The Top Gear Story

by Martin Roach

  Watching the series in sequence now, you notice the team’s growing confidence and the presenters’ characters blossom, even when exaggerated. Their schoolboy attitude permeates everything that Top Gear sets out to do (the production office describe this approach as ‘ambitious, but crap’ ideas). Time after time, it’s impossible not to snigger with them and you can almost see a nine-year-old Clarkson in short trousers sitting at the back of a class at Repton arguing with Wilman as to whether a certain hair-brained challenge can be done. Hammond, chuckling to himself, once said: ‘I love setting off with deliberately childish and innocent and wide-eyed hopefulness and I think people enjoy that.’

  A Top Gear editor went further when he was quoted in the Guardian as follows: ‘Thick people doing thick things is not funny. Clever people doing clever things is not funny. But clever people doing thick things really is funny.’ Meanwhile, James May is not so sure: ‘A lot of people put the success down to the chemistry between the three of us but I think that’s being rather generous. Basically, I see it as a sort of cross between That’s Life and Last of the Summer Wine. We actually address some pretty big issues on our programme – sociology and so on – but through the medium of cars.’

  Ever the technician, James has simplified the formula even further: ‘Top Gear: three blokes pushing the boundaries of automotive acceptability.’ BBC Worldwide’s director of content and production Wayne Garvey has observed: ‘What’s interesting about Top Gear is that everyone thinks it’s about cars. It isn’t. It’s about men and their relationships, and that’s a universal theme.’

  And yes, it’s all about being part of the gang. One of the finest examples of the team’s state of suspended school years came during a throwback to Hammond’s radio days in Series 8, when the trio are put in charge of BBC Three Counties Radio drivetime show. Everyone involved was fearful of Jeremy Clarkson’s famously outspoken views being allowed free reign live on air, and so it proved to be. While Richard Hammond tried valiantly to organise the show (albeit after a stuttering start), Jezza was left in charge of the travel news, during the rush hour no less. As the nervous faces of radio staff turned to horror, he proceeded to expose bad driving and even give out types and colour of cars causing jams. This included one suggestion to actually shoot the driver! He was also heard to use the words ‘ginger’ and ‘Welsh’ in a less than positive light and there was a tense moment when they clearly upset the station’s sports reporter, who was livid about their lack of knowledge about cricket rules.

  Eventually, while roads around the Three Counties region ground to a halt, angry listeners phoned in after their disastrous drive home, many of them disgusted by the content. Realising they had perhaps overstepped the mark, the team put on a nine-minute song and ran off. As they fly down the stairs and out of the station, you can’t help but see them as naughty schoolboys scurrying away after they’ve flicked chewing gum at a teacher. Watching this hasty retreat and the cringe-worthy incident with the sports reporter, it’s hard not to feel as if you too are at the back of the class, sniggering along with them.

  And it’s not just petrol-heads who find it funny. To achieve the colossal success that Top Gear has, the net needs to catch a wider demograph. On holiday, my wife (not averse to Top Gear per se, but like many females not about to watch it on purpose) was relaxing with a gin alongside us three boys. Clarkson was in a car (I don’t recall which one), berating the designers for some schoolboy error about headroom while fiddling with the controls in a primary pupil attempt to snap them off when, horror of horrors, my wife laughed! Out loud. Then she thrust her hand in front of her mouth and said, ‘Oh my God, I just laughed at Top Gear!’ This is a woman who drives so slowly she can do 70,000 miles on one set of brake pads and is the only person in the Western world who goes 150 miles without needing to use the brake pedal. And she laughed. But that’s part of the huge appeal of the show: it’s not just for petrol-heads.

  There’s no doubt that a major part of the appeal is the vicarious nature of what you are watching. On countless occasions, I have said to myself, ‘They must have the best job in the world!’ To be fair, they have said so themselves on screen. Don’t be fooled, though: at times, the schedules can be exhausting and of course if you race your fellow presenters across Europe, you are away from home for long periods and it can be hard to be away from loved ones, especially if you have a young family. Also, shooting can sometimes be time-sensitive or highly compressed: on one occasion, the Top Gear presenters worked 76 days in a row without a break. Nonetheless, it’s still the best job in the world.

  And maybe, just maybe, it’s the best TV show in the world, too …

  Appendices

  Appendix I: ‘Old Top Gear’ Presenters

  Angela Rippon (1977–79)

  Noel Edmonds (1979–80)

  William Woollard (1981–91)

  Chris Goffey (1981–97)

  Tony Mason (1987–98)

  Tiff Needell (1987–2001)

  Jeremy Clarkson (1988–2000)

  Quentin Willson (1991–2000)

  Michele Newman (1992–98)

  Steve Berry (1993–99)

  Andy Wilman (1994–99)

  Vicki Butler-Henderson (1997–2001)

  Julia Bradbury (1998–99)

  Brendan Coogan (1999)

  James May (1999)

  Kate Humble (1999–2000)

  Jason Barlow (2000–01)

  Adrian Simpson (2000–01)

  Appendix II: ‘New Top Gear’ Presenters

  Jeremy Clarkson (2002–present)

  Richard Hammond (2002–present)

  James May (2003–present)

  Jason Dawe (2002)

  Appendix III: Guests on New Top Gear

  SERIES 1

  Harry Enfield

  Jay Kay

  Ross Kemp

  Steve Coogan/Richard Burns

  Jonathan Ross

  Tara Palmer-Tomkinson

  Rick Parfitt

  Sir Michael Gambon

  Gordon Ramsay

  SERIES 2

  Vinnie Jones

  Jamie Oliver

  David Soul

  Boris Johnson

  Anne Robinson

  Richard Whiteley

  Neil Morrissey

  Jodie Kidd

  Patrick Stewart

  Alan Davies

  SERIES 3

  Martin Kemp

  Stephen Fry

  Rob Brydon

  Rich Hall

  Simon Cowell

  Sanjeev Bhaskar

  Rory Bremner

  Johnny Vegas

  Carol Vorderman

  SERIES 4

  Fay Ripley

  Paul McKenna

  Jordan

  Ronnie O’Sullivan

  Johnny Vegas/Denise Van Outen

  Terry Wogan

  Lionel Richie

  Martin Clunes

  Ranulph Fiennes

  Patrick Kielty

  SERIES 5

  Bill Bailey

  Geri Halliwell

  Joanna Lumley

  Jimmy Carr/Steve Coogan

  Christian Slater/Tim Harvey/Matt Neal/Anthony Reid/Rob

  Huff/Tom Chilton

  Cliff Richard/Billy Baxter

  Roger Daltrey

  Eddie Izzard

  Trinny Woodall/Susannah Constantine

  SERIES 6

  James Nesbitt

  Jack Dee

  Christopher Eccleston

  Omid Djalili

  Damon Hill

  David Dimbleby

  Justin Hawkins

  Tim Rice

  Chris Evans

  Davina McCall/Mark Webber

  Timothy Spall

  SERIES 7

  Trevor Eve

  Ian Wright

  Stephen Ladyman

  Ellen MacArthur

  Nigel Mansell

  David Walliams/Jimmy Carr

  SERIES 8

  James Hewitt/Alan Davies/Trevor Eve/Jimmy Carr/Jus
tin

  Hawkins/Rick Wakeman/Les Ferdinand

  Gordon Ramsay

  Philip Glenister

  Ewan McGregor

  Michael Gambon

  Brian Cox

  Steve Coogan

  Jenson Button/Ray Winstone

  SERIES 9

  Jamie Oliver

  Hugh Grant

  The Stig’s African Cousin

  Simon Pegg

  Kristin Scott Thomas

  Billie Piper

  SERIES 10

  Helen Mirren

  Jools Holland

  Ronnie Wood

  The Stig’s African Cousin

  Simon Cowell

  Lawrence Dallaglio

  Matt Neal

  Anthony Reid

  Tom Chilton

  Mat Jackson

  Jennifer Saunders

  James Blunt/Lewis Hamilton

  Keith Allen

  David Tennant

  SERIES 11

  Alan Carr/Justin Lee Collins

  Rupert Penry-Jones/Peter Firth

  James Corden/Rob Brydon

  Fiona Bruce/Kate Silverton

  Peter Jones/Theo Paphitis

  Jay Kay

  SERIES 12

  Michael Parkinson/The Stig’s Lorry Driving Cousin

  Will Young

  Mark Wahlberg

  Harry Enfield

  Kevin McCloud

  Anthony Reid

  Matt Neal

  Gordon Shedden

  Tom Chilton

  Boris Johnson

  Sir Tom Jones

  The Stig’s Communist Cousin

  SERIES 13

  Michael Schumacher

  Stephen Fry

  Michael McIntyre

  Usain Bolt

  Sienna Miller

  Brian Johnson

  Jay Lenob

  SERIES 14

  Eric Bana

  Michael Sheen

  The Stig’s Vegetarian Cousin

  Chris Evans

  Guy Ritchie/Ross Kemp/Tom Chilton/Matt Neal/Mat

  Jackson/Gordon Shedden/Anthony Reid/Stuart Olive

  Jenson Button

  Seasick Steve

  Margaret Calvert

  SERIES 15

  Nick Robinson

  Al Murray

  Peter Jones

  Peta

  Johnny Vaughan

  Angelina Jolie

  Louie Spence

  Amy Williams

  Alastair Campbell

  The Stig’s German Cousin

  Rupert Grint

  Rubens Barrichello

  Andy Garcia

  Tom Cruise

  Cameron Diaz

  Jeff Goldblum

  Appendix IV: Top Gear Trading Cards

  As a father of two petrol-heads under the age of eight, I am very familiar with the Top Gear trading cards collection. I love them! And I admit to spending far too much money on them, but how else am I going to get the prized Stig Sub-Zero card? This particular card is indeed very cool – you have a mystery code that allows access to cool stuff on the website but you can only see it by putting the card in the freezer. After a while in sub-zero temperatures, all is revealed. This has led to a rampant market at online auction sites for cards with unused codes, which earn a hefty premium. I started to bid for an unused Sub-Zero card on eBay, but my wife blocked me after the highest bid passed £100. In the end, it went for £180. I could have had that. Sorry, I meant my son!

  As mentioned, there is a corresponding Top Gear Turbo magazine of which I am, naturally, a subscriber … on my son’s behalf. This includes interesting features on cars aimed at the younger viewer, with cartoons of the presenters at the back, showing them going on crazy, fictitious adventures. The information in the magazine also helps you to play the trading card game and also provides tips on setting up your own online garage of supercars. It’s really cool … and stuff!

  Some anti-Top Gear killjoys point out that the cost of collecting the entire card series is around £1,000 and that’s indeed a lot of money, but with computer consoles costing hundreds and individual games £40 or more, the idea of a few cards for a couple of quid appeals to me … as a parent, of course.

  Quentin Willson

  Tiff Needell

  Vicki Butler-Henderson and Kate Humble.

  The original ‘black Stig’, Perry McCarthy (left)

  © Getty Images

  New Top Gear – Jeremy Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond filming at Dunsfold Aerodrome.

  the second Stig in his legendary white suit. The Stig character has been instrumental in the success of ‘new’ Top Gear.

  Above and below: The globally successful Top Gear has bagged a whole host of awards, not least a prestigious Emmy.

  Clarkson and Hammond taking part in one of Top Gear’s famous challenges – constructing stretch limousines from ordinary cars to transport celebrities to the 2007 Brit Awards.

  More of the Top Gear crew’s hilarious antics – including attempting to sail the Channel in boats made from cars

  Top Gear has come in for criticism from safety groups, particularly after Richard Hammond’s horrific high-speed crash in 2006. James May then courted controversy by taking to the skies in 2009 in a caravan suspended from an airship.

  The best job in the world at the best TV show in the world – another day in the office for The Stig.

  Some of the fastest and most expensive cars in the world have been round the Top Gear track – including the Bugatti Veyron (above) and the Koenigsegg CCXR (below).

  The Top Gear dream team – Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May.

  Ben Collins, the man controversially unmasked as The Stig in 2010.

  Copyright

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  ePub ISBN 978 1 85782 966 2

  Mobi ISBN 978 1 85782 967 9

  PDF ISBN 978 1 85782 968 6

  First published in hardback in 2011. This edition published in paperback in 2012

  ISBN: 978–1–85782–662–3

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