Though barely four months had passed, it felt like that conversation—that first kiss—happened four lifetimes ago.
“You should have told me.”
Once again, I’d let him down…I’d failed to confide in him.
I could think of hundreds of responses: You’re right, I know. I should have told you. I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I didn’t tell you. But they all felt hollow. Jason deserved better, so I said nothing. I simply stared at his back, at the way the fabric of his t-shirt strained against his broad shoulders with each inhale.
He exhaled loudly. “Why do you hide things like that? What are you so afraid of?” After a moment, he turned on his knees and sat back on his heels. Staring at me, he shook his head. “If you don’t trust me, maybe we shouldn’t be—”
Eyes wide with horror at what he was suggesting, I lunged toward him, dropping to my knees in front of him. “Shut up!” I covered his mouth with my hand. “Just shut up.”
He tensed, but he didn’t pull away.
It took me a few heartbeats to collect my thoughts. “I love you, Jason, and I trust you, more than anyone else. It’s just—” I pressed my lips together and shook my head. “This drifting thing…it’s embarrassing. It’s always embarrassing, these stupid predicaments I get myself into, and, I don’t know, I thought if you found out I was a drifting junkie, you’d finally realize that I’m more trouble than I’m worth…that being with me’s just not worth all the effort it takes to actually be with me.” Ashamed, I looked away.
Reaching up, Jason gently curled his fingers around my wrist and pulled my hand away from his mouth. “Red—” He placed his hands on either side of my face and turned my head, forcing me to look at him. “Dani, I love you. Whatever problems you’re having, you can tell me, and it won’t change that.”
I bit my lip.
He blinked, dropped his hands, and pulled back. “You don’t believe me.”
“What?” I asked, my eyes widening. He was right, sort of; part of me didn’t want to believe that he loved me, because I knew how he felt about love, especially after having a front-row view of the tragedy that was his family. To Jason, love was a weapon; it was the single most powerful way to destroy a person—or worse, to control them.
Jason frowned. “You’re afraid…?”
“How could you possibly know that?” I whispered.
He opened his mouth, then closed it again and shook his head. “I don’t know; I just do. Are you afraid of me?”
“No,” I said. “I’m afraid for you. I’m afraid that loving me will kill you.”
“That’s ironic.” He smiled wryly, coaxing a timid smile from my own lips. “I’ve never felt more alive.”
I slapped his chest, laughing softly. “I’m serious, Jason.” My eyebrows drew together. “Promise me—promise that if something happens to me, if nulling me while I sleep doesn’t work and I become as bad as Scott, or if something else happens to me, you won’t end up like your dad. You’ll keep on living…really living.”
Jason’s teasing expression sobered, and his eyes pulled me in like cerulean quicksand. “Only if you promise me the same in return.”
I bit my lip again and nodded.
“Deal,” Jason said as he leaned in. He claimed my lips in the gentlest, most tender kiss. It was sweet and delicate, and I wanted so much more…until he pulled away and said, “Are you ready?”
I sighed, my shoulders drooping. “What if it doesn’t work and you have to null me while I sleep…forever?”
He smiled, and his eyes consumed me. “I don’t think I’d mind that.”
I couldn’t help but return his smile. He’d just said he was willing to remain by my side, being my tether to humanity, for the rest of his life. I sighed as I reached for my sleeping bag. I unrolled it, and Jason did the same with his, arranging it right beside mine. And for the first time in over a month, he zipped our sleeping bags together.
I slipped into my side of the joined sleeping bags and sighed in pleasure. By the time my head touched my camp pillow, my eyes were already closing.
Still kneeling, Jason moved onto his sleeping bag, taking up a position with his knees flush against my hips. “I miss those sounds.” He brushed a stray curl away from my face, and I opened my eyes just enough to catch a glimpse of his gentle smile. “Do you have any idea how badly I want to be with you…to feel you?” He groaned, a rough noise deep in his chest. “But I can’t give in, not until we’re somewhere safe for good.”
Oh, right…because if he unintentionally nulled everyone, we’d all be in danger for who knew how long. I blinked up at him groggily. “Until we’re safe,” I mumbled.
“Yeah, until we’re safe. Sleep well, Red.” I felt Jason’s lips brush against my forehead, felt his fingertips trail down my cheek, and then sleep claimed me.
~~~~~
I blinked awake to the first rays of morning sunshine glowing through the green nylon of my tent, feeling both sleepy and rested. Groaning, I stretched in my sleeping bag, then turned onto my side. Jason was, of course, already awake. After all, the sun had already started to rise.
He smiled lazily. “’Morning.” Raising a hand to my face, he brushed the backs of his fingers down my cheek and along the line of my jaw. “You look better. How do you feel?”
I frowned, taking quick assessment of myself, starting at my toes and working my way up. “Better. Not awesome, but better,” I said through another yawn.
Jason laughed. “I think you just said ‘better.’”
I smiled sheepishly, but it contained genuine happiness…because it had worked. Jason had nulled me all night, and I’d slept and dreamed and remained in my own body the entire time.
~~~~~
Five mornings later, I woke to the feeling of Jason’s body pressed against the back of mine, to the tickle of his fingertips drawing lazy designs around my belly button. Giggling, I squirmed into him, and heard his answering chuckle.
His hand started moving lower, and I tensed, grabbing his wrist and moving his hand back up a few inches. “Jason…”
“Red…” The desire contained within that single syllable, the sheer force of need, almost made me release his hand.
“No, Jason.” I moved his hand higher, snuggling it against my chest. “No. It’s too dangerous. You said so yourself…over and over and over…”
Jason groaned and held me more tightly against him. “Right now, I really don’t give a fuck.”
My heart skipped a beat or three. “Yes you do.” I held my breath for a few seconds, then said, “Maybe I should start sharing a tent with Zo…at least until this is no longer such a, um, painful issue…”
“If you tried that, I’d throw you over my shoulder and bring you right back here,” he whispered near my ear.
Craning my neck, I stared into those intense eyes, as clear and blue and luminous as any tropical sea, blinked several times, then burst into laughter. “You are such a caveman sometimes, you know that?”
He watched me, amusement making his eyes dance and his lips curve upward. “You make me crazy.”
I grinned like the cat who caught the canary, leaned in for a quick kiss, then sat up and stretched my arms over my head. “Good,” I said with a nod. “My life’s work is complete.” With one final stretch, I pushed my sleeping bag down and out of the way and crawled to my folded pile of semi-fresh clothes. I exchanged my leggings and t-shirt for a sports bra, black tank top, long-sleeved shirt, and somewhat faded jeans, then headed for the tent door to slip on my boots before heading out.
“You’re in a hurry,” Jason said as he finally emerged from our sleeping bags.
I paused with my fingers pinching the zipper and shrugged. “I’m excited to get moving.” It was a big day, a milestone day, and we couldn’t afford to waste time.
Today, if everything worked out, we would reach Lake Tahoe. If everything worked out, we would meet up with Holly and Hunter, our two companions who’d remained behind with the liberated cul
t followers the last time we’d passed through, enjoy several days of rest and recuperation, then continue on our way.
The coast, Bodega Bay—my hometown—was mere weeks away, and it felt so close that I could almost reach out and touch it. Tahoe was one step closer to home, and I wanted to be there, now.
~~~~~
I stared at the white letters carved into a rustic sign on the left side of the highway as Wings and the other lead horses clopped past it: TAHOE WOLF AND WOLFDOG RESCUE. A long cinder-block building, a small barn, and several sheds stood on the land beyond it, with various fenced-in areas and cages arrayed around, between, and behind them. It looked like a miniature ranch, set in the most beautiful, wooded setting, and that wasn’t even accounting for the view.
We were traveling south on Highway 50, along the east shore of Lake Tahoe, and a faint breeze was making the lake’s surface glitter like an enormous cache of sapphires, diamonds, and blue topaz. The rescue, located on the opposite side of the highway, had one hell of a view. I laughed softly, my lips curving into a closed-mouth smile. Lucky dogs…
“Find some new friends?” Carlos asked, and when I glanced his way, I found his eyes studying the small cluster of buildings.
I shook my head. “They’re gone.”
“Dead?”
“Dunno.” I looked away from the rescue center, focusing on the road ahead and my sense of the animal minds around me. I had dozens of open telepathic connections, and keeping myself from drifting to each and every one of those creatures’ minds took more effort and concentration than it used to take. “I hope not.” I shrugged. “They’re intelligent enough that they could’ve found a way out…I think.”
“Hmmm…” Carlos steered Arrow further away from Wings, scanning the alpine forest on either side of the road.
“Careful, now,” I said to Wings. “I’m going to be a little distracted for a minute or two.”
“Take good care of you,” she said, her mental voice smooth and reassuring.
I ran my hand down the side of her neck, feeling the gentle flexing of her immensely powerful muscles with each step. “Thank you, Pretty Girl.”
She whinnied and raised her head, purposefully becoming more attentive to our surroundings.
Closing my eyes, I extended the radius of my Ability beyond the mile or so I’d been maintaining. Thousands upon thousands of minds flooded my awareness, and I noticed a less dense spot a little over a mile south of us. I assumed that was Zephyr Cove, where, as Gabe had discovered one night while scouting the dreaming minds, Holly, Hunter, and the formerly mind-controlled cultists had relocated.
I narrowed my focus, searching only for the minds with the distinctive canine feel that belonged to the Canidae family of animals. Dogs, formerly domestic creatures forced to fend for themselves once their owners passed away, were the vast majority of what I sensed, but there were also a fair number of coyotes and foxes. I didn’t actually notice the wolves at first because their minds were clustered with those of some of the dogs, forming an unusual pack, both in terms of its mixed-species makeup and its large size. There had to be at least a dozen wolves and even more dogs.
And there was something else…another mind that felt at the same time hauntingly familiar and utterly unique. Like Ralph, I thought. And Scott and the other drifters.
It’s another one of us. The realization sent a thrill of fear-laced excitement racing through me. I wasn’t sure why, but I’d felt a kinship to Ralph that I hadn’t noticed until I was away from him. I’d chalked it up to him being able to understand me unlike any of my survivor companions, even Jason, but now I was starting to wonder if it was something more.
Was it possible that the gene therapy changed our DNA more than Dr. Wesley had intended? Had she unknowingly given rise to dozens of new subspecies? Instead of all of us making up one Homo sapiens sapiens group, had we been broken into Homo sapiens telepathicus, Homo sapiens regenerativus, and Homo sapiens psycho-mind-control-megalomaniacus?
Whatever the cause, I felt drawn to this new mind.
Opening my eyes, I looked around. Carlos appeared to be the only person who’d noticed my momentary lapse of attention. He watched me, curiosity and something else shining in his eyes. When he noticed me looking at him, he smiled uncomfortably, then returned his attention to the pines surrounding us.
At first, I thought his behavior was odd, but then I remembered that while I was excited by the prospect of seeing people I’d once called companions, if not friends, Carlos would be reuniting with people who’d been around him during the worst month of his life.
Fifteen, maybe twenty minutes later, we were guiding the horses off the highway and into the parking lot of an old lake lodge. The long, three-story building had been painted a dark brownish red with forest-green trim, and an enormous stone chimney ran up along the exterior of the north side. And standing in an uneven column on the porch spanning the entire front of the lodge were more people than I’d seen in one place since leaving the Colony. Holly and Hunter stood foremost, waving and grinning like little kids.
Any eagerness I’d been feeling had faded, or possibly had just been overshadowed by my desire to search for the drifter whose mind I’d sensed among the dogs and wolves. As Jason and the others dismounted and crawled down from their perches on the wagon and cart benches, I remained in my saddle. My attention kept returning to the expanse of pines stretching out on the east side of the highway. Somewhere in there…whoever I was sensing was somewhere in there.
“Jason,” I called.
Halfway to the lodge, he stopped and glanced at me over his shoulder.
“I’m going to get the horses situated in that stable up the road,” I said, nodding back the way we’d come. “I’ll meet back up with the rest of you in a bit.”
Jason frowned, glancing at the cart and wagon. “What about the teams?”
“We’ll get them unhooked and bring them up,” Zoe said, looking first at Sam, who was standing next to her, then at Carlos, who was holding his horse’s reins just a yard or two away from Wings and me. “Right, guys?”
When both Carlos and Sam nodded, I smiled at Jason. “See. All taken care of.” I asked Wings to turn and head back up the road, then looped in the rest of the horses and requested that they follow us. I looked back at Jason. “I’ll have the whole herd around me. That’s about as safe as it gets, and I’ll come back in a bit…after all the hubbub has died down.” I made a shooing motion and laughed softly. “Go—talk to Holly and Hunter, see what their plans are. I’ll be fine.”
“Okay…”
With one last reassuring smile, I faced forward, and Wings started clip-clopping back up the highway. We reached the stable without trouble, the herd fanning out behind us.
Thanks to Harper having removed my cast and given my no-longer-broken arm the okay a few days ago, I was finally able to really use both of my hands again. I unsaddled first Wings, then Jason’s unnamed horse. It was when I was sliding Arrow’s saddle off his back that I felt it; the mind was drawing nearer. Whoever it was had sensed me.
Smiling at the fact that now I wouldn’t have to go hunt the person down, I sent out a tentative greeting.
“Friend?” The mental voice that responded was tiny and high-pitched and very clearly belonged to a child.
A kid? It’s a kid? If the mind really belonged to a child, and the little kid was out here all alone with only the animals to help it survive…
“Yes, of course I’m a friend!” I started walking toward the woods beside the stable, where I could feel the young drifter’s mind. “I’m Dani. What’s your name?”
“Annie.” A distinctly childlike giggle came from further in the trees, and I was extremely grateful that the ground had little cover, because I hardly paid any attention to where I was placing my feet as I picked up my pace. “Dani and Annie.” I heard the giggle again, closer this time.
“I’m here,” I called out. Going by her mind’s signature, the little girl—Annie—was just
up ahead, and some of the canines who’d been around her when I’d first sensed her were scattered throughout the woods around us both.
Most greeted me warmly in my mind, but it was the pack’s alpha female who showed herself first, slinking between the trees as she approached. She had a snowy white coat, and blue eyes that were so pale they almost appeared silver. Those eyes never left mine.
“I’m honored to meet you,” I told her, making a point not to lower my eyes. She was testing me, and I wasn’t about to fail. Among her kind, this wolf held as much power as was possible.
She stopped a few yards in front of me and, after several more seconds of intense staring, sat. “You take young two-legs?”
“I—I don’t know.”
She half-stood, then settled back down. “You must take young two-legs. Be mother to young two-legs. Cannot survive here. Cold too dangerous in time of longer night. Nearly lost young two-legs.”
Did that mean that the kid had been out here, alone for all intents and purposes, for most of the winter? Had she been out here since the beginning?
“Yes,” I told the wolf without thinking. “Of course, yes.” Remotely, I wondered what the hell I’d just agreed to.
“I am pleased,” the wolf said, then stood, turned, and trotted back through the trees.
As she left, a tiny girl wearing the dirtiest clothing I’d ever seen on a child ran past her, directly toward me. She was laughing as she ran…until an even dirtier person lurched through the woods behind her. It was a woman—a young woman, I thought…maybe—and her adult legs carried her toward me faster than Annie’s could.
I was so stunned that I didn’t register her as a threat until it was too late for me to draw a weapon.
She lunged at me, her dark hair a tangled halo, her face covered in a layer of dirt so thick it almost qualified as a mud mask, and her tattered jeans and sweatshirt barely recognizable for what they were. And she reeked, almost as badly as some of the dead bodies I’d come across, which was really saying something.
The Ending Series: The Complete Series Page 110