Space Oddity

by Christopher Edge

  ‘My vision is impaired!’ The alien guard rears up on its tail, its gelatinous bulk quivering with rage.

  Spinning round like I’m on stage at the school concert, I spring backwards to plant the second of the socks on the smaller alien’s eye-tentacle. She sniffs as if listening to the pong emanating from the sock and then sprays out a shriek.

  ‘I can’t see! And this thing reeks!’

  As this stinking shower of slime rains down on us, I grab hold of Dad’s hand.

  ‘Let’s get out of here!’

  BIG, ISN’T IT?

  Running away from smelly alien slugs turns out to be the easy part of the escape plan. As Dad and I dash down the cavernous corridor we soon leave the Gezundhai behind, a faint whiffed yell of ‘Come back now!’ clinging to our noses.

  Our footsteps clatter off the metallic floor, the eerie lights that seem to track our path pulsing along the curving walls. I don’t know where we’re running to. I don’t even know if we’ll ever get there as the corridor seems to stretch on for ever.

  ‘How do we get out of this place?’ I ask, gasping out the words as I run.

  ‘We’ve got to find an escape pod,’ Dad replies. ‘All intergalactic spaceships this size have one on every level. If we can find it then we’ll be able to climb in and blast off back to Earth.’

  He slows to a halt, his gaze snagging on a circular control panel that’s fixed halfway up the wall.

  ‘Just give me a second, Jake,’ Dad calls out. ‘I think this might be it.’

  Grateful for a breather, I glance back nervously over my shoulder as Dad taps at the panel. Above my head I see the lights that have followed us along the corridor suddenly blink into darkness. Turning back in surprise, I then see the curved walls of the corridor in front of us start to slowly slide apart to reveal a glittering circle of stars.

  At first I feel rush of panic, thinking that maybe this is some kind of airlock that’s going to blast me out into space, but then I feel Dad’s hand on my shoulder.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ he says, following my gaze as I watch the transparent bubble bulge outwards. ‘It’s completely safe. This is the escape pod – its shell is completely see-through. We just need to wait for the pressure to equalize before we can step inside.’

  I don’t believe it. Dad thinks we’re going to escape into outer space inside a bubble. Does he think we can just float back to Earth?

  But the impossibility of this idea fades into insignificance as I stare out into the widening darkness. I can see thousands of stars – no, millions of stars – all looking so much brighter than I’ve ever seen them before. Each piercing point of light gleams with an icy fire. And as I peer into the black spaces between these stars, I realize that this darkness is filled with even more stars. It looks like the entire universe is shining down on me.

  ‘Big, isn’t it?’

  I nod my head, almost unable to speak, but then I realize what I can’t see.

  ‘Where’s Earth?’ I croak.

  Peering out through the escape pod window as its widening circle comes to a halt, Dad points his finger towards a tiny blue dot, barely visible amongst the silent glitter of stars.

  ‘That’s Earth,’ he says, his voice gentle in my ear. ‘We must be out past Neptune by now.’

  I stare at this pale blue dot, feeling so far from home. I can’t see the land or the oceans, just a tiny blue speck all alone in the universe.

  Then Dad puts his arm around my shoulder and suddenly I don’t feel so alone.

  ‘I always wanted to show you this, Jake,’ he says. ‘The universe is so beautiful and it belongs to you too. I always thought that one day I could take you to the stars, but I just wish it wasn’t like this.’

  As we stand there together, I can almost fool myself that we’re back in our garden at home, staring up at the stars. Any minute now Mum will come to the back door and tell me that it’s getting past my bedtime.

  ‘That’s it,’ Dad says, as the transparent wall between us and the bubble starts to dissolve with a hiss.

  But then I smell something rather unpleasant and turn around to see a single eye-tentacle staring back at me through a hole in the sock.

  ‘Surprise! Surprise!’ the Gezundhai belches, and as the stinking spray hits my face, I feel the lights blink out inside my head. The last thing I hear before I hit the ground is Dad’s voice calling out my name.

  PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM

  ‘Jake!’

  The sound of this voice seems to be coming from a million miles away, like some kind of broadcast from a distant star.

  ‘Jake, are you OK?’

  Opening my eyes, I sway gently from side to side trying to work out exactly how I can be standing on two feet if I’ve only just woken up. I blink, my gaze slowly focusing on Dad’s face as he peers at me in concern. Even though my brain still feels fogged with sleep, I manage to croak out a question.

  ‘What happened?’

  ‘We got Gezundhai’d,’ Dad explains, spitting on the corner of his handkerchief and using this to wipe my face.

  ‘Dad!’ I protest, trying to push his hand away.

  ‘Stay still,’ Dad says, smudging the hankie across my face. ‘The Gezundhai can exude a paralysing anaesthetic agent in their mucus, this slime instantly knocking anyone unconscious on contact. That’s what happened to us.’ He pulls the handkerchief away from my face, its blue-checked pattern now dripping with slime. ‘You’ll feel better now.’

  As Dad slips the sopping hankie into his pocket I do feel more awake, although I wish he’d used a wet wipe. Then I catch sight of what’s behind Dad and gasp out loud in surprise.

  We seem to be standing on the stage of some kind of vast theatre – a bit like the place Mrs Beale took my class to last Christmas to watch Cinderella. But instead of the rows of comfy red-cushioned seats that they have at the Palace Theatre in town, here I can see golden galleries ringing the stage, their endless rows rising upwards as they seem to stretch into infinity. And looking down from every glowing balcony, I can see aliens.

  There must be tens of thousands of them, all looking so unearthly and strange. Most of the time on TV shows like Doctor Who, they make the aliens look kind of human. They might have pointy ears or green scaly skin or even tentacles where their faces should be, but they look human-ish. But most of the things I can see here look so far from human . . .

  Bird-like skeletons perch on the edge of the nearest gallery, their bony beaks opening wide as I watch. Above them, I see a blob that seems to be made of living spaghetti, the writhing worms of its body constantly changing shape. My eyes flick upwards, unable to take in what I’m looking at. Creatures made of rock, crystal and clouds, every shape even stranger than the last. There are tentacles and antennae, claws and pincers, shells and suckers and teeth. And in amongst this outlandish alien zoo, I catch a glimpse of the odd human form, sometimes with bright green skin just like Dad, but then they’re gone, lost in a swarm of strange insect creatures whose multi-coloured bodies bristle with stings.

  ‘Where are we?’ I murmur.

  ‘I think this must be the Chamber of Judgement,’ Dad says, his voice trembling as the strangest-looking chandelier I’ve ever seen starts to float down from the domed roof. ‘And that is the Cosmic Authority.’

  I stare upwards in disbelief. The glowing creature looks like a glass sculpture of a squid, its shimmering tentacles trailing light as it descends. It’s as big as a bus, if a bus had a huge bulbous head, funnel-shaped body and more than a dozen tentacles and arms. It seems to be completely transparent, but then the creature opens its enormous eyes and I see two silvery moons staring down at me.

  I can’t believe this is really an alien. It looks more like a work of art.

  ‘What is it?’ I ask.

  ‘The Cosmic Authority is a Photophore,’ my dad explains, his voice hushed as the alien creature hangs suspended in the air. ‘One of the oldest civilizations in the galaxy and the guardians of its laws. Photophores ar
e bioluminescent – they speak in the language of light.’

  As if to prove Dad’s words right, a ripple of light pulses through the Cosmic Authority’s form. This blue-green flash travels to the tips of its tentacles and, with the Quintessence still in my pocket, I find I can understand what it’s saying perfectly.

  ‘WELCOME TO THE CHAMBER OF JUDGEMENT,’ the Cosmic Authority glares. ‘PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM.’

  That doesn’t mean I like what it’s saying.

  Another firework display shimmers through the translucent squid, the colours flashing red, green and gold.

  ‘ION OF MMBOGBJSQXMMHXZOHZMMHPHFSZDIXZSOESPCXMMMMBOUZTJMJPHPHPHPDI, YOU STAND ACCUSED OF BREAKING THE LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE. TRESPASSING INTO THE COSMIC ZONE OF EXCLUSION, LANDING ON A P-CLASS WORLD, DISGUISING YOURSELF AS A HUMAN BEING NAMED “ION JONES” AND ALLOWING YOURSELF TO BE INFECTED BY THEIR PRIMITIVE WAYS. HOW DO YOU PLEAD?’

  The huge silvery moons of its eyes shine fierce and bright and my dad seems to shrink beneath the Cosmic Authority’s gaze. I stare up in awe at this creature of light, holding my breath as I wait for Dad to say something that’ll make things all right.

  There’s a moment of silence, the eyestalks and antennae of every creature inside the vast Chamber of Judgement turned towards my dad. And then I hear his muttered reply.

  ‘Guilty, I suppose.’

  ‘Dad!’

  Glancing in my direction, Dad waves me into silence with a desperate look.

  ‘But I had a good reason for breaking these laws,’ Dad pleads, turning his gaze back towards the fluorescing space squid. ‘I thought I was answering a distress call that came from the direction of planet Earth. A message from a stranded traveller who said he was lost, floating somewhere above this blue world. I was just trying to help.’

  In reply, a silvery flush ripples through the creature’s tentacles.

  ‘YOU LIE!’ The Cosmic Authority’s words fall in a shower of terrifying sparks, each one dripping with contempt. ‘PLANET EARTH HAS BEEN PLACED IN A SPHERE OF SILENCE. ALL SIGNALS BLOCKED TO PREVENT THE CIVILIZED UNIVERSE FROM BEING INFECTED BY THEIR AGGRESSION. THIS BACKWARDS WORLD HAS BEEN MUTED! YOU HEARD NO DISTRESS CALL.’

  ‘Well, you see, that’s the thing,’ Dad says with a frightened laugh. ‘I found out it wasn’t really a distress call. It was a song. You see, the humans make music. Not the music of the spheres that we hear out here in space – the rhythmic roar of a plasma wave or the pulsing beat of a neutron star – but songs that tell us what it means to be alive. This was the most beautiful song I’d ever heard. And a human being had made it. I thought if they were capable of this, then maybe they weren’t as primitive as we thought they were. I had to stay to find out more . . .’ Dad’s voice trails away into a whisper. ‘I fell in love.’

  The Cosmic Authority’s body lights up like a disapproving Catherine wheel.

  ‘YOU ARE INFECTED!’ it blazes. ‘BABBLING ABOUT THESE THINGS CALLED SONGS WHEN WE KNOW THIS PLANET IS CAPABLE ONLY OF CRUELTY. AS PUNISHMENT FOR YOUR CRIMES, YOU WILL BE SENT INTO EXILE ON THE EVENT HORIZON OF THE NEAREST BLACK HOLE. AN ETERNAL WARNING TO ALL THOSE WHO DARE TO BREAK THE LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE.’

  Dad’s mouth falls open in shock at this sentence. He closes and then opens his mouth several times as if trying to reply, but no words come out.

  ‘GUARDS!’ The Cosmic Authority’s tentacles ignite with an eerie red glow. ‘TAKE HIM AWAY.’

  From behind me, I hear the familiar slithering sounds of the Gezundhai.

  I can’t let this happen.

  ‘No!’ I cry, shouting up at the giant space squid. ‘If you want to send my dad into a black hole, then you’re going to have to get past me first.’

  The Cosmic Authority flicks a tentacle in my direction and I watch as a shimmering beam of light ripples across my hand. The green hue that saturated my skin before is now completely gone and this light flickers through the colours of the rainbow before turning to a brilliant white.

  ‘YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING,’ the Cosmic Authority shimmers, its tentacles recoiling in fear. ‘YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN BROUGHT HERE. THIS MISTAKE WILL BE CORRECTED. YOU WILL BE RETURNED TO EARTH. ALONE.’

  ‘Jake,’ Dad grabs hold of my hand. ‘It’s no use protesting – you have to go back. I need to know that you’re safe.’

  ‘I won’t go back without you,’ I sob. Pulling my hand free, I shake my fist at the shimmering alien. ‘If you try and send me back, I’ll tell everyone the truth. About my dad and the aliens and your stupid Cosmic Zone of Exclusion – I’ll tell the truth about everything.’

  The Cosmic Authority’s tentacles glow with a rainbow light.

  ‘YOU WILL NOT REMEMBER THE TRUTH,’ it explains. ‘ALL THIS WILL BE WIPED FROM YOUR MIND, ALONG WITH ALL MEMORIES OF “ION JONES”. IN FACT, ION JONES WILL BE WIPED FROM THE MEMORIES OF EVERYONE ON EARTH. IT WILL BE AS IF HE WAS NEVER THERE. THE SPHERE OF SILENCE WILL BE STRENGTHENED AND WE WILL LEAVE YOUR PLANET TO STEW IN ITS IGNORANCE.’

  I stare up at the shimmering tentacles as these words sink into my brain.

  The Cosmic Authority doesn’t just want to take my dad – it wants to take all my memories of him too.

  I shake my head as the memories come rushing in: Dad dancing at the disco, jumping on stage at the school concert, every embarrassing moment I’ve ever wanted to forget. But then I remember all the other times too. How he helped me to build the best ever den. How he makes my favourite treats for our Saturday-night movie marathons. All the times we’ve played together, laughed together and the way he always makes Mum smile. All those times I snuggled close under the crook of Dad’s arm as we stared up at the stars.

  And the Cosmic Authority wants to steal all these moments from me with a swish of its tentacles.

  There’s only one way I can stop this.

  ‘You can’t do this to me,’ I cry, fumbling in my pocket as I search for the one thing that will help me. ‘You can’t send me back.’

  ‘YOU MUST GO BACK,’ the Cosmic Authority gleams, its words shimmering with scorn. ‘YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING.’

  I shake my head. ‘I’m not.’

  With trembling hands, I hold the Quintessence aloft, the starry lights on the device now shining brightly again. Dad was right – it just needed time to recharge. Then I twist the device between my fingers and feel myself start to change.

  DANCING OUT IN SPACE

  It starts as a tingle in the palm of my hand, a strange fizzing sensation that seems to seep into my veins. Then this dizzying rush floods right through me. It feels like my body is pulsing with flashing colours, but this light is all on the inside. The Quintessence is reprogramming my biology – changing me back to what I was before. I feel different, but the same. I’m becoming me again.

  As the lights on the Quintessence slowly fade into darkness, I stare up at the Cosmic Authority.

  ‘What do your scanners say I am now?’

  With a puzzled glare, the space squid flicks its tentacle towards me again. I watch as another ray of light ripples across my skin, but this time the light doesn’t stop changing, the shimmering beam constantly flickering between the colours of the rainbow.

  ‘I . . . I DON’T KNOW,’ the Cosmic Authority blinks.

  ‘My dad comes from another planet, but my mum comes from Earth. So what does that make me?’ I half smile as I remember what Amba said when Damon asked this same question. ‘Half human? Half alien? Am I infected or in need of protection? Should I be inside or outside your stupid Zone of Exclusion?’

  In reply to my question, the creature’s body turns completely transparent. It doesn’t seem to want to answer me, but I’ve got to make it understand.

  ‘You say my dad is “infected” by Earth’s primitive ways, but he really just fell in love – with its songs, with its music, with my mum. If he hadn’t trespassed on planet Earth, then I wouldn’t be here. I used to feel like I didn’t fit in sometimes and wondered why this was, but now I know exactly who I am.’ With my hearts thumpi
ng in my chest, I take a deep breath. ‘Jake Jones of number twelve Ashcroft Road, Pendleton, Manchester, England, Great Britain, Europe, the Earth, the Solar System, the Milky Way, the Universe.’

  I glance across at my dad and see tears shining in his eyes.

  ‘The only crime my dad is guilty of is being a bit embarrassing sometimes, but that doesn’t mean he deserves to be dumped on the edge of a black hole. I used to think I wanted an ordinary dad, but now I know why I’m lucky to have a dad who’s out of this world. It’s not because he’s an alien, it’s because he’s always told me that you can be whatever you want to be – a gymnast, a Jedi Knight, even a rock star!’

  ‘That’s right, Jake,’ Dad says, reaching out to take my hand. Mine’s still pink whilst his is green, but I know we’re both the same.

  ‘Keeping Earth in a Cosmic Zone of Exclusion is wrong,’ I say, raising my voice so everyone can hear. ‘We’re part of the universe too and it’s cruel to keep us alone. I know you think the human race is primitive – and maybe it is sometimes – but there’s so much more to the people on Earth than the things you hear on the news. That only tells you what’s going wrong in the world, but there are so many people trying to imagine a better world too. You’ll find this in the stories we share and the songs that we sing. These are the things that show what it really means to be human.’

  Suspended in the air, the glowing shape of the Cosmic Authority still looks like solid glass. I look around the Chamber of Judgement, strange alien faces peering down at me from every gallery.

  ‘If you listened to these, you might learn something . . .’

  My voice trails away. I don’t know what else I can say. How can I make them see that I’m telling them the truth?

  Then I realize, I don’t need to make them see – they just need to listen.

  I turn towards my dad, holding up the Quintessence in my hand.

  ‘You said this was the heart of your spaceship,’ I say. ‘Does that mean it will have a record of the signal you received that brought you to Earth twelve years ago?’