Planning on Prince Charming

by Lizzie Shane

  He just wanted to hear her voice—and if he wasn’t supposed to be seeing her and he wasn’t supposed to have feelings for her—well, fuck that.

  Josh pulled out his cell phone. Harry answered on the third ring.

  “Josh! Did you sign yet?”

  “I can’t sign them, Harry.”

  “I don’t think we’re going to get more money by waiting—”

  “I need them to rewrite the morality clause.”

  That shut Harry up. “What?”

  “I’m going to date a former Suitorette—” If she would have him. “—and I’d like you to make it so I’m not in breach of contract by doing so. Have a good night, Harry.”

  He hung up before his agent could argue and immediately dialed another number.

  Sidney’s phone connected on the first ring—but it wasn’t Sidney’s voice saying icily, “She doesn’t want to talk to you.”

  The line was dead before could say a word.

  Girls Night In.

  She was with her friends and using them as a shield. But the wedding festivities began on Friday. She’d have to see him then. He could wait three days, but then they were going to talk.

  He didn’t know if he could be any woman’s Prince Charming, but Sidney made him want to try. He wasn’t giving up yet.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Sidney’s primary job in the last hours leading up to a wedding was to take all of the bride’s worries and concerns onto herself and make them vanish. She was excellent at her job—but in this case it was easy.

  Caitlyn was remarkably relaxed for a bride—only freaking out twice about her family and Will’s clashing like oil and water, and only having one minor moment of panic over the weather. She had virtually no worries—which left Sidney plenty of time to obsess about her own.

  She didn’t want time to think about Josh officiating the ceremony tomorrow, or the fact that she would have to talk to him at the rehearsal tonight. She wanted to be consumed with the last minute details, but unfortunately with a small army of MMP staff at her disposal all details had already been seen to.

  The wedding party had arrived and were all settled into the bedrooms. Security was already patrolling the grounds—augmented by her brother’s specialists. The trellis arch that Caitlyn and Will had selected instead of an altar was set up on the beach, waiting for the rehearsal tonight, and the patio was set with tables for the rehearsal dinner to follow. The centerpieces were lovely, the tablecloths crisp, and the photographer had already been through to take stills for the wedding special.

  Everything was set, but Caitlyn scrolled through to-do lists on her tablet, desperately seeking some untended detail to take her mind off the fact that in exactly two hours she would see Josh again.

  She wasn’t doing a very good job of getting over him so far.

  Maybe it was the wedding, maybe it was her innate romanticism, but she couldn’t escape the feeling that things weren’t quite over between them. They had a final act yet to play out. She felt it in her gut. She just wished she had some hunch what that final act would look like.

  When no convenient catastrophe arose to take her mind off him, she tucked her tablet inside her attaché case and wandered down the path to the beach. She kicked off her shoes when the path gave way to sand, leaving them at the edge of the path as she headed down to inspect the trellis arch.

  It would be decked out with flowers in the morning—so the delicate blooms wouldn’t get damaged by the wind that was expected to kick up along the coast overnight, and so the bride and groom could see the full effect for the first time during the ceremony. Though they would probably have eyes only for one another. Caitlyn and Will had been making goo-goo eyes at one another ever since they arrived. If ever Sidney had to bet on a couple going the distance, she would bet on them.

  And to think six months ago, Caitlyn had agreed to marry Daniel.

  Sidney walked down the aisle between the white chairs that had been squished into the sand. A light breeze ruffled the ribbons looping between the rows, the sun glinting off the crystal blue water as the surf added its own music to the scene. If tomorrow was half as gorgeous as today, the wedding would be perfect.

  Sidney stopped under the trellis arch, trailing a hand over the white painted surface that had finally finished drying.

  “Surveying your handiwork?”

  Sidney froze at the sound of that voice, taking time to school her features before she turned.

  Josh stood a couple feet away, where Will’s best man would be tomorrow. Her eyes ate up the sight of him. He wore a pair of khaki trousers and a pastel button down, the casual, beachy look complementing his golden tan. Did he have to look so damn good?

  “You’re early,” she said inanely.

  “I was hoping to talk to you.”

  Her heart rate accelerated in an unruly rush at his words, but she forced herself to stay calm. “Did you have questions about your part in the ceremony?”

  “No, I’m good on that front.” He thrust his hands into his pockets and she recognized the nervous gesture. “I was hoping we could talk about us.”

  “Of course.” Sidney nodded, clasping her hands in front of her so she wouldn’t fidget. This was good. Their final act. She’d known it was coming and it was good to get it out of the way now so it wouldn’t be hanging over her during the wedding festivities.

  They’d never really had a breakup fight because they’d never really been together, but now if they were going to talk about things she could get the closure she needed. And then she’d finally be able to move on.

  There were things she hadn’t said the last time she saw him. Things she hadn’t felt like she was allowed to say because he hadn’t made her any promises. But now she could get it all out.

  She would be strong and put a period on their relationship so she could open another chapter in her life.

  Sidney glanced back toward the house. They weren’t in sight from the patio, but anyone coming down the path would see them long before they knew they were observed. Unsure how this was going to go, she waved down the beach to a more secluded area. “Shall we walk?”

  Josh nodded, falling into step beside her. And together they walked down the beach and toward the end of their relationship.

  *

  The setting couldn’t have been more perfect. It had been picked for the wedding because it reeked of romance and Josh had every intention of using that to his advantage. He’d kicked off his shoes beside hers and they walked barefoot down the beach, the waves washing over their feet and ankles. She kept her hands clasped in front of her, not looking at him or touching him as Josh tried to find the right words to begin.

  He had so much to tell her—that he was demanding a contract change so they could be together, that he would do whatever it took to make her not want to go on Romancing Miss Right ever again, that he’d officially broken up with Olga and about the strange revelations of seeing Marissa and revisiting his old life.

  All the words piled up on his tongue, crowding for space in his mouth, until all he could think to do was what he always told the Suitors and Suitorettes to do—speak from the heart.

  “I miss you, Sidney. I want things back the way they were between us.”

  Her head snapped around and her feet rooted in the sand. “What?”

  Josh stopped as well, hoping it wasn’t a bad sign that she was so shocked. “I love how it felt to be with you. I don’t want to lose that. Do you?”

  “No.”

  Relief surged at that single word. She didn’t want to lose it either. “There’s no reason we have to—”

  “No, that’s not what I meant.”

  He frowned. “Sorry?”

  “I didn’t love how it felt to be with you.” She shook her head, struggling for words. “No, that’s a lie. I did love it. Until I fell in love with you.”

  Hope surged. “Sidney—”

  “Stop. I didn’t say that so you’d feel like you have to parrot the w
ords back to me. I wouldn’t believe them now anyway. And it wouldn’t matter. How I feel about you and however you feel about me… it’s not enough. I’m not going to be the secret mistress forever just because you like how I make you feel.”

  “I wouldn’t ask you to be—”

  “No, you don’t have to ask, because I’ll volunteer for duty, right? Because it’s all about the contract and out of your control. But that’s bullshit. It’s a pretty excuse, but that’s all it is. You used me to remind yourself who you could be without Marissa, and even if your job wasn’t there as this giant obstacle between us, casting looming shadows of morality clauses and lawsuits, you still wouldn’t man up and become the guy I need you to be. Because you’re too scared of being hurt again. And too damn cynical to believe that I could be the love of your life. And I’m not going to waste my life hoping you’ll suddenly figure out how to be brave.”

  The sand seemed to be sliding beneath his feet, everything he wanted slipping away and he couldn’t find a single thing to say.

  But she wasn’t done.

  “You know what I think is the only reason you let yourself even look at me? Because you knew I was safely off limits. You couldn’t get hurt because I couldn’t reject you because you couldn’t want me. Well that’s great for you, but now I’m the one getting hurt and I don’t want to do it anymore.”

  “I never meant to—”

  “No, of course not. No one can blame you because you didn’t want to hurt me. It just happened. A nasty side effect of letting myself fall for you—which was my own fault. I own that. But I’m planning all these weddings, all day every day, and I love what they say. I love the promise to love someone forever. I love being brave enough to say you’re going to hold on through thick and thin. But I am never going to have that with you. You want a secret mistress, that’s your right. But I’m not that woman. I can’t go back to what we had, Josh. I can’t get caught up in chemistry and forget everything else. I need to pick the right guy, not just the one who makes me feel dizzy and free and forget everything that really matters to me. Because commitment? That matters to me. Proclaiming yourself in public and belonging to another person till death do you part? I want that. And I’m not going to settle. Not even for you. I deserve better.”

  He needed to say something. He needed to be brilliant. This was his moment. He was good at big moments. At grand gestures. At speeches. He was TV’s Josh Pendleton.

  So there was no excuse for what happened next.

  He choked.

  All the smooth words piled up on his tongue and he couldn’t get a single one out of his mouth. He wanted her back—no doubt about that, but this…

  He didn’t know if he could be what she needed. He didn’t want to let her down again. He’d sucked as a husband. He wasn’t sure he believed in marriage.

  She was right. He was scared shitless. Scared to try again. Scared because when he lost Marissa he lost everything—including his sense of who he was—but with Sidney it would be even worse, because he would lose his whole heart. But living without her…

  Unimaginable.

  It wasn’t just about how she made him feel. It was her. How he wanted to make her feel. He wanted to be good enough for her, but the idea of jumping into commitment again scared the shit out of him and he didn’t do scared.

  He was good at cocky and arrogant and smoothing over the rough emotional stuff with charm to put the audience back at ease, but he wasn’t sure he’d ever really had to be brave before. He was good at taking the easy way, but now that he had to walk the walk, he was balking.

  Sidney’s name echoed down the beach and she turned back toward the house. “That’s Caitlyn. I should get back. Make sure everything’s okay.”

  “Sidney.” He caught her wrist, still at a loss for words but needing her to stay, just a little longer, just until he could find the right thing to say.

  She tugged away. “We’re done here, Josh. I’ll see you at the rehearsal.”

  Josh watched her walk away, his thoughts swimming with everything he hadn’t managed to say. Whoever had said it was better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all had clearly never loved Sidney.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Sidney hadn’t known it was possible to feel righteous and strong while simultaneously depressed and cranky. Josh was teaching her all sorts of things.

  Caitlyn met her halfway up the beach as she headed back toward the house. “How’s the bride?” she called as she approached.

  Caitlyn frowned, studying her. “Are you okay? Your face looks funny.”

  “I’m fine,” Sidney assured her.

  Caitlyn glanced over her shoulder—and Sidney could tell the moment she recognized Josh. “Oh.”

  “Did you need something?” She would almost have hoped for a wedding crisis to take her mind off things, except she wanted everything to flow smoothly for Caitlyn.

  “I was actually hoping you could lie to my mother for me.”

  It was certainly not the strangest request Sidney had ever gotten from a bride—and she knew Caitlyn’s relationship with her mother was as complicated as her own. “About anything in particular?”

  “She wants me to play at the reception,” Caitlyn explained as Sidney bent to collect the shoes she’d left at the side of the path—pointedly ignoring the large male loafers beside her wedges. “I’m hoping you can tell her that the piano is off-limits according to the owner’s orders. Or wildly out of tune. Anything so I don’t have to perform at my own wedding. I’m going to play some of our songs for Will on our honeymoon, but I don’t want my reception to turn into a concert with my mother as the conductor.”

  “I’ll take care of it,” Sidney promised. “Overbearing mothers are my specialty.”

  Together they climbed the steps to the patio, where the tables were set for the rehearsal dinner. Caitlyn stopped, looking over the tastefully decorated area with a little smile. “I’m getting married tomorrow.”

  “I heard a rumor to that effect,” Sidney said with a grin.

  Caitlyn looked at her sideways. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “Of course. I’m thrilled for you,” Sidney said, intentionally misunderstanding.

  “I didn’t see it before, but he’s the reason you left Marrying Mister Perfect early, isn’t he?”

  If Caitlyn had been just another bride, Sidney might have lied, but she was also a friend—and one of the few people in the world who understood how completely bizarre the experience of reality television dating could be. “Yeah. He is. But it’s nothing. There’s no future there.”

  “Do you love him?”

  “Maybe. But since when is that enough?” She waved a hand, dismissing the topic. “Let’s not talk about my drama. Let’s talk about you and Will.” Caitlyn beamed and Sidney’s own lips curved in automatic response. “You look amazing, Caitlyn. So happy.”

  “I’m just glad I’m not puking as much anymore. If I can just get through the wedding without morning sickness—or all day sickness, as seems to be my case—then I’ll be happy.”

  She wasn’t showing yet. Her modest curves might be a little fuller, but other than that the only symptom of her pregnancy was a distinct glow. Or maybe that was just the euphoria that came with marrying the man of her dreams.

  Caitlyn had it. The life Sidney had always wanted. Adoring fiancé. Baby on the way. She’d taken a detour through Daniel to get there, but she’d found her happily-ever-after.

  “I envy you,” Sidney admitted, linking arms with Caitlyn as they headed back inside. “Will looks at you like you’re a princess.”

  “Not a princess,” Caitlyn corrected. “Daniel tried to put me on a pedestal, but Will wants to hold my hand as we go through every adventure in life. That’s a thousand times better. Not that he’s perfect—he’s grumpy in the mornings and he holds grudges like you wouldn’t believe, but he’s mine. And I think he’s going to be a great dad, which is good because I’m terrified of becoming a mom.�
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  “You’re going to be amazing.”

  “So are you, Sid.” Caitlyn squeezed their linked arms. “It’s going to happen for you. What is it you’re always saying? Just a bump on the road to your happily-ever-after?”

  “My road might need some serious maintenance.”

  “Just dodge the potholes the best you can. You’ll get there.” Caitlyn paused, looking out the bay window with the view out over the ocean. “Did I ever tell you Will was engaged before?”

  “No, you never mentioned it.”

  “Broke his heart. Took him ages to get to where he could even see past it, but when he did, do you know what he saw?”

  “You?”

  “Yeah, well, he heard me first. Playing the piano. So just keep your heart open and keep listening, okay? It’ll be your turn soon.”

  Sidney knew Caitlyn was trying to help, but it was hard to believe her today. She knew she’d made the right choice by turning down Josh’s offer to go back to being his secret mistress. She needed more than he could give her—and the look of terror in his eyes when she’d mentioned marriage had proved that. But how was she supposed to forget the way he made her feel?

  Her heart had been open and he’d snuck right in—and now she didn’t know how to get him out again.

  *

  The rehearsal had gone well—as long as Josh didn’t mind the fact that Sidney was avoiding him as if he were contagious.

  He knew she was busy, so he tried to stay inconspicuous as the rehearsal dinner devolved into an endless series of toasts by the groom’s very enthusiastic sisters. Or at least that’s why he told himself he was lurking in shadows. It had nothing to do with the fact that he still didn’t know what to say to her.

  Silver-tongued Josh Pendleton at a loss for words.

  If his friends could see him now.

  His cell phone vibrated in his pocket as another of the groom’s sisters got up and began speaking in an attempt to outdo her siblings. He withdrew it and, seeing the caller-ID, almost let it go to voicemail, but he must be a glutton for punishment today, because he connected the call, moving into the yard away from the celebration as he answered.