The Summer We Loved

by Wendy Lou Jones

  Fear and excitement rose suddenly within her. She had spoken to her mum and dad a few times since they’d last met, which in itself had been a mixed blessing. Talking with them again had cheered her up, but the thought that she was going to be disappointing them again so soon was now pressing down on her again. She had told them she’d sent a letter to her sister and they were prepared, but they hadn’t wanted her to get her hopes up, and yet here it was.

  With fingers beginning to tremble, she took a deep breath and started to read.

  Dear Jenny,

  Let me start by saying I am sorry for the way I treated you the other week. It was just a shock, seeing you after such a long time. You seemed well, very together, and the fact that Mum and Dad were so pleased to see you made my childhood resentment overwhelm me for a while. I apologise.

  I’m glad you have made a good life for yourself and that you are happy. My life too has been a trial at times, but I think it is in order now. My wonderful husband, Jeremy, is a barrister in Edinburgh, where I am busy working for an events team. We have a little son called Alfie. He’s two.

  Lizzy was married! She had a little boy! Jenny had a nephew! All these things she had missed. And for what? Because she had turned all her bitterness on the ones she should have loved. A moment passed deep in thought. She wanted to see them.

  Blinking back the tears, she read on.

  It is a bit of a long way for us to meet up on a regular basis, but perhaps it would be good to try soon, and see each other as adults, putting the past behind us.

  I cannot promise we will end up the best of friends; there may be too much water under the bridge for that, but maybe family parties could have both of us attending under the same roof and getting along. That might be nice.

  Thank you for writing and for your words of regret. They mean a lot to me.

  Your sister,

  Lizzy.

  Silent tears crept out around the corners of Jenny’s heart as she read and reread the letter. It was less than the total forgiveness she had hoped for, but it was a start, a good start. She had written.

  Chloe came in from shopping and saw Jenny crying. “What’s wrong?” she asked. She put her bags down and hurried over to Jenny’s side.

  Jenny folded up the letter. How was she going to explain it without telling her everything? “Family problems,” she said. “My sister’s not really been speaking to me, but this letter makes me think that she might be coming round.”

  “Well, that’s good, then, isn’t it?” Chloe asked.

  Jenny dried her eyes. “Yes. Yes, it is.” She put on a smile. “Did you get the outfit you were looking for?”

  Chloe beamed and held out her bags. She pulled out the little black dress she had described to Jenny earlier that day. “Ta-dah!” She stood up and held it against her and Jenny oohed appreciatively. She sat down. “So have you decided if you’re going yet or not?”

  Jenny pulled a face. She had thought long and hard about the pros and cons of being sociable. “I’m not really in a party place at the moment,” she said.

  “Oh, come on. It’ll do you good. Have a dance and a drink. You’ve been in a mope ever since you got back from holiday.” Her tone changed. “There might be some nice men who don’t work at the hospital there. Emma’s other half is an engineer, isn’t he?”

  “Life outside the hospital?” Jenny said, feigning shock. “Well there’s a thought.”

  “Go on, Jen. Let’s see if we can set you up with a nice non-medical guy for a change.”

  “Absolutely not! No matchmaking!”

  “But what if there is a great bloke there?” Chloe pleaded.

  “Then I’m sure I can manage on my own.”

  “Oh, you’re no fun,” Chloe scolded, winking fondly and she picked up her bags to go and show the others.

  Pete woke up on Sunday morning with renewed purpose. The exam had gone well, and now it was time to sort out his life. He had spent the night before thinking about how to achieve this and it came down to one thing: he was going home.

  He had training in the morning and he needed to get his hair cut after that, but by two he should be finished and ready to go.

  Arriving in Upper Conworth at half past four, Pete went straight to the florist’s. He chose a pink rose - Ali’s favourite - and then his feet trod a path to the edge of the church yard, on the far side of town and that was where they stopped.

  He looked inside. The sun was heavy in the sky and the birds had left the air for the evening. All around him was still. The gate squeaked on its hinges as he stepped inside and up above him the clock began to chime the hour. He took a deep breath and walked in.

  Ali’s headstone was in the corner of the plot; back home, because Adam and she had not yet set down any roots. Adam was no longer around to bring flowers to her grave, but her family obviously had. It was tended and clean. He read her name: Alison Jane Elliott - Ali Taynton, as was; his first love. Not that he had understood that until it was too late. But Jenny had seen it; she had heard it in his heart.

  He knelt down and laid the single pale rose at the base of the stone and his heart spoke out. Thank you, Ali, for everything you did for me. You were the kindest of girls and a beautiful woman. Forgive me for loving you, for wanting to be with you. I should have taken more care. But I need to move on now. I need to be free to love again, in the hope that one day I may be worthy. Goodbye, dearest Ali. I miss you.

  He stayed there, thinking about his lost love for a few minutes more and then, standing up, he brushed the dust from his knee and smiled fondly at her grave. And then he turned around and walked away.

  At James’s front door he knocked. Rachel answered. She was surprised to see him and quickly invited him in.

  James appeared at the living room door. “Pete. You okay, mate? Let me get you a drink. Beer? Wine?”

  “Just tea, please. I can’t stop long.” He walked inside. Rachel clipped on the baby monitor and they wandered out the back, into the kitchen.

  An expectant silence hung between them as James poured the teas and they all sat down around the kitchen table, waiting to hear the news he seemed determined to bring.

  “I’ve been thinking,” Pete began when they had all got their drinks.

  “Well, that’s a first,” James teased and Rachel thumped him.

  “Go on,” she said.

  Pete looked at them. “About Jenny.”

  “Yes.”

  “When you said you thought she might have had feelings for me.”

  “Yes.” Rachel was taking over the reins of this conversation.

  He took a deep breath. “Did you really mean it? Only, I’ve just been down to see Ali,” he told them. “I decided it was time to let go.”

  Half an hour later he was driving away from Teak, back to his little flat in Duxley. Maybe it wasn’t totally hopeless. His dad hadn’t loved him, Ali hadn’t loved him, but, if Jenny had managed it, maybe it could happen again. He had a clear purpose in mind now. He was becoming the man he wanted to be. It may be too late for Jenny, but it was not too late for him.

  On Monday lunchtime, Pete spotted Phil in the queue for the till. He managed to catch his eye and beckoned him over. Phil sat down opposite him.

  “Hi, how are you settling in?”

  “Good, thanks. Everyone seems really friendly around here. I’ve already been invited to a thing on Wednesday evening. Bit bizarre. Not sure I’m going to go.”

  No, he couldn’t do this to him. “Oh, no, I think you should. It sounds like a great idea; you’ll get to know a lot of people really quickly. From what I’ve heard, everyone’s going.”

  “Are you going?”

  “No. I can’t. I’d love to. Some pretty hot girls going, from what I’ve heard. But I’m already booked.”

  Phil shrugged and carried on eating his sandwich.

  He had to make this good. He had to bate the hook well. “Have you met Jenny and Kim from the surgical wards yet? They’re both going.” He pu
lled a face to show how hot he considered them. “Wouldn’t mind getting a chance at either of those two. Not much hope with Jenny, though. Classy girl, that, but not that keen on me. Very choosy, I’m told. Hot as hell. Still, if I win my fight that night, I think Kim might be up for it.” He looked over to his side, where a couple of consultants had just walked in. “You might want to keep that in mind. Excuse me, I need to speak to a man about a bone.”

  Chapter 16

  Jenny emerged from the ward on Tuesday afternoon and there, in front of her, was Pete. He was passing by in the corridor as she came out, talking to a new face she didn’t recognise. He smiled at her and waved and the new face looked too. Obviously no great rush of longing there, she thought, just a smile, like he gave any other, as he walked along, relaxed and happy in his emotionless little world.

  She took a deep breath and let it out. So that was that. She was back to being ‘one of the nurses’ again, as though those few weeks had never happened. How could he do it to her? She had his baby growing inside of her and she fought the urge to run over and scream that at him. No. She could handle this on her own. She couldn’t bear the humiliation of his not caring. Not again.

  When she got to the canteen, a group of nurses called her over. She grabbed something to eat and walked across. Kirsty passed her an invitation, beaming with delight.

  “It’s just the party,” Debbie explained. “Are you going?”

  Jenny wasn’t convinced there was a point. She couldn’t drink, shouldn’t be flirting and she had never been a good dancer. But she wasn’t about to admit that now. “I don’t know, but I’ll definitely think about it.”

  The following afternoon, Jenny was feeling low. She finished her shift, promising to be at the party that evening, but she was still unsure whether she might claim a migraine and duck out. She decided it would be easier all round to act as if she was going and then make a decision at the last minute. So she had a shower and washed her hair. She picked out a long skirt and jacket, something she hadn’t worn for a while. She used the hair dryer and painted her nails and then sat on the bed wondering if she could muster up the enthusiasm.

  It was a celebration of an engagement; it was bound to be lovey-dovey and there was only one man she wanted to dance with and he would soon be gone. But then it was Emma, and Emma had always been kind to her.

  She had heard Pete’s good news. That he had passed. She had managed to smile and say how pleased she was, but it had also signified that he no longer needed her and that thought had brought her down. His eyes had been soft and welcoming when she’d passed him, but that had just made it even harder to walk away. It reminded her of what might have been. But she would never know that. Would anyone? Ever? Maybe one day he would learn to forgive himself, to trust in love and settle down. She hoped so. To be loved above all others, that was her goal in life. That was what she wanted. And she wanted that for him too.

  As if to reinforce her tumultuous emotions, Cynthia chose that day to make contact again. She asked how the writing was going and if she had given the story to the little girl yet and lastly, she asked how it was going with Pete. Jenny stared at the screen for a while. It was easily summed up: nothing happening, and there probably never would be.

  Heather and Flis were working and were going to try and make it after their shifts, so the beginning of the night was down to Chloe… and her, if she decided to go.

  Chloe knocked on Jenny’s door and asked if she was ready.

  “Yes,” she said. “But I might not stay till late. It depends what it’s like. Have you been to this place before – The Nifty Goat?”

  “Yes. My best friend had her 18th birthday there a few years ago,” Chloe told her.

  Eighteenth? Jenny felt old. She was 31 now and still smitten with the same guy she’d been in love with since her early twenties. How sad was that? And now all her thoughts of getting over him once he was gone had been blown out of the water. She would have a permanent reminder. Every day she could look at her child and think of him. She heaved her weary frame up to standing. “Is it walking distance?” she asked.

  “For you, maybe, but not for me. And definitely not in these heels.” Chloe lifted her foot to show off her new sexy shoes.

  “Shall I call a cab, then?” Jenny asked.

  “No, I saw Soph in town this morning. She’s offered to give us a lift.”

  “Soph’s coming? But isn’t she ready to burst?”

  “Exactly. It’s her final fling of sociability before the baby arrives, and she can’t drink, so she’s offering to be our taxi for the evening.”

  And with that Jenny was decided. To spend a couple of hours catching up with Soph would be worth it. She hadn’t seen her in ages. She was definitely going to go.

  Sophie parked the car and the three of them got out. It was a warm evening and they linked arms and headed for the back door of the pub.

  Disco lights and loud music hit them as they walked in and peered around to see who they could find. Nobody was dancing yet; they were all milling around the edge, drinking and having fun. For a moment Jenny wondered what on earth she had agreed to - standing in a gathering of eligible men - but then Emma walked over and started to talk to them and introduced them to some of the other guests. Jenny forced herself to forget about her woes for a while and soon she began to calm down.

  Once they were settled in, Sophie regaled them with tales of Kate and Adam and the highs and lows of how they’d got together. She kept on the breezy side, never making it too gloomy, but inevitably it brought Jen’s thoughts back to Pete and his battles and she looked around to see if he was there.

  “Looking for someone?” Sophie asked when the two of them found themselves alone.

  “No. Not really.”

  Sophie looked at her.

  “I was just wondering…” She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter.” What if she never saw him again? Surely it couldn’t be long now before he left? A day or two, maybe more. Jenny bit on her bottom lip and then a smiling face appeared before her.

  “Hello. I’m Phil. I’m new at the hospital, but I’ve seen you around, haven’t I?”

  He held out his hand and Jenny felt inclined to accept it. “Jenny. Yes, I think I spotted you the other day in the corridor.”

  “I was probably looking lost.”

  Jenny smiled. “Well you did pretty well to blag an invite to this so quickly. How did you manage that?”

  “That’s exactly what I was wondering.” He smiled and Jenny immediately took to him. “It must be my natural charisma.”

  This was a nice man, she thought. No arrogance about him. He seemed very natural and he had a kind face, a handsome face. She looked around to introduce him to Soph, but Soph had slipped away quietly. She smiled up at him, easier now, as she knew there was no hope of anything happening. She was pregnant with another man’s child. But she would enjoy the attention for a little longer.

  “You have a beautiful smile,” he said. “And your eyes… What colour are they?”

  After a while Phil offered to get Jenny a drink. She asked for an orange juice and he smiled and promised to return in a few minutes.

  Tina walked up and Jenny wasn’t sure what to say to her considering the last time they’d met.

  “I thought I should come over and apologise in person,” she said. “I told Flis to let you know, but… I’m sorry, Jen. I wasn’t thinking. Can you forgive me?”

  Jenny was confused. “Told her to tell me what?” she asked.

  “About the Pete thing. To be honest, I’d really just like to forget about it.”

  Why wasn’t this making any sense? “What about Pete?” What hadn’t Flis told her?

  Tina frowned. “Didn’t she tell you? I told her to let you know that nothing happened between me and Pete. Not for the want of trying, I’m sad to say.” She shook her head. “How depressing is it to be the only woman that man has ever turned down?” She let out a breath in exasperation. “I found out my husband was
having an affair. I was angry. It was stupid. We’re dealing with it now, but… I just thought you should know, just in case.” She smiled a sorry little smile and touched Jen’s arm tentatively. “He’s in love with you, you do know that?” She looked into Jenny’s eyes, her face full of honesty and meaning and then she let her hand drop and walked back over to her friends.

  Phil appeared with a drink and a ready smile and they began to talk once again. Kind blue eyes twinkled down at her as she tried hard not to think about what she had just learned and wonder at why Flis hadn’t told her. The way Phil’s mouth quirked as he smiled managed to distract her for a while. But slowly she began to feel that everything was wrong. She needed to see Pete.

  Like a flame building rapidly inside her, suddenly it became all-consuming. She made an excuse and hurried out of the bar. She needed to go to him. She needed to be with Pete now, whatever happened. Her rejection of him had been unfounded. He had been honest with her. She was to blame, but this time she was going to do something about it. And so she stole out of the party and moved into the shadows to walk the two short miles across town to his home.

  Whether it cost her her pride, whether he turned her away, only his feelings on the matter were unknown now. She had to go to him and look into his eyes and tell him that she loved him. Only then would she know.

  Pete stood in the shower having beaten the champ. Hot water poured all around him, cleaning the dusty sweat from his skin. He should have been feeling elated. His finals were in the bag, he had proven himself in the ring and Jenny was getting her man. Why, then, did he feel so wretched?

  He walked out into the bar and a cheer went up. Neil called him over to a group of three women, all painted up and dressed to impress. Eyelashes fluttered as he was introduced and Neil called to the barman for another pint for Pete. This was his home turf, women ripe for the picking, hot and willing and up for a good time, but this was not him any more, not what he wanted to be. It was all wrong. He thought about the words Rachel had said to him. That Jenny had loved him.