Addicted Like Me

by Karen Franklin

  You can monitor Internet use of your credit and debit cards and investigate packages addressed to your child that arrive in the mail. You can also monitor the types of websites that your child visits by using the history function of your web browser or a program that will do this for you invisibly. Thanks to the Internet, teens can exchange drug information with anyone around the world, so the drug scene today is constantly changing. Parents need to be constantly updating their knowledge of teen drug abuse and the new “now” drugs. Don’t feel uneasy with these tactics. Your child will be using a cell phone and the Internet to constantly learn better ways to deceive you.

  THE SCENE: Constant coming and going, isolation at home.

  WHAT’S STILL GOING ON: Home use.

  When I was using, I didn’t even want to come home for dinner, and when I was home I was sure to stay as far away from my mom as possible to avoid having to answer uncomfortable questions. Your teen will stay away from your house as much as possible while using because it is not connected to the party scene, dealers, or using friends. Eventually your child will come for something. When your child does come home, what has been going on will be obvious. If your kid comes in with friends and they are particularly ravenous or giggly, you should suspect that they have been smoking pot.

  Teens who are involved with drugs will probably be spending the majority of their time away from family and refuse to participate in family activities, so be aware when a desire for privacy develops into isolation. When I was grounded or stuck in the house, I found ways to get high while in the home. Many times I would say I was taking a shower, and I would take my pot into the bathroom. I would stuff a towel under the door and stand on the toilet to blow the smoke into the bathroom fan up in the ceiling. Then I would take my shower as normal, which would cover up the smell of the pot smoke. When I would get high in my room, I would also use empty toilet paper rolls and stuff them with dryer sheets and blow my pot smoke through the roll so that it came out covering up the smell. Another trick is the use of incense.

  CHAPTER 19

  ARE YOU AWARE OF THESE RESOURCES?

  THE TWELVE-STEP PROGRAM

  The history of the twelve steps is a fascinating story. Two desperate drunks who met in Akron, Ohio, founded Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), the first twelve-step program, back in 1935. One had been a Wall Street big shot and the other a surgeon. At the time there had been no known cure for their addiction, and most alcoholics ended up in jails, institutions, or morgues.

  Both men had tried many ways to stop drinking and had been hospitalized numerous times. They were both at a place where they felt they were beyond help. Then a miracle happened. In getting to know each other, they began to realize that by helping each other, they were both able to stay sober. The twelve steps were adopted, and within a few short years, there was a documented success rate of over 75 percent for the pioneer groups that sprang up around the country.

  The twelve steps were written from experience and not as a theory. A tradition was born within the “anonymous” twelve-step programs of using only first names. Bill W., one of the founders, said many times that nobody invented AA. Bill often revealed that everything in the program was borrowed from medicine, religion, and experience. The main thing about it was that it worked.

  THE TWELVE STEPS

  1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

  2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

  3. Made a decision to turn our wills and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

  4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

  5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

  6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

  7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

  8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

  9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

  10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

  11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all of our affairs.

  A SAMPLE RECOVERY MAP: LAUREN

  Bottoming out is crucial for addicts, because if they can function as normal people for years, addicts will see no reason to quit using the drugs or alcohol. I wasn’t ready to get sober until I found that my life had gotten bad enough to make the change. I entered the residential house at the twelve-step center due to the fact that my meth dealer went to prison and my mom would not allow me to stay in her home if I continued to use.

  There is no way to force a teenager into addiction treatment. Some parents actually hire third-party professionals called interventionists to come to their home and lead their family through the process. Sometimes the family doctor can help with a referral. Some families unite with their teens’ friends to intervene as a group. This was the case with me. Lindsey confronted her mom about my problem, which led to my mother confronting me. A group of people were worried I was going to die at the point when I hit my bottom.

  Once I finally entered the residential house, I was able to get away from all the people in my life that enabled my addictions. I was embarrassed at the fact that I was, once again, in another rehab; however, the residential house focused on teen drug abuse and knew how to give me, as a teen, the right tools to fight my kind of addiction. I abused multiple substances, while adults may be more singular in their focus. I didn’t discriminate against any drug. If I never used it, it was simply due to the fact that it never crossed my path.

  About ten days into my residential treatment, I made a decision to leave and experienced a relapse. This ended up being my moment of clarity, as I realized that I was standing directly at a fork in the road. I was finally involved with a treatment program that focused on teenage addiction, and I knew the program was giving me tools to start a new life. I was in intense group therapy six hours a day prior to my relapse. My knowledge of my using and myself had already begun to change by the time I ran away from the residential house. My head was filled with so much positive healing at that time, but it was in transition against my disease, which was grasping at anything it could to feed itself and stay alive.

  There is a saying, “A head full of program and a belly full of booze do not mix.” This is what happened to me during my relapse. It resulted in a bad high for me, and I ultimately made the decision at Steve’s house to leave and see the recovery process through because counselors were successfully rewiring my thinking. They had not only addressed my substance abuse but also helped me to navigate finding my own identity that I was neglecting while addicted to the drugs and alcohol. I began to find alternative methods of dealing with my negative thinking, my depression, and my mood swings.

  I had no effective problem-solving and social skills and needed to be taught to build my self-esteem when I began recovery at the twelve-step center. I didn’t trust anyone, and I had to start learning how to put trust in others once again. I was shown the tools and given the verbal skills of how to ask for help if I needed it, yet it was up to me to practice these tools regularly and consistently. I was never willing to do that before. I had to start to learn how to accept life on life’s terms and decide for myself where and when to apply the correct tools. Of course, once I graduated from the program, I was frightened. I had to find a new group of peers and a support system for myself. I knew that I could not give in to the misconception that I was now healed, because in recovery we believe that we are never fully recovered but are simply recovering.
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  Graduating from the program, I chose to follow up with twelve-step meetings that I continue with today. I have also continued with the sponsor I met in recovery. This support was essential to face a major trauma I had as a sober adult. I hit an all-time low in my life after my father shot and killed himself due to his own addictive relapse. This happened when I had five years sober, and I felt the anxious beast in me waiting to use that event as an opportunity to draw me into the family legacy I had chosen to break.

  It was the most horrendous situation that had ever happened in my life. I could have easily played up the victim role; however, I had been diligent at setting myself up with a tremendous support system through my sponsor, my meetings, and my peers. I threw myself into as many meetings as possible. For a good month, I constantly surrounded myself with loved ones and support from friends. I allowed myself to experience all the stages of grieving for my dad and allowed my emotions to be released through talking and writing about his suicide so that I did not repress my feelings.

  I guess I never thought my father would kill himself. A lot of things in life seem like an option, but that never seemed possible. I never thought I would have to deal with suicide ever in my lifetime, and yet after I had to deal with it, the tragedy did not become the thing worth giving up my sobriety for. I was determined not to let the impossible choice of my father ruin my life, and instead I kept it with me as a reminder that the disease of addiction is capable of killing loved ones.

  Since the tragedy of my father’s death, I have married the man of my dreams, and together we have two children. At times, I get to see glimpses of their grandfather in each of them. I credit a strength and a higher power I found through twelve-step for the ability to move through my pain when it rises and, instead of breaking, to continue on with my life. My father was not there that day to walk me down the aisle, but I know the spirit of my dad was with me and continues to be with me at all the great moments I will experience.

  My family has been ravaged by the disease of addiction, and I am unwilling to be a victim of it anymore. Most of my healing came to me through working the steps, which encouraged me to share my story, and in turn I got to help others that share the same history I have. From this I have been given more power to walk strong in my own life, to fight my own battles, because somewhere in every legacy of addiction, someone has to break the cycle. Why not me, and why not now?

  ONLINE EDUCATION

  DO IT NOW FOUNDATION, drug fast fact cards: www.doitnow.org/pages/fastfacts.html

  NATIONAL INSTITUTE ON DRUG ABUSE: www.nida.nih.gov

  PARENTS. THE ANTI-DRUG: www.theantidrug.com

  TWELVE STEP, ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS: www.aa.org

  THE NATIONAL CENTER ON ADDICTION AND SUBSTANCE

  ABUSE AT COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY: www.casacolumbia.org

  THE PARTNERSHIP FOR A DRUG-FREE AMERICA: www.drugfree.org

  TEEN DRUG ABUSE: www.teen-drug-abuse.org

  A current list of resources can be found on our website at www.addictedlikeme.com

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  WE WANT TO THANK our agent, Barbara Poelle, who enthusiastically believed in our work and never gave up when the going got tough. Also, thank you to our editor Katie Meier, who has helped us take our book from good to great.

  Much gratitude to Nancy Diluca, Sheri Greenawalt, and Tiffanie Burrey for their constant encouragement and to Susan Cox and Sue Swannack for their generous time and service.

  Thank you to Ryan, who graciously allowed his story to be a part of this book. Without you, this book wouldn’t be all that it is meant to be. Deepest gratitude to Papa, who has continuously been the rock of our family.

  We are sincerely grateful to our husbands, Bob Franklin and Mike King, for supporting us. We love you both.

  To Bob M. (you know who you are), who was key to our sobriety: Never forget all of the good that you have done. We also wish to thank all of the people in recovery that we have met along the way that have enriched our lives by unselfishly sharing their experience, strength, and hope.

  Finally, a word of deep love and appreciation to Rose Osburne, who told us years ago that this book was meant to be written and shared with others so that our message of hope could be heard.

  ABOUT THE AUTHORS

  KAREN FRANKLIN has spent the past twenty-one years recovering from the legacy of her family addiction. She has committed her life to helping others in their personal recovery process. Karen resides in Phoenix, Arizona, with her husband and two dachshunds. She is an avid reader, hiker, scuba diver, and nature lover. Karen has spent twenty-five years in the information technology field and has volunteered since 1989 in facilitating weekend recovery workshops for adults and teens dealing with grief. This is her first book, and Karen plans to continue writing to produce more nonfiction books on recovery issues.

  LAUREN KING has spent the past eleven years living a sober life. She has a wealth of experience to share that can help parents of teen addicts to understand adolescent addiction. Lauren is happily married, living in Surprise, Arizona, and is the mother of two beautiful girls. She is currently pursuing a degree in chemical dependency. Lauren has spent her sober years working tirelessly to help others break from addictive family legacies by passing on the gift of sobriety that she has earned. This is her first book. Lauren plans to continue writing on recovery from addiction.

  PLEASE VISIT WWW.ADDICTEDLIKEME.COM FOR MORE INFORMATION AND UPDATES.

  DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

  1. Describe how history repeats itself with Karen and Lauren’s individual stories of addiction? What are some of the most striking parallels?

  2. Do you think it is possible that alcohol and drug use could have been prevented if Karen or Lauren had been informed and educated about the “family secrets” regarding the genetic history of substance abuse in their family?

  3. What were some of the warning signs that Lauren and Ryan were using? Would it have made a difference if Karen had intervened at an earlier time?

  4. Lauren’s drug use started innocently with curiosity and wanting to fit in. How do you think it happened that this young girl, who was so against drug and alcohol use, could have been so easily overtaken by addiction?

  5. Did the peer pressure or the move to Colorado play a part in Lauren’s decision to use drugs? Could she have avoided getting into drugs if she had gotten involved in other activities? What could Lauren have done differently to make friends? How do you deal with difficult feelings or situations?

  6. What methods did Lauren use to hide her addiction from her mother? How do you feel that Lauren’s addiction alienated her from her mom?

  7. Discuss Lauren’s progression of doing more harmful drugs as her disease of addiction escalated. What was the attraction of crystal meth for Lauren? How did it hurt her? Do you think her progression is typical of most people who start abusing drugs and alcohol?

  8. Denial is a common theme for family members of addicts. How important was it that Karen came out of denial about the addiction in her children?

  9. Karen’s friend Shirley and Lauren’s teen friends Lindsey and Paige played a major role in Lauren’s coming to the end of her crystal meth usage. Do you think they contributed to saving Lauren’s life? What would you say or do if you had a friend in the same situation?

  10. What might the result have been if Lauren had not been willing to take an honest look at her life and realize she needed to get sober? What do you think were the biggest factors that led to her decision?

  11. What were some of the things that were different about the twelve-step program that Lauren attended as opposed to some of the other programs she had been exposed to? What do you think made the biggest difference in Lauren’s success in the program?

  12. Why do you think Lauren had to change so many things in her life when she entered recovery? Did it work and was it worthwhile? How do you think things would have played out differently had Lauren gone back to her old friends when she completed her inpatient recovery? />
  13. The fact that Lauren did not relapse during the breakup with her boyfriend and her miscarriage is significant. What do you think contributed to her strength during that difficult time?

  14. One of the points stressed in the book is that parents need to educate themselves and take action. What was the impact on Karen’s family as she worked to gain knowledge, seek help, and take action around her children’s addiction?

  15. How will teens who read Lauren’s story be impacted? Do you feel her story could act as a deterrent for kids considering alcohol or drug usage?

  16. In the book, Rick was told that if he drank again he would end up dead. Discuss what could have driven him to end his life the way he did? Do you think his addiction was the main cause of his problems?

  17. What are your thoughts on addiction being labeled a disease? Has the book helped to change your perception on this topic in any way?

  18. The book states, “Adolescents whose parents talk to them on a regular basis about substance abuse and genetic predispositions are 42 percent less likely to use drugs; however, only one in four teens reported having these conversations.” How do those statistics speak to you and what can you do to improve the conversation about substance abuse in your homes and families?