Love in Maine

by Connie Falconeri

  “I know. Look, I work with him, remember? He’s a really good guy.”

  “But?”

  “But nothing. It’s just that you seem so sweet and . . . dainty.”

  “Oh! You are adorable. Dainty?” Janet shook her head, and then her expression turned dour. “I was the town drunk. Do you know what that means in a town this size?”

  Maddie felt her heart cramp under the weight of what that must have meant for Hank. And what it meant for Janet, too, of course, but for what it meant for a child to be living with an adult who was—

  “It meant that I would walk down Main Street in my pajamas, barefoot. In February. To buy a pack of cigarettes. It meant that I was a screaming, blubbering mess when my husband drove his car into a telephone pole and was pronounced dead on arrival at the hospital, and I had to be sedated because I pretty much lost my mind. It meant that Hank more or less had to raise himself, because his father and I were so far gone down the path of our addictions that we barely even knew when he was awake or asleep.”

  Maddie was crying, and Janet got up and grabbed a few sheets of paper towel and handed her one.

  “You can’t think any less of me than I think of myself. Of how I was then, at least.” Janet took a deep breath, then continued. “I feel okay about myself now.”

  “I don’t know what to say, Jan. I’m just so sorry. It must have been so hard on . . . everyone.”

  “On Hank, you mean?” Janet had wadded up the paper towel and put it against the corner of her right eye and then her left. She smiled and tried to laugh. “This isn’t the celebration I had anticipated for this weekend! We need to quit all this moping and focus on the real issue. What did you get Hank for his birthday?”

  Maddie’s head shot up. “What? When is it?”

  “Oh. He is so bad. He didn’t tell you, did he?”

  “No. But I guess I didn’t ask, either. Is it today?”

  “No,” Janet said. “It’s tomorrow, but I thought maybe the four of us could go out tonight, and then I figured Hank would probably rather go out, you know, just the two of you, tomorrow night. Or . . .”

  “Oh.” Maddie was embarrassed again. As much as she and Hank had slid into a happy routine, they never really made any plans. On the few occasions that Maddie had offered to babysit for Sharon, Hank had come along with her. Neither of them were inclined to spend money on fancy dinners or going to the movies, when they could be in bed for free. Maddie tried to shrug it off. “I mean, maybe he has plans. We haven’t really talked about anything specific.”

  The engine of Hank’s truck interrupted their conversation. He flipped off the engine and was in the kitchen a few seconds later. No more hanging his head over the steering wheel, that much was certain.

  “Hey, you two!” He reached into the refrigerator and pulled out a soda. He shut the fridge door and leaned against it with an easy smile as he opened the soda tab. He took a sip, then slowed down. “Who died?”

  “Oh cut that out. I was just telling Maddie that it was your birthday, and maybe we should all go out and celebrate, with Phil, and you, and Maddie . . .”

  Maddie nearly cringed, sensing the way Janet had almost said “double date” and hurled them all into a pit of embarrassment.

  Hank shut down. No expression. No comment.

  “Or not,” Janet added.

  Maddie took another sip of her iced tea and stayed quiet. She heard her father’s stern patrician voice in her mind: “You don’t have a dog in this fight.”

  Hank took another sip of his soda and stared at his mother. “Why do you keep trying to get us to go out with you and Phil? It’s not like you’re going to marry the guy or anything.”

  The silence fell like that hammer at the high-striker game at the carnival. Bam.

  “Yes, it is like that.” Janet stared back. “I thought you’d be happy for me.”

  If Hank could have leaned farther into the solid metal of the refrigerator, he looked like he would have. “Sure.” He cast the word aside like it was nothing. “Sure, I want you to be happy, Mom. That’s great.”

  Maddie was going to start crying again. She’d never really gotten on her knees and given thanks for the fact that her parents actually loved each other in that totally secure way. Coming and going. Passing each other with quick nods or a quick phone call, but always together at the end of the day, tucked into their chairs in the den, talking over their days and looking up when one of their four children happened into the room for one reason or other. No violence. No secrets.

  Well, probably some secrets, Maddie thought. But nothing like this. Nothing that hurt like this. She took another sip of her iced tea to swallow the lump of emotion in her throat.

  Hank finished his soda, rinsed it out in the sink, then put it into the recycle bin. “So, you guys have a good weekend. I’ll see you later.” He walked out the back door, and the screen door closed with a quiet slap against the frame.

  Maddie was frozen solid. You guys? What the hell was that supposed to mean? Did he mean just Janet and Phil or was he lumping Maddie into their little party?

  “That went well,” Janet said.

  Picking up her glass of iced tea and taking it to the sink, Maddie tried to think of something appropriate to say. It wasn’t really one of those things that was covered in an Emily Post chapter like “How to Decline a Tea Party.” It was a tad awkward that the first thought that popped into Maddie’s head was, “Hate to dash off, but I want to go have sex with your son to make him feel better about you getting married.”

  Maddie turned to face Janet. “I’m really happy for you.”

  “Thanks, sweetie.”

  “Have you set a date?”

  “Oh, nothing like that. No. Phil’s going to try to tell his mother and see if she is well enough to leave the home for an afternoon, and then he needs to check with his two daughters over in Brattleboro. That’s where they were raised, where his wife was from. Probably early next summer.”

  “Oh. Okay. Well. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help you get ready or anything.”

  Janet looked winsome. “You’ll be back at school by then, sweetie, but thank you.”

  “Yeah.” Maddie took a very deep slow breath. Back at school. So what was she doing standing in this woman’s kitchen when the man she wanted to spend every spare moment with was stewing in his own confused mess of feelings a few yards away?!

  “So. I think I’m going to go up and see how Hank’s doing. Do you mind?” Maddie was pointing up toward the garage in a stupid gesture, as if Janet didn’t know which direction the garage was.

  “Yes. That’s a good thing.”

  Maddie squeezed Janet’s shoulder as she walked past. “It’s all going to be good.”

  Janet smiled, but she looked at Maddie with a skeptical gaze.

  A few minutes later, Maddie knocked lightly, then opened the door to Hank’s apartment. He never locked it during the day, and she’d gotten in the habit of knocking and coming in at the same time. This time she felt like she should have waited for him to answer before she barged in.

  She stayed there, resting the palms of her hands against the shut door behind her. Hank was at his drafting table, hunched over some drawings and using a ruler to make some straight lines.

  “Hey,” Maddie said.

  “Hey.”

  “Can I come in?”

  “You’re in already.”

  “But I can go. Seriously, Hank. Look up just for one second. Do you want to be alone or are you kind of hoping I’ll hang around until you finish what you’re doing and we can order some Chinese food and watch a movie and fool around on the couch?”

  He didn’t look up, and she could feel him just seething over there in the corner. The light was beautiful, streaming into the space. The bright white paint on all the woodwork, all the effort he had put into making this place simple and beautiful and plumb.

  As long as he didn’t tell her to leave, she was staying. Maddie walked over to t
he refrigerator and grabbed a beer.

  “You want a beer?” she asked over her shoulder.

  “All right.” He muttered it reluctantly, but at least it gave her an excuse to walk over and touch him. That kitchen departure down there had been brutal. Her body had started humming the minute his truck was on their street. By the time he’d walked in with that big happy smile on his face, she’d barely been able to sit in her seat.

  And then he’d left.

  Of course she was feeling all emotional from everything Janet had told her, but her body, her physical self, was becoming a demanding, forceful thing.

  “Here you go.” She held out the beer for him. Hank reached up to take it from her without taking his eyes off the complicated engineering blueprints he was making.

  She didn’t release her hold on the bottle. He tugged on it once more.

  “Look at me, handsome,” she whispered.

  Hank looked up at her and she almost collapsed. His eyes, those beautiful dancing green eyes, were dark and frightened. So sad and confused and tormented.

  Maddie pushed her way into him, forcing his swivel seat so she could spread his thighs apart and slip into his personal space. She let go of his beer bottle, and he took a sip. He kept his head down, but he didn’t push her away. She let her free hand loop around his neck, then leaned in and kissed his neck, right near his ear, where she knew it turned him on the most.

  “I missed you today . . . it got so bad . . .” She kept kissing him and touching his neck.

  “Maddie . . .” He was still a mess. She could hear that his voice was still strained, but if she could pull him out of it, out of that terrifying locked-off place, she was going to do it. And if it meant that she was seducing him and it was just a surface solution, a short-term fix, then so what? Maybe the short-term fixes would start happening more often. And then they wouldn’t be fixes, they would be Hank coping with the natural waves of feelings that were going to keep cropping up in his life.

  Hank took her beer out of her hand and put both of the bottles on the coffee table behind him. “Come here . . .” He pulled her into his hard stomach with both of his strong, needy arms, and Maddie felt like she was part of him, part of something amazing and real. They went into the bedroom a few minutes later and he made love to her with a silence and tenderness that left her weeping.

  “Don’t cry, Maddie, honey.” He was wiping the tears from her face and kissing the skin where the tears had left shadowy tracks.

  Do not tell him you love him right now! The voice in her head was so loud she was amazed he couldn’t hear it too, or see it in her glassy expression. He had so much passion and drive and beauty in him, and it was all clogged up in there. Except for these incredible, isolated moments when he was with her like this.

  “Okay,” she tried. “I won’t. I’m fine, really.” She was smiling, and the tears had abated. “That was just . . . really great.” Right, that practical voice in her brain encouraged, make it about how good he is in bed. But it was so unlike anything she had ever said—or ever would say—that Hank looked suddenly skeptical.

  “What?”

  Oh, great. Now she had to backpedal, because never in a million years would she pat a guy on the back and tell him what a tiger he was in the sack. Perfect. “I just meant, it was a long week, and it felt really good to be, you know, together.” At least that was true, if still a ridiculous bunch of meaningless words strung together to get him to stop looking at her like that.

  She shifted into a more upright position and gave him a friendly shove on his chest. “Come on. I’m fine. I want some moo-shu pork and a couple of Tsingtaos. Let’s order.” Maddie sprang off the bed and pulled on her sweaty running shorts, then her jogging bra. “Let me run back and take a shower and change into sweats, and we can drive down to Ming’s. Sound good?”

  He was still lying there like a naked, satisfied beast, taking her in, when he said, “Did you just have your way with me?”

  She put her hands on her hips and smiled with the right half of her mouth. “Maybe . . . You have a problem with that?”

  He shook his head no. “Happy to oblige.”

  Maddie leaned down and kissed him gently. “You are so accommodating.”

  She scooted out of his reach before he could pull her back into bed. “Order dinner so it’s ready when we pick it up!” she called up to his window as she sped down the stairs. Janet wasn’t in the kitchen, but Maddie didn’t want to take any chances, so she darted up the stairs and bolted into her bedroom to take a shower and switch into clean clothes before heading back to Hank’s to spend the night at his place.

  CHAPTER 14

  It went on like that for all of August. No plans. No dates. No mentions of birthdays or weddings. And certainly no mention of first days of school or last days of summer jobs.

  Finally, Maddie couldn’t stand it anymore and asked if he wanted to go camping or off to a lodge or something for her last weekend. She might have said “our” last weekend, but she was trying not to be overly analytical. It was hard enough not saying ‘I love you’ every second that it popped into her mind, which was every time he got out of the shower, or stepped out of his truck, or kissed her in the middle of the night when he wasn’t even awake, and he so obviously loved her back, but neither of them were ever going to say it. Because what would be the point?

  “Sure. If you want. We can go camping or to a hotel in the mountains or something.” He wasn’t dissing her exactly, but he wasn’t looking up from the diving magazine he was reading, either.

  “Okay. Can I go on your computer?”

  He looked up. “Sure. You don’t have to ask permission, you know that.”

  Maddie had gotten into the habit of logging onto her e-mail at his place on Sundays, to send the weekly all-is-well e-mails to her parents and her brother Jimmy. “Okay, let me see if I can find any last-minute specials. What are you in the mood for? Ocean? Mountains? Lake? City?”

  He looked up. “City?”

  “I don’t know . . . Boston might be fun . . . Go to a baseball game, ride the T, get drunk and stay in a really expensive hotel and not care.”

  He kept staring at her. “I choose city. I want to see you with skyscrapers in the background.” Hank went back to reading his magazine, as if nothing had happened. When he’d basically just told her that he wanted those memories as badly as she did.

  Damn. Did she call in a favor and get the suite at the Ritz or stick to the bet and only use the money she’d made at Phil’s? She had saved nearly four thousand dollars over the past twelve weeks. She clicked on the hotel Web site to see what it would cost if she didn’t call her father’s secretary the way she usually did.

  “Holy hell!” Maddie cried out.

  Hank laughed. “What’s the matter?”

  “An executive suite at the Ritz-Carlton in Boston is $745 . . . a night! If we spend Labor Day weekend there it would be . . .”

  “Two thousand, two hundred and thirty-five dollars,” Hank said.

  “And that’s not even including taxes and parking and meals. I mean . . . who stays there?”

  “You.”

  She looked over her shoulder at him.

  “Well?” he asked. “Have you ever stayed there?”

  “Yes.” She wasn’t going to lie about it.

  “In a suite?” he asked.

  “Yes.” Her spine stiffened involuntarily. Hank got up off the couch. Of course, now he would lose interest in his diving magazine, because he saw an opportunity to give her a hard time.

  The photos of the suite were up on his big, flat-panel computer screen. “Have you stayed in that one?” He began caressing the tender skin at the base of her neck, under her pony tail.

  She began melting into him. “Mm-hmmm.”

  “Go to the next one up . . . we’re not executives. Go to the Park View Suite . . .”

  Maddie used the wireless mouse to click on the pictures and the floor plan. Her fingers were shaky because he kep
t up that sexy touching the whole time.

  “That’s the one,” Hank said. “I want to sleep with you in that bed.”

  The groan that escaped Maddie was completely his doing. “Let me see how much it is . . .” Her voice was raspy. She had to bite her teeth together to hold her concentration. She clicked away from the photo section to the reservation section. “Yeah, that’s not going to work,” Maddie muttered.

  “How much?” Hank had begun kissing her neck as well as touching her.

  “Three thousand . . . six hundred . . . a night . . .” She was starting to slither off the stool. “I can’t afford that.”

  “My treat,” Hank whispered as he reached his hand up under her T-shirt and pulled her back into him, his strong hand flat against the quivering muscles across her stomach.

  “That’s over ten thousand dollars, Hank,” she said, thinking he must have misheard.

  “You’re worth it, beautiful.” He pulled her up into his arms and had her naked and flat out on the sofa in under a minute.

  So they spent Labor Day weekend at the Ritz-Carlton in Boston. For the rest of her life, Maddie would look back on that weekend as the last weekend they were together in their innocence. Before everything else happened.

  Maddie packed up all of her measly possessions and said good-bye to Janet and Phil and Sharon on Friday morning. The drive from Blake to Boston took about three hours. As Hank’s big, silver-gray pickup truck pulled up in front of the modern glamour of the Ritz, Maddie’s heart started pounding. She had thought it might be odd to see Hank so far out of his element, but it turned out she was the one going through some sort of weird urban reentry. She’d thought the Ritz would feel like coming home. Not like she had been Eloise or anything, but it was sort of a family tradition that the Posts would go into Boston a week or two before Christmas and shop and see a show and spend the night at the Ritz. In Maddie’s mind, it was always the original Ritz, over on Arlington, which had changed hands years ago, but the feeling was the same at the new, modern building across the park. Checking into a hotel always felt . . . promising.

  “Ready?” Hank asked. He reached across the front seat and pulled her hand into his. The valet car-parker had already pulled open the large truck door and was waiting at attention for Hank to step out.