“Gag me!” Hayley reached for the bottle of champagne and poured them each a glass. It was the second bottle, but neither of them had plans. Anyhow, her husband Chase had promised to pick her up around two in the morning. “You’ll always be CJ to me. Anyway, there is something else. We haven’t done our lists yet.”
“I don’t think we need to do that this year. I mean, honestly, I never follow through.” Claudia admitted sheepishly. “And you live so much closer now. We can actually get together on the regular.” Her best friend recently moved to the next town over due to a change in employment. Hayley and her husband Chase both accepted new jobs with higher salaries on tips and recommendations from Logan. It proved to be a good move all around. She needed her friend more than ever, but the past few years increased the thickness of her skull it seemed, and admitting it would be harder than mastering a skill.
“Come on! It wouldn’t be right if we break tradition. It’s New Year’s Eve. The literal eve before the next year.” Hayley scrunched up her nose, then nuzzled along her friend’s shoulder. “Can we at least snuggle like we used to?”
“Gross! What if you have a cold or something?”
“Wow! Moving into this development has really warped your brain. We used to snuggle all the fucking time.” Hayley blinked away the traces of a tear, then got to her feet. Something deeper than the rude comment caused the reaction. “I’ll be back in a second. Maybe Chase can pick me up early.”
Horrified, Claudia watched her best friend disappear down the hallway. Seconds later the bathroom door closed, and it cemented her isolation. Drat. She had changed, and not for the better. She focused so much of her energy gossiping about the ladies around town that she didn’t notice the other subtle changes. The two of them had been friends for over fifteen years!
Hayley didn’t deserve that. She was the one friend who stuck by her through all the craziness over the years, the bad and the awful, and who cuddled her without shame during all of it. Why had she reacted like that? What was wrong with her? Giant tears pooled in her eyes, then dripped down her cheeks. She needed to make it up to her best friend. One full year proved to be too long a time to go without seeing one another, and worse still, her behavior was less than stellar.
“Don’t call Chase!” Claudia got off the couch and rushed down the hallway. She flung open the door without knocking, a best friend only privilege, and stepped inside. Hayley sat perched on the elaborate garden tub with one elbow on each knee. She looked up as Claudia approached, then slowly got to her feet.
“What?”
“Please don’t call him! I’m sorry. You’re right about the lists. Come on.” She grabbed her friend’s hand. “Look, I’ll heat up leftovers! Then we’ll drink the rest of the Veuve Clicquot Rose and snuggle on the couch! Please, Hayley? Don’t go home yet. I’ve really missed you.”
“Maybe you should make the first thing on your list a note to Logan, begging him to address your awful behavior.” Hayley pulled away her hand then brushed it across each eye, catching the tears. “I mean seriously. Chase has taught me a thing or two about that.”
“What do you mean?”
“Never mind.” Hayley tugged a washcloth off the towel rack, probably intending to wet it and press it to her eyes, but Claudia snatched it away. “For fuck’s sake! What did I do now?”
“No, no! Those are just for decoration.” She fixed the fluffy teal cloth back on top of the dark brown and white ones with a satisfied sigh. Then a pit of ice formed in her belly. Crap. She’d inadvertently turned into one of the snobbish drones like the women in her neighborhood right down to the decorative towels. “That was a crap move on my part. You didn’t do anything wrong. Let me get you something to wash your face with.”
“Yeah. Thanks.” Hayley watched as she scoured the bathroom, but didn’t offer any more on the subject after the scolding.
If anyone ever spoke to her like that she would certainly tell her a thing or two. But Hayley never got confrontational with her. Her friend seldom got angry at all. She also didn’t cry often, and to see tears because of her terrible attitude really needled Claudia.
She forced her energy into finding a regular washcloth and her favorite calming cleanser. She handed both items to her friend. “Remind me what Chase knows about.”
“If I snapped at you the way you snapped at me and my husband found out about it? I’d have one hell of a sore ass.”
“He hits you?” Claudia pressed a hand to her stomach, but something way back in her brain shifted, prompting a memory. Chase didn’t hurt her best friend, not purposefully, but he absolutely spanked her when she broke a rule or disrespected him. How posh-addled had her brain gotten? She’d forgotten important details about her friend’s life and relationship!
“Oh yeah he does, but only on my ample butt!” Hayley wiggled her hips from side to side. “You knew this already. We’ve been in a different sort of relationship since our courting days.” She snorted at her choice of words.
“I’m sorry. You’re right, I did know, and I can’t imagine what’s wrong with me tonight.”
“Well, we used to spend hours on the phone. At least after you first moved away. Then Chase and I came to visit about a year ago during the summer. Since then we haven’t talked a lot.” Sadness filtered into her tone as she set to washing her face. “What happened CJ? Why did you pull away from our friendship? Do you think you’re too good for me now?”
“No! Not at all.” She worked her lip in and out between her teeth. Claudia wished for a better answer than that, she owed it to Hayley. “I don’t know. I guess I thought if I felt like I fit in around here that I wouldn’t feel so flipping awful all the time. None of these women ever actually seem concerned about what’s going on in my life though. Maybe they aren’t warm and fuzzy.”
“Then why do you care about being one of them? Why don’t you just be yourself? Like the old CJ?”
“It’s different. It’s a real community.” She defended them to Hayley and didn’t acknowledge her point about the old CJ, mostly to show her choices were worthy. “I just don’t quite fit in all the way yet. It’s like probation. Maybe one day they will open up.”
“Ick. From some of the stories you tell me, it’s more like a cult. No one would have this long of a trial period. I doubt you’re going to get the results you want from them.”
“No, Hayley, it’s not. I’m just a bit younger than them and they don’t know me yet.”
The old CJ would never have given those snobby broads the time of day. Her tougher, wisecracking attitude from a few years ago would have made the older ladies in the neighborhood faint or soil themselves – especially after sharing some of her wild tales.
Did Claudia really believe deep down, they thought about her as they laid their heads down on eight hundred dollar pillows with two thousand dollar pillowcases?
She thought about the rest of the houses. Some of the homes in the far edges of the development sold for half a million dollars or more. The couples in here were loaded with money.
She and Logan lived in comfort that bordered on luxury, but only because of his career. Claudia did not contribute to the household income at all. To be fair, she’d tried to get a job when they moved out here, but some mornings the grief she kept hidden away pressed through her consciousness, and forbade her from getting out of bed. Those days showed up without warning, and despite multiple attempts, Claudia could not hold down a job.
Instead of letting her stress over the predicament, Logan halted the entire job seeking process. Neither of them carried any debt, as his financial planning showed, and any gaps were filled in by her inheritance. Still, she had been letting other things slip and making purchases without his knowledge. Fancy soaps, luxury bath bombs, fruity smelling salts and the like. Plus enough fancy clothing to fill two walk-in closets. He wanted her happy or so he said, but at what price? All of the material possessions didn’t actually satisfy or fulfill her. No, if anything it just left her more empty.<
br />
Claudia would tell Logan everything when he returned from this shift, even if she faced him being disappointed or worse, angry.
“You’ve been out here for a couple years. Every time I get to talk to you, it’s always the same story.”
“No, it’s not,” she protested again. “There are very specific routines the ladies have.”
“Yes, yes, right, right.” Hayley mocked a little. “Fluffy goes to the vet on Tuesday for each of her twelve golden retrievers. Guinevere goes to the spa on Wednesday for her mani slash pedi slash bikini wax where she added the lunch special aptly called a marshmallow facial. It’s the latest craze, you know? They take marshmallows, dip them in organic honey and affix them to your cheeks. Super relaxing. Then on Thursday it’s Master and Mistress Peacock’s annual visit to the psychic to get their chi cleared—”
“Chi is serious business!”
For some reason her outburst caused giggles to bubble out her mouth. Soon Hayley laughed along until they were holding their sides, and snorting from the absurd statement.
“You’re right. I’ve been too wrapped up in other people’s lives to actually be living mine, or paying attention to my real friends. It’s kind of like playing Barbie dolls. We used to make up the same sort of stories.” Except their Barbies always lived out epic romances with lots of male suitors, who were always dressed in military fatigue. Ken, the male version of the same doll, never got either of them excited. They asked their parents for the figures with muscles and firearms. Their Barbies wound up as the most protected women in all of the land and all of their stories ended with a very happy ever after. She smiled at the memory. “Gosh, I miss doing that.”
“I do too. Life was so much simpler back then. It makes me miss how we could control the outcome of things.” Hayley sighed, as if remembering as well. “I loved the happy ever after part.”
“You just don’t understand the people around here.” Claudia returned the subject to her neighbors as she tugged her hair up into a ponytail, then smoothed her hand over the top of her head. “I mean, they aren’t bad people.”
“Listen, I’m not making fun of them to be mean. I just don’t understand the activities they engage in. The ones that are so important. I’d rather watch stupid comedy movies and drink wine with you. Simple.” Hayley wrapped her arms around her in a hug. “I’ve felt like you were too busy for me, but I didn’t know you were this lonely. I figured you’d made new fabulous friends.”
“No one like you.” Claudia hugged back, then released her. She turned up her best smile then motioned toward the door. “Come on. I’m serious about killing that bottle.” She heard footsteps behind her as she left the bathroom, and glanced over her shoulder as Hayley padded up the hallway. “You have to admit, it’s, like, the best champagne you’ve ever had, right?”
“Hands down.” Hayley followed her into the kitchen. “So, are the women around here all married? Or are there some single people?”
“Most of them are married.” She poured two new glasses then held one out to Hayley. “Many of them are home alone a lot. It’s bad enough around here with how often Logan travels, but some of their husbands, at least the ones who haven’t retired, are away for a month or longer. I would seriously have no idea what to do with myself.”
“But, you would be okay,” Hayley protested. “In fact you seem to be handling everything just fine. Unless that’s all a ruse too? Fake friends and a fake hold on things?”
Something tightened in her belly as she stared at her friend, and instead of letting the facade slip away even more, she took several big sips from her glass. She wondered if Hayley meant the layers and layers of concrete currently walled around her most negative emotions. The loss of her family haunted her dreams still, but she couldn’t open up and work through it. The toll not only strained her friendship with Hayley, but her marriage to Logan as well. Could her friend see through it?
“Why would you ask me that?”
“It hasn’t been that long since—” Hayley swallowed hard. “I mean, since the two of you moved out here. There was, uh, a lot going on at the time.”
A lot going on barely covered the scope of the horrific events Claudia had faced one tragic night. She consciously pushed away the thoughts and took a few more sips then refilled her glass. “Yeah. A lot going on.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to leave early?”
“No, no, no. Let’s make our lists. Maybe it will bring me some freaking clarity.” Claudia refilled the other glass then set the wine bottle by the sink. She couldn’t let anything break down her carefully constructed facade. Not even her best friend’s well-meaning questions and accurate concerns. It was easier to focus on the completely mundane details of other people’s lives than dig into her too recent past.
“Why don’t you curse anymore?” Hayley swirled the liquid in her glass then took a few sips. “I mean, is it one of the bylaws?”
“This place doesn’t have crazy rules. Besides, even if they did – we know I’m not good at following them.”
“Well, the CJ I used to know would rebel, for sure, but you? You seem to be pretty straight-laced.”
“Is that a nice way of saying that you think I’m stuck-up?”
“More champagne, please?” Hayley replied with a smirk. “It’s my new favorite.”
“Mmm hmm.” She did as her friend asked, but the question bothered her a bit. Her entire personality seemed to be some elaborate ruse to Hayley, and it was so far away from the truth.
If she realized how hard it was to keep up the appearance of having it all under control, then maybe Hayley would understand. Though Claudia didn’t offer a better explanation, since it would delve into her past. Her past was better left alone, especially on the eve of a new year. Maybe it would be different with Hayley around, as long as she didn’t push her away beforehand.
“You can’t put that on your list!” Claudia shoved her friend sideways, not hard enough to knock her off the couch, but more than a gentle push. “It’s not proper!”
“Fine. I’ll cross off anal pleasures.”
“Hayley!”
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding! I didn’t write that, it was just a fun idea.” Hayley pouted over at her. “Besides, if I did write it, Chase would definitely take this as a to-do list.”
“What? You plan on showing your list to him?” Claudia balked. “Why? What would you accomplish?”
“You’re acting extremely odd. Why wouldn’t I show him?”
“I’m going to burn mine. First thing tomorrow.” Claudia peeked into the bottle of champagne but it was empty. At least that one was only half full when they started. “I don’t know why you think it would be a good idea.”
“I always tell Chase what’s on my mind. If something is bugging me, or there is a problem to work through, I just talk to him about it. Don’t you and Logan talk?”
“He’s away so much,” she replied softly. “I don’t like to bring up issues when he’s home. I just let him think I’ve got it all under control.”
“You mean you lie to him? Right? Let him think everything is fine.” Hayley shook her head. “I’m not judging you, CJ. I just wish you could open up a little.”
“Maybe one day. Oh my gosh.” She sheepishly glanced over the numbered statements again. At the top she’d scrawled, Claudia’s Revolutions. “Look at this. I must have had too much to drink.” Claudia thrust it into her friend’s face.
“Claudia’s Revolutions. I like the sound of that. I think it’s a long time coming. Wait, seriously?” Hayley snatched the paper from her hand. “You want Logan to be more dominant? And you’re not going to show him this?”
“Give it back. Come on, it’s not... I didn’t mean... don’t look at it!” She grabbed for the list back, but her friend played keep-away with it. “Hayley! Come on!”
“If you really want him to get on board with things, you have to show him!” Hayley got up and off the couch. “Seriously! You want Logan to
hold you accountable for things? Do you mean what I think you mean? I bet he’d spank you! Chase has given him tips in the past, I mean so I’ve heard when they’re on the phone and stuff. I totally thought the two of you were already into the same sort of things we are.”
“Hayley!” Claudia finally wrangled the list away from her friend. “No fucking way! I would never allow it.”
“Whoa! Someone’s got her panties in a bunch.” Hayley giggled. “Such salty language for a proper lady!”
“You’re incorrigible! Don’t you dare tell Chase or Logan about this! I will seriously fucking deny it.”
“Two fucks in a row? There’s my CJ!”
“CJ is never coming back.” Claudia crumpled the paper into a ball and threw it across the room. “So, don’t get any ideas.” She huffed, then slowly stretched her legs out on the cushions.
“You’re my best friend, no matter what, but I hope you and Logan work your stuff out. Then maybe you won’t be so uptight.” Hayley curled up so her head rested on Claudia’s shins. “I hope you know I meant that with love.”
“I get it. I’m sorry I cursed at you. And I’m sorry about the crap from before. I’ll make it up to you.”
“You better.” Hayley shifted slightly. “Chase is coming in about an hour. Logan gave him a key before he left. You don’t have to worry about staying awake.”
“He’s good at planning ahead. That was super thoughtful.”
She wanted to say more, open up especially with how relaxed the alcohol made her, but if she let out even one tear, the entire dam holding back the rest of her emotions would break and she might never stop crying. Claudia patted her head, unable to offer anything else, then sighed. It was better to leave things the way they were for now. If she worked up the nerve to dump it all out for Logan, it would take a lot of courage.
Chapter 2
A Spanking Good New Year: Short Story Collection Page 26