Burned: A Bad Boy Billionaire Romance (Lords of the City Book 3)

by Alice Ward

  “Yeah, it was.” Seth sighed and sat down on the top step. I joined him, our thighs pressing together. Slowly, he took my hand in both of his. My heart sped up, hammering away just like it had the first time we’d kissed. I hoped that feeling would never go away. I hoped that every time we touched, every time he looked at me, I would come alive in a new and exciting fashion.

  “I have to tell you something,” Seth said in a thick voice.

  My jaw clenched, the magical feeling disappearing. I tried to stay calm, tried to focus on his eyes.

  Seth swallowed hard and went on. “I’ve been called to active duty. I’m going to Afghanistan.”

  A thick buzzing filled my ears. Out of all the things I’d expected to hear, this wasn’t it. “Afghanistan?” I dumbly repeated.

  He nodded and looked at me, his eyes glazed over. He didn’t seem sad, or regretful.

  He didn’t seem to be feeling anything at all.

  What was going on inside of him? What was behind those cool blue irises? There was a wall up. I’d seen it from the beginning, but first assumed I was imagining it, and then assured myself it would come down. And now here he was, going through all the right gestures of a loving boyfriend, but something was off.

  Was I getting the real Seth, or one carefully concocted for my benefit?

  “Yes. Afghanistan.” His fingers tightened on mine, but my palms were cold and sweating at the same time.

  “Just like that?” I demanded. “How can they do that?”

  “It’s not just like that. It’s the way it happens. It’s my job, remember?”

  “No,” I said mournfully. I’d forgotten. Because I’d made myself forget. I’d never wanted to think about Seth’s role in the outside world because the part he played was a terrifying one. Any moment he could be ripped away from me. I’d realized that and so refused to think about his position in the army, instead focusing on our smaller dramas.

  But now that thing I hadn’t faced was actually happening. My fears were coming to fruition.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

  I stared at him. “When did you find out?”

  “Yesterday, after I left your house.”

  The buzzing grew louder. I had to focus harder to form coherent thoughts around it. “Is that why you came here last night drunk?”

  He ducked his head and nodded.

  “So it wasn’t about your dad?”

  “No,” he said thickly, looking at the steps. His head swooped back up, and his eyes locked on mine.

  “Did you tell your dad?”

  He nodded and looked away. I didn’t know whether to believe him or not.

  “Oh my God,” I gasped, the reality sinking in, real fear taking over. “When do you leave? How long are you going to be gone? Why are they sending you there? What’s going to happen to… to…”

  To us.

  What would happen to me and him? We’d only just begun. Even marriages were hard to sustain when one spouse went overseas. How could I hope to hold onto a boyfriend I’d only been dating for a few weeks?

  The man who, I was sure, was for me.

  I hadn’t believed in soul mates or things “meant to be,” but faced with Seth’s departure from my life they suddenly became more of a real concept. What if Seth was “the one” and this was about to mark the point where he “got away?”

  “It’s going to be okay, Quinn,” he said in a steady voice. “Don’t worry.”

  I clenched my jaw to keep from crying, but my chin quivered. “I’m not worried,” I lied. “How long are you going to be gone?” I cringed, afraid of the answer.

  “I’m being deployed for six months. It’s short.”

  “Okay,” I gasped. “That is short.” Thank God. I’d been imagining a year. Or two.

  “And I’m going next week.”

  I scrambled to get a better grip on his hand. “When? What day?”

  “Friday.”

  He was so calm about it, so blasé even. And why shouldn’t he be? It was his job, something he’d committed himself to years ago. He’d been to Afghanistan before. He’d told me it was the first place he deployed to. But we hadn’t talked much about his career in the military, and now I cursed myself for that. Maybe if I had faced the reality head on, his deployment would be easier on me. Of course, I wouldn’t ever be as accepting of it as he was, but I could try. I should have been proud. I had a boyfriend who put himself at risk on a regular basis to protect the rest of us.

  But the “putting himself at risk” was the part I couldn’t stop thinking about.

  “I’m going to training just out of the city, and then I’ll ship out.”

  “Okay,” I sighed. Training outside of the city. At least it wasn’t as far away as Afghanistan. Having him that close, if only for a little while, made me feel slightly better.

  “Quinn.” He rubbed the back of my neck. My eyes snapped up and onto his. “It’s going to be all right. This isn’t going to change anything between us.”

  Tears sprang into my eyes. “Really?”

  “Really.”

  “I’m afraid it will. Six months… I know it’s not that long. But for us… we haven’t been together even as long as you’ll be gone…”

  “I understand. We’ll talk, okay? I’ll call when I’ve got cell service, and we’ll email. We might even be able to Skype every once in a while. I know the camp I’m going to. It’s the one I was at last time I was in Afghanistan.”

  Each word calmed me a little bit more. Already I could see things working out. Seth would write. I would share his letters with my friends, maybe even do something horrendously cheesy like wear a locket with his photo in it — a thing I never would have done in the past. But something like that would help me miss him a little less.

  I may not understand all of what was happening, but Seth did. And I made up my mind to trust him.

  I blinked away the tears. “Okay. This is going to be good.”

  He nodded, his eyes never wavering from mine.

  Starlet and I spent the rest of the week at Seth’s. His place was closer to my office than my house, and with him getting everything in order before he left, it just made sense. Seth asking me to pack a bag and head over there had meant everything in the world. He wanted me with him each spare minute, wanted to hold me as close and as badly as I did him.

  Each morning when he headed for the gym, I went in to work, pushing through the morning and working through lunch so I could finish early and go back to his place.

  Each day sped by, Friday morning creeping fearfully closer. Starlet knew something was up. She’d loved to be at Seth’s, but now she nervously followed us around the place, her round eyes letting us know that she had sensed the energy in the air was suddenly different.

  Early Friday morning, I found myself staring at the ceiling. A thick gray filled the room, lightening the slightest amount with each second. Daylight was coming, like it or not. Soon I would drive Seth to the Army’s office downtown so he could be transported to training, and then put on a plane and taken across the ocean.

  And me? What would I do? What would I have left?

  I still had all the things that I possessed before him. My career. My friends. My family. The little pug I snuggled with at night. I’d dropped some things. I didn’t go out as much anymore and didn’t drink as much, even when at home. I never even thought about other guys. I’d officially cut my regular hookup, Matt, loose weeks before, and no way was I going to pick things up with him again. No way would I even go on as much as one date. My heart now belonged to Seth, and it was going to stay that way.

  Seth filled not only the wide spaces in my life but the little cracks as well. He’d seeped into all the spaces that I’d known were empty, and all the spaces I hadn’t even known existed. He plugged the holes and made all the good parts about life better. We were connected in a way I could have never imagined, and that I still didn’t understand.

  He stirred in his sleep next to me,
each sacred inhale and exhale filling the bedroom.

  That’s the way things were. Life seemed so ordinary until something happened to make you wake up and realize it would one day all be gone. After that things became holy.

  Seth rolled over onto his stomach and flung an arm over me. I bit my bottom lip, trying not to cry. Maybe if I never woke him… we could stay in the bedroom forever while, outside, time would stop.

  “Mmm,” he murmured groggily, his fingers tightening on my tank top.

  I shimmied down and pushed myself under his arm. My nose scraped the bristles on his jaw, and his breath kissed my face.

  Languidly, his lips moved across my cheek, then brushed my mouth. I closed my eyes, my whole body relaxing into the bed. Gently, his lips pushed against mine, each little kiss slow and deep.

  I pressed my hands to his chest, absorbing his warmth, letting it sink into me all the way to my toes. Seth surrounded me, filled me, became a part of me.

  Two strong hands dipped under my tank top and circled my waist, slowly covering each inch in a worship worthy manner. I took my time as well, counting the beats between our breaths as I idolized his shoulders, his arms… His chest, his hips, jaw, lips… Over and over, again and again. I explored each part of his body twenty times and found something new each time. A mole I hadn’t noticed before. A slight scar.

  He handed me a condom, and I rolled it on for him, loving the intimacy of sheathing him.

  Seth pushed my underwear down and over my legs. I edged even closer against his chest until I was facing him sideways underneath the sheets. Somehow we pressed even closer together, and he grabbed my hair, holding me tight, while the other hand kept me firmly planted to him at the waist.

  His cock plunged into me, stretching me to my peak. I gasped into his mouth and mashed my teeth against his. I wanted him to pummel me, to fill me up, to destroy me even. Because in that destruction I would become his, never able to be separated from him, no matter how much space separated us. I would belong to him.

  But he didn’t destroy me. Instead, he cherished me, taking his time and feeling his way along my inner walls. I cried out against his lips as he made love to me, his fingers pressing hard into my back and hips.

  I hoped his touch would leave bruises. I hoped they would stay for six months, tattooed into my skin until he came home.

  Seth’s fingers trailed languidly across my shoulder and down my chest, to lovingly caress my breasts before swirling downward and hitting my clit. He ran his thumb over it in slow, deliberate circles, making the pleasure in me rise and fall, rise and fall. An orgasm built inside of me, and I came, shaking and driving the points of my hips against his.

  He took my kiss deeper. I searched his mouth with my tongue. Everything I looked for he gave, and vice versa, driven by the passion in our hearts.

  Scooping his arm under me, Seth flipped me onto my back. He planted his forearms on either side of my head and he sunk in, his length going all the way into me. I opened my eyes for a second, peeking at him through the kiss.

  But he looked too good. I couldn’t stand it. I had to close my eyes, welcome the darkness, kiss him to show him that he meant more to me than words could say.

  He clutched my hair tighter, gasping my name over and over, the syllables distorted against my lips as we came together.

  Gingerly, Seth pressed his sweaty forehead against my own. Our bodies stilled; the light in the room was brighter.

  The day was here.

  “I love you,” he whispered.

  I shut my eyes tighter, only allowing one tear to slip from them. “I love you too.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  “I can drive if you want.”

  “No,” I told him confidently. Driving him downtown was the one thing I had control of. If that was taken away from me, then I’d have nothing left. I’d be at the mercy of the world, a victim in a hurricane of nonsense.

  When I took the last turn, Seth took my hand in his.

  “What’s it like?” I asked, my throat thick. “Leaving like this? How does it feel?”

  He waited a moment to answer, looking out across the dashboard and blinking like he was thinking hard. “It’s different each time… This is the hardest it’s ever been.”

  I nodded, too choked up to say anything else.

  He pointed me to the office, and I parked across the street then turned the car off. We turned to face each other head on. One hand still in Seth’s, I clutched the edge of my seat with the other. If I wasn’t careful, I would do something crazy, like wrap my arms around him and beg him not to go.

  “Should I walk in with you?” I asked.

  Seth brushed a strand of hair from my face. “No. I think we should say goodbye here. Once I go in, there won’t be any privacy.”

  I gulped and nodded.

  His fingers slid down my neck and arm, stopping on top of our clasped hands.

  “So…” I sighed.

  “Yeah,” he said, blinking hard and fast. “I’ll be back before you know it.”

  “Okay,” I said pitifully.

  “Do you think Starlet will miss me?”

  I laughed, but it turned into a sob. “She’s probably home right now sleeping on your shirt.”

  “The one you stole from me?” he teased.

  It was true. I’d taken the shirt he wore the day before and claimed it as my own, a little memento to remember him by while he was gone. I planned to sleep in it and not wash it once. Hopefully, the addition of my scent wouldn’t overpower his.

  “Quinn,” he said softly. “Listen… I’m a closed book sometimes. I know that. And I… I haven’t shared everything with you.”

  I nodded, remembering the whole debacle with his father.

  “But I tell you what I can. I tell you what’s important.”

  “It’s all right. You don’t have to explain this.”

  “I want to.”

  “All right,” I said, hoping he would keep going. Each word spoken meant another moment spent together.

  “I… love you.” He said it in a way I’d never heard it said, a way that made me believe his breath was taken away by this too.

  The realization that I made him feel the same way he made me feel filled me with joy. It sent me soaring. I could live off that feeling for six months. I knew it.

  “Go,” I whispered, smiling through the tears. “No moment is going to be better than this one, so you should make your exit now.”

  He chuckled, his own eyes glistening. “I’ll see you soon.”

  He grabbed the bag near his feet and opened his door. As he climbed out, our hands slipped apart, the tips of our fingers the last to disengage. In the blink of an eye, he stood on the pavement.

  “I love you!” I shouted.

  Seth grinned wide, his face flushed. I love you, he mouthed.

  He shut the door with a final thud and walked around the front of my car; our eyes locked through the windshield. Checking for traffic, he jogged across the road.

  Turn around. Please.

  He did. He turned full around and planted his gaze on mine. I solemnly lifted my hand in farewell, and he returned the gesture with a wave.

  A blown kiss and a grin.

  Then he was inside the building.

  He was gone.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Work became my life’s blood once more. Checking my cell phone and personal email was a treat I looked forward to.

  Seth texted me pics from training, though we didn’t do much talking the first week. We sent text messages, briefly summarizing our days. Training was kicking his butt, and my new commitments at work, mine.

  My friends rallied around me, held me up when I started sagging.

  And — just like I predicted — Starlet tried to steal Seth’s shirt and sleep on it. The second night, we struck a deal. I wore the shirt to bed, and she slept curled up against my stomach. That way we both got the little taste of Seth’s love that we so badly needed.

  E
ach morning I woke up wondering what he was doing. Each night after texting him, I also sent a silent goodnight, intuitively feeling a message sent from the heart could be received even better than a message sent via cell phone.

  An email came the day before he left for Afghanistan.

  Quinn,

  I know I said each time I go away it’s different. This deployment is making me see how true that is.

  I’ve never felt at home in one place. I’ve always felt good traveling, like I could find pieces of myself all over the globe. At some point in the last month, that changed.

  Now my home is wherever you are.

  (And Starlet too. Tell her I’m counting the days till I can come back and make her a deli meat feast.)

  I hope you’re keeping busy and not thinking of me too much. Six months will pass quicker than you think and I’ll see you soon.

  Love,

  Seth

  I wrote him back immediately.

  Seth,

  Your email just changed my day. I asked Starlet, and she misses you even more than she misses chicken, which she hasn’t had all week, so that’s really saying something. Work is busy, but it doesn’t keep my mind off you. I wonder all the time what you’re doing and if you’re thinking of home.

  Guess what? Heather is pregnant! Crazy, huh? It looks like she and her sister are going to have kids pretty close to each other. I can’t believe one of my best friends is starting a family. It makes me feel so old…

  I do think of you. All the time. So… sorry, not sorry.

  I’m going to trust what you say about six months going by fast. Until then I’ll check my email obsessively.

  Love you and miss you,

  Quinn

  For some reason, knowing he had arrived in Afghanistan put me at peace. He was settled, at least temporarily. I didn’t know what his day to day would be like there, and part of me didn’t want to know. If I could fully picture him in Afghanistan, then I could imagine him in danger.

  When he wrote back a few days later, there was a picture attached to the email, one of the Afghanistan landscape with mountains in the distance. I studied the frame, noting its lack of human presence and wondering if that was a clue to Seth’s current mental state.