Tall Dark & Different

by Kimberly Biller

  Her first marriage, also her escape from her home life, she was too young and her husband was too damn old. He was more like her dad than a husband. He wanted to control her and it was a doomed union from the start. The second marriage was her way of moving on with her life after leaving her controlling and loveless one. The third, well, that was an event that should never have happened on so many levels.

  The pastor of her church forced her hand in a let's no longer 'live in sin', as he had called her situation at that time. Megan knew then, she didn't want to marry Roger, but she was too naive at twenty three to stop what was already in the works. It was practically a forced union. The church relationship fell apart when the marriage did. She was left more confused after it all ended and fell right back into her old life. Where she had started at fifteen, with her first husband!

  Megan convinced herself she was supposed to be there. She had a child with him. What better place than in the safety net of her little girls’ father and his home, a home in which they once shared? Although, that too would soon fall apart, but not before they would have another child together.

  The sexual aspect of their marriage was nonexistent usually and when they did have any intimacy, it was anything but intimate. He was on her and off in a sweaty, filthy grunt. This had been worse than it not happening at all! Her sexual experience the first time she married was zero, she had still been a young virgin. Her other relationships were better in that department, but the sex was never enough to hold them together. The only good thing out of the entire mess of her life she had created, besides her girls, was the fact she knew what not to accept, in and out of the bedroom or from men in general. She knew she would never settle for less than mind blowing carnal knowledge and it would be real love, if she ever dared to take the plunge again. The chances of that, she knew, were very slim. After all the things she had learned through therapy and the reasons she had jumped into all her marriages so quickly, she knew she was not going to go there again. The same old mistakes were no longer an issue. She was not the same person as that little girl anymore.

  The realization hit Megan, what if Justin didn't like her children? That would be a deal breaker. Her girls were all she had. If he was not capable of being a part of their lives, he was not the one for her. She knew this without a doubt. The thought of it saddened Megan greatly. How could life be so hard sometimes? In a world with millions of people why couldn't she find just one that was perfect for her and her girls too?

  *****

  Megan had dozed off while deep in thought about her past and the future she wanted to have. When her cell phone dinged she thought she was dreaming. It took her a minute to orient herself with where she was. She must have been real tired she thought, why else would she fall asleep on the couch? That's how it always was when the girls were at their dads on the weekends. Time would always get away from her.

  She glanced at the clock, it was after ten pm already? Wow it's late, she noticed. She also wondered who could possibly be trying to get a hold of her at this late at night. Oh no, what if it's the girls! She jumped up and grabbed her phone off the counter top. She rubbed her eyes to wipe away the bleariness so she could focus. One new message.

  Hmm, I guess I will find out, Megan thought.

  It was from Justin. Megan opened the text message to find these words:

  "Hi, I just wanted to tell you goodnight and I look forward to seeing you again real soon. I have to admit, I have thought about little else since I left you earlier today. Sleep well, Justin."

  Megan had to grab hold of the counter, his words were so shocking to her eyes, she re-read the message again and then once again just to make sure she was seeing it right. Okay, she thought, I need to sit down this is too, what is the word she needed, too what, unreal? How can she trust the sincerity of someone she had only met that day? If he was for real, she definitely could get used to this, she thought. He was a refreshingly, different kind of man, that was for sure.

  The negative thoughts, as usual, started creeping in. What if he was just playing me? Megan knew, if that was his game, all hell would break loose! She would not be made a fool of by anyone! If he was just blowing smoke up her ass, he was messing with the wrong woman! If he thinks a few kind words can make her fall at his feet, he had better think again! She could push back just as hard as he can play his games if that's where his head was at.

  Megan knew she would need to proceed with caution with this one. She could get hurt way too easily and that was something she was not willing to stand by and let happen.

  The time stamp said the message came through five minutes earlier.

  Should I text him back, she thought? What would I say if I did? Oh yeah baby me too, Not! I need lessons from Jess, I have got to be more aggressive with men.

  She decided to just play it safe and send a generic response back. She wouldn't want to make him think she was ignoring him that was for sure. If she was being honest with herself, she wanted to text him back.

  "Hey Justin, I just saw your text. I had dozed off on the couch and almost missed it. I really enjoyed our time together also and if you would like, we can get together next Thursday evening. As you know, my girls are with their dad on Thursdays. Let me know the time if that day is good for you. I am free any time after 5:30. Talk soon, Megan."

  Well, the ball was in his court now, he may back out of the date, she feared, since she was so eager to accept. Only time will tell. Once again, she was jolted to the present when her phone went off with another text alert. She was worrying about the possibility of him backing out, maybe she had inadvertently wished it on herself with her negative thoughts. She was sure that it was probably him, blowing her off in his polite way. She couldn't have imagined how surprised she would be when she read his response message:

  "Thursday is perfect! I will pick you up at six sharp, can't wait....J."

  Alright then, Megan knew they were definitely on for the date. Now, if she could survive the wait until then it would be nothing short of a miracle. She realized to her chagrin, she was going to need something to wear! Megan was not a girly girl, but she wasn't going on our first date in jeans, no way in hell! She knew that she had better get a decent outfit put together or it's going to be humiliating when he picked her up looking like a hayseed, country bumpkin.

  She wanted to make a decent impression for their first real date. Megan knew she wanted to look as good as possible. She decided a shopping trip was on her agenda for the next day. Unfortunately, she absolutely hated shopping!

  Chapter six

  The week had been dragging by and the only highlights for Megan, were her girls and the text messages with Justin. He and Megan were text messaging a hundred times a day, at least! It was like speed dating, but through messaging. They were learning so much about each other. She had discovered Justin was only two years older than she was and had divorced only a few months earlier. He had worked at the same job for over five years and seemed to be very stable; a plus as far as she was concerned. He loved his kids he told her, even though the relationship with them was through phone calls and twice a year visits. They were his world and so were his parents.

  Every text was getting more personal and at times very risqué. He was steamy with his way of thinking that was obvious.

  Megan kept thinking, if I am able to keep my hands off of him for the first couple of minutes he walks in, I might be okay! Megan realized at that moment, I have never seduced a man before!

  The problem was, she didn't want to keep her hands off of him. Why should she have to anyway, she thought? He was all she could think about. If his words were any indication, she thought for certain, Justin was feeling the same way.

  She was seriously thinking about seducing him. What was the worst thing that could happen, other than it being an epic fail? That would be unbearable for her, and she knew it. Her ego could never handle that. She had enough self-esteem issues, this would only compile them that much higher. The reward definitely o
utweighed the risk, so she decided, she could muster up enough confidence for one night.

  Megan was laying out all the possibilities in her mind. She knew she could have been reading him wrong, but she felt certain she was without a doubt, reading him right. She had no idea that chemistry could be so strong between two people. In all her life Megan had never had chemistry with anyone. She had never even been in love before! Lust once or twice for a minute and a half and desperate the other times, but love, never!

  Megan’s wasn’t wavering anymore, the right choice finally came to her. She wanted and needed to do it! She was old enough to make the first sexual move, wasn't she? Plus, she didn't want to wait, she wanted to see where this could go. It was 2003 after all, was it not? If they were not compatible in every way it was better to learn it sooner, rather than later, she told herself.

  She was going to blow his mind and seduce him when arrived on Thursday. Why not get the awkwardness out of the way and move forward?

  Megan told herself, I am doing it and that is settled, no chickening out either. When he walked through her door she would be ready and waiting and let the cards, err clothes, fall where they may.

  *****

  Megan was scrambling around getting the girls ready for their dad to them pick up. Her nerves were already getting the best of her! She wasn't backing out of it though, she was going to rock his world like she planned and if she was lucky he would rock hers too!

  The girls could sense her anxiety and they kept watching her run around the house like a mad woman. The oldest one was a little too quick witted. She asked her mom, if she had a hot date or something. Megan wanted to laugh, but she stayed serious and in the moment. If her daughter only knew the real truth, she thought. So she just said "No ma'am, we don't need to hold your dad up." It was a big white lie she knew, but the girls didn't need to be pulled into her personal life, until she saw how things were going.

  As the time was drawing closer, she kept telling herself, deep breath Megan, you can do this. The one thing she did know for sure, her shower was going to be all for nothing if she continued running around the house like an idiot. She was working up a sweat and she wanted to stay fresh and dry for Justin. She had picked out the skimpiest, laciest teddy she owned. She had it all planned out. She would have an old robe over it like she wasn't quite ready yet and when he stepped inside, BAM! It was going to be on!

  It was now less than five minutes before he would be here she noticed and she had to be ready. She also needed to calm herself down, before she had a heart attack. One last look in the mirror; Megan was not a make-up girl, so it is all natural, all the way baby. That last thought had just hit her mind when the doorbell rang. She just froze! No you can't panic now girl. Just walk to the door and open it. It will all be over then, or starting. It would go one way or the other and it's now or never.

  Megan took a deep breath and she opened the front door. Justin stepped inside and she gave the door a push to shut it and when his eyes were on her.........the robe dropped to the floor.

  Justin was instantly in Megan's arms and his mouth was on hers. No awkwardness, no fumbling, just pure unadulterated passion. They were completely melted into one. Time stood still and Megan felt something she had never felt before, totally free spirited and filled with a sweet passion. It was spontaneous combustion at its best between them. They never spoke a word for at least the first twenty minutes.

  Megan knew she was now in pure ecstasy and her mind was racing with so many thoughts:

  Before she knew what was happening, he had her picked up and laid back on the couch. He was strong and it was obvious he was very well practiced in the art of making love. His mouth was everywhere, her breasts, her stomach and then, he went farther down her body. Oh my..........she had never been comfortable with oral sex, but he made it seem so natural and so damn good. She gave in to him and let him do as he pleased.

  She just kept thinking to herself, he was too good with his mouth and his tongue, he has to be making up for inadequacies elsewhere. She found out that was not the case when he led her to the bedroom and gently laid her down on my bed. His pants came off and she came undone. Standing before her was the most beautiful man she had ever seen. He was perfect in every way. He was well equipped and Megan had no doubt, he knew exactly how to use it. She also got her first full glimpse of all of his tattoos and he had a lot!

  Megan could look at his body for hours and never tire of it, she knew this for certain. She wanted to trace every marking on his body. She wanted to ask him about everyone of them, but that would have to be later she decided, much later. She was more interested in other things right now. Still no words had been spoken as of yet, they had just used our eyes and hands to communicate.

  He climbed on her bed and knelt beside her. At first she was confused, what was he doing and why wasn't he inside her already? It would become very apparent he was in no hurry and he took more time kissing her in all those places she never knew needed to be kissed. This man was a dream and she was afraid to open her eyes, because if she was dreaming and this wasn't happening, she didn't want to know. She had never in her life, had a first time that felt like this. No weirdness and no shyness, it was all gone and the only thing in its place was real and good and comfortable. The compatibility they had was uncanny. When Justin finally entered her, she thought she had died, because what she was now feeling was beyond heaven.

  Sex had never felt like this before. Her heart had never been connected to the man she was having sex with, like it was with Justin. The tears started rolling from her eyes and before she knew it, she was full out crying. Justin noticed immediately and stopped what he was doing and gently wiped the tears away and asked her:

  "What's wrong, why are you crying?"

  She didn't know how to tell him and knew if she did tell him the truth, he would think she was crazy, so she merely said "Nothing, everything is alright."

  And it was, it was better than alright, it was perfect. She knew right then, she was in love with this man and it scared the hell out of her. How was that possible? How could she fall in love with someone so fast? She pulled herself together and they continued making love. They never made it to dinner of course. Justin surprised her over and over the whole night. Everything he did was kind and gentle and when they finished their amazing evening of passion, he just held her.

  Megan really expected him to have sex with her and leave, but he didn't. He held her for a long time and what was unspoken between them in words, was in the air just the same as if they had been voiced aloud.

  She knew if she died tomorrow, she would die the happiest she had ever been. This was the first time in her life, she had been made love too. Such a sad realization, but the truth. She had only had sex before now and no man would ever, be able to compare to Justin.

  Megan was in awe and deep admiration, so this was what it was supposed to be like, when it was right? Wow, now she knew exactly what people meant when they said sex was so great!

  Chapter seven

  If the night never ended it would still be too soon. Megan wanted to stay in Justin's arms forever, but she also had a need to be alone. She realized, her world had just been turned on its axis and not just because of the sex. This was all new to Megan. Love? Maybe she was just confused, she had been wrong before, she thought. What if her feelings were mixed up? There had to be an explanation for her crying in the middle of them making love. That was definitely another first! She didn't feel embarrassed about it or uncomfortable in any way, just confused. He was so sweet about it too. So sweet, in fact, he made her feel even more special than she had already, since they first embraced.

  She couldn't tell him the depth of what she was really feeling, so she just scratched the surface. She didn't or maybe couldn't, fully understand it herself.

  It was almost a relief, yet a sadness, when Justin told her he was going to say good night and head home. Man, she definitely needed to have her head examined; what was wrong with you gir
l? You just had the most incredible night of your life, yet you are feeling relieved he was leaving? You are making no sense at all with your train of thought here, stupid girl!

  Megan was beginning to wonder if perhaps, she was dropped on her head as a baby. That had to be it, she thought, I need to make sure to ask my mom the next time we talked. Hell, she was probably the one who did it.

  Megan could not yet understand that her confusion and hesitancy was nothing more than a protective mechanism, naturally wired in to her heart and brain. She was not good with losing control of her life or her emotions. For so many years someone else was controlling her and she wasn't ready to relinquish it after fighting so hard to get it back.

  This was not about filling a void or compensating for her childhood, Megan thought. This was different, it was real and palpable. How else could it be explained?

  Sometimes, we had a way of making things more complicated than they needed to be. When something wonderful is staring you in the face, it was very easy to miss it; the whole forest for the trees. That was Megan, her entire life had been surrounded with negativity and misfortune. Now here she was, seeing an incredible man and she was too scared to see it for what it really was and accept it completely and unconditionally. She was so jaded from all the years of abuse at home as a child and then in the real world, that she was thrown into, when she was a fifteen year old child bride.