Alma Mater

by Rita Mae Brown

  "Hey, you can't live for them. They made their choices. And your parents won't die. I don't think they'll reward you for it. Yeah, I suppose marrying Charly could save Surry Crossing." She paused. "But you can save your home place without him. I don't know how, but there's got to be a way. This isn't about Surry Crossing. It's about you. Can you live a lie?"

  "Loving Charly is hardly a lie." Vic raised her voice.

  "You know what I mean."

  "Maybe it's just about fucking."

  "No"

  Vic dropped back against the chair, a cozy wingback. "Guess not. Well, why can't I have both? Other people do it."

  "Name one."

  "I read about these things. Why can't I have two lovers for as long as I like?"

  "Maybe you can and then again maybe you'll lose them both." "Everything's a risk." She paused. "Why can't I take them both to bed, the three of us. Who's to know?"

  Jinx sat straight up. "Now, there's an idea! Think you could talk them into it?"

  Vic shrugged. "I was joking."

  "I do wonder sometimes why it's two by two. Maybe it's hard enough to deal with one person plus the kids. Add another one, and it's impossible. Under the same roof, I mean. God knows people have affairs all the time. Maybe they have to do it, get the energy to go home. I feel like I'll never find out. I'm going to be single."

  "Jinx, that's bullshit."

  "Victoria, you are completely ravishing. You can have who you want when you want them. I am most emphatically not ravishing. And I need to lose ten pounds."

  "You're beautiful to me. You're beautiful to anyone who takes the time to get to know you. If you want to lose the ten pounds, you will. I'm sick of hearing about the ten pounds."

  "'Get to know you' is the key phrase. Men don't want to get to know you. They make up their minds in one look whether or not they'll even bother. It's all about sex."

  "No, it isn't. Some guys are smarter than that. Sure., they look and some women look better than others on the outside. But I know there are guys who can see you like I see you. And think of it this way: You've already weeded out the superficial jerks."

  "Chris is great looking. Would you be as hot for her if she were, say, ten pounds overweight?"

  "I don't know."

  "See? You're as superficial as the guys," Jinx teased her.

  "How would I know? I never looked at women before!"

  "Now you will. You'll walk across that campus and think about

  who's fuckable and who's not. You will. You'll watch women's breasts sway, and then you'll look at the ones with the light round asses and—" "Jinx, maybe you're the one who's gay."

  "1 really don't think I am, but I can imagine."

  "Breasts are a good thing. Trust me. A really good thing." Vic grinned. "I think I'm demented. I've turned into a sex maniac. Overnight. I can't stop thinking about it."

  "I'm not even getting any, and I can't stop thinking about it." "It's kind of exhausting."

  "Vic, are you going to spend all your time with Chris?"

  "Huh?" Vic was still thinking about being exhausted.

  "Is a female lover, wait, let me rephrase that, is Chris your new best friend?"

  "No. Why are you asking me that?"

  "Because—" Jinx's voice trailed off.

  "You're my best friend. You'll always be my best friend."

  V

  ic couldn't blame Jinx for it, but she did look at every woman she passed. She noticed their breasts, their waists, whether they were fit or flabby, the way their hair complemented their

  faces or didn't.

  She had called Chris when she woke up in the morning. She remembered that Chris had an eight-o'clock class. She told her she'd see her after classes.

  Then she called Charly. He told her he loved her and couldn't live without her, and could he see her after class? With a pang, she said she couldn't today but she'd see him tomorrow after training table.

  Nothing said in her classes penetrated her skull. She bought sandwiches and a bunch of asters in a blue vase on the way home. She still had no furniture except a kitchen table, four chairs, and a bed, but the flowers decorated the center of the table. She set two places, and time crawled until she heard Chris's footsteps in the stairwell.

  Carrying a huge bouquet of roses, Chris handed them to Vic. "A rose by any other name." She kissed her on the cheek.

  "These are beautiful. We had the same idea, only yours was better." Vic didn't have another vase, but she did have a coffee can. She put the grounds in a Ziploc bag, washed the can and added water, and put the roses in it.

  "They'll tip over." Chris laughed. "Either let me go home and get a vase or let me trim off the ends."

  "No, don't go." Vic reached for her wrist.

  "All right. Give me a pair of scissors," Chris requested.

  Vic rooted around the catch-all drawer, filled with string, rubber bands, pencils, and coupons. "Here."

  Vic watched Chris, the motion of her hands as she clipped off the end of each stem, cutting on an angle under running water.

  "Are you hungry?"

  Chris shook her head. "Not very."

  "When you are, I have sandwiches in the fridge. Give me credit. I actually thought about food."

  "What'd you do yesterday? I missed you." Chris caught her breath, a quick intake. "Thank you for calling me. I was afraid it was a wham, barn, thank you, ma'am,"

  Vic put her hands on Chris's waist as Chris stood over the sink. She kissed the nape of her neck. "No way, ma'am."

  "That gives me chills." Chris hunched her shoulders.

  "Me, too." Vic nuzzled her.

  "Yesterday?"

  "Drove home. Aunt Bunny bought serious new binoculars. Mom says hello. I left before Mignon came home from school."

  "It's great that you love your family so much."

  "Oh, sometimes they get on my nerves, but I do love them." She released Chris's waist, leaning against the counter, her elbows behind her so she could see Chris's face. "Actually, I wanted to talk to Mom again about my leaving school, but Aunt Bunny was there."

  "Leaving school?" Chris face whitened.

  "1 wouldn't be far."

  "You can't leave me. I just found you."

  "I wouldn't be leaving you. I'd be leaving school. I need a job. Money."

  "Is it that bad?"

  "It's not good." Vic smiled faintly.

  "It never hurts to have a degree," Chris said sensibly.

  "I guess." Vic smelled the fragrance of the roses, an electric pink.

  "And I really do love William and Mary. I wouldn't mind a framed diploma from the same college that educated Thomas Jefferson."

  Chris put the roses on the table. "Why don't I take these asters back to the bedroom?"

  "Sure." Vic followed her.

  Chris placed the asters in the blue vase in the middle of the dresser. When she turned, Vic put her hands on her shoulders, leaned down, and kissed her.

  Chris wrapped her arms around Vic's waist. Within minutes they were out of their clothes and in bed. They couldn't get enough of each other. By twilight, hunger took over and they walked out to the kitchen for sandwiches. Chris wore Vic's robe. Vic wore a towel around her waist.

  After they ate they went back to bed, leaning against the pillows, against one another, watching the stars emerge as the last of the long September twilight faded.

  "Chris, have you made love to women before?"

  "Would it make any difference?"

  "Meaning, would I be jealous or feel like a number? I don't think so, but I just wondered."

  "In high school. I had a girlfriend, and we fooled around. But we fooled around with our boyfriends, too. I didn't exactly think of it like being gay, you know?" Chris leaned her head on Vic's breasts, as she lay with her back between Vic's legs. "Have you?"

  "No. I never even thought of it."

  "Funny."

  "Why?"

  "Because when I met you I thought you were gay. I thought you
were the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen and I was thrilled you were gay."

  "Is that supposed to be a compliment?"

  Chris's laughter was light and rolling. "I don't mean you were like some dyke, but, you know, you're all muscle and you're tall and, I don't know, so independent or something. This is probably the wrong time to say this, but I fell in love at first sight."

  Vic blurted out, "I did, too."

  As they lay in silence, a cat meowed nearby.

  Chris said, "I'm surprised you don't have a cat or dog."

  "Piper. I want a cat, but not until I'm out of school. I hate making an animal stay at home alone." She put her hands under Chris's shoulders, lifting her up. "One sec." She wriggled out from under her and then sat facing her. "I missed your face. If I worked and lived at home for a while to save money, that cat wouldn't be lonesome."

  "Could you live at Surry Crossing?"

  "I was thinking maybe Mom and Dad could deed me a little land. Eventually I could build a small house. But I know what Mother would say: That's silly. I rattle around in this gargantuan house. In the old days, fourteen and twenty people would live in a house like this, plus the servants.' " Vic expertly imitated her mother.

  "Your mother is the second most beautiful woman I have ever seen."

  "Will I ever meet your mother?"

  "Vic, I suppose you will but—" Chris paused. "I can't keep my hands off you. The sight of you makes my stomach drop to my toes. I feel Iike every bad love song I've ever heard. If I took you home, my mother would know about us in a minute. She would not be pleased."

  "You're expected to marry well?"

  "Isn't every woman?"

  Vic, silent a moment, finally asked, "Do you know what you want to do with your life?"

  Chris draped her leg over Vic's. "In a way, I do and in a way, I don't. I don't want to be poor. My parents spoiled me that way, I guess, but I want money. Enough to do what I want. I don't have to be the richest person, but I want to fly to London, then—" She made a flying motion with her hands. "I don't mind working. In fact, I like being occupied. I don't think I could marry a rich man and be a volunteer lady. If I teach, I get my summers off. I like that idea. That's about as much of a plan as I have."

  "Well, you've got more of a plan than I do."

  "I wouldn't mind teaching at the college level. I don't have an aptitude for business or science. That doesn't leave much. But I do not want to be bored!" Chris said emphatically.

  "I don't either, but if I have to be a little bored to learn what I need

  to know, I suppose it's not so bad. Like working for Uncle Don this summer. I did everything. I washed and waxed cars. I changed tires. I manned the reception console, as he calls it, when Hojo was off doing whatever. I worked on the roof when flashing had to be replaced. I liked that every day wasn't alike, and I especially liked that I could be outside. At first Uncle Don was going to stick me with girl stuff. I pitched a fit—a nice fit. So he called me his rover. I learned a lot."

  "Like what?"

  "The public is demanding. You smile at the assholes same as at the nice people. It's their money. If they spend it in your place, they have a right to expect a good product and good service. Uncle Don taught me that. Aunt Bunny, who is smart, taught me to think ahead and to scope the competition. So I'd cruise around other car lots. How did they display their cars? What were their service hours? It sounds dumb, but I really liked it. Mostly, I liked being outside."

  "I don't think farmers make money," Chris teased her.

  "Yeah, I've even thought about working for the government in the forestry service or something." She smiled. "I could be a fishing guide. I know the river." Vic sat upright. "You don't know. Stranger things have happened." Then she lapsed back on the pillow.

  "Marriage?"

  "They all expect me to marry Charly."

  "And?"

  "I expected to marry Charly—until now."

  Chris, more tense than she realized, relaxed. "Oh."

  "What about you?"

  Chris shook her head. "No. I don't think I could do it. On the other hand, I don't want to get the shit kicked out of me for being queer."

  Vic fell silent and then spoke again, "Are we lesbians?"

  Chris laughed. "We sure are when we're together." She leaned forward on her hands and knees and kissed Vic. She kissed her breasts, running her tongue around the circumference. Then she moved down her stomach.

  "What you do to me." Vic ran her fingers through Chris's blonde hair. "Lie there and let me worship you."

  Vic had an orgasm, wondering if a person could die coming.

  Then Chris slid back up, resting her head under Vic's chin. "Proof." "What?"

  "Lesbian proof."

  Vic kissed her hair as Chris settled into a more comfortable position. "Maybe I'm not gay. It's just—you. What you do to me."

  "Does it matter?"

  "No." Vic breathed in deeply. "I don't think I'll be one of those people who can live in a closet."

  "Don't worry about that right this minute. We can worry about that later."

  A brilliant sliver of crescent moon climbed in the sky.

  Vic watched the pines sway. "I'm not worried, exactly. I just don't want to blurt it out. I guess I'll have to weigh my words for a while."

  "Me, too." Chris closed her eyes and then opened them, abruptly changing the subject. "Did you hear about what happened at Alpha Tau?"

  "No."

  "They were hazing pledges, and one guy drank so much he fell out of a second-story window. Broke his legs, broke his ribs, broke things I don't remember. It wasn't in today's paper, but you know it will get in soon enough. The administration won't be able to keep a lid on it."

  "That's pretty awful. I hadn't heard about it."

  "Can you imagine getting that shitfaced?" Chris wondered. "No," Vic replied, hearing a bird twitter outside.

  "There will be the usual denouncements when it gets in the news, you know, the young are a disgrace," Chris said.

  "Mmm."

  "I think old people are angry at us because they're old and we're not. It's not our fault."

  "I never thought about it."

  Chris snuggled against Vic. "Let's live forever."

  "It's a deal." Vic kissed her.

  A

  t six-thirty Vic and Chris drank coffee while the pale early-morning light flooded through Vic's windows. The major decision of the moment was whether to make waffles or eggs. After

  rummaging through Vic's sparse pantry, Chris swore she could do either. Vic's robe, tied loosely around Chris's slender waist, hung open to reveal her breasts. Vic wore jeans and an undershirt, which made her even more tantalizing to Chris as the opaque white of the T-shirt both revealed and concealed her body.

  Footsteps and a knock on the door surprised them both. "Who's there?" Vic called.

  "Prince Charming," Charly answered.

  Vic opened the door and he stepped in, picking her up and kissing her. Then he saw Chris. He put Vic down,

  "Chris Carter, Charly Harrison. Charly, Chris."

  He walked over and shook her hand. "Pleased to meet you." "Coffee?" Vic offered.

  "No, thanks, I can't stay. Could I borrow your car? I promise if anything happens to it, I will fix it. I need to see Dad."

  "Sure. Excuse me a second, and I'll grab the keys." She walked back into the bedroom thinking to herself, Thank God I had clothes on.

  "Vic's starting a new trend in interior design, the barracks look," Charly joked with Chris. It didn't dawn on him that Chris was in Vic's

  robe since he'd never seen the robe. But even if he had, he would have assumed they were girlfriends sharing clothes. Women were close in a way that men were not.

  Vic returned and handed him the keys. "Take care of my baby." He kissed her on the cheek. "Hey, you're my baby." He winked at Chris and sailed out the door. "Bye. Nice to meet you."

  "Bye," Vic called after him. "He cracks me up," she said as she closed
the door.