Claudia shifted slightly and opened her eyes. How did I get to bed? She blinked a few times then sat up. The sound of dishes clanking downstairs in the kitchen startled her and she jumped out of bed. Shoving her feet into slippers, she barely remembered to grab a robe and throw it over her shoulders as she raced down the hall and steps. Could Hayley have come back this morning? That was silly, her best friend was probably still off in dreamland.
“Hello? Who’s here?” The delicious smells of bacon and coffee intermingled and hit her senses as she reached the entryway. As yummy as the scents were, something else caught her attention. “Logan!” Claudia crossed the distance between them in seconds, and nearly knocked him over.
“Good morning, love.” He planted a kiss on each of her cheeks, one on her forehead, and a lingering one on her lips. “I carried you to the bedroom. I figured you would be much more comfortable.”
“What are you doing home so early?” She kissed him back. “It must have taken a miracle.”
“I worked my magic.” Logan smiled warmly. “Some bad weather in Chicago canceled my last flight, so I took a shuttle from here to there and so on until the weather cleared. I might have to go back a little sooner, but I’ll figure it out.”
His original schedule had him working for ten days, a combination of flying and being on call as a back-up, which was needed more than you might think, then being off shift for the next twelve days. The schedule varied depending on his choices, international flights for example, needed longer breaks.
Logan built seniority at Prime Airways, though some pilots had been with the company for twenty years or more. Most of them were nearing retirement because flying took a serious toll on your body, but he could put in another thirty years if he wanted. Stretching his arms away from her, he finished with the bacon on the stove, then wiped his hands on the towel hanging from the oven door.
“When do you have to go back?” Claudia twirled a piece of hair around her finger. “If you came home sooner than you were supposed to, then won’t you have to leave sooner?”
“Don’t think about it at the moment.” He ran the knuckles of his right hand over her face, but paused at her full lips, then kissed her passionately. After a moment he pulled back. “Let’s enjoy the time. Okay?”
“Yeah,” she quickly agreed, but the lump in her throat reminded her of some serious topics she needed to bring up.
“I saw some presents under the tree. Did you want to unwrap first or eat breakfast?” His eyes sparkled as he looked her up and down, and it chased away her bad feelings.
“First coffee, then breakfast, and then gifts.” She clapped her hands together, then twirled around to the coffee pot. “I bought your favorite hazelnut creamer while you were at work. I still have some left, but you didn’t tell me you were coming home today.”
“I wanted to surprise you. Did I succeed?”
“Silly.” She clucked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “Yes.” Claudia tasked herself to fixing mugs for the two of them. She’d missed him so much more than she realized. The lengthy conversations with Hayley last night brought a lot of insight.
She was juggling numerous balls, and not keeping as many in the air, as she once believed. But how could she open up to Logan about all of it? He was already so busy! Plus he might insist on her seeing a counselor again. That never went well for her. She would go to a weekly session with some boring, monotoned, tweed-wearing, ass hat who never gave her any real answers.
Claudia didn’t agree with their opinions on her personal matters, and sometimes she thought about joining her family. She never acted on it, but she figured most people would be thinking about death after losing so many important people in their life in one fell swoop. If nothing else, the sudden and tragic loss proved how important it was to live every moment to its fullest. Claudia outwardly cringed. It was the exact opposite of what she was doing right now.
Logan appeared behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “What’s on your mind, love? You seem like you’re a million miles away.”
“What?” Her body stiffened instead of relaxing against him, like she used to. She brought a steaming mug of coffee up to her lips, inhaled deeply, then sipped. “Nothing. Just shaking off sleep still,” she lied, hoping he would drop it, but something deep down told her he wouldn’t. Something seemed to have changed in the week and a half that he was gone. Claudia couldn’t put a finger on it, but he knew more than he let on.
Logan wasn’t sure why Claudia was being so standoffish, especially at nine o’clock in the morning, but there would be time to get to the bottom of all of it later. “CJ,” the nickname he used to call her all the time tumbled out of his mouth from pure exhaustion.
“I’m not CJ anymore! You left her in that dingy little town of Mechanicville,” she snapped, then rolled her eyes. “It’s pretty much the same thing I said last night to Hayley.”
“Right. I hear the two of you didn’t have quite the night you were expecting.” He’d had his phone blown up with texts from Hayley, coupled with a few dozen from Chase. The gist of it was something shifted in CJ, and it wasn’t for the better. Their messages coupled with a crumpled list he found tossed on the floor in Claudia’s handwriting, begged for attention. Unfortunately he wasn’t sure how to address the situation just yet.
“What would you know about last night anyway? You weren’t here,” Claudia said pointedly, with a smug smile. It slowly faded into disappointment, then morphed into a bitter sneer.
“Listen to me. I met and fell in love with you, no matter what you are calling yourself. And as much as I love you now, I don’t like this version you’ve been lately. I mistakenly believed it to be some sort of phase. You know, keep up with the fancy ladies around the park for a little bit, then come to realize how insane the effort was. But, you haven’t.”
“Well, I don’t know what you expected.” After a few moments of quiet she gestured up at the ceiling. “I’m going to go up and take a shower. Besides, I’m not really hungry anymore.” Claudia huffed.
“Yeah, fine.” Logan waved her off, but it didn’t make the situation any easier to swallow. He took a long sip from his favorite mug, at least swallowing that would be enjoyable. Yes, his wife had evolved into what appeared to be a more sophisticated Claudia but the reasons weren’t simple.
CJ, originally a nickname formed from Claudia Jane, was a completely different version of the woman who was standing a few feet from him only moments ago. She was vulgar at times, loved dirty talk, having sex in odd places or unusual positions, and going on kinky adventures. CJ sassed off whenever and to whomever, as well as being fiercely independent in all aspects of her life. She cared deeply, and loved fully, her passion deep for animals and people alike.
Nothing seemed to intimidate her, or shake her up, until a devastating accident took the lives of a dozen family members, an accident that could have claimed the two of them as well.
An odd twist of fate started him at a brand new job the same time period as the cruise. Logan had just been accepted to Prime Airways as one of their youngest pilots, which was still true to date. He’d urged CJ to indulge in the vacation, but she shot down the idea of going alone, and in retrospect it was the right choice.
The majestic ocean liner was not equipped to handle the events that prompted the evacuation of the ship. No one ever provided a good enough answer to explain the tragedy, but at the very least it prompted even more safety measures to ensure it would not happen again. Her parents, two siblings and their spouses, her three nieces, two nephews, and her aunt all perished along with three hundred others, including many crew members, in that fateful cruise.
With the acceptance of a new job, even in the wake of tragedy, Logan decided it was best to move away from the sad reminders of family her small hometown surrounded her with.
Two and a half years had transpired since then, but grief never fully disappears. Claudia seemed to be of the impression that transforming herself into a co
mpletely different person would be the best way to overcome her sadness. He didn’t realize at the time, that she was bottling her true feelings up, and acting like everything was okay. She immersed herself in the culture of their new neighborhood, obnoxious at it happened to be, in hopes of masking her struggles.
It worked for far longer than it should have. Whenever Logan returned home, Claudia truly appeared to be all right. It wasn’t until he found the credit card statements, thousands of dollars racked up with three different companies, that he realized something was off. He had found them buried in a shoebox in their walk-in closet just before he left on the holiday trip, and had yet to address the issue with her.
Perhaps she needed more guidance than he currently offered. A grief counselor in addition to the changes he already planned on making while he was away. Then again, Claudia never really opened up to a stranger very well, especially one she paid to listen to her for an hour every other week. No, counseling didn’t seem to be the answer this time.
Maybe some of this was his fault, and she needed to spend more time with him. He had been so busy over the past couple of years, that he didn’t spend as much quality time with her. A pilot on auto-pilot. His brain attempted humor, but it was no laughing matter. It was too close to the truth for his liking.
Logan finished his coffee, and then washed out the mug. Maybe she would be in a more talkative mood when she came back downstairs. Until then, he was going to relax and bounce some ideas off Chase. The other man certainly had a bunch of them last night after he picked up his wife, Hayley. The two of them had relocated to a nearby town about two weeks ago, but Claudia poked and prodded for hidden meanings there.
His main motivation was their friendship. He and Chase were thrown together because of the two women, but became friends of their own accord. What he never mentioned out loud to Claudia was having additional eyes on her. He loved to travel but hating leaving her alone. If she had someone close by to reach out to in case of an emergency, it made him feel better.
A suggestion of physical discipline was thrown at him by Chase, and it didn’t sound half bad. It wasn’t the first time it crossed his mind. Logan believed Claudia might even be open to the idea, if presented correctly, namely with his hand and her bottom cheeks. Yes, a demonstration would work quite well to deliver such a message, as long as he could get her to cooperate long enough for it to sink in.
Chapter 3
Forty-five minutes later, a fresh faced Claudia emerged from the hallway and sauntered into the living room. She’d donned a sexy black tank top that read in large green bubble letters, Hey Santa! I’ll jingle your bells. Red leggings completed the outfit.
Logan was admittedly surprised. Claudia wouldn’t be caught dead wearing such a graphic tee shirt, but CJ would have sported one in a hot minute. His mouth dropped open, when she bent down at the waist provocatively, picked up a gift, and then stood very slowly. If her movements were an attempt to turn him on, she succeeded.
“Do you feel better, love?”
“Much.” She winked, but her tone didn’t quite match the rest of her facial expressions. “I apologize for earlier. Can we unwrap gifts and move on with our day?”
“Yes. Of course.” He made the conscious effort to ignore the tiny alarm going off in his head. She seemed to be placating him, but he played along and focused on their presents.
Logan hated for a big fuss to be made over holidays, but he took it in stride, since Claudia held them in high regard. She really poured herself into the season. He appreciated spending time with his family and friends more than any gift, but he did genuinely love the items Claudia picked out for him.
She must have spent a great deal of time getting the little details together, even though she seemed to be ignoring cost in all of this. As a general rule, Logan didn’t require her to ask him before purchases, especially when it came to trinkets for each other, but those damn credit card statements begged for attention. What had she been thinking?
An hour or so had passed, and all but one gift was open. He stroked a hand over his beard as she sat back on her feet with a satisfied smile. Her favorite perfume, fluffy slippers, two boxes of Belgian chocolate from his latest international flight, and some odds and ends were spread out behind her. He thought the last present would make her happy, if she shared his sentiment and didn’t look for a flashy price tag.
Logan nudged her gently. “I’ve been searching a long time for this. I hope you like it.” He handed her the small box, and watched her eyebrows quirk up in question. “Open it.”
“Well, yeah that’s what you do to a box.” She took the gift, carefully tore the paper, then lifted the top of it off. Tears immediately pooled in her eyes, then slowly but steadily fell down her cheeks. “Oh! Oh, Logan.” Claudia brushed at her cheeks, but shook her head several times, unable to say anything else.
A perfect replica of the necklace her mother had worn on a daily basis, custom designed originally by her father, laid prettily in the box. The main charm was a medium sized heart, done in twenty-four karat yellow gold, with filigree and specs of diamond for a light sparkle. Three smaller heart charms dangled from the larger one and housed the siblings’ favorite colored stone, rather than a birthstone: amethyst, a dark purple, for her sister; garnet, a rich red, for her brother; the last stone was an aquamarine, a brilliant teal, for her.
She brushed away more tears with shaky hands. Logan picked up the necklace, and unfastened it so he could place it on his beautiful wife. She’d had no idea he was even looking for such a piece of jewelry. Not that she had ever asked. He checked the clasp then let it go, relieved when the length proved perfect, and fell under her collarbone.
“It looks stunning on you.”
“Logan,” she tried again but failed and instead rose to her feet and joined him on the couch. Claudia buried her head in the crook of his neck and wrapped her arms around him. “It’s too much.”
“As in you like it or you don’t?”
“Please, take it off.” She pulled back to catch his eyes, and the look nearly tore him to pieces. “It’s truly perfect. Please don’t think on it. I just can’t right now.”
“Never mind.” He quickly undid the clasp then set it back in the box. Was it more than she could take, or was there something else eating away at her? “I shouldn’t have thrown this on you after being on a long trip away.”
“Oh, no! No, it’s not like that.” Claudia shook her head again. “There are things on my mind, and I just wasn’t expecting this. I can explain.” She forced distance between them, something else that bothered him, then composed herself. “I won’t wear it – not today, and maybe not ever.”
“Then don’t.” Logan started to get up, but she grabbed his hand, and he paused. He cocked an eyebrow, confused by her actions. “What, love? You’ve refused to open up about anything lately. Which shouldn’t surprise me, considering the sort of things you’ve been keeping from me anyhow.”
“What do you mean?” She dropped his hand in a hurry, then crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t know what you’re implying.”
“Well, I didn’t mean to bring it up on the first day we’ve had together in almost two weeks, but I suppose we can discuss it now.” He turned his body toward her, then stared intently at her face. “When were you going to tell me about the credit cards?”
She lifted her chin, then took a deep breath, as if getting ready to launch a counter attack. He decided to actively thwart this argument by taking her chin firmly between his fingers, preventing what he foresaw – a potential onslaught of nastiness. It was a bold move, one he hadn’t used on her in a very long time. When they were dating his natural dominance came through, but lately he had grown complacent. He’d falsely believed his control would rub her already raw emotions the wrong way, when truthfully she needed it more. He should have followed his gut instinct instead of listening to numerous counselors tell him to ‘give her space.’
Logan tightened his grip sligh
tly, and her eyes widened. “If your words match the glares coming from your eyes, then I don’t want to hear what you have to say at the moment. It won’t be the answer I’m seeking, for sure.”
“Let go of me,” she spat through gritted teeth.
“Or what?”
The question jarred her, and it was clear there was nothing in her arsenal. Combined with the interesting list of resolutions from last night, he believed this to be more of a show than anything else. She seemed to believe he would let her attitude and behaviors continue in a bad direction. She was so very wrong. He’d formulated a plan while away, then added more to it this morning. It was prompted by an intriguing read; one penned by his lovely wife last night, most presumably while drunk.
“Nothing,” Claudia finally replied after fifteen seconds of silence.
“That’s what I thought.”
“Please let go.” Her eyes, which flashed anger a moment ago, now blinked back tears. “There’s a lot of crap stuck in my head, but I don’t want to fight with you.”
He immediately released her, but didn’t move away. They were only inches apart, but the distance felt much larger.
“Talk to me, but be honest. I don’t want an attitude or any excuses. I want the truth.”
“It’s an absolutely wonderful gift. Beyond anything I’ve ever bought for you. And I don’t know how to respond. I’ve been feeling pretty awful lately, and this gesture is so thoughtful. I can’t take it.” Her lower lip trembled as she spoke. “Regarding the credit cards? I don’t know what happened. I’ve never used them before we moved here. I opened one line of credit. Spent a little here and there, but then I opened another, and another. It filled in the boredom. It added substance to the vast emptiness of this house.”
“It’s not the house though, love. Is it?” Logan tread very carefully. “Most of the emptiness is inside you. And it doesn’t help that I’m not here for you.”
“Don’t you dare put this back on you!” Claudia jumped to her feet. “I knew your job would take you away for most of the year. I knew what to expect. Do not blame yourself for the huge amounts of garbage I’ve piled on top of myself.”
A Spanking Good New Year: Short Story Collection Page 27