A part of her needed to make love with Justin again, just so she could confirm or refute her initial feelings. She had to know if the deeper connection was still there in the heat of passion the second time around.
She already knew how much his companionship and sweet messages meant to her, but until they shared another moment in her bed, she was still in limbo over the intense feelings and if she was as completely drawn to him in every way that mattered.
Megan had many relationships where it was nothing but lust and it would fizzle out after the second or third time they had sex. She couldn't help but second guess herself when it came to men and the art of all things, relationship related. Since her failure rate was at an all-time high and her success rate was zero; she really didn't like the odds.
Justin wasted no time taking her in his arms and kissing her until she was dizzy; literally, she stumbled backwards when he broke the embrace between them. His effect on her was indescribable. It was like love vertigo. He grabbed her, before she tumbled and just laughed his sexy, deep laugh. He knew the effect he was having on her and it would seem, she had the same effect on him too.
It was nice having these easy, relaxed feelings that they shared. Megan never felt pressured or uncomfortable in any way, when they were together; only a peaceful existence that she had never shared with anyone.
She soon enough found herself in his arms again and he was leading her towards the bedroom. She started chuckling as she told him: "I am afraid I'll trip and fall."
It then occurred to her, it was too late, she had already fallen, but not in the way that leaves you bruised. She was feeling no pain from this fall, only pleasure. The thought of where it was all heading and the fear of torment she was sure to endure if things didn't work out, was a pain Megan knew she couldn't bear. That was too much for her to think about right then and she needed to push it out of her head. The here and now was where she needed and wanted to be.
Justin's voice brought her out of her thoughts, when he told her in his sexy way: "Don't worry, I've got you and I won't let you fall.”
They made it to the bed and he guided her to the edge and eased her gently down in a sitting position. He then began undressing her, but not from top to bottom; he started with her shoes and massaged and kissed every place he had exposed. This was a form of foreplay that Megan had never experienced and the pleasure was so erotic. She just let go and let him do as he pleased. She felt so safe with Justin and no matter how much he touched her or how close to her he was, she wanted and needed him closer. She wanted him to crawl through her and melt with her into one entity.
Before she even realized it, he had her undressed and totally undone. When he started kissing her again it was like they had known one another forever. He already knew her body better than she did. How could that be possible? Had she not been the one living in it for thirty two years? Although, she had already memorized his body, since she could always see it, over and over in her mind on a regular basis.
She loved touching his chest, lightly sprinkled with hair. The feel of his muscles flexing under her touch was extremely empowering. He wasn't overly built with muscles, just the ones a hardworking man had, from his day to day manual labor.
He gently, yet in one fell swoop, rolled her on top of him and said:
"I want to see your face and your breasts. I want to see all of you while we make love. You are so beautiful Megan."
She found herself blushing, no one had ever said those words to her before. She knew she wasn't ugly, but beautiful would not be how she, or anyone, would describe the woman that she was. Yet somehow, she knew he meant those words when he said them to her. It wasn't his way of being a player trying to get in a girls pants; he already had her, he didn't need to flatter her with empty words.
Megan raised up in a sitting position while he was inside her, and he moaned as if she was a natural born porn star, making all the right moves. She started to lower herself back down, but he stopped her:
"Don't, stay right there, you feel so amazing and you look so wonderful atop me. I want to look at you as long as I can. “
She felt a little catch in her breath, but continued what she had started. She was grinding on him and taking in every inch he had to offer. The feeling was unbelievable. With every grind he moaned and with every moan, she would grind that much more. She had never enjoyed sex with anyone, without a feeling of guilt or remorse, this was neither of those.
For so many years she had endured sex without pleasure and now, the pleasure was almost too much for her to endure. She was physically, mentally and spiritually connected to Justin. She could not walk away even if she wanted to; he was as much a part of her now as a vital organ that was necessary for human survival.
Megan had often times, found herself in the past, wanting the act to be over with before whoever she was with, had even finished. She wasn't very good at faking enjoyment, but neither was she gutsy enough, to have said, 'get off of me!’ She didn't need to fake it with Justin and the sweet, refreshing feeling that it gave her, was wonderful.
*****
When they were laying in each other’s arms, after making love for the second time, Justin told her:
"I see a future with you and it scares me, I must admit. I have always said since my divorce, whoever tried to sweep me off my feet, better have a big broom. You Megan, must have a very big broom, because you have swept me off my feet and taken me completely by surprise."
His words startled her, she wasn't sure where this conversation was headed and if she was yet ready for it. She definitely wanted him to be in her life forever, but forever was a long time when, and if, things were to turn ugly. Megan just laughed it off as casually as she could and said to him:
"Tell me about it, I am the same way. I have met and been involved with a lot of duds in my life, which reminds me Justin, you need to know about my past before we go any further. I have been married four times, therefor, four ugly divorces. For some reason, I just couldn't seem to get it right. The whole marriage thing terrifies me, but only because a divorce usually seems follow. I want to find forever, but with my past, I don't know if that's even possible. I have two children and so much baggage, it would take someone special to want to sweep me off my feet."
He looked her dead in the eye and seriously spoke these words to her:
"Your past is just that, the past. I am not with you for your past, I'm only worried about your future. My future. Megan, we all have a past we are not proud of, take me for instance, I lived my entire twenties in a drunken stupor and worked one endless job after another, when I chose to work. I didn't want to grow up, but my dad had seen enough and basically kicked me and my, now ex-wife out. It took him forcing me, to finally grow up and become responsible. I am not proud of that, but that is my past. Does that change how you see me now?"
"Of course not, don't be ridiculous!"
"Exactly, Megan! So tell me why your past should change how I see you? You can't, because it doesn't!"
They both just laid there and said nothing else for a long time. Nothing needed to be said, they just needed to be in the same space and it was an unspoken understanding between the both of them.
Chapter ten
After a few short weeks and countless dates later, all of Megan’s free time was being spent with Justin. They were seeing each other every single day and still couldn't get enough of one another. He had insisted on her having a great time on the beach trip, plus, he volunteered to dog sit Precious, for her. He decided it would be better on her if he stayed at Megan’s house. She was so pleased with the arrangement he had made; one less thing to worry about, while away. His presence was always appreciated at her home. The dog was in love with him, she was in love with him and her girls were swooning at his feet also. Justin had a huge fan club and either one of them could have been the president of it.
The gals and Megan, all headed out right after work on the Friday before Labor Day. She didn't expect to have a very good
time, but she did, for the most part. They went out dancing and enjoyed all the night life at the beach. She was hit on by several drunk men looking to get lucky. Megan knew that wasn't going to happen with her. If her relationship was going to be screwed up with Justin, it wouldn't be because of something she did.
Everywhere she looked, she longed to see Justin waiting for her to cross the room and fall into his arms. It was getting more and more difficult, as the days went on, to be away from him. She was so glad she had decided to take her own car: she was so lonely, miserable and missed him terribly, that she headed home a day earlier than scheduled. He had no idea she was going to show up in the middle of the night. She woke him up when she crawled in the bed right beside him. "Surprise! " He was so happy to see her that they both stayed awake the whole day. They had a long, leisurely morning, of pure passion and then went to lunch together.
Everywhere they went that day or any day, he opened doors for her and he would insist that she enter first. The respect he showed her was obviously embedded in him from his own father. She had just assumed the door opening act would fall to the wayside eventually. Justin was not to be put into anyone else's mold, he was truly, one of a kind.
He was exceeding her expectations, by leaps and bounds. She was not sure what she had done to deserve such a kind and generous man in her life, but she wasn't going to complain. He introduced her to his family and his other 'true' love as he called it, his motorcycle. The sense of freedom Megan felt with the wind blowing in her face, when he took her riding was incredible. She never felt like she needed to pretend to be anyone other than herself when they were together. She knew Justin felt the same way, when he was with her.
Megan was enjoying every day, as if it were her last. Her track record spoke high enough volumes and could strike up enough fear that always reminded her, she was still capable of screwing up at any given moment. The last thing she wanted was to mess up what they had. It was better than good, it was almost too good; he even liked her girls being around and better yet, they wanted him around all the time. He loves to play ball with them and will roll around in the yard, just as if he was a child too.
Justin knew how to have fun, no matter what he was doing, or who he is with. And to Megan, that was as sexy as his body was. If she had to sum him up in one sentence: A smart and sexy bad ass, with the charm of a southerner. He had no enemies, the opposite in fact; everyone loved him. Once her family was over their shock, they too, saw how wonderful he was.
Justin told her that he loved her, one day when she least expected it. It scared her so much, that she pretended not to hear him. She knew things were serious between them, but she was not ready to say the words to him, just yet. She wanted to wait until she had no choice and the words came out, without her even realizing she said them. She needed it to be as natural as breathing. That was how she felt with him, natural and like she was the real Megan, she should have been all along.
They went to dinner one evening and Justin told her something that sent chills down her spine, "I see a future with you, Megan. “ She had no idea how to respond to that. She knew she couldn't see her life without him, but was she brave enough to talk about forever. He sensed her reluctance and asked her what was bothering her. She told him the truth "I am waiting for you to change into someone else and I'm afraid if we move too fast, it will all fall apart."
Justin's response to that was: “I am the same person today, tomorrow and forever. What you see is what you get. I will never change, I promise you that."
How was she supposed to respond to that? He was right, he had been the same and consistent person as the first day they had met; even better actually. She hugged him and before she knew it, the words just came out "I love you. I have loved you since the fourth day after we met. "
He said "I know, it was so obvious, because I felt it too."
Megan was speechless, but no words were needed anyway, thankfully. All they had to do was look at each other.
Having the knowledge that a man walked in to her life one day and only a few short weeks later, they were talking about the future together, was almost surreal. The man of her dreams was wanting to be with her, forever. How could she deny him? Megan had been honest with him about everything, since the early days, so he knew her ugly past and track record. This had never scared him away as she feared it would. He had held on and held fast to her and what they now shared together.
*****
Thanksgiving came and they had to split their time between both families. Justin was unfortunate enough, to see her family and all their drama, together in one place, it was a train wreck! Megan’s family can't get along very well and certainly not when they were congregating in one room. It was like a cat and dog fight; why he didn't run the other way after witnessing it first-hand, was beyond her. They would have scared her off even, and she was related to them.
Justin's family was easy and laid back, just like him. It was surprisingly normal, and a very nice change from my holidays past. Megan loved the family banter without all the back biting and arguing. They could tease each other and laugh about it; his was a family filled with love.
They continued their days together with the new found comfort in each other. They were like an old married couple, but never tired of the other. Life was easy with Justin; he never failed to ask her how her day was. His first priority, was Megan, the kids and their happiness. It was a wonderful feeling to know, someone cared about her and the children, he had not even fathered.
December went by fast and Justin helped with the girls Christmas shopping and all the wrapping. He loved the holidays and all the excitement that came with them. He had her house decorated, from one end to the other. They both had their own place to live, but Justin was staying with her more than he stayed at his place. So, it was an easy choice, when they made the decision to combine both homes into one. This arrangement was good for them both and the girls loved having him around all the time.
Mornings were wonderful; he helped the girls get up and ready for school. He was such a huge help and Megan was finding herself spoiled by him. It felt good and normal living together; it was like he belonged there and had been with them always. When Justin gave up his own place, she knew it was huge for him; it was like his safety net. He was just as concerned with being hurt, as she had always been.
*****
Megan didn't expect anything major for Christmas, from him and would have been happy with anything he wanted to give her. She was not, however, prepared for an engagement ring. He proposed to her on Christmas Day. His whole family was there and she had to admit, it was amazing. With everyone looking on, he went down on both knees and said to her:
"Will you, Megan, do me the honors, of being my wife?"
The tears were flowing, from both, Justin and Megan, even his mom and sister were crying.
Megan accepted his proposal on one condition; they had to have a long engagement. She did not feel comfortable getting married too quickly and assured him it was not him, it was all her and the past that was holding her back from marrying him the next day. He understood and accepted her and her broken past, as it had always been for so long.
When Megan felt certain that she could make the leap from her comfort zone to full blown commitment, she would do it without reservation or hesitation.
She would know in her heart, when she could give herself to Justin.............completely!
Megan was thrilled and terrified, all rolled into one. Every time she had ever been married, it was never a sweet proposal such as Justin's had been. Maybe, Megan thought, if she had known there were real men in the world, like him, she wouldn't have been drug through so many mistakes. Oh well, what's done is done and she needed to keep looking forward and not let the past pull her down. She was too happy for anything or anyone, to ruin her day. The fact that her future in-laws accepted her, made the whole day that much better.
Megan had her share of nightmare in-laws and she shuddered at the thought
and memory of the worst of them. Her very first mother in-law was the harshest. She couldn't understand why she had married her son and not in a way, that was against him. She hated the fact Megan was only fifteen. She didn’t think to ask her thirty one year old son why he had married a child. She would ask the question right in front of him, what he wanted with Megan; did her son come to her rescue, no! He said, in private of course, "Ignore it, they will get over it." They didn't get over it and it was nothing for her, on many occasions, to walk in a room and hear them talking about her. They would stop talking abruptly and clam up like it was not obvious, what they had been doing. She hated that feeling and really hated the fact she couldn't do a damn thing about it.
It was for certain, Megan was not that same weak little girl anymore. She had gained enough independence and self-worth, she wouldn't stand for that in this day and time. It's funny how much you grow up when you least expect it. What she tolerated at fifteen and throughout her twenties, she would never tolerate now. It was a liberating feeling to know your own strength. It was a special feeling to know, you were loved, by your fiancé and mother in-law and father in-law to be.
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