Trembling

by V. J. Chambers

  Me? He was talking about me? Who was he talking to? What was going on?

  "Who is it, Jude?" Gordon demanded.

  Jude ignored him. "Listen, there's no way I'm going to trade her for Azazel, you idiot. If you don't let my mother go, I'm going to hunt you down and—" Jude stopped talking, as if he'd been interrupted. He paused for a long time. Finally, he just breathed, "Fuck you," in a gravelly voice.

  "Who was that?" Gordon asked.

  Jude didn't answer.

  "Who was that?" Gordon asked again.

  "Turn around," said Jude.

  "Turn around?" asked Noah.

  "Yeah," said Jude. "We can't go there. He's there."

  They couldn't go there? Had Jude gotten a call from their destination? But I thought they were going to Michaela Weem's house.

  "Who's there?" asked Noah. "Who were you talking to on the phone?"

  "He's got my mother. He's threatening to hurt her if we don't give him Azazel," said Jude.

  Who had Jude's mother? And who would want me? And what was Jude's mother doing in Shiloh? Weren't we in Shiloh? Were they taking me to Michaela Weem or not?

  "Who's got your mother?" asked Gordon.

  "Jason," said Jude. "Jason's got my mother."

  Jason had Jude's mother? So Jason was trying to save me! He'd picked a kind of screwed-up way to do it, but he didn't hate me. That was good. Suddenly, I remembered that just hours before I'd argued with drunk Jason, he'd told Lilith that he couldn’t exist without me. I couldn't believe that I'd doubted him.

  "Big deal," said Noah. "Don't we want Jason dead anyway? We'll just go in, grab him, tie him up and wait until Azazel's ready to do him in."

  "You don't understand," said Jude. "Jason was trained by the Sons of the Rising Sun. We'd be no match for him. Not like this."

  "He's a kid," said Gordon. "How tough could he really be?"

  "He's killed before," said Jude. "A guy named Sutherland owed Mom a favor, and was keeping an eye on Azazel for us. He got fresh, and no one's heard from him since."

  Sutherland? Jesus, he was in on it too? He was working with the Satanists? Well, I guess it made sense that he knew about the invocation, then, didn't it? And why did Sutherland owe Jude's mom a favor? Who was Jude's mom, anyway?

  "Yeah," said Noah, "but Jason wouldn't hurt Michaela. She's his mother too, isn't she?"

  What?!

  Oh God.

  * * *

  Now that I was looking at Jude, I didn't understand why I didn't see it before. Sure, Jude had bright purple hair and multiple piercings. Sure, he was wearing heavy eyeliner. All of that made him look different. Exotic. But his skin was the same shade as Jason's—dusky light brown. His face was the same shape as Jason's—heart-shaped. His eyes were like Jason's too. Big and dark. They looked alike. A lot alike. They were brothers. But before, I'd never made the connection, not even when Jude told me he was a quarter Native American. Like Jason. I was such an idiot. How had I trusted him?

  Lilith and I were sitting in the back of the minivan. We were still tied up. We were parked on the side of a country road. The back hatch of the minivan was open, and Jude, Noah, and Gordon were peering in at us. Well, Noah and Gordon were looking at us. Jude was pacing back and forth behind the open hatch, swearing and running his hands through his hair. Noah and Gordon had long since given up trying to calm him down.

  "Maybe we could go to a hotel," said Noah thoughtfully, gazing at Lilith and me.

  "How are we going to get the two tied-up girls inside without attracting attention?" Gordon asked.

  "Good point," said Noah.

  "You should just let us go," I said. "You know that Jason isn't going to give up trying to find me. And it's a lost cause to try to get me to kill him. I never will."

  "If we wanted your input, Zaza, we'd ask for it," said Noah.

  "Well, at least let Lilith go," I said. "She doesn't have anything to do with this."

  "Are you kidding?" asked Gordon. "She knows who Noah and I are. She'd run to the police right away."

  "I wouldn't," said Lilith.

  I glared at Lilith. For some reason, it pissed me off that she was so eager to say she wouldn't try to save us if they let her go. "When Jason finds you, the police are going to be the least of your problems," I said.

  Noah rolled his eyes. "The way I figure it, this Jason guy cannot be as big of a deal as you say he is."

  "I don't know, Noah," said Gordon. "He did bust Azazel out of Bramford in front of the entire coven. He shot two of the members in the leg, including a police officer."

  Jude abruptly stopped pacing. He turned to us, his dark eyes intense. "I've got to go there," he said.

  "Go where?" asked Noah.

  "To my house," said Jude. "Jason might still be there, waiting with Mom. Maybe I could stop him, somehow. Save my mother."

  "You just said that Jason was a total badass and that we'd never stand a chance against him," said Noah.

  "I'd have the element of surprise," said Jude.

  "Wouldn't matter," I said. "Jason doesn't get surprised easily."

  "Shut up, Azazel," said Jude.

  I looked from Jude to Lilith. "I sure have some taste in best friends, don't I?" I muttered.

  "Shut up, Azazel," said Gordon.

  "I'm game," said Noah. "It beats sitting around here. Let's go."

  "Not all of us," said Jude. "Just me. If Jason sees Azazel, he'd probably just shoot us all and take her. No, we can't risk getting Azazel captured by Jason."

  "Let's get this straight," I said. "If Jason does get me, he'll be rescuing me, not capturing me."

  Gordon looked at Jude. "Can't you drug her again?" he asked.

  I knew I'd been drugged! "Did you drug me that night on the beach, too, Jude?" I demanded.

  Jude ignored me. "I have to go," he said. "She's my mother."

  "What could Jason possibly do to her?" Gordon said.

  "I told you, she hates him, and he hates her," said Jude.

  "She's his mother," said Noah. "He's got to feel something for her, doesn't he?"

  "She didn't raise him," said Jude.

  "But she's his blood," said Gordon. "That's an important tie. If I ever met my biological parents, I would—"

  "God, Gordon, not that again," said Noah. "Listen, Jude, why don't you and I both go? Gordon can stay here with the girls."

  "If something happens to me, you two can go on without me," said Jude. "But we can't risk you too, Noah. I have to go alone."

  "So how old are you, really, Jude?" I asked. "You can't be my age, like you said, can you? Are you and Jason twins?"

  "Of course not!" Jude roared. "Don't ever even suggest that again."

  "I don't see why you have to go alone," said Noah. "Wouldn't you be safer with me along?"

  "So, then, you've got to be at least a year younger than us," I said. "Is Edgar Weem your dad too?"

  "I'm going alone," said Jude. He turned to me. "Azazel, I don't have time for your questions right now. Let's just hope your boyfriend hasn't done anything to my mother that he's going to regret."

  "How are you going to get there?" Noah asked.

  "I'm taking the van," said Jude.

  "So where are we going to be?" said Gordon.

  "Here," said Jude.

  "What if someone sees the girls?" said Gordon.

  "Hide them," said Jude.

  "Jude, I don't think this is a good plan," said Gordon.

  "Me either," I said.

  Gordon, Jude, and Noah all glared at me.

  * * *

  Jude was gone for a long time. When he returned, it was dark outside. Lilith and I were cold, huddled against a tree, still tied up. Gordon and Noah had led us away from the road, so that we were out of sight in case a car came by. Not many cars had come by, though. It had been an uneventful hour or two. Gordon and Noah didn't say much. Lilith was quiet too, but she had a look of wild terror in her eyes. I felt very, very calm. I wasn't worried at all.

  I thoug
ht that was strange. I examined my lack of fear the way a scientist might examine a specimen. I felt detached from myself. I didn't know whether or not I should feel afraid. I just knew that feeling afraid wouldn't really do much of anything for me right now. Feeling afraid would keep me from thinking rationally. It would make me more likely to make a mistake, should an opportunity arise to escape. Hell, it would make it more likely that I didn't notice the opportunity arising. Overall, it made more sense to remain calm. Not to be afraid. So, I wasn't.

  But I remembered the way I'd felt, just months ago, when Jason and I had been on the run from the Sons. I'd been in constant fear. Terror had gripped me and hadn't let go the entire time. I wasn't afraid anymore, however. Maybe I was desensitized to it. I realized that I hadn't felt that kind of crippling fear in a long time. I hadn't felt it when I'd been grabbed in the parking lot outside of the gun range. I'd been frightened when Mr. Sutherland was trying to rape and kill me, but I hadn't been immobilized. I'd been able to act. To save myself. What had changed?

  I remembered that Mr. Sutherland had said, "Maybe you are imbued with the spirit of a demon," as I'd been running away from him. And I supposed that Jude or Noah or Gordon had completed the ritual. Was I . . .

  But that was stupid.

  I didn't believe in Azazel. I didn't believe that I'd been filled with his essence. No. I was just more sure of myself now. Back then, I hadn't been able to take care of myself. Now, I was stronger. I was capable.

  And I couldn't imagine Noah and Gordon really hurting me. Not really.

  Of course, I'd trusted my parents implicitly, and they'd set me up to be raped by Toby. Clearly, I didn't pick the best people to trust. I was constantly being betrayed by those I cared about the most and was closest to. I had to admit that I couldn't be sure exactly what Gordon and Noah were planning to do to me. And I couldn't be sure what they'd carry out, given the chance.

  Now, they stood over Lilith and me, glaring down at us in the darkness, keeping watch to make sure that we wouldn't leave. Compared to the temperatures I was used to in Bradenton, the early spring Georgia air felt downright frigid. I shivered in my short-sleeved shirt.

  I was glad when Jude reappeared with the van. He looked dejected and angry, however. He told Gordon and Noah that neither Jason nor Michaela had been there when he arrived. Instead, there had been a note from Jason, telling Jude that he'd meet him at the house the following afternoon. Jude was to bring me. They would trade. If Jude didn't show up, or didn't bring me, the note said, then Jason would hurt Michaela.

  I shivered again when I heard that, not from the cold, but because I didn't like the idea of Jason using his mother's well-being as a bargaining chip for my safety. I didn't think he'd really hurt Michaela. Jason often relied on other people's impression of him as a dangerous guy. He used it as leverage to get what he wanted. When we were escaping from Bradenton, for instance, he'd put a gun to my head. He had no intention of shooting me, but he knew that my father wouldn't stand by and watch me get shot. So, he used that knowledge to get what he wanted. Jason was threatening Jude in the same way.

  But it was different, because Jude was Jason's brother. Somehow, it just rubbed me the wrong way. I was relieved, however, because I thought that it meant Lilith and I would be released tomorrow. Jude wouldn't let anything happen to his mother.

  But Jude didn't want to trade. He said that he wouldn't give in to Jason's demands, ever. It was too important that Jason be destroyed. Gordon and Noah seemed to agree. I was disappointed.

  They decided they couldn't go back to Michaela's house if Jason had it under surveillance. They didn't want to take the chance that he'd sneak in and get me out.

  They led Lilith and I back to the van, stuffed us in the back, and we drove for about twenty minutes. When they took us out of the van, we were parked outside an old house. It was dark and difficult to see, but the house looked like a rundown, white farmhouse. The wood siding was losing its paint. The windows were shattered, or missing completely. Vines grew up the sides of the walls. A sapling was breaking through the creaking wood of its porch. There was nothing around, except woods. We were all alone out here.

  I had to hand it to Jude. This was the perfect place to hide us. Jason would never know to look for us here. And there was nowhere for me to escape to. It seemed hopeless. If Jude continued to be stubborn and called Jason's bluff, then Jason wouldn't have anything to bargain with.

  What was I going to do? I had to get away from these guys. And I wasn't alone. I had Lilith to worry about.

  Chapter Eleven

  To: Renegade Son

  From: Edgar Weem

  Subject: Calm down

  Hallam,

  We both know that it's too dangerous for me to speak to you on the phone. I thought we'd also agreed that it was in everyone's best interests to keep Jason's secrets and my secrets.

  Please don't threaten me, Hallam. You shouldn't labor under the delusion that you have power over me. You don't.

  I have people on the Jason and Azazel situation. I'm sure we'll be able to locate them soon.

  Edgar

  Lilith and I slept on the floor in a room in the abandoned house. We were still tied up. It was hard to get comfortable. Jude and my brothers only gave us one blanket, so we huddled against each other for warmth. They told us that one of them would be watching the door at all times. There didn't seem much hope of escape.

  I didn't feel much like snuggling against Lilith. Even though it had turned out that she wasn't working for the Satanists, I still couldn't bring myself to actually like her. I knew that I should feel bad for getting her into this situation. But mostly I just felt annoyed. It would be much easier for me to try to escape if I didn't have to worry about Lilith.

  It was cold though, so I got close to her for body warmth. We lay in the dark, listening to the sounds of insects in the woods surrounding the abandoned house.

  "Azazel," whispered Lilith.

  "What?" I said.

  "Do you think that they're going to make me go back to Bramford?"

  Of course she was only worried about herself. What about Jason? What about me? "I'm going to get us out of this," I said.

  "How?" she said.

  "I don't know yet," I told her. "But I will. I promise you. And after that . . ." After that, I wanted her to go away, and I never wanted to see her again.

  "It's okay," she said. "I know I haven't been the greatest best friend to you."

  That was an understatement. I kept my mouth shut.

  "I'm sorry," she said. "It's just that girls like you get everything. You're all sweet and naïve, and guys just eat that shit up. They fall in love with girls like you. And just because I'm not like that. Well, no one's ever going to fall in love with me, Zaza. I know it was wrong, but I—I couldn't handle it. I wanted to . . . ruin it, somehow. Like if I couldn't have it, I didn't want you to have it, either."

  That was the most twisted thing I'd ever heard. "Lilith," I said, "you're the kind of girl that guys want. They want someone experienced, with big boobs and curves."

  "No," she said. "They don't. They might want to have sex with me, but they don't really want someone like me. They want someone like you. No one wants me."

  Poor Lilith. I rolled my eyes in the darkness. "I'm sure that someday you'll find someone," I said. "We're only seventeen. We've got time."

  Lilith shivered under the covers. "I don't think so," she said. "In Bramford, I met Michaela Weem once. She came to visit after your parents died. She looked into my eyes, and she said that I would never be loved. Not even once before I died."

  "Forget Michaela Weem," I said. "Seriously, Lilith. You can't believe that."

  When the sun came up, it poured in through the windows, waking me up. Lilith was still asleep next to me. I lay on my back for a few minutes, surveying my surroundings. The room we were in was devoid of decoration or furniture, except for some peeling wallpaper on the walls. The floor was hardwood, splintering and warped in plac
es. Two unadorned large windows blazed sunlight into the space.

  Windows!

  Why hadn't I thought of this last night?

  Probably because it had been too dark to even see that the windows existed. Carefully, I wriggled out from under the blanket. Next to me, Lilith made a noise in her sleep but didn't wake up. It wasn't easy getting to my feet while my hands were tied behind my back, but I finally managed it, scooting to the wall and using it for support. Once standing, I walked over to one of the windows. The glass in it rippled a little. It was clearly old glass, which was probably a bad sign. It looked strong.