Love & Decay (Season 1): Episodes 1-6

by Rachel Higginson

  The rat’s nest was the worst to deal with so I gladly handed that job over to the boys. King had secured the front doors, but that wouldn’t hold off a horde if we weren’t careful.

  The space wasn’t very big and with all of us, except Tyler, working hard we had removed the food, wiped down the walls, pulled out the shelves, swept all of the poop out and mopped the floor in under two hours.

  The light had completely vanished by now, but inside the solid walls of the freezer we were brave enough to turn on a few battery-operated camping lanterns. And by the time we rigged the door so that we wouldn’t get locked inside, our home was made.

  We sat around the two small lanterns and leaned against the freshly cleaned walls. Our small cave smelled like lemon and clean, and the scent was soothing. I hadn’t smelled something this “disinfected” in a long time.

  Haley and Nelson passed out dinner, a solid pull-top can of tuna for everybody thanks to items the looters did not take from this particular Publix, a roll of crackers rationed among us all and blue Gatorades.

  If I ate the tuna fast enough, I didn’t have to taste it because it was definitely disgusting, but at least it had protein.

  All in all, we were going to bed only a little bit hungry, and that was a good thing.

  “Is this how you always eat?” Tyler asked on a sneer from across the circle.

  Haley was on my left with Page in her lap and she laughed lightly, “Not always. I haven’t had Gatorade in months.”

  “And Nelson was generous with the crackers tonight.” Harrison sounded genuinely thankful.

  It was true, though; there were more crackers apiece than usual. I wondered if someone had found more here or if we were celebrating the fact that nobody died today.

  “How do you honestly expect to survive on this crap?” She was so spoiled, almost unforgivably so. Especially in the cruel world we lived in, where hardship was a part of every single moment. But, in a weird, annoying way, I got her point. These were the same questions I’d asked myself for the first six months, maybe the first year. I wasn’t sure when I’d stopped believing we’d never make it and started assuming we could, that we suddenly possessed all the tools necessary to stay alive.

  This life took an adjustment physically, mentally and emotionally. She wasn’t going to get that overnight.

  However… she didn’t have to be such a bitch about it.

  “We don’t have a choice,” I answered poignantly.

  “I cannot believe I left The Colony for this shit,” she grumbled.

  “Is that what you call it?” Hendrix asked from next to me.

  She snorted a sarcastic laugh, “Yes, my dad thought it was a throwback to like the original thirteen colonies.”

  That met grunts of acknowledgment. None of us was really ready to talk about her dad or his collection of Zombies or his prison camp-esque colony.

  Least of all me.

  I felt Hendrix’s hand inch forward until our pinky fingers brushed against each other. Slowly he swept his up the length of mine and back down again. The gesture was meant to comfort, and it did. I leaned back so that our shoulders were only an inch apart and gave him a sweet smile. There was no reason for me to still be afraid of The Colony or anyone in it. We had escaped. We were miles away now, and there was no way for anyone to really track us.

  I was safe.

  Well, as safe as I could be.

  Still my mind fell back to Kane just like it did every single moment of silence since we’d left that settlement. His angry gray eyes haunted me. His cleanly-groomed hair, his straining muscles as he stood handcuffed to that bedroom window all shown clearly in my mind. And the promises in his calm, orderly tone made me shudder.

  Logically I knew there was no way for him to find me.

  Emotionally… my thoughts kept tripping over his threats and the determined intent on his face. He meant what he said. I knew that in the core of my soul. Whether he could accomplish it was a different thing… but without a doubt, without any hesitation, I knew he would try.

  And that created a well of fear in my chest that I couldn’t ignore, that I couldn’t overcome.

  But I didn’t understand why.

  He hadn’t hurt me. He hadn’t even touched me. And he had done nothing but protect me.

  Apart from the whole princess-locked-in-a-tower complex I picked up while I was with him, he had treated me with careful respect and never once tried to push boundaries or force me into something dangerous or harmful.

  So why was I so afraid of him?

  Why was I so afraid of what he wanted from me?”

  “Finished with your dinner?” Hendrix asked in my ear. His words were casual, but his tone was deep and sensual. I shivered a little as his hot breath floated over my ear and down the column of my throat.

  “I am,” I answered. He reached out, and I handed him my trash so he could pass it around to the communal trash can.

  “It was good, wasn’t it?”

  I turned half way around so I could face him. I crossed my legs in front of me and picked up one of his hands to play with. He stared down at me with something so warm, something so scorching and consuming my body felt on fire from his attention.

  I laughed, “No, it was awful.”

  “Sounds awful,” he sympathized with the hint of a smile. His eyes were dark in the low light of the lantern.

  I leaned into him because I couldn’t help myself… because I couldn’t stop myself.

  “It’s been a pretty awful day,” I admitted. No bath. Zombies. Rats. Tuna. All things smelly and gross.

  “I can make it better,” he whispered with his face just an inch away from mine.

  “You can?”

  “I can,” he confirmed seriously. He reached over and grabbed my shirt in fistfuls and pulled me toward him.

  I rocked onto my knees with the momentum he gave me and continued on into the warm nook of his arm. He leaned back against the cold metal wall and wrapped his arm around me. I pressed my cheek against the firm muscle of his chest and bravely wrapped my arm around his waist.

  The thing about this was that there was no going back. Cuddling wasn’t exactly saying our vows or even close to something as simple as a good old fashioned make-out, but it did make a statement.

  I should have held back more.

  But I couldn’t deny this felt right.

  I listened to the beat of Hendrix’s heart as he stroked a soothing path up and down my spine. His body, solid and coiled with muscle in every place warmed against my skin. My arm stretched out across his rippling stomach, and my hand rested against the smooth line of his side. He smelled like dirt, sweat and antibacterial soap, but underneath that was something so unique and Hendrix that everything together was heady and intoxicating and completely alluring. His stomach would occasionally gurgle from either lingering hunger or working to digest his dinner, his breathing whooshed in and out of his body, and his heart beat rhythmically in his chest. And all I could do was smile to myself and enjoy all of his vibrant, living… life.

  Everyone else seemed to have settled down around us. I could hear Haley and Nelson talking quietly to each other and trying not to laugh too loud. Tyler was speaking quietly to Miller, reassuring him they would be all right. King and Harrison were discussing something sports related that would never get resolved in the world we now lived in. And Vaughan was holding Page and telling her a bedtime story making it up as he went along.

  I breathed a contented sigh and ignored the misting of my eyes. I had almost lost this…. this family I’d somehow become a part of. I’d almost been ripped away from all these beings that had become so important to me, made me love them so fiercely. The thought alone was almost unfathomable to me.

  And while there was this haunting fear of Kane that I couldn’t seem to shake, I knew he could never come through with his threat. As determined as he was to find me, if he still even cared, although some secret instinct whispered he did, I was just as committed to sta
ying with this family, to protecting this family as he was to finding me. He could come after me all he wanted, but I would not leave them and I would not let anything happen to them.

  They were life to me now and not just my waking moments and daily duties. No, they were literally life; they represented the only good things left in this dead world; they were bright and full of vitality and color. They were shining with everything good and pure and beautiful, and I would never give them up.

  “We’re not going to fight anymore, are we?” Hendrix’s chest rumbled against my cheek, and I found myself kissing his breastbone through his shirt before I could stop myself.

  I had drugged myself with happy thoughts and the butterflies Hendrix was sending into my stomach. I couldn’t help myself. He needed to be kissed.

  “You and me?” I laughed, even while his breath hitched a little at my gesture.

  “Yeah.”

  “I’m not sure it’s possible for us not to fight, at least every once in a while.”

  “But about losing each other briefly.” He dropped his head so that his lips spoke against the top of my head, his breath hot and slow against my hair. “I don’t want to fight about that anymore. I won’t let it happen again, so there’s nothing to stay angry at me about.”

  I couldn’t stop my amused smile; he was just so cocky!

  “I believe you,” I whispered with all sincerity.

  “Then you’ll forgive me?”

  “Yes.” My eyes were misting again and I held on tighter to his waist. “And you’ll forgive me?”

  “Yes.” He kissed the top of my head and sighed for the perfection of our moment.

  Everything was right again. And while I didn’t think either of us needed forgiveness and it was only our mutual anxiety for one another coming out in the heated arguments and outrageous behavior, “I forgive you” felt a lot easier to say than, “Never leave me again.” That was too much, too soon.

  Even if it was what I meant.

  Even if it was whispered in every breath I took, in every beat of my heart.

  I knew he saw beyond our easy words and casual statements. This was Hendrix, the boy who had seen me and demanded I make a place in his life before I even knew his last name. He always saw beyond the surface, beyond my contrasting actions, almost beyond me, but not quite. It was more like all of me, every single, insignificant and significant part.

  Pretty soon I was nodding off, asleep against the safety I found on his chest. I hadn’t slept in so long, not real sleep anyway. And he was more comfortable than anything I could remember recently. His body kept me warm, his arm held me securely and his steady breathing rocked me to sleep before I knew it.

  Someone must have kept watch all night, or a few someone’s, but they let me sleep all the way through. I woke up yawning with a stiff neck and a pliant, relaxed body that felt like jelly since I hadn’t moved once on Hendrix.

  I snapped my mouth shut as soon as I realized I was yawning right under his nose. I was pretty sure that my body should have evolved into a condition in which my breath didn’t smell like Zombie’s feet every single morning, but that was not the case. Apparently I was not the missing link.

  This was maybe the first time in history that a person was upset that they couldn’t claim that great honor. Oh, brother…

  I kept my mouth closed but continued to stretch out across Hendrix. I scratched my fingernails lightly up his side and arched my back, pressing my body into his. I was mostly trying to irritate him, but he grabbed my waist with two hands and flipped me over so that he loomed above me.

  “Are you trying to kill me, Reagan?” he demanded in a husky morning voice that revealed he was just waking up, too.

  I shook my head and pressed my lips together. Someone would have to threaten to shoot me before I spoke to this man without brushing my teeth first.

  “Then what are you doing with your body?” Hendrix demanded sounding a bit strangled. His hands lightened their grasp and his fingers brushed against my hipbones. He lowered his forehead to mine and rubbed his nose along my nose. “We’re in a room full of people. Reagan. I haven’t even kissed you yet. Probably it’s better not to turn me on violently first thing in the morning.”

  My stomach jolted awake, followed by the thousands of butterflies that had apparently fallen asleep in my stomach. His leg slipped between my thighs and his whole rigid, glorious body pressed down on mine. His breath was stale from sleep, but oddly I found it even more endearing.

  I had to close my eyes against all of the sensations flooding my body. Vaguely, I remembered those other people with us in the freezer, but just barely.

  He leaned down and kissed my cheek before he pulled back and moved away from me. I heard him groan into his hands. I tilted my head and watched as he scrubbed his face with his hands roughly. He noticed me watching him and shot me an evil scowl.

  I smiled. This boy was more than any girl was capable of resisting. I was falling for him, despite my better judgment.

  Or maybe because of my better judgment.

  It was still too early to tell.

  “I’m going to go brush my teeth,” I explained with a hand over my mouth.

  I didn’t know exactly what time it was, but my body was pretty in tune with day versus night, so I was assuming it was at least close to morning. Besides, everyone else was starting to stir, too. Everyone, except for Nelson, who sat and stared at the door like he was just as inanimate. He must have had the last watch.

  “I’ll go with you.” Hendrix was not going to let me go anywhere without him.

  Which sucked because I also had to pee.

  We stood up and grabbed our bathroom necessities and a few guns. We had checked out and used the bathrooms last night. They were smelly, and a few stalls remained closed for the rest of eternity, but at least in the girls’ bathroom I could hover like a port-a-potty and the sinks still drained. Plus there were both toilet paper and paper towels left, so that was a double bonus.

  Nelson stood up so we could leave and immediately fell into Haley’s lap and was asleep. Vaughan was staring blankly into space too, with that freshly-wakened look and waved us out. Apparently he was back in command.

  This morning the outside was smellier, ripe and stifled from the long night and marinated in freshly killed Zombies. I gagged immediately and pulled up my shirt over my nose. At least the front of the store remained intact, and no Feeders lurked about waiting to pounce.

  Still we kept our guns up and readied and our still groggy senses as alert as we could. We split ways into separate bathrooms. I was relieved he didn’t intend to follow me inside. I couldn’t bring myself to pee with the stall door closed, and our relationship was so not even near the whole peeing in front of each other arena.

  And if there were a God, it never would be.

  I used the facilities as quickly as I could and walked over to the sink to brush my teeth in the dark. The only light that lit up the room was from the opened door, and whatever filtered in from the dirty storefront windows.

  I was just rinsing my mouth with a bottle of water when Tyler walked in, carrying her kit of morning necessities. She and Miller hadn’t left their colony with a whole lot on them, so we had been sharing ours and picking them up what we could find.

  I nodded at the toothbrush package she was opening and smiled, “Did you get that here?”

  “Yes, thank God,” she moaned. Her voice was hoarse with sleep, and her eyes looked confused as she concentrated on getting the toothpaste onto the bristles. “Nelson grabbed more if you need one and I think there’s more toothpaste, you know, just in case you’re running low.”

  “Thanks.” I didn’t need a new tube; I still had plenty in my current one, but it was nice of her to tell me all that. In fact, it was the most generous I’d seen her.

  “Sure.”

  I left her to brush her teeth while I tried to comb through my filthy hair. I wanted to wash it badly, but I couldn’t waste the meager bottled-water
ration I had left. I would just have to be on the lookout for a natural body of water that wasn’t saturated in blood or surrounded by flesh-eating Zombies. Easy…

  I did allow myself the luxury of pouring a little bit of my water onto a washcloth and scrubbing my face with it.

  Tyler groaned, and I looked up to see her watching me. She explained, “I feel so disgusting!”

  “Me too,” I nodded enthusiastically. “But don’t worry, we don’t usually go this long without baths. I’m sure Vaughan will find us a place to stop soon.”

  She snorted derisively, “Vaughan.”

  Okay, that’s clearly a sore subject.

  “Can I ask you something, Reagan?” she asked, her voice was suddenly quiet and serious.

  Nerves jolted my blood awake, and I instantly looked around, wishing Haley was here to deflect wherever this conversation was going. I had this terrible feeling she was going to talk about Vaughan with me and I had no idea how I felt about answering her questions or listening to her bitch about him.

  Finally, she shot me a sheepishly small smile and asked, “How did you get away from my brother?”

  So that was a completely different direction than I anticipated.

  My eyes grew big at her question, and I wasn’t sure how to answer. I realized I’d never exactly explained how I got away, but nobody had asked me. The Parkers had always expected me to escape and so when I showed up they just moved into action. I had always expected to be able to get free too, so the fact that I did wasn’t exactly a surprise.

  Kane was not an option for me. The only option was here, with this family. But I supposed to someone else, an outsider looking in, it might seem impossible for a girl my size, to go up against a man Kane’s size, armed and with me handcuffed to a bed and all that I could not only get away but make it almost all the way through town without getting caught.

  It might seem impossible or like a miracle.

  I chose to believe it was a miracle.

  “I got a little lucky and he got a little stupid. It worked in my advantage.” I shrugged casually, but her serious expression turned into one of annoyed disbelief.