Player: Stone Cold MC

by Carmen Faye

  “Let me look in the other book,” she said. She opened a blue book and did the same thing, mouthing the words as she went along. Finally she landed on one, nodded, and looked up.

  “I found him,” she said. “But he checked out yesterday. That was why he wasn’t in the current guestbook.

  “Do you have any idea where he went?” I asked and I knew right away that it was a question that I wouldn’t get answered.

  “Sorry, deary. I don’t know.”

  Of course she wouldn’t know. I nodded, thanked her, and left the place. Back in my car I leaned forward and put my head on the steering wheel, blowing out a deep breath that I’d been holding since I came out of the office. It was time for me to start accepting the fact that Rip had betrayed me. He’d used me for sex and tips, and then he’d made money and made a run for it.

  It was so like me to get involved with the wrong guy, even if it wasn’t in a romantic sense. And money was running low, too.

  Fucking. Perfect.

  I had no idea where I was going to find him now. I didn’t even know if he’d skipped town, or if he was still around. I didn’t know if he’d found people that were more worth his time than I was, or more worth his efforts, skill, money…

  Whatever. I wasn’t going there. Besides him being a low-life piece of shit who got me to trust him when I shouldn’t have, he was nothing to me. Thank God I hadn’t fallen in love with him. I’d grown up since the last man I’d been with.

  My sister called when I got in. I was just in time to snatch the landline off the receiver before it switched to voicemail. Seeing that it was full, she wouldn’t have been able to leave a message. I really had to take care of that.

  “You sound out of breath,” she said when I panted into the receiver after running for the phone.

  “I just got in,” I said. I sat down on the couch, legs over the armrest.

  “How are you?” Cass asked.

  I could be better. “I’m fine. Just been busy.” With what? Running after cheats and liars?

  “That’s good,” she said, but she hesitated as if she didn’t really believe me. She knew me well, and it was irritating. “Dennis was off school this week with a cold.”

  “Is he okay?”

  “You know kids, a cold can be so bad when they’re young and it just gets better in time. I can’t wait until his immune system is stronger. I worry all the time.”

  I chuckled. “I don’t think an immune system makeover is going to make you worry any less. You’re a mom, you’re always going to worry about something.”

  I could almost see my sister shrugging.

  “Why don’t you come and visit us? It will be great to see you, and we’ll pay for your ticket and everything.”

  “You don’t have to do that, I can afford my own ticket,” I said. That was assuming that I was going to get some money sometime soon.

  “Nonsense. It will be our pleasure, and it will be such a treat to see you.”

  I had to think about that one. As much as I loved my sister, I didn’t like spending time with her and her family. It was a terrible reminder of everything I didn’t have.

  “How’s Collin?” I asked, changing the topic. She knew I was avoiding giving her an answer, but she played along. Thank God for that.

  “He’s great. He got a promotion at work so we’re doing better now financially. Every little bit helps, you know?”

  I did know. I knew how much it sucked when there was no cash flow at all. As was the case right now.

  “I can imagine,” I said.

  “When are you going to think about getting a man again? You deserve someone nice.”

  I groaned. “Are we really going to go into that again?”

  “Come on, Alex, you need someone nice in your life who will look after you. If you find someone nice, you can stop the gambling.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I knew it was going to go into this,” I said. “I can’t ever just talk to you without my disappointing life looming over me.”

  I lay back on the couch and balanced the phone on my stomach. I closed my eyes and waited for my sister’s excuses that were inevitably going to come.

  “That’s not what I’m saying,” she said. Bingo. “I just want you to be able to relax and not worry about money all the time. And not hang out in those unrighteous places.”

  I chuckled. “Casinos aren’t from the devil,” I said.

  There was a beat of silence before she carried on. “All I’m saying is that it would be nice to have someone else take care of you for a change.”

  I shrugged even though she couldn’t see it. “I’m fine on my own. I enjoy being by myself.” I saw Rip sitting shirtless at my breakfast table, the hard edges dimmed by sleep.

  “You know, just because Tom was such an asshole doesn’t mean they’re all like that,” she said.

  “We don’t have to talk about Tom,” I said tightly. I didn’t like it when other people brought him up—like talking about him and what had happened was fine. It wasn’t fine, and I preferred not to mention his name ever again.

  “Sorry, Alex,” she said. “You know I just mean well.”

  And I did. She really did mean well. She just didn’t always know how to show it.

  “I’m just saying a man who can distract you from all the real life things isn’t a bad idea.”

  I flashed on Rip’s naked body all over me—his broad shoulders and his muscles moving under his skin. Look what that damn distraction had gotten me. I pushed the images away.

  “You really don’t have to worry,” I said. “I’ve got everything I want. A home, money, what else do I need?”

  She was silent again for a while, and I closed my eyes.

  “Well, that’s true. At least you have money coming in. And a lot, by the sounds of things.”

  Shit. I’d told her about Rip and the money. The money that wasn’t happening now. My stomach clenched in a tight fist of nerves when I thought about the money. Shit, losing him was nothing—I would bounce back. But losing all that money? That was a lot of stability down the drain.

  “I know, it’s nice to have a bit of peace of mind,” I lied.

  “Are things going okay with him?”

  No. “Sure.”

  “Well, I hope so. It’s a shame you need to get lost in this kind of world just because life got you down.”

  I sighed. “This kind of world isn’t so bad, Cass. It’s fun. I like what I do.”

  “I just can’t help but think it’s my fault,” she said. “If I’d been there more…”

  “Don’t,” I said, cutting her off. “Don’t go there. I can’t do that tonight.”

  “I’m just saying. If I were there for you a bit more when you really needed it, maybe you wouldn’t have fallen into these habits of yours.”

  “Is that what we’re calling them now?” I asked. I was getting annoyed. She always knew how to keep pushing until an okay conversation with her turned into a not-okay conversation. “Why don’t you just come out and say it. I know you’re thinking it.”

  “Come on, Alex.”

  “Say it,” I spat. .

  “Fine. Addiction. I just can’t help but think you need to see someone.”

  I pushed myself upright, feeling like I couldn’t defend myself properly on my back. “You see, that’s the problem. You’re always thinking that my life isn’t good enough, just because you hit the jackpot. I’m happy for you that you met a nice guy and you have the baby and the picture perfect life. I’m thrilled. But that’s not how it worked out for me, and I’m making the best of it. I’m not doing drugs, I’m not relying on alcohol to get me through, and I’m not leaning on some drunken asshole to be my prince charming. So you can take your comparisons and your judgement and you can shove it right up your ass.”

  “Alex…” my sister started, but I didn’t give her the time to finish. I hung up the phone before she could say anything else about my life.

  Dammit. I got up and swore under my breat
h, trying to walk off the rolling nausea that always came when she brought up the past. I hated it when she did that. I didn’t talk about it for a reason. I made my life work, and that was all that was important. I didn’t like thinking about the past and what brought me here. I just wanted to move forward. Damn sister…always there for me, but it came at such a high cost.

  I picked the phone up and slammed it down onto the little table where it belonged, swearing. I didn’t want this; I didn’t need this. I’d gotten to a point where I knew how to push away the memories and the thoughts and seal them off so that they didn’t tumble out and cause havoc in my life.

  Thanks to Cassandra and all her babbling about the things we just didn’t talk about, that dam wall was cracking, the pressure too much to keep everything inside.

  I paced the living room, fingers against my temples as if that was going to stop the storm from breaking. Of course that didn’t make a difference, and as the last restraints gave way, my past came crashing down on me with a thunder and a roar that drowned out all real life.

  Mom was a gambler, and with her the addiction was very serious and very real. It was one of the reasons Dad left in the end. I understood why he left; it was hard working all day when the money just went to the slots no matter what—but I still blamed him for it. Cass wasn’t supposed to be a mom, and he didn’t leave her a choice because our real mom was always missing in action, and now she was the only parent left.

  I couldn’t remember when the whole gambling thing had started. All I knew was that I was a teenager who never had money to afford the right clothes, the right shoes, and consequently the right friends.

  Or any friends at all, for that matter, because we were the girls with the crazy mom.

  Life sucked, but it wasn’t unbearable. It was just the kind of thing I didn’t want to be a part of anymore. I was seriously thinking of running away when Cass and Mom came home from the doctor. Mom had been feeling off lately. Too much gambling, in my opinion, but Cass had taken to caring for her too—again, too much for a daughter to deal with, but I couldn’t find the courage in me to help—and she’d dragged her off to the doctor.

  Cancer, they’d said. Eating away at her brain. A creature that consumed her brain the same way she ate through the bit of savings we had left until one day there would be nothing left.

  I didn’t know which came first—Cass getting a job or Mom dying—but I remember thinking when she was gone that finally all Cass’s hard work would remain and not be thrown down the drain over and over again.

  It was pretty simple from there. I finished school, Cass worked hard to have money of which there was never enough, and I wished for a life away from all the hell that seemed to follow us no matter how hard we prayed for things to change.

  When Cass met Collin, I was ready to bolt. She had someone she could lean on, and she didn’t need to worry about money anymore, which by default meant she stopped worrying about me, too.

  I wasn’t ready for a repeat of who and what Mom was, so I left. I started gambling, too. It wasn’t because I missed Mom as much as it was that I knew I could do it right. The money was easy. It was just the will to stop that needed to be cultivated. And I managed that.

  Sure, I got addicted, too, but I’d never been in a place where I had no cash. And I would never, ever take money that was meant to take care of someone else. Which was why I was better off perfectly alone.

  I pushed my hands into my hair and made fists until pulling my hair gave me a headache. It dimmed the memories, though, so it was worth it. I picked up my cellphone and looked at it. Still no messages from Rip, no sign of the bastard.

  Fuck him.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  The deal with Rat was pretty sweet. He made good work of putting his product back on the streets, and before I knew it, money was rolling in. Jerrill didn’t seem to notice that his product had disappeared. I spent two nights at Harlan Gold, watching him just to be sure that everything was running smoothly.

  Rat had given me my share which proved he could be trusted. I was at Harlan Gold again on Saturday, playing some tables. I wasn’t keeping much of an eye on Jerrill anymore. I’d been nervous just after I’d stolen the crack, but things stayed calm as far as I could tell.

  I was busy making a win with blackjack when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I wondered for a second if it was Alex. I still hadn’t spoken to her, and it was almost a week now. I still owed her a date, but I didn’t want to face her without the money I was making. That and the money from the winnings that first night. I hadn’t wanted to leave it there in the black bag like it was crime money; she seemed better than that.

  I pulled out my phone. It was Rat, asking me to meet him in the alley. We hadn’t spoken since he’d given me my share of cash like a good partner, so I told him I was going to be right out and finished up my game. I walked away with a couple of hundred in my pocket and that sense of satisfaction spreading through my bones the way it did when I won.

  This was one of the only reasons I still stuck to doing what I was doing. Winning just worked for me.

  I reached the fire escape, looked around to make sure I wasn’t followed, and then slipped through the door. A thin drizzle came from the sky, just enough to make everything wet. The concrete under my feet was shiny with old oil and other rubbish, and the skin on my face was clammy by the time I reached the place where we usually met. Rat emerged from the shadows just as I arrived.

  “I have a proposition for you,” he said, getting right to the point. “I’ve been thinking about how we pulled that last job. If we can do that on a bigger scale, we can really pull it in.”

  I raised my eyebrows at him. “You want me to steal from more people?”

  He nodded. “I have a couple of people I supply. I’m sure we can work something out.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea. It’s a big risk for me, and you get away scot-free.”

  “It’s not though. I have risks, too. Dealing isn’t a walk in the park, you know, and the cops are on my trail every now and then.” He jammed his hands into his pockets. He wore a brown leather jacket that looked like the real deal and screamed that whatever his illegal business encompassed, it was good business.

  “It’s really not the same,” I said, shaking my head. I wasn’t going to put myself at risk that way if he wasn’t going to make the same sacrifices. Besides I used to be a great cat burglar, but that was because I’d had a partner. Emmett and I had made one hell of a team. Thinking about it, about him, shot a sharp pain into the middle of my chest, and I rubbed my sternum with the tips of my fingers.

  “You ladies having a tea party out here in the alley, or are you talking business?” a deep voice said behind us, and we both spun around. Jerrill’s henchman stood right behind us. Rat made like his namesake and scurried away. He was lost in the shadows only a moment later, and it made me think twice about how much of a risk he was really taking.

  Mr. Muscle grabbed me by the arm in a vice grip that I couldn’t break out of no matter how much I twisted and tugged my arm.

  “Mr. Jerrill wants a word with you,” he said. He looked like he should have been Russian or Scandinavian or something, with his build and his square face, but his accent was purebred American.

  “I’ll have to check my calendar to see if I can fit him in,” I said, struggling against him as he dragged me across the alley as if I wasn’t fighting him at all. The light rain had stopped, but everything was still wet, giving me no grip on the asphalt with my shoes.

  Mr. Muscle dragged me through the casino, and I got sympathetic glances from the few people who saw me and knew what predicament I was in. Having Jerrill’s bodyguard lead you by the scruff of your neck just didn’t end well for most people.

  We made it through the casino and to the other side where I was wrestled through a narrow door into a bunch of corridors. We moved through the maze of tunnels, and I noticed that the cameras that were set at regular intervals
had no red lights showing that they were recording.

  Until now, the only thing I’d been thinking about was getting away from this brute, but now that it was evident I wasn’t going to get away—I wouldn’t even know the way out if I did escape the iron grip—I was starting to get nervous about what was going to follow.

  Mr. Muscle opened another door and then we were inside a large office that looked lush and luxurious, nothing like the drab corridors I’d been dragged through. The carpet was plush under my shoes, and I wondered for a moment if I was leaving mud marks. Tall bookshelves stood against all the walls except for one that had an oil painting of a beach scene against it.