by BWWM Club
Bianca: I’m waiting to see the doctor. I was too late for my appointment. I’ve been having some cramping.
Alex: Is it bad?
Bianca: Not unbearable, but enough to double over.
Alex: Round ligament pain?
Bianca: Possibly. I hope she can see me soon.
Alex: I’m walking into my interview now; I’ll text you when I’m on my way. It’s going to be okay, babe.
Bianca sighed and shoved her phone back into her purse. Was she the only one worried about this? Maybe she was being irrational. Her hormones were all over the place right now. For the next hour Bianca watched the door to the exam rooms and checked her phone for Alex’s call, all while having minor to moderate cramping. Thinking that moving around may help ease it; Bianca stood and paced the room, rubbing her non-existent baby bump as she went. Just when Bianca was ready to complain to the receptionist a nurse opened the door and called her name. Sighing with relief, Bianca gathered her purse and followed the nurse down the hall to the exam room. Before entering they took her weight at a scale located outside of the room. Once she was seated on the exam table the nurse took her blood pressure and handed her a gown.
“Everything off from the waist down and use this across your lap,” She said, handing Bianca a sheet and leaving the room.
Bianca undressed with shaky hands, folding her clothes into a neat pile and setting it on the chair. She hopped onto the exam table and checked her phone for the tenth time to see if Alex had texted her.
Alex: On my way, be there in a few.
Relaxing at the knowledge that Alex was on his way, Bianca sat back against the raised head of the exam table. The cramps seemed to have lessened for the moment and she was starting to feel a bit better about it only being some muscle stretching. Another twenty minutes passed and Bianca grew restless again. She had been waiting in the office for almost two hours now and she wanted to see the doctor to make sure her baby was okay. Finally a knock sounded on the door and it swung open. Expecting the doctor, Bianca stilled her fidgeting legs and sat upright. But it wasn’t the doctor, it was Alex.
“I am so glad to see you,” Bianca said, almost forgetting that she was half naked and jumping from the exam table.
Alex rushed to her side and embraced her. The gesture made Bianca’s heart calm and she knew that whatever happened they would get through it together.
“How are you feeling?” He asked, resting his hand on her still flat abdomen.
“I’m okay now, just a twinge here and there. I think it was just growing pains.”
Alex nodded, his face still lined with worry. They sat side by side holding hands until the doctor arrived. As soon as Dr. Gabriel entered the room Bianca wanted to pounce, but she waited until she was seated and had pulled up her file on the computer to say anything.
“So, are we excited to see your baby’s first pictures?” Dr. Gabriel asked before Bianca could tell her about the cramping.
They both nodded. “Dr. Gabriel, I’ve been having some cramping off and on since I got here. I told the receptionist but she said it was normal.”
The doctor frowned, “That’s not really her job. She should have told us right away.”
Doctor Gabriel moved forward and motioned for Bianca to lay back. “I’m going to feel around for a moment and then I’ll get the ultrasound machine.”
Bianca bobbed her head up and down in agreement and pulled her shirt up. Doctor Gabriel pressed on her lower abdomen a few times and Bianca winced.
“Does that hurt?” Dr. Gabriel asked.
“A little.” Bianca answered with alarm. What was happening?
The doctor frowned again but didn’t say anything. Bianca glanced at Alex and he raised his eyebrows at her. She shrugged, hoping that everything was okay. Tears pressed at the backs of her eyelids but Bianca forced them back. Now was not the time to fall apart before she knew what was happening.
“I’ll just run out and grab the ultrasound and be back in a minute,” Dr. Gabriel said, dashing from the room.
Bianca looked at Alex with worry. “I hope everything is okay,” she said, gripping his hand tighter.
“I’m sure it is,” he mumbled patting her hand. “I could always check it out for you.” Alex added, lifting her gown a bit.
Bianca smiled and smacked his hand down. She loved him for trying to lighten the mood with a joke. That was the second time she admitted to herself that she loved Alex. But one look at him, holding her hand as she worried about their unborn child and she knew she loved him long before now, she was just afraid to admit it.
Turning to Alex, Bianca was on the verge of professing to him what she had just been thinking when another cramp, this one worse than the rest, gripped her belly.
“Oh no!” She exclaimed, doubling over on the table.
“Bianca!” Alex yelled reaching for her.
“It hurts so badly this time,” she said, her voice hitching on a sob.
“I’ll get the doctor,” Alex said rushing towards the door.
He didn’t make it far however before the doctor came bursting in with the ultrasound.
“Here we are…” She began before seeing Bianca’s state. “What’s happened?” She asked, rushing to Bianca’s side.
“I don’t know,” Bianca mumbled through gritted teeth, the pain feeling like it was ripping her in two. “The cramping is back and it’s so much worse this time.” She managed to say.
“Let’s get you reclined and check on this baby,” Dr. Gabriel said, taking charge.
Bianca laid back and the doctor began the ultrasound, wincing with pain as she moved the wand. Alex gripped her hand, his face a mask of concern. They both watched the doctor’s face for any sign of what was going on. She gave nothing away and that made Bianca even more nervous. After several agonizing moments, Dr. Gabriel turned to them, regret in her eyes.
“What’s wrong?” Bianca asked, her voice cracking.
“I don’t see a heartbeat, Bianca,” the doctor started. “And it looks as if you’ve begun to bleed.”
Bianca’s face crumbled and she began to sob silently into her hands. This wasn’t happening.
“I don’t understand?” Alex said eyeing the doctor with incomprehension.
Bianca turned to him, tears streaking down her face and a lump in her throat that made her feel as if she was going to gag. “I lost the baby, Alex. I’m sorry,” her voice breaking on a sob. In only a matter of two hours, Bianca’s bliss turned to mourning and she wished more than anything that she could make the pain go away.
Chapter 8
Bianca was rocking a baby, she wasn’t sure if it was a boy or a girl, but it was hers. She could feel it in her bones. The tiny face was covered by the soft yellow blanket, but even though she couldn’t see the baby’s face she could feel the love surrounding her. She felt so relaxed and calm and almost drifted off to sleep. Suddenly the fire alarm was blaring and the baby was gone from her arms. Coughing on the smoke filling the nursery, Bianca turned her head back and forth frantically looking for the baby. She couldn’t find it. The baby was crying loudly but was nowhere to be seen. Panic engulfed her as she searched all of the rooms in the smoke filled house looking for the baby. A voice beckoned her from outside but she couldn’t see who it was. But she recognized the voice. Alex!
“Alex! Where are you?!? Our baby is missing!” Bianca screamed, running as fast as she could towards his voice.
Where was he? Finally she emerged from the house but Alex was gone. The sound of the crying baby had stopped and Bianca collapsed on the ground, defeated. The baby was gone. Alex was gone. She began to sob as the house burned down around her. She heard sirens in the distance but she couldn’t make out the fire trucks. The sirens were getting louder and louder. Someone was shouting her name again.
Bianca bolted upright in bed, sobs wracking her body. The dream was still fresh in her mind and a chill shook her as she realized the meaning. Her baby w
as gone. She felt empty, lost.
“Bianca?” Alex asked, his hand resting on her arm. He must have been trying to wake her.
“I’m sorry, Alex. I didn’t mean to wake you,” Bianca whispered sadly.
“You were crying in your sleep so I woke you. Were you having a nightmare?” He asked, rubbing her arm to comfort her.
She nodded, but didn’t tell him about it because she didn’t want to relive it and she didn’t want to see the pity that was sure to flash across his face when she said it; pity and sadness. It was her fault. Her stupid body failed and she lost Alex’s baby. How could he even look at her? She hated herself right now. Even though it had been a week since the miscarriage and proceeding D&C, Bianca still felt raw inside, like there was an opened wound that wouldn’t heal. Shrugging off the sudden wave of grief that engulfed her, Bianca lay back down on her pillow, allowing Alex to pull her into his arms. She didn’t deserve his comfort. She didn’t deserve anything. Closing her eyes to fight back tears, Bianca began to count backwards from one hundred, hoping it would help her fall asleep. By the time she reached fifty she knew it was a lost cause. Glancing over at her clock and seeing it was just after four-thirty, Bianca decided to get up. Today was the day she was supposed to return to work. It was the last thing she wanted to do. Sighing with frustration, Bianca climbed out of bed, being careful not to wake Alex since he seemed to have fallen back to sleep while they were laying there.
Bianca padded down the stairs and into the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee. Hopefully coffee would wake her up enough to get her through the day. At this rate, she would need at least five cups to sustain her. Having little appetite, Bianca decided against breakfast and took her steaming cup of coffee to the living room to watch the morning news. After several sad stories about shootings and fires, Bianca switched the TV off, her broken heart unable to take much more tragedy. Setting down her coffee on the end table, Bianca reclined back on the couch; she suddenly felt so exhausted. She would just close her eyes for a few minutes. As she drifted off to sleep Bianca had the faint image of being covered by a blanket.
*****
Alex rested the quilt over Bianca’s sleeping body, noticing the dark smudges under her chocolate brown eyes. She was barely sleeping lately and when she did she would wake in the middle of the night crying or screaming from nightmares. At the moment, she looked peaceful, her dark brown curls spread out on the pillow. Alex heard her get up, which wasn’t unusual lately. It seemed he couldn’t remember a time when Bianca didn’t wake before five a.m. Heaving a sigh of frustration, Alex tiptoed into the kitchen and brewed a cup of coffee for himself. The job he landed the day of Bianca’s miscarriage was on hold. He hadn’t even told her about it because he knew she needed him by her side while she healed. Alex was equally devastated but knew there was nothing either of them could have done to prevent it. Bianca felt otherwise. She blamed herself. Of course she never mentioned it to him directly but he knew that’s what she was thinking. After just two months, Alex was able to read Bianca better than anyone he knew.
Running a hand through his sleep tousled hair; Alex sat at the kitchen table and dropped his head in his hands with defeat. He felt like they were drifting apart but that was the last thing he wanted. Or maybe Bianca was pushing him away. Didn’t she see that they needed each other now more than ever? Stifling a curse Alex dumped his now cold cup of coffee in the sink and started back upstairs. He would just have to try harder, there was no way in hell he was going to lose her, he’d only just found her in the first place.
*****
Bianca woke up confused. Where was she and what time was it? Work! She bolted upright and looked around with panic. She was on the couch, a throw blanket over her legs. It was light out, but what time was it? Afraid she was late for work, Bianca stood up from the couch and headed towards the kitchen, the lights inside blaring. Where was Alex? She suddenly remembered that he slept over. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, Bianca stumbled tiredly to the coffee maker. She glanced at the clock on the microwave; it was six forty-five. Kicking herself into high gear, Bianca brewed a cup of coffee. She turned and froze at what she saw before her. Alex was lying with his head on his arms, asleep at the table. Sighing with regret at the way their relationship was going the last few weeks, Bianca forgot about her coffee and walked over to where Alex was sleeping.
“Alex,” she whispered, leaning down to kiss his cheek. She felt bad waking him but she also knew he had job hunting to do.
“Hmmm,” he mumbled, turning his head.
“You fell asleep at the table,” Bianca said, running her hand through his sandy hair.
“I’m sorry,” he answered, sitting upright.
Bianca shook her head, “It’s okay I just didn’t want you to get a stiff neck.”
“Right,” Alex said rubbing his neck. “I think it already started.”
Bianca smiled at the way he was playing up his stiff neck. “Would you like me to rub it for you?”
“I thought you’d never ask,” Alex smirked, leaning into her touch.
After a few minutes, Alex moved his neck from side to side and gave her a thumbs up. With a chuckle, probably one of the first in a week, Bianca stepped back to retrieve her now ice cold coffee.
“I guess I’m going to be late for work my first day back,” Bianca shrugged as she heated up her coffee in the microwave.
“I called them and told them you needed one more day. I hope that’s okay?” Alex replied moving behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist.
Bianca tried not to stiffen. It wasn’t that she didn’t want him to touch her, but she felt like she didn’t deserve his comfort or affection after she failed to keep his unborn child safe.
“Bianca, let me help you. Let me take care of you. You’ve spent the last week moping around the house, not eating, barely sleeping and not talking to me. We need to talk about this if we are going to get past it,” Alex said turning her to face him. “Unless you don’t want to get past it,” he added.
Bianca shook her head. “It’s not that, Alex,” she said, opening her mouth to speak again only to snap it closed again. Now was not the time to tell him she loved him.
“Please, Bianca. Talk to me,” Alex begged, gripping her waist.
Tears began to well in Bianca’s eyes. She couldn’t talk to him. It hurt too much. Didn’t he see that? And it was all her fault.
Swallowing the giant lump in her throat, Bianca spoke, “I want to talk to you. But I can’t speak the words without reliving that awful day.” She choked back the sob that tried to escape. “Why aren’t you angry with me?” She added, a few rogue tears escaping her eyes.
Bianca wiped the tears away angrily and snatched her cup of coffee from the microwave, sloshing some over the side.
Damnit!
Tears of frustration finally falling, Bianca grabbed the dishtowel and sopped up her mess. From her periphery she could see Alex watching her, his jaw twitching with tension. He was gripping the side of the table until his knuckles turned white and Bianca thought he must be holding himself back from coming to her. But why? That was what she needed from him, unconditional comfort. She would talk about what happened when the time was right but just knowing he was there for her through this awful time would help her heal. Bianca feared he wouldn’t want to wait for her to heal though and the thought made her stomach clench with fear.
*****
Alex watched as Bianca cleaned up the spilled coffee. His first instinct was to take the towel from her and do it himself. His second was to make her stop cleaning it up and gather her into his arms and not let go. Instead, he held onto the table and let her cry and mop up spilled coffee like an asshole. What was he waiting for? Damned if he knew. Releasing his grip from the table, Alex ran a hand through his hair again with aggravation. How did something that was going so well turn to such shit in a matter of months? Giving up the fight to leave her alone, Alex pushed off from the table and wal
ked across the room. At this point Bianca was done with the coffee spill and was leaning over the counter silently sobbing. He wrapped his arms around her waist again and ignored her stiffening posture.
“Bianca,” he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to her neck.
“Please don’t, Alex. I don’t deserve it,” she sobbed, trying to pull away.
“Yes you do, baby. Let me help you heal,” Alex said, continuing to press light kisses to her neck and cheek.
“Alex, please.” And he wasn’t sure if she was asking him to stop or to continue.
Alex didn’t stop. He turned her to him and continued to kiss her face and neck. Bianca didn’t pull away but she wouldn’t relax against him. Refusing to give up this time like he had for the last week, Alex pulled her to his chest, feeling the curves of her petite body press against him making his dick hard, and kissed her collarbone. He ran a hand up her t-shirt, finding her braless breast and squeezing gently. Bianca moaned and relaxed against him. Alex counted that as an invitation and continued his exploration of her body with his hands. He moved on to the other breast, palming her nipple and moving in slow circles. Bianca inhaled a sharp breath and pushed herself against his hand. Alex continued to suck on her neck, the scent of her driving him wild no matter how many times he had her.
“Alex,” Bianca breathed, the tone of her voice changed from before. This time she sounded like she wanted him and Alex took the opportunity to finally be able to make love to her to show her how much she really meant to him.
Gripping the hem of her t-shirt, Alex tugged it up over her head. Bianca complied, arching back as his head came down on her bare breast with his mouth. Alex groaned against her nipple, sucking fervently. His dick was so hard it was aching and he wanted her right now, but he wouldn’t rush. She needed him to go slowly and that’s exactly what he would do. Moving to her other breast and giving it the same attention, Bianca moaned loudly and threaded her hands through Alex’s hair, pulling him tighter to her. Alex pushed back long enough to shed his own shirt then he gathered Bianca in his arms and rushed up to the bedroom. Laying her down gently, Alex tore his pants down and tossed them away, taking his boxers with them. He then pulled off Bianca’s sweatpants and threw them away with the others. A low growl rumbled in his chest when he realized she was going commando and he wanted to devour her. Reminding himself to go slowly, Alex perched himself over top of Bianca on the bed, taking in the sight of her beautiful body. Although petite in stature, Bianca was curvy in all the places that mattered. Her chocolate brown skin glowed with arousal and Alex had the sudden need to taste her. Leaning down, he pressed kisses to her flat stomach, working his way down to where he really wanted to be. Alex pushed her knees apart, spreading her legs as far as they could go. He groaned again at the sight of her, wet and inviting. Trailing kisses down her thigh and back up again until he was at the center of her, Alex pressed a firm kiss to her wet pussy, and Bianca’s hips surged forward as she moaned loudly.