. Maybe it had been the wine or the heart-grabbing story; she would never know. All she knew was that she wanted to kiss him in that minute.

  Alex let her take the lead, as she pushed him back on the blanket. His arms came around her and he pulled her close. She pressed herself against him, loathe to break the spell that had passed over them.

  Her hands were in his hair. Anne could scarcely think, but one thought that did cross her mind was that his hair had grown much longer since they had been away from London. It was just one in many changes in him since they left England.

  Alex's hands roved over her head and down her back. He brushed the hair back from her face to keep it from falling in between their joined lips. He wanted nothing to separate them right now.

  When it suddenly became clear to him that he was painfully aroused, he broke off the kiss.

  “Anne, I really don't think we should do this,” his voice shaking as he sat up.

  “Why not?” She blinked, surprise in her lavender eyes.

  “It is not proper,” he reminded her.

  “We are engaged?”

  “Yes, but I want to do things right this time,” too late he realized his mistake.

  “This time?” She asked, eyes narrowing.

  “It was a long time ago. It was a mistake.”

  “What was a mistake. That kiss?” she blurted.

  “Yes. No,” he sighed.

  “Why, why was it such a mistake?” She asked softly.

  “That kiss was not a mistake. Rushing you is a mistake,” he assured her, his heart still racing from the contact of her body.

  “Then we shall wait,” she said, barely whispering.

  Something in her eyes told him that she was going to pull away again. His body just couldn't take it if she did that again.

  He reached for her, pulling her into his arms, brushing his lips against hers. Simply wanting to reassure her, he didn't realize that a simple kiss would not be enough this time.

  His body was heavy with desire and he found he couldn't break the contact of her smooth body against his. His gaze wandered over her face. He wished he could stare into her eyes forever, for they were very lovely. He was tired of her games, tired of being pushed away.

  In reaction to his thoughts, he pulled her close and kissed her hard on the mouth.

  She had no time to react to this onslaught. So, she just melted against him in a rapid surrender. She was sure the wine had made her toss her good judgment out to sea and she would have let him do anything at this moment.

  Alex kissed Anne like a starving animal. He had to taste her, drink her, make her his. He took her mouth, then decided it wasn't enough. He moved his attention to her earlobe, then her neck. Against his conscience, he didn't stop there.

  His need trumped everything at this moment and he pulled down her dress, desperate to reveal her breasts. He needed to taste all of her this moment, not knowing when or if he would get another chance. Anne held tight to Alex, riding this incredible wave of sensation. She arched her neck, moving her hands to his head, seeking to bind him to her. She ran her hands through his hair; everything to let him know she approved of this sensuous interlude. He pulled her dress lower and she moaned her consent.

  Good God, will she stop me before I ravish her? Alex's mind was protesting, but his body pushed all the offending musings aside. He continued to pull her dress lower, finally revealing her corset. Damn thing. Well, no matter. He pulled that down as well, kissing her shoulder all the while. His hand moved to brush against her right breast. Plump and full and oh-so-available. He gently squeezed it, ge
tting another moan of approval from the owner. He pulled away slightly and stared at her perfect chest for all of a second before he took the cherry-like nipple into his mouth. He adored it with his tongue, pleasuring Anne with his wanton mouth. He sucked gently, then harder and Anne thought she might die from the delight. She was hungry for more, feeling an emptiness between her legs she had never felt. Anne knew she needed more, but was not entirely sure what it was, or how to ask for it.

  Alex sensed her desire. Yes, his body groaned, oh, Anne, yes. He had to be inside her at that moment. He guided her to the soft blanket beneath them, preparing for the ultimate seduction. His hand glided down her body, coming to rest on her knee, then came back up underneath her dress. He slowly pushed it up until her right thigh was revealed, gently touched the soft skin of her inner thigh. They both sighed their contentment and frustration. His fingers tickled her core, coming to rest just outside her femininity. He lightly pressed his longest finger into her folds and groaned when he found her wet and ready for him. He resumed his fiery kisses as his finger licked her wetness. He slowly moved his finger in and out until she thought she might scream. His thumb joined in, rubbing her sensitive pearl. In mere moments she was flying, as intense pleasure claimed her. Panting and moaning his name, she clung to him, determined to maintain the wonderful sensations running through her body.

  Alex freed his insistent manhood from his pants, ready to join her in ecstasy. He looked into her beautiful eyes all hazy with passion. Yes, his body hissed, take her now. But something stilled him. It was her eyes. Hazy and satisfied, but so trusting. She trusted him. It gave him pause. Here she was, hair mussed, breathless with passion, half-dressed, and they were on a beach.. She deserved a bed with clean sheets, fluffy pillows, rose petals, and candlelight on her wedding night. Not this fast coupling.

  Oh, God, what am I doing? Alex quickly moved away from her and readjusted his breeches. What kind of animal am I?

  “Damn” was all that came out of his mouth. “I'm sorry Anne.”

  Then he stood and abruptly walked down the beach. A love-hazed Anne was left alone, disheveled, satisfied, and confused. She wished she had a mirror, but she could guess what she looked liked. She probably looked thoroughly ravaged. She felt like it too. Ravaged and so very confused.

  Eventually she righted herself and ran down the beach to catch up with him

  Avoiding her eyes, he offered an apology.

  “I am sorry. It was a mistake,” he concluded.

  “Why is it a mistake every time you touch me?”

  He looked into her eyes then and saw hurt. It broke his heart.

  “It's just that we are not married yet. It isn't morally responsible.”

  “And yet, you can't seem to stop,” she reminded him, her eyes narrowed.

  “As I recall, you started all this by kissing me,” he countered.

  “As I recall, you kissed me just now. And you did other things that I believe are not 'morally responsible',” she threw back at him.

  “I just can't let this happen again,” he blurted before he thought about it.

  Her eyes glazed over and he shivered, damning himself for doing this to her. She said nothing as they walked back to the picnic blanket.

  Together they cleaned up the remnants of lunch and then made their way to the house in stony silence. Anne went straight to her bedchamber and cried. She felt better after that. Unwilling to sort out her feelings, she numbed herself to the pain, then ordered a light supper brought to her room.

  It was halfway through his dinner that Alex had a revelation. If she wanted him to fight for her, he would. He would wage war on her undecided heart. It was obvious they had a chemistry. All he had to do was tap into her passions. His brilliant plan came to him suddenly: a wedding ball. As soon as her mother arrived, he would invite everyone to join him in celebrating their wedding. Then he would court her with flowers and gifts and compliments. He would kiss her and touch her, but he would treat her like a lady. No more sensual activities until the wedding. He would do all this. For her.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  “Love is never easy, son. But it sure is worth it.”

  The sun was falling, painting the sky in beautiful hues of pink, red, yellow, and orange.

  The sunsets were gorgeous here, and Anne lamented that she had wasted twenty years away from this island. It seemed right to her. It seemed like home. Knowing these were dangerous thoughts, she brushed them aside.

  Before each evening meal, Anne would come to watch the sunset and tonight was no exception. The night had the quiet, lazy feel of a summer evening.

  Chloe had, indeed, been a perfect ladies' maid. The silk gown clung to her frame perfectly and the orchid color touched her eyes and brought them to life. Her slippers remained fixed on her feet. To her delight, the sand did not ruin the soft kid.

  Tonight, Anne walked the sugary path alone, looking for shells, looking for answers her heart refused to give.

  Love was a terrifying proposition and she wasn't sure it was worth it. But when Alex's mozuth had been on her body, she wanted nothing more than to explore that feeling. Maybe it was lust she was feeling for him, (certainly a new sensation) but she was the kind of girl who couldn't separate the two. It had to be all in or nothing. Having been strong since the moment her mother had announced this engagement, the floodgates had opened and her emotions had overwhelmed her. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't rationalize her behavior or her feelings. It was a no-win situation.

  Anne wandered back to the house to look for Jack and found him in his bedchamber, standing over his desk, looking over some maps and charts. Jack was such a careful man. Always deliberate in everything he did. His cravat was always perfectly tied, his shirts always neatly pressed. Neat to a fault. And handsome. Not in the rugged way that Alex was handsome, but in a tidy, clean way. He was a great friend and ally at times like these.

  “Good evening, Jack, how are you?”

  Jack looked up from his desk and smiled.

  “Hullo, Anne. I am well, thank you. And you?”

  “As well as can be expected, thank you.”

  Jack's smile turned to concern as he looked Anne over properly. Anne spoke before Jack could even inquire as to what was bothering her.

  “Jack, you are a good friend to me. You can tell me truthfully. How does Alex feel about me?”

  Jack laughed, “Ask him yourself. I don't know.”

  “You must have a feeling?”

  “Anne, it's not my place...” he began, running a hand through his rich brown hair.

  “Please, Jack. I would just like to....I don't know. Maybe know him a little better?”

  Jack visibly relaxed, “Then you should talk to him. He will open up to you, I am sure of that.”

  “Does he....is he still upset at this engagement?”

  Jack shrugged, “I didn't know he was upset in the first place. Alex would never do anything he didn't want to do, if that helps you.”

  Anne nodded, “Thanks.”

  As she headed down to the dinning room, she turned and asked if he was going to join them for dinner. He shook his head, blaming too much work.

  Alex was waiting for her a the bottom of the stairs.

  “Shall we?” Offering his arm, she took it and felt tingles. Oh dear.

  Once he had helped Anne sit comfortably, Alex took his customary seat next to her and told her of his plan to throw a grand wedding reception.

  “Truly?” Genuine excitement planted itself all over her face and she began to chat animatedly about the plans. Alex's smile lit the room.

  *****

  August came with blistering heat and Anne found solace in the waterfall every day. Things had progressed nicely with Alex. She no longer denied she had some sort of feeling for him and she was more receptive to his gentle courting. She let him steal kisses, she surprised him with a gift or two of her own, and she got to know every worker on the plantation. Alex had told her how pleased he was that she had t
aken an interest in her new home and her heart had fluttered all day at the look of pride in his eyes. If she could be more honest with herself, she would say she was falling in love with him. But she denied that emotion at every moment and convinced herself that it was lust that made her melt with each one of his kisses.

  Towards the middle of the month, Anne's mother and sister finally arrived with Charles in tow.

  “My dear! So wonderful to see you. But you look flushed! You have too much color in your cheeks,” Sophia critically observed as she greeted her eldest. Hugs and greetings ensued with trunks and valises bundled up the stairs, until, finally, the three Stafford women were alone in the guest room Sophia would occupy until the wedding.

  Once everyone was settled, rested, and refreshed, Janey and Anne dressed for dinner. On the edge of the bed, Janey sat, watching her sister adjust her dress and play with her hair.

  “Have your feelings changed about the pirate?” Janey teased.

  Anne was agitated enough, she did not need Janey needling her. As if her upcoming wedding had not left her more nervous than she had ever been in her life! Not only to be married to him, but share his bed. The thought sent shivers down her spine.

  “Janey, he is not a pirate, he's a good man,” Anne admitted with an impatient sigh at her errant hair. Oh, Lord, did I just say he is a good man?

  Janey smiled triumphantly. “I knew it! You see how handsome he is! He is much too intriguing to gloss over. Even for you,” Janey couldn't help that last poke at her sister.

  Anne smiled patiently at her younger sibling, despite her nerves. Janey was fanciful in everything she did and said. Everything was romantically dramatic. Anne had to admit to herself that her sister was fortunate, at times, to feel that way. She supposed she was once like that. Of course, she had been five. But now, she found that the thrill of Alex's touch raced through her veins. The thought of him sent her head spinning. So she supposed there was more romance in her heart than she was willing to admit.

  Her icy heart begin to melt the morning he had announced they were to have a large wedding and celebratory ball. Alex had shown on numerous occasions since then that he cared about her thoughts, feelings, and opinions. It was infinitely more interest than her mother had ever shown.