Trembling

by V. J. Chambers

  "No, that's not possible," said Hallam. "This has nothing to do with Edgar Weem."

  "How can you be sure?" I demanded. "You and Jason both seem to think that Weem is iron-clad to this deal you made with him. But I don't think that deal made him happy. And I can't see any reason why he wouldn't try to find some way around it."

  "It's not Weem," said Hallam. "I'm certain of that."

  "How are you certain?"

  "I just am," said Hallam. "Trust me on this."

  I didn't. But Hallam's tone of voice warned me not to press the point any farther.

  "What else could it be?" I asked. "If it isn't the Sons, then who could have done it?"

  "Someone crazy?" Hallam suggested. "People do get kidnapped, you know."

  "Why would anyone kidnap me?" I asked. "I don't have money."

  "Your grandmother does," said Hallam.

  Oh. He was right. I shuddered. "Do you really think that's what it was?"

  My grandmother was pretty rich. She lived in a multi-million dollar home. It was old money, but it had been augmented by the work my grandfather and Aunt Stephanie had done for the company my family owned. I had no idea how much my grandmother was worth, but it might be enough that someone would try to hold me for ransom because of it.

  Had I been completely wrong? Had I assumed that if something bad was happening to me, the Sons had to be part of it?

  But there were other things. Not just the kidnapping. "What about the bell?" I asked. "I saw you look at it today in Dingle's office."

  Hallam spread his hands. "I'll admit," he said, "that engraving does resemble an old Sons emblem. I've seen it on old documents."

  "So, there could be a connection?"

  "I don't know," said Hallam. "I'm inclined to think it's a coincidence."

  "I didn't think you believed in coincidences," I said, remembering a conversation we'd had in November.

  He sighed. "Well, it wouldn't make sense not to look into it," he said. "I'll do some digging. I'll even check out this Sutherland. But I've got to say, Azazel, his interest in secret societies seems to clear him entirely. If he were really a member of the Sons, why would he mention that to you? Why would he want to make you suspicious?"

  I didn't know. If he was a member of the Sons, it seemed like he'd try to keep a low profile. He'd shown me the engraving on the bell. Why would he have done that? Still, something about Mr. Sutherland really gave me the creeps. I couldn't exactly put my finger on what, but I didn't trust him. And I felt like there was some kind of connection between the bell and Mr. Sutherland and the Sons. I just knew it.

  "I'd like it if you checked into him," I said.

  "I will," said Hallam. "I can't believe that he stole that bell and put it in your purse to get you into detention. He sees you every day as it is in class."

  "Every other day," I said. "Maybe he just wanted to be able to talk to me. He asked me to go to his house. Maybe he wanted to tell me something."

  "Well," said Hallam, "until we know what's going on with this guy, I wouldn't recommend going to his house."

  "I know that," I said.

  Hallam sighed, looking at the clock. "Where's Jason?" he asked.

  "At work, I guess," I said.

  "You didn't call him?"

  Huh. Weird. I hadn't. I'd nearly been captured, taken away by a scary man in a black ski mask, and I hadn't even thought to call Jason. Why hadn't I done that? "No," I said.

  "I half-wonder if we should tell him at all," said Hallam.

  "Really?" I asked. "Why?"

  "He's erratic, Azazel, surely you've noticed. Especially when it comes to you. I don't want him out trying to hunt down this masked man. God knows what he'd do."

  That was probably true as far as it went. Jason would be livid. He would want to protect me. "Well, he can't," I said. "Go after the guy. We don't even know who he was."

  "Does he share your opinions of Mr. Sutherland?" Hallam asked.

  "No," I said.

  "Thank God for that. At least he won't be after Mr. Sutherland."

  "I have to tell him," I said. I couldn't keep something this big from Jason. It would be like trying to keep a secret from some part of myself.

  "I suppose you do," said Hallam, "but try to keep him calm."

  "I will," I said.

  "He's becoming increasingly violent," said Hallam. "I'm concerned."

  This was weird, considering that Hallam had spent his time working for the Sons doing things like slaughtering sorority girls at their request. "You're concerned about his violence?" I said.

  "Of course I am."

  "But you . . ." How did I put this delicately? "You've done things that . . ."

  Hallam raised his eyebrows. He stood up from the kitchen table. "Jason told you about that, then?"

  I nodded.

  Hallam shook his head. "That was a bad night," he said finally. "I don't think Jason's ever been the same." Hallam stared at the linoleum, not speaking for several moments. "But I wonder if there wasn't something . . . something within him . . . something that was always there."

  "What do you mean?" I asked.

  "What he did that night," said Hallam. "It was—"

  And the door burst open. Jason and Lilith tumbled inside, drunk and laughing.

  I wanted to ask Hallam what he meant by what Jason did that night. Jason had told me that Hallam had shot the girls. He'd said that Hallam had screamed while he did it, blood spattering his face. Jason had said that he hadn't done anything but watch.

  I turned toward Jason, my brow furrowing. Hadn't he told me everything? I'd always trusted Jason, but lately things seemed different. We were at odds. He didn't believe me. And here he was stumbling into the house, late on a school night, clearly drunk. This wasn't the Jason that I knew.

  Jason stopped laughing, but Lilith was still giggling.

  "Who died?" Jason asked us.

  "Where have you been?" Hallam asked.

  Jason rolled his eyes, striding into the kitchen. He flung himself into a chair at the table. "Geez, Hallam, you sound like you think you're my mother."

  Had I ever seen Jason drunk before? I tried to think. Sure, Jason drank at parties, but he usually didn't have more than a few drinks.

  Lilith followed Jason into the kitchen and sat down with us. She was still grinning. "We went out for a couple of drinks with some of the people from work," she explained.

  Really?

  "Oh?" said Hallam, folding his arms over his chest.

  "It was my idea," said Lilith. "I didn't know if Jason would go for it or not, but when I asked he said, 'Sure.' I think Jason needs to get out more. Don't you, Zaza?"

  I glared at her. I couldn't believe her. I did think Jason should get out more. I'd said as much to him on numerous occasions. But when I asked him to come out with me, he always said no. Apparently, when Lilith asked, it was a completely different story. "Did you have fun, Jason?" I asked him.

  He grinned at me. "I had a blast. Lilith was telling me this hilarious story about you freshman year. She said that you got lost your first day and you went into the wrong classroom . . ." He started laughing again and so did Lilith.

  "That's great," I said. "Because while you guys were off having a blast, some guy picked me up and tried to carry me off."

  Jason stopped laughing. "What?" he said, his eyes darting between Hallam and me.

  "She's right," said Hallam.

  We filled Jason in on the details of the evening.

  "I can't believe you went to the shooting range without me," Jason said angrily.

  I snorted. "I can't believe you went out drinking with Lilith without me."

  "That's ridiculous," said Jason. "I wasn't in any danger."

  "That's not the point," I said.

  "It absolutely is," said Jason. "You went off to Sarasota with Jude, and you nearly got hurt."

  "I'm fine," I said. "I took care of myself."

  "Because I wasn't there," said Jason. "You're blaming me for no
t being there, but you snuck off without me. You could have asked me to go with you."

  "I did the other day at lunch," I said. "You didn't want to go."

  "But if you just had to go," he said, "you could have called me."

  "You were working!" I protested. "Besides, you didn't call me and ask if I wanted to come with you tonight."

  "It was just people from work," he said. "I didn't think— This is not my fault."

  "I'm not saying it is," I said.

  "Yes, you are," he said. "If I'd been there, this wouldn't have happened."

  I couldn't believe him. "Jason, are you listening? I hit the guy. He dropped me. I'm fine. Nothing happened. I didn't need you."

  Jason jerked back, as if I'd slapped him. He didn't say anything for several moments. "I wish you would have called," he said finally.

  "Well, so do I," I said.

  "Listen," said Hallam, "it's over. There's no point in worrying about whether the incident would have been preventable or not. It happened. We just need to figure out who did it and why. So, I'm going to do some digging tomorrow. We'll get to the bottom of this."

  "It's my fault, anyway," said Lilith. "I really shouldn't have encouraged Jason to come out tonight."

  "It's no one's fault," said Hallam. "Let's go to bed."

  But I kind of half-agreed with Lilith. Why had she asked Jason to hang out? What was more, why had he said yes? The two were awfully chummy these days. I didn't like it.

  Hallam left the kitchen, leaving me with Jason and Lilith.

  "I'm so sorry," said Lilith. "I'm sorry that happened to you."

  "I'm fine," I said. I didn't need her pity.

  "You must have been so scared," she said.

  I shrugged. I'd been terrified. Hadn't I? With all the worrying I did about the Sons swooping in and terrorizing me, I expected myself to be more jumpy about the entire incident. But I felt calm. I'd felt calm almost the entire time. It surprised me. Apparently I was tougher than I thought I was. "Not as scared as I thought I'd be, actually," I said.

  Jason was shaking his head. "Well, I don't think you should be alone anymore."

  "I wasn't alone tonight," I said. "I was before, in the apartment, but after that I had Jude with me."

  "I don't think Jude counts for much," said Jason.

  "Well, what do you want, Jason? You can't be around me all the time. We both work a lot. And we don't have the same schedule at school. Who else do you think is capable of guarding me?" I couldn't help but be a little sarcastic. Jason couldn't be mad at me about this. I wasn't the one being reckless tonight. I'd gone to the range because I wanted to improve my abilities to take care of myself. It had been a preventative measure. Jason was the one who'd been out having fun. He'd been irresponsible. It was ridiculous for him to be angry with me.

  Jason heaved a huge sigh. "You're pissed at me," he said.

  I rolled my eyes.

  Lilith bit her lip. "Maybe I should leave you two alone," she said.

  I stood up. "Thanks, Lilith, but I think I'll leave. It's late, and I'm tired. I was nearly kidnapped tonight. It took a lot out of me."

  I stalked back through the apartment to my bedroom and began throwing off my clothes, letting them fall in a messy pile on the floor. I yanked open my dresser drawer, took out my pajamas and began forcing on pajama pants.

  There was a knock on my door.

  I jerked my pajama shirt over my head and flung open the door.

  It was Jason.

  "What?" I demanded.

  "Can I come in?" he asked.

  I moved out of the doorway wordlessly.

  He walked past me.

  "Well?" I said, folding my arms over my chest.

  "Why are you mad?" he asked. "If it's not because I wasn't there, why are you mad?"

  "I'm not mad," I said.

  "Right," he muttered. He crossed to me, put his hand on my cheek.

  I ducked away from him.

  "I just feel like I can't do anything right anymore," said Jason.

  I rolled my eyes. "I'm tired, Jason," I said. "I had a rough evening. I just need to rest."

  "Because," he said, "if anyone should be mad, it should be me. I mean, you didn't say anything to me about going to the range by yourself, and then all of the sudden you're there. With Jude." He said Jude's name like Jude was a leper or a mass murderer.

  I couldn't believe it. I glared at him. "Listen, Jason, there is no reason for you to be jealous of Jude. He's gay for God's sake, and I'm in love with you."

  "I'm not jealous of him!" Jason said. "It's just that he doesn't look out for you. Look what happened at that party over the weekend. He can't keep you safe."

  "No one can keep me safe," I said. "That's ridiculous. Jude's my friend. If anything, being around me makes it less safe for him, not the other way around."

  "You spend an awful lot of time with him," Jason said.

  "Because he's my best friend," I said.

  "When I knew you in Bramford, you didn't spend nearly as much time with Lilith as you do with Jude now, and Lilith was your best friend."

  "Sure I did," I said. "I hung out with Lilith all the time. And we talked on the phone like crazy!"

  "No," he said. "You didn't. You spent a lot of time with Toby, but not with Lilith."

  "Who's telling you this?" I asked. "Lilith?"

  "It's my own observation," he said. "Which she happens to agree with."

  "Why are you two constantly talking about me behind my back?" I demanded.

  "We're just talking."

  "You know who it seems like you're spending a lot of time with?" I said. "Lilith. You and Lilith are really pretty friendly lately."

  "What's that supposed to mean?" Jason asked.

  "Well, it's not like she wasn't sleeping with my last boyfriend," I said. "How am I supposed to trust her?"

  Jason's face twisted in disbelief. "What?" He took a step back. Ran his hand through his hair. "You're supposed to trust me," he said.

  "I do," I said.

  "So then why would you even say that?" Jason asked.

  I was fuming inside. I clenched and unclenched my fingers. I looked away from Jason, at my bedroom wall. "She's not like me," I said. "She's all curvy and sexy and experienced. And you're always around her. And you're always taking her side, not mine. And I just think that she can be very manipulative."

  "I can't believe you would think that about me," said Jason. "I would never . . ." He trailed off. "Look at me," he said.

  I didn't.

  Jason advanced on me. He snatched my chin between his thumb and forefinger and forced me to look at his face. His eyes were just a few inches from my own. They blazed at me, smoldering. I could feel his breath on my cheeks. "If you think that I would ever—that I couldever—do anything like that to you, or that I would ever want anyone but you, then you don't have any idea who I am."

  He dropped my chin. Gave me one last fiery look, his eyes burning into mine. Then he left my bedroom.

  I stood there for a second, too stunned to process what had just happened. Then I closed the door. Leaned against it, the back of my head thudding against its hardness. And I started to cry.

  Chapter Six

  To: Edgar Weem

  From: Renegade Son

  Subject: Questions

  Edgar,

  Someone tried to snatch Azazel last night. That doesn't have anything to do with the Sons or you, does it? And you don't have any ties to a Liam Sutherland, do you? I'm willing to cooperate with you, but you need to be straight with me.

  Hallam

  Even though it was late, I couldn't sleep. I sat in my room with the door shut, picking at my bedspread. I felt so alone. I toyed with my phone, searching through the contact numbers. There weren't many names there. Jude. Jason. Hallam. Some people from work. I didn't know many of them well. I certainly couldn't call anyone for comfort. As I scrolled through them, I settled on my younger brother Chance's name. Chance lived in New Jersey with Grandma Hoy
t. I hadn't talked to him since Christmas, when he'd come to visit us in Florida. I knew that I couldn't tell Chance what was happening to me here. I didn't want to worry him or endanger him. But suddenly, a longing welled up inside me to talk to someone who I'd grown up with. Someone who I'd known before all this mess had started. My brother.