Alma Mater

by Rita Mae Brown

  "My love didn't fly out the window."

  "You're the exception that proves the rule. But for most people, money and love are intertwined. That's all." She paused. "But Vic and Charly are cute together. They just kind of fit."

  "Seems like it."

  "His family will set him up, you know."

  "I hope so."

  "It'll be less of a burden for you."

  "Vic's not a burden."

  "I didn't mean that. You know what I meant."

  "I'd be a liar if I said I didn't wish for some help. Or at least, freedom from worry." R. J. stopped as they emerged from the woods, the late afternoon sun bright on the small, old peach orchard.

  "Mom's peaches. Still producing," Bunny said in wonder.

  "Got a lot up, too. The scarlet tanagers and orioles love what's left. Fruit trees just fascinate me."

  "Lot of work."

  "Bunny, everything's a lot of work."

  "I suppose that's why it's important to do work you like."

  They heard a horn toot in the distance, and Piper started barking.

  "Bet the girls are back from college." R. J. quickened her step. "Vic said she'd drop off Jinx." R. J. smiled radiantly. "This is going to be a sumptuous Thanksgiving. I have so much to be thankful for."

  "Let's start with good health. God, I sound like an old fart, and it used to drive me crazy when Mother would say that, but it's true." They stepped over the fallen peaches.

  "It must be fun for Vic to have a close friend her own age," R. J.

  thought aloud. "Mignon's so much younger. That always worried me. It was like having two kids who were not exactly sisters. Vic and Jinx were more like sisters than Vic and Mignon. Now she and Chris are like two peas in a pod. But 1 must say, Mignon has grown up so much in the last few months."

  "You're a good mother, R. J.," Bunny said.

  R. J. beamed. "Thanks, Bun."

  "1 envy you, and then sometimes I think, would I have wanted to get up three times during the night with an infant, and the measles, whooping cough, and mumps? And the back talk. 1 don't know if 1 could have done it."

  "You could have. Are you kidding? Our mother raised us right."

  They both laughed as they crested the last small rise before the house came into view. Then, like two college kids themselves, they raced back to the house, Bunny holding on to her binoculars.

  Vic and Chris, petting an exuberant Piper, saw them running toward them.

  "Girls, we're home!" R. J. laughed as she ran ahead, looking back over her shoulder.

  "I'd win if I didn't have these binoculars!"

  "The Bunny lavaliere," R. J. called as she reached her eldest daughter, giving her a bear hug. Then she gave one to Chris as well.

  Bunny, a little out'of breath, followed suit. "Happy Thanksgiving!"

  T

  here are times in life that are so radiant, so perfect, that they stay etched in the mind forever. We smile in remembrance, knowing that we can never fathom exactly why they were so

  great; they just were.

  This Thanksgiving holiday at Surry Crossing was like that. R. J., Bunny, Vic, Mignon, and Chris laughed in the kitchen, at the table. Frank carved the turkey with coaching from Don. Jinx escaped her mother to join the Savedges. The Wallaces came over, providing their usual unrehearsed entertainment. Piper ate all the turkey scraps she could hold.

  Everyone piled into three cars to go to the football game. At the old, brick stadium, the cool air accentuated the excitement. Cheerleaders worked the crowed into a frenzy, holding green-andyellow pompons high in the air. The tribe fans waved pennants, their own pompons. Some wore green-and-yellow baseball hats, others wore green-and-yellow face paint. Bunny kept lending her binoculars to everyone until the last quarter. She couldn't bear to part with them then.

  Charly scored the last touchdown. The stadium became a sea of green-and-yellow pompons; the screaming shook the foundations.

  After the game, the Savedge party waited outside the locker room along with Charly's mother and father. He emerged to another chorus

  of triumph. He kissed his mother first, then Vic, then Mignon, then Bunny, and finally Chris. He hugged his father and shook hands with Frank and Don. He was leaving with his mother and father since they had yet to have their Thanksgiving dinner.

  A glow of anticipation surrounded them all. Bunny couldn't stop smiling. The Harrisons fussed over Vic. Everyone knew, unspoken though it was, that Charly would soon be popping the question.

  The only one not caught up in the anticipation was Vic. Even Chris anticipated it—although with dread. What if Vic changed her mind?

  That night after everyone was asleep, Vic and Chris lay wrapped in one another's arms. A small pile of answered notes from Mignon rested on the nightstand.

  "Vic, are you sure you can say no?"

  "Hmm?" Vic nuzzled Chris's neck.

  "It's going to be hard to refuse Charly's proposal when it comes."

  "No, it won't. It will be hard to hurt him, but I can't lie. I can't do that."

  "You sound so sure."

  "Chris, don't worry. I can handle it. I'm not looking forward to it, but I'm not going to chicken out. I love you."

  Somewhat relieved, Chris kissed Vic's cheek. "You know, I never thought about living my life with a woman. I kind of don't know what to expect. I mean, I know people will be upset, but knowing it and feeling it are two different things." She paused. "I guess we'll find out who our friends are."

  "Being gay is a blessing. You weed out the trash early." Vic kissed her again. "I'm going to sleep. I'll wake up at five-thirty and go back to my room."

  "I don't know how you can do that."

  "Simple. The last thing you tell yourself before falling asleep is when you're going to wake up and then you do."

  And she did. Chris was sound asleep as Vic tiptoed out of the room the next morning. She noticed another note had been slipped

  under the door and was about to ignore it, when she saw in the dim light that her own name was on the outside of it.

  She picked it up, putting it in her robe pocket. When she reached her room she clicked on the night light.

  The note read: I know you're in there.

  A

  strong hand clasped Mignon's shoulder as she opened the door to the hallway at seven-thirty that morning. "Come on. We're taking a walk," Vic commanded. "Where?" Mignon apprehensively tried to wriggle away from her sister.

  "Down to the mailbox and back or maybe we'll keep going to Richmond."

  "Bet it's cold outside."

  "That's what coats are for." Vic propelled her to the foot of the stairs, along the wide center hall, to the back room off the kitchen. She flipped a coat at Mignon and then grabbed one for herself.

  Once out the door, Piper tagging along through the light mist, Mignon complained, "We can't be late for breakfast. Mom'll have a fit.

  "She'll get over it. All right, Mignon, what's the deal?"

  "What deal?"

  Vic handed her the note. "Start here."

  Shells crunching underfoot, Mignon glanced at the note and then shoved it in her plaid-lined barn jacket. "Nothing."

  "You can do better than that."

  "I don't care what you do."

  AI.MAMATER169

  "Oh, yes, you do, or you wouldn't have shoved the note under the door, Mignon. Let's just get it out and get it over with. Tell me what you're thinking."

  A startled quail flew out of a hedge, a few throaty notes signifying its discomfort.

  Mignon kicked a small stone with the tip of her shoe. "I don't think you and Chris are discussing astrophysics."

  "Three points. Shoot again."

  "Well . . I don't care." She shrugged insouciantly. "I don't care what you do."

  "Look, you want to know what I'm doing, you want to know why I'm doing it. You're the typical brat, worm, crud, nosy little sister." This was said with good humor.

  "Want to hear what you are?"

&n
bsp; "Queer. Is that what you're going to say? Go right ahead."

  A hurt look crossed Mignon's face. "No, I wasn't going to say that. I would never say that. I don't care if you're queer. I mean that's not such a nice word, is it?"

  "I don't know. I've never much thought about the words." "Are you?"

  "Queer?"

  "Yeah."

  "Always?"

  "I don't know. I don't think so."

  "Like, no kissing girls in high school?" Mignon hunched up her shoulders, a funny, elfin gesture.

  "God, no." Vic laughed.

  "So." Mignon breathed in the damp cool air, cool to the bone. "What happened?"

  Vic slipped her arm through her sister's. "Don't know. I just looked at Chris one day, the sun fell like powdered gold on her, and I felt my heart thump. I couldn't exactly catch my breath and I—" She paused. "—I knew I loved her. And I lusted after her. I can't give you reasons. I don't have any. I just have feelings."

  "Think that will happen to me?"

  "Oh, Mignon, always back to you." Vic lowered her voice in mock frustration.

  "I don't mean it like that. And anyway, what do you expect? I mean, were you just thinking about everyone else when you were fifteen? I bet you sat around and thought only about yourself. You just didn't say it. At least, 1 say it. But that's not what 1 meant"

  "What do you mean then?"

  "Will I fall in love like that some day?"

  "How would I know?"

  "You're my older sister. You're supposed to know everything. You're supposed to go first. That's the deal." Vic smiled as Mignon continued. "How do people fall in love? A brick hits you in the head? Your brains fall into your pants? What?"

  "It's different for different people. I guess for me it was kind of love at first sight, but I didn't know it. For someone else, the person grows on them. Takes time. For other people, they start out just hating each other. That's what Aunt Bunny says. She thought Uncle Don was as attractive as dog breath. Sony, Piper."

  The golden retriever wagged her tail. No insult taken.

  "They fought and insulted one another, and hey, somewhere along the way, I guess he started to look good to her. Who knows how it will happen to you?"

  "If you're gay, maybe I'll be like that, too. Like maybe there's a gene or something. I could inherit it."

  "You're so full of it. Jesus H. Christ on a raft. You are what you are. Whatever .1 am has nothing to do with you."

  "Well, you didn't think you were gay when you were my age."

  "I didn't think about anything except lacrosse and field hockey when I was your age, Mignon. I just wanted to play sports and pull my grades. We're very different."

  "But how do you know?"

  "You know when you need to know—about everything, not just being gay or falling in love. When you need to know something in life, it comes to you or you learn it or someone shows up and teaches you. That's as near as I can figure."

  "I love you. You're my sister. I'd have to love you even if I didn't love you, but I don't want to be gay."

  "You're not." Vic breathed in and then said, "I love you. I don't always know why. Seven years' difference is a lot. When we get older, it won't be such a gap, but when I was fourteen, you were seven and you were the biggest pest. I don't know why Mom and Dad waited so long to have you."

  "I wasn't planned."

  "But you know they wanted you more than anything."

  "Now you can't have kids." Mignon thought about this as they reached the mailbox. She reached in and took out the Richmond Times-Dispatch.

  "You're way ahead of me. I haven't thought that far."

  "Vic, what about Charly?"

  "1 don't know." Vic draped her arm over the mailbox. "I have to do something. I have to do the right thing, but Jesus, I dread it." She looked straight at Mignon. "Are you going to run blabbing to Mom?"

  "No," Mignon replied crossly, her voice rising.

  "Guess that wasn't very fair of me. I'm sorry. I've got a lot to figure

  out.

  They started back up the long drive.

  "Couldn't you keep going out with Charly until I get big enough so that he might look at me? He is so totally cool."

  Vic laughed. "No, I can't do that."

  "But maybe if you kept going out with him you'd change your mind. You'd get tired of Chris."

  "I'm not going to get tired of Chris, and even if I did, how do you know I wouldn't go out with another woman? Mignon, I'm not a faucet. I can't turn on and off."

  "Yeah, but you went all this time without being gay."

  "I can't explain it, but I swear to you, Mignon, it just is. It just is—like this mist burning off the river. It just is. I can't go back. I can't."

  Mignon emitted a long, deep sigh. "It's going to be weird. Having a gay sister."

  "Oh, just call me Twisted Sister. Sounds better than Queer Sister. And what? You're the only person in the world with a lesbian for a sister? Poor you."

  "I don't care. I just said it will be weird. I'll get used to it." "That's big of you."

  "1 have a generous disposition."

  "Now are you going to act bizarre around Chris?"

  "Nah. I'll try not to think of you kissing her."

  "Mignon, you kill me. You really do. I'll try not to think of you kissing Buzz Schonfeld."

  "I would never! Oh, how can you even say that?"

  Vic whistled a few bars from "Dixie," which was another way of saying, Bullshit.

  "Hey, it's Marjorie Solomon who wants to kiss him, not me. Oh, man." Mignon stopped for a moment. "She will make my life hell when she finds out I have a gay sister. Shit. Vic, don't come out until I graduate from high school."

  "I doubt I will be the burning topic of the day at Surry High." "No, but I will."

  "That's right. I forgot. You're the most popular girl in the school." "Asshole."

  "Be more original."

  "Dyke."

  "That's interesting."

  "Hey, it's not asshole."

  "You're right." Vic watched a patch of ground fog in a hollow begin to disperse. "Let me tell Mom when I'm ready."

  "Years."

  "Not years, but when I'm ready. The first thing I have to do is talk to Charly."

  "You fell out of love with him?"

  "No. I loved him, but I didn't know what this kind of feeling was. It's kind of hard to know something when everything and everyone around you keeps you on a different track. Does that make sense? I didn't know any different, Mignon. I didn't know squat."

  "So you are really and truly in love with Chris?"

  "Yes, I am."

  "Okay. What do you want me to do?"

  "Nothing. Keep on keeping on, and don't drop the judicious hint. I

  know how you are. You've got a secret. It will kill you not to tell it." "I might know more secrets than just yours," Mignon fired back. "More power to you."

  "Don't you want to try and get them out of me?"

  "No, I don't. Right now I'm overwhelmed with my own life. When I get through all this I will beg you to tell me."

  "You don't give me any credit."

  "I do. I'm sure you have secrets."

  "Not my secrets. Other people's secrets."

  "Fine. Mignon, I'm on overload. Christ, I found out I'm gay. Or at least I'm in love with a woman, so everyone is going to call me gay. I might as well get used to it. I have this wonderful guy who's in love with me. I have to break up with him even though I really care about him. I do. Mom and Dad assume I'm going to marry him after college. I'm not. I have to contend with them. Dad's run us flat out of money. I can't walk off and leave Mom. And I can't leave you. You're going to college even if I have to pay for it."

  Mignon leaned her shoulder next to Vic's for a few strides. "I do want to go to college."

  "Well, baby cakes, you've got to work next summer. I've got to work."