by Autumn Brown
After a few more minutes, we noticed the clock in the dashboard. “I think we need to get back to school.” I said to him.
“Are we going to do this every day for lunch?” he asked me, halfway teasing me.
“We can if you want. Do you want to?” I told him halfway teasing. Of course, I really wanted to do it every day for lunch. More than I’ve ever wanted to make out with a guy in my life.
“If you’ve got to ask…” he tossed back at me. He was good at turning my jokes back on me. He was too witty for me.
I laughed at him as I drove us back to school. I dropped him off at the auto shop class. It was on the furthest side of school. Right before he stepped out of my car, he kissed me really good. Man, it felt so good to be together with him. I parked my car in the parking lot and ran into Jose on the way onto school grounds. I didn’t know what he was doing walking this way. I thought he had auto shop this period.
“Hi Taylor.” He said to me as we walked together.
“Hi.” I said to him. I still felt a little funny being alone with him. I could handle being around him in a group, but being alone felt odd somehow. We hadn’t made it back to being actual friends yet, after our breakup. “How’s it going?”
“Good.” He answered quickly. “So…Spencer! What’s that about?”
“I like him.” I stated flatly. I didn’t know what he was getting at. I thought he and Spencer were friends.
“So, he’s not just a pity project? Like Trapper.” He asked snidely. Trapper was a dog that he and I rescued from a trap years ago when we were just friends. His front leg was completely mangled and the veterinarian couldn’t save it. I loved that dog so much. I refused to have him put to sleep like the veterinarian recommended. I took him home and kept him in my room. I treated him like a prize poodle. I never did figure out what breed, or mixture of breeds, he was. He was mine, that was all that mattered to me, and he needed me.
“What? I’m not…” I stopped. I was so mad that I couldn’t speak. How dare he say that Spencer was some kind of pity project. “I love him, Jose. More than I’ve ever liked a guy in my life. And, I kept Trapper until he died of old age.”
“Love?” he asked quickly. “You’re in love with him? That means you’re going to have sex with him. Doesn’t it?”
Last year I’d given him the fact that I didn’t love him as an excuse not to sleep with him. I glared at him and gave him a look that hopefully told him that this was none of his business.
“Why him? I could have…” Jose started, then stopped talking completely.
“He’s not pushing. He said he would wait on me. And, he loves me.” I tried to explain things to him.
Jose shook his head, then reached out for my arm. He rubbed my upper arm. “I wish I would have waited on you.”
“You seem really happy now with Shelly.” I said to him.
He nodded, then walked away from me. What was that about? He did recently lose a brother. I knew guys got a little weird when they were grieving. Maybe that was it.
Spencer and I spent every waking moment together. I craved his company constantly. He wanted to be with me. We met between every class and he walked me to my next one. He would always kiss me really good before letting me go. We got to be known as the couple that kissed constantly. After the home games on Friday nights, instead of standing around talking, we sat in my car making out. We never advanced past making out. Spencer was the ultimate gentleman.
He borrowed his uncle’s car and took me out on a few real dates. That was so nice. We went out to eat at a really nice restaurant in Phoenix once. It ended with about an hour of making out in my driveway. My mom started blinking the front porch lights off and on to tell me to come in. I kissed him one last time, then went inside the house.
“Taylor!” My mom said. “Good girls don’t sit in the car and kiss boys.”
She was disappointed in me. The way she said the word “kiss” was like it was a dirty word. Too dirty for a PG rating at the movies. She’d be really disappointed if she knew what I actually wanted to do with Spencer. I didn’t dare say a word about that. “We were just talking, Mom.” I lied to her. Of course I knew she’d probably looked outside to see us totally entangled in each other.
“Uh huh.” she said with a tone that told me she knew I was lying to her.
The next Saturday night, Spencer took me to the drive-in movies. I don’t even know what was playing; we made out the entire time. I loved being close to him, touching him. I loved the feel of his hard chest. I don’t know why it made my stomach do funny things when I rubbed his stomach, or his biceps. I loved that feeling in my stomach. I knew I wanted more, but I didn’t want to tell him that I wanted more. That would be way too forward of me.
Spencer’s face was looking better the more it healed. He still couldn’t play football, but he attended the games with his aunt and uncle. We met up after the games to go to the parties. The parties barely missed a beat after Fred’s death. Jose was even coming to them again. He took Fred’s death hard, but he was pushing through it. I did notice that he and Shelly were fighting in public more than usual. I knew he was upset. I still knew him very well, even though we hadn’t talked. We were friends once upon a time before we got together. I felt badly for him.
Once at Senior Pole, we were all hanging out and talking after practice. Spencer and I were arm in arm as always. Zane and Mary were close. Dwayne and Sandy were standing together. I think they were secretly seeing each other. I wasn’t sure why it was a secret though. Usually Sandy told me everything. Maybe I’ve been too wrapped up in Spencer lately. That happened when I got a new boyfriend or she got a new boyfriend. I didn’t get to spend as much time with Sandy as I used to. Sally and Grace were standing with us, laughing and talking.
Jose and Shelly were standing there, talking to each other not to the group, engaged in their own private conversation. Suddenly, she got upset and threw her hands up in the air. “Forget it then.” She said with anger in her voice.
“Fine with me.” Jose retaliated, then walked off without Shelly.
Shelly walked off the opposite way.
Everyone stopped talking and watched the whole exchange, then we all looked at each other questioning each other. Everyone shrugged their shoulders, then looked at me for answers.
“I don’t know.” I said defensively. I didn’t know why they were looking at me. I hadn’t talked to him for over a week.
I saw Spencer give a slight look of jealousy when I looked his way. I rubbed his back, trying to tell him that he didn’t have a reason to be jealous.
On the drive home, Spencer asked me if I knew what was wrong with Jose. I told him that I didn’t know, but I guessed that it had to do with his brother. Maybe he and Shelly were about to break up. I told him about our conversation a few weeks ago. He was a little upset with me that I didn’t tell him about it earlier. It kind of looked like I was hiding things from him, but I really wasn’t.
At his house, Spencer stepped out of my car. He’d started driving it lately for some reason. I think he felt like he was whipped when I drove all the time. Maybe he just liked my car. I stepped around to the front of the car as always. He usually stopped to kiss me there, or invited me in for a minute. Today he just passed me by and went into his house. He closed the door behind himself without a word to me. There was something definitely wrong today. I had a strong feeling that it had to do with Jose.
I texted Spencer. “What’s up? Come back out.”
“We’ll talk tomorrow. I need to cool off tonight.” he texted me back.
I texted him back. “Fine!” I couldn’t even convey how upset I was in a message. I wanted to send him the flip off icon, but I couldn’t find it quick enough. I wanted to call him and yell at him. I didn’t do anything wrong. Not really anyway. Why was he acting this way?
When I pulled my car in our driveway at the house, Jose was waiting on me, leaning up against his truck. Damn, he looked good. He was wearing a white tank
top and jeans. I’d always told him that was my favorite outfit. It showed off his abundance of muscles. Being Mexican, he was really dark with dark hair. I stepped out of my car and walked up to him. I didn’t know why he was at my house. He hadn’t been to my house since we’d broken up.
“I need to talk to you.” He said to me, his voice was full of sadness.
“Okay.” I said to him, then walked to the back of his truck following him.
He let down the tailgate so we could sit on it and talk, like we used to when we dated. We both sat down on the tailgate. I looked over at him, worried about what he would say next.
“Shelly and I broke up.” He said softly.
“I’m sorry.” I told him. I rubbed his arm trying to console him.
“I made a big mistake ending things with you, Taylor.” He looked in my eyes when he said it.
I could tell that he was truly sorry now. I remembered the night that he broke up with me so clearly. The pain shattered my soul. I cried for days after that. For so many months, I’d waited on this moment: the moment he realized that he’d made the biggest mistake in his life and asked me back. Now that it was here, though, it somehow didn’t feel as good as I thought it would. All I could think about was Spencer and how I’d hurt him tonight.
“Jose…I don’t know what to say.” I treaded over the words carefully. When we dated, he had a quick temper. I didn’t want to see that today.
“Taylor, I was in love with you. Can we try again?”
“I’m in love with Spencer. I don’t want to leave him.” I told him.
“I wish you’d think about it, Taylor.” Jose said to me, then stepped up. He walked up to me, and spread my legs so he could hug me. We used to do that all the time when we were together. “Please.”
I shook my head as he hugged me. “I won’t break up with him.” I told him. I didn’t want to lead him on.
Jose pulled away, and gave me a look. The look that used to dissolve all of my resolve. That same look had gotten his hand up my shirt once. He turned and walked away. I stepped off of his tailgate as he stepped into his truck. He started his truck and drove away. As he did, someone pulled into the driveway. I didn’t recognize the car, but when it pulled up next to me, I realized it was Spencer. He was really mad, too. He stepped out of the car, but didn’t walk up to me. He stood next to the car glaring at me.
“I can explain.” I called to him. I knew it sounded too cliché, but I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“I felt bad because I wasn’t too nice to you. Guess I shouldn’t have felt so bad.” He said snidely, giving me a dirty look.
“This wasn’t my fault. He was waiting on me when I came home.” I tried to explain quickly as I closed the distance between us. He wasn’t making it my way. I had to go to him. When I reached him, I reached out for him. He pushed my hands away.
“Why?” he demanded.
“He just wanted to talk.” I told him.
“About what? Everyone knows he and Shelly are having problems. Why is he suddenly hanging around you all the time?” Spencer said, with jealousy enveloping his entire body.
“It’s not all the time, Spencer. I told him that I was in love with you, and I’d never leave you.” I said to Spencer, then tried to grab his waist.
He pulled away. “So, he asked you to be his girlfriend again?”
“Kind of.” I said.
“That’s a yes or no question, Taylor.” He demanded firmly, almost sounding like my dad when he got angry with me.
“Yes, but I said no.” I tried to explain to him.
He stepped into the car angrily and drove away. He didn’t even give me a chance to explain things.
Whoa. That was intense. I didn’t know he had such a temper. That shocked me a little bit. Of course, these were extraordinary circumstances. I’m not sure what I’d do if I saw him with an ex-girlfriend. I was at a loss as to what to do about this. I could drive over to his house and try to explain. I could call him. No. Waiting would be good. I’d let him cool off for a day. Maybe after he thinks about it, he’ll realize what a jerk he’s being.
The next morning, I received a text from Spencer. I was ecstatic…until I read it. He was catching a ride to school with Zane. I texted him back that I’d see him there. For over a month, we’d been inseparable. We’d ridden to and from school together almost every day. I didn’t want this to end. I don’t think I ever wanted this to end. As I approached Senior Pole, I spotted Spencer laughing and talking with Zane and Mary. Sally walked up about that time and started laughing with the group.
As I walked closer, Jose stepped in front of me. “Hi, Taylor.” He said. There was pleasure saturating his voice. I didn’t like it. “Did I mess things up for you and Spencer?”
He sounded hopeful, which really pissed me off. Was he trying to cause trouble between us? Or was he just taking advantage of the mess he’d caused by accident?
“I need to talk to Spencer, Jose.” I said rudely, then pushed my way past him.
Spencer was watching the exchange between Jose and me. His expression spoke volumes to me. It said he was still pissed at me, and jealous as hell. As I neared him, he turned and walked off down the sidewalk without a word, and without me. I caught up with him and hitched my elbow inside his. He turned to look at me, and kept on walking. I had to walk fast to keep up with him. We walked to a quiet corner, where we usually made out for a few minutes before class. He pulled me into the little opening, still glaring at me with anger on his face.
“He just came over. It wasn’t my fault.” I told him quickly. I tried to wrap my arms around his waist.
He pushed my arms to my side and held them there. “He wants you back. He’s telling everyone that he’s going to get you back. No matter what it takes.”
“You act like I have no choice in the matter. Spencer, even if I didn’t have you, I wouldn’t go back to him. I’ll never go back to him. He hurt me really bad when he dumped me. I cried for days. All because I wouldn’t sleep with him. That’s all that mattered to him. I didn’t matter to him.” I tried to make it sound really offensive, what he’d done to me. But in reality, it was what every other guy I’d dated had done to me.
“He can have any girl he wants. And, he wants you.” Spencer said, still angry. He said it with finality in his voice and his body language.
He turned to walk away from me. I grabbed him quickly by his belt buckle and refused to let go. I pulled him with all my might back to me. He gave in and turned toward me again. We were standing face to face. Spencer had the strangest look on his face. Was he about to explode? Or was he about to forgive me? I pulled him closer and reached up to kiss him. To my surprise, he kissed me with intense emotion. He held my face between his hands, and kept on kissing. I’d never felt this much passion from him before. It was causing me to go weak in the knees. I continued clutching his belt buckle to hold myself up.
“Oh, Taylor.” He said with a hoarse whisper, full of breathy air. It reminded me of the day on his bed, when he came.
I felt something move in the front of his jeans. I suddenly realized what it was. My knees went even weaker. But I couldn’t remove my hand from his belt buckle. I didn’t want to. I rubbed my fingers against his stomach. It was then that I realized that my fingers were inside his underwear. Just barely, but I could feel thick coarse hair. I continued to rub as I strengthened my kiss against his.
Spencer backed me against the wall, and pressed against me. I could feel his erection against my stomach. I could almost touch it with my hand. I wanted to touch it. I slid my hand back and forth across his stomach, feeling for it. I couldn’t find it. Spencer sucked in his stomach, allowing me to go deeper inside his jeans. I did it. I continued kissing him as I found it. I ran the back of my fingers over it softly. His skin was so smooth, like velvet almost. I turned my hand around, so I could feel it better. I barely touched it when I felt sudden movement from it, then a lot of wetness.
Yuk! Oh this was disgust
ing. My hand was wet and it was stuck inside his pants, inside his underwear. What had I just done? Well, I knew what I’d done. Oh man, I wished I hadn’t done that. Why did I have to keep on going? I could have simply made it clear that it was a mistake. I mean, I didn’t stick my hand down his jeans on purpose. But I couldn’t stop after I started. What now? Was he going to expect sex? And, how was I going to walk away from here without anyone realizing what had just happened?
“I’m sorry.” Spencer said to me, whispering in my ear. He was embarrassed.
I was embarrassed. I pulled my hand from his jeans. He had to suck in his stomach so I could free it. Now what? Was I supposed to just stand here with a wet hand? I didn’t know what to say to him. This didn’t happen to girls. I kissed him on the cheek. “I love you, Spencer. You’ve got to know that.”