by Alice Ward
“Yeah,” I sighed, leaning against the wall. Booms sounded from the theater behind me. “I’m fine. That’s weird that he didn’t recognize you. He was at your gallery opening.”
“So you’ve pointed out. I don’t think he and I have ever talked, though, and like I said, he looks busy. He’s just sitting there staring into his drink.”
“Well, his dad must be coming to meet him there.”
“Yeah…”
Her tone of voice got me. “Yeah, what?”
“Okay, well, I just got here, but I asked the other bartender, and she said Seth’s been sitting there for two hours.”
I scoffed. “What? Are you sure?”
Rory’s voice grew even softer. “Is he okay? Did he say anything…”
“I don’t know. He just texted this morning, canceling our plans for the day. We didn’t even talk on the phone.” I remembered the terse quality of his last text.
“It’s probably nothing,” Rory assured me.
“Don’t do that.” Anger rose into my chest, and my face got hot, though it wasn’t her I was pissed at. Or maybe even Seth. It was the whole situation. It was falling for a guy and getting my hopes up for a weekend together, only to find myself at the movies with a married couple while said guy sat in a bar without me.
Where was the justice in that?
“I didn’t mean to suggest anything, Quinn. I’m sorry.”
I rubbed my face, remembered I hadn’t put on any makeup — something I hadn’t done in months. Why had I left the house with a bare face? Because I wouldn’t be seeing Seth, and therefore felt no need to look good? Since when did looking nice become about someone else?
“No, I’m sorry. I’m snapping at you. Just… will you text me again and let me know what happens? Let me know if someone comes to meet him.”
“Yeah, I will. Have a good night.”
“You too.”
I went back into the theater and tried to enjoy a movie I’d already missed the first ten minutes of, my phone on vibrate so I would know if I got a text. When it buzzed against my thigh, I opened my purse just enough so I could read the phone’s screen. Rory had texted He left. No one showed up.
An iron fist clamped down on my heart. Seth left. But where did he go?
If he had time to sit around in a bar without his dad, didn’t he have time to meet up with me, if only for a little bit? I’d put the whole day aside for him. The whole weekend.
Was I asking for too much? Perhaps something I didn’t know about was going on.
Maybe his dad’s not in town at all.
The giant screen in front of me blurred. Had Seth lied to me? Did he just not want to see me?
Could he — I could barely even think about it, but it seemed fair — be pulling a Quinn Laurent? Getting close and letting loose for a week or two, then pulling away when the relationship was taking a turn toward long term? I’d done it to more than one man, on account of not having the need or desire for anything even resembling a serious relationship.
Now it had been done to me.
I’d never told someone I was “falling for them,” though, then fled. I’d never stooped that low. A sick choking sound escaped my throat.
Heather turned her head to look at me. I couldn’t meet her eyes. Instead, I pointed at the exit and fled.
This time she followed.
“What’s going on?” she asked as the heavy door to the theater closed behind us.
I spun around on my heel to face her. “I think Seth’s seeing someone else.”
Heather gazed evenly at me, her face much calmer than I would have liked. “Have you guys talked about being exclusive?”
That halted me. “No, but…”
“Then you can’t expect him to be just seeing you.”
My mouth dropped open, and I stared at my married, sensible, way more traditional friend. She was the last person I expected to hear something like this from. “I…”
Heather crossed her arms and gave me a pitying look. “You’re falling for this guy. That’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. Especially if things are turning out like this.”
“Like what? What’s happened?”
“Rory saw him at her bar.” I gestured angrily. “Just a few minutes ago. He was alone. He told me his dad was visiting and that’s why he couldn’t see me today.”
“Maybe his dad is visiting.”
“Then why weren’t they together? Why was Seth sitting alone for two hours?”
She put her hand up. “Hold on. You just said you think he’s seeing someone else. How does sitting alone in a bar equate seeing another woman? Did Rory say he was there trying to pick up girls?”
I sighed. “He just left the bar. He could be on his way to see a woman now. My point is that if his dad was in town, they would be together, right?”
Heather’s mouth twisted as she thought it over. “I guess… but who knows? Why don’t you just call him and ask what’s up?”
I took a step back. “No way!”
“Why? Because that offends the facade you’ve so carefully built? The one of the woman who doesn’t let any man get to her?”
“Yeah, sure.” I lifted my chin.
Heather’s cheeks puffed as she exhaled heavily. “Wow. So, you’re just going to put yourself through hell? Or what, never call him again, and then move onto the next guy? And all because you don’t want to deal with what’s happening?”
I looked at my shoes. Part of me wanted to do just that. Never talking to Seth again would be easy. In an instant, my hands would be washed clean of all of this. I could move on, go back to thinking about nothing but work and my friends, go back to eating dinner alone with my dog and having a new blind date every other weekend. Casually dating again would be a roller coaster, but at least it wouldn’t be as extreme as the one I currently rode.
But I didn’t really want to do that. I didn’t want to — I couldn’t — move on.
“No,” I admitted. “I want to see him again.”
“Okay, so now comes the work part of relationships.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Ugh. I’m afraid to ask.”
“Talking,” she explained. “You sit down with him and see what’s up.”
I groaned. “I forgot about all of that. What if… what if he’s not into me anymore? Because it really seems like that’s what’s happening.”
“You’ll never know if you don’t ask.”
I ground my teeth together and nodded. She was right. I need to know if Seth meant what he had told me last weekend, that he was falling for me. Soon I would know the truth. And whatever it was I would accept it and move on.
“I’m sorry to be running out of the theater,” I told Heather. “But thank you for talking with me.”
“It’s okay, and you’re welcome. The movie sucks anyway. We should have just gone for frozen yogurt.”
“Oh my God, yes,” I moaned. “That’s just what I need right now.”
“There’s a place on the other side of the shopping center.”
“We can’t leave Dan.”
Heather pulled her cell phone from her pocket and started typing. “Oh, please. He owes me.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
I worked the conversation over and over in my head, trying to think of it as a business meeting. All I needed to do was take the proper steps.
Be pleasant.
Present my case.
Thank Seth for his time.
But the plan was ridiculous. This wasn’t a business meeting. This was a serious talk with the first man I’d wanted to be my boyfriend in years. I wasn’t negotiating a deal. I was looking for so much more.
I was looking to give him my heart.
He called at noon on Sunday, to let me know he could meet up for dinner. He suggested an Italian restaurant halfway between our places, but I asked him to come to my house first. The subject that needed to be broached wasn’t one I wanted to share in public.
I sat in the living r
oom flipping through channels. I kept glancing toward the window, looking for headlights flashing up the drive. When a pair that didn’t belong to a passing car swept the living room, I sprang up and opened the door.
Even the dim porch light showed the change in Seth right away. Something was different about him, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was.
“How are you?” he asked, stepping inside and coming close for a kiss.
Half-afraid the contact would be cold and emotionless, I tensed. His touch was the same as I remembered, though, and after a moment I relaxed into it. Breaking off, I led him to the couch then turned off the TV before taking a seat next to him.
“I’m sorry I had to cancel yesterday.”
“Thank you,” I answered. “It’s all right. You had to see your dad.” I bit my tongue slightly. I couldn’t let the issue just rest. There was more to say, more to ask, and I needed to get down to the matter. “So your dad is gone now?”
Seth’s eyes flicked toward the wall, avoiding contact with mine. “Yes.”
Tension bunched in my shoulders. I sucked in a sharp breath. “Seth… was your father really in town?”
This time his blue eyes locked right onto mine. “What?”
“I mean…” I licked my lips and tried again. “If he wasn’t, if you were doing something else, you can tell me. I don’t expect you to spend all your free time with me, and I know we haven’t talked about being exclusive or anything. So, if you’re seeing other people, it’s all right.”
According to Heather, that is.
“What are you talking about?” he demanded. “Quinn, you’re not making sense.”
I lifted my chin, eager to defend myself. “Rory saw you at the bar she works at last night. You remember my friend Rory? At her art opening?”
“Yes,” he sharply answered. “I remember her.”
“Do you? Do you remember what she looks like? She was the bartender at Reparations.”
His eyes went a little wider, making my heart sink. He did have something to hide. It was obvious in the way he worked to keep the muscles of his face passive.
A girl. He’d been with another girl. Most likely he was just killing time at the bar, waiting to meet up with her. Where had they gone? Her place? His? Had they gotten naked in his bed, the same place Seth and I…
I jutted my chin out a little farther, unable to stop myself. “I’m not suggesting you tell me about everything you do. I’m not your girlfriend after all. But it would have been nice if you’d given me a little bit more notice before canceling on me. It’s just common courtesy.”
Seth’s eyebrows twisted. “What are you going on about, Quinn? Do you hear yourself right now?”
I folded my arms, pressed them against my wildly beating heart. I had to protect my heart, had to prevent it from getting hurt anymore. “I know you probably see other girls. It’s fine. I’m not exactly a one-man woman myself. I’m too busy for a boyfriend.”
His jaw clicked. “For your information, I haven’t been with another woman since I started seeing you.”
I blinked hard, taken aback by the news. “Really?”
“Yes. Really. Have you been with anyone else?”
“I… no.”
“All right then. Anything else you want to ask?”
“What were you doing at that bar for so long?” I lashed out, unable to keep my attitude in check.
“I was waiting to meet up with my father.”
I shook my head in confusion. “So you hadn’t seen him all day? You could have gone to the park with me earlier like we planned…”
Seth’s nostrils flared. He was getting pissed, but I didn’t care. Despite him declaring that I was the only woman in his life, I still hurt. Backing down now seemed impossible.
“I did see him earlier,” Seth explained. “I was going to meet up with him again.” He huffed and ran a hand through his hair.
I relaxed a little bit, the angry burst ending. I’d overreacted. Big time. And now I’d also made a fool of myself. Despite my embarrassment, the relief over knowing he hadn’t blown me off for another woman was heaven sent. Now I could apologize, and we could move on.
“You have an extreme need to know everything,” Seth said suddenly.
I reeled back as if slapped and stared at him. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me.”
I scoffed, unable to believe we’d been one second away from making peace. “I do not.”
“Then what’s with the obsession to always know where I am and who I’m with?”
I flew off the couch and stood to face him, my hands curling into fists at my sides. “That’s a mighty big accusation. Sorry to burst your bubble, Seth, but I’m not obsessed with you. I have a life. I have a business to run. I’m not just sitting on this couch waiting for you to come by.”
“But you had time to check in with your friend to see what I was doing.”
“Rory texted me. Got that? She was the one who got in touch. And if you want to talk about time…”
He waved his hand and stood as well. “No, I don’t.”
I rammed my hands on my hips. “You’re telling me I have a control issue. That’s really the pot calling the kettle black…”
“I didn’t say it was an issue.”
“Didn’t you mean it? You said I have an extreme need to know things, so didn’t you really mean to say I’m a control freak?”
I stared him down, daring him to protest. Seth just shook his head and took a step away from me. My heart contracted. Was he about to walk out my door?
And away from me for good?
He stopped moving. “I didn’t come here to argue with you over which one of us is more Type A. That’s a fight that would never end.”
“You’re doing a pretty good job of starting it.”
For a second, he looked like he might smile, giving me hope that this might soon be over with, but then the twist in his lips turned into a snarl. “Are you trying to push me away? Is that what you want? Is this so I can become another guy that you use and then toss away?”
“No!” I nearly yelled. “What the fuck are you talking about, using and tossing away?”
His expression went flat. “I’ve heard about your past.”
My heart slammed against my chest. Was he going to try and shame me for being a single and carefree woman?
“I’ve heard about yours,” I shot back. “And I don’t care. I didn’t care. It doesn’t matter to me.”
Seth lifted his chin, his nostrils going wide. “I don’t care either. We’re both free to do what we want to, but believe me when I say that you’re the only girl I’m interested in right now. I’m not off at bars looking for other girls. Especially not when you’re the one I wanted to spend my weekend with.”
I pursed my lips, my throat burning so badly I couldn’t speak. Maybe he wasn’t trying to make me feel guilty, but now I did.
“My father was in town,” he said.
“All right,” I rasped, nearly choking. “I got that. I’m sorry.”
“Okay, so what more do you want from me? Do you want a full list of everything I did this weekend so that you can know where I was at all times? So you can put me in a neat little box, compartmentalize me like everything else?”
“You’re being an asshole.”
“And you’re being paranoid. I was with my father.”
“All right! I said okay. I’m sorry!” I screamed.
A heavy silence followed my shout. I closed my eyes and pressed my fingertips against them. The outburst had been an accident. I was frayed at the seams, ready to give up, willing to forget about all of this, if only we could find a way out of it.
“What do you want, Quinn?” Seth asked softly. “Did you want to meet him?”
I slowly opened my eyes to look at him. Seth and the room were hazy from the tears in my eyes.
His hands deep in his pockets, he shrugged. “Because you can’t. I’m sorry. It’s just one of those thing
s I can’t share. I don’t introduce my dad to anyone. Not ever. It’s complicated.”
“How complicated can it be?” I found myself asking. “I know you don’t have the best relationship with him. You’ve explained that.”
I didn’t care about meeting his father. I would have done it and liked it, but it wasn’t important. I was needling Seth, trying to get a rise from him. The sad thing was I didn’t really understand why I did it. All I knew was that I was hurting, and Seth seemed to be the reason for that pain.
Instead of retaliation, sadness struck his eyes. “Believe me, when I say it’s complicated, it’s really complicated.”
I sniffed pathetically. What was I doing? What was this conversation even about any more? It had started as a discussion about… I couldn’t even remember. What was it I wanted from Seth? Exclusivity? Unwavering devotion?
I wanted something more than I’d ever had. That was the answer. I just didn’t know how to put it into words, didn’t know how to ask for it.
I wanted his attention, his care. And now I was sabotaging my likelihood of ever receiving that again, as I stood in front of him making a babbling idiot of myself.
“I need to go.” He turned and strode for the door.
Just like that? I wanted to scream. I tried to stammer out his name, but I was in shock and the door already closing. His footsteps thudded down the stairs of the front stoop, and the door of his Jeep opened. I still stayed where I was, frozen.
It wasn’t until his car engine started and he drove away that I came to.
What had I done?
I’d asked him over in the hopes that things would turn out peacefully, but they’d blown up in my face. I should have just listened to what he told me. I shouldn’t have made a big deal out of things. Of course, he didn’t have to introduce his father to me. We’d only begun dating. Like I’d scornfully said, I wasn’t his girlfriend.
And now I might never be. I’d fucked up big time and needed to fix it.
“Shit,” I hissed, running to grab my purse. Starlet darted out of the way, nervous over all the unusual activity.
I called Seth’s phone, but he didn’t answer. Desperate to do something, anything, I snatched up my keys and booked it from the house.