“You can’t have her,” she shrieked mid-leap.
She hit me hard, taking us both down to the ground, and proved to be surprisingly strong for a woman who appeared to have spent the past few months living in the woods like an animal. I was just lucky that she was about my size. Had she been any bigger, I’d have been at a severe disadvantage.
“You can’t take her away from me! You can’t have her!” There was no doubt in my mind that she was a Crazy.
Annie was wailing like a banshee, but at least the sound told me she’d halted far enough away that neither of us would accidently kick her while we grappled on the ground.
“Would it hurt you…to brush…your teeth?” I grunted as I wrestled with the Crazy. Her breath was horrendous.
Rolling us both, I managed to get the insane woman beneath me and yank my knife from my boot sheath before she could overpower me. I held the knife to her throat and—
“Dani! No!” Carlos shouted from behind me.
The crazed woman and I both froze, the edge of my knife’s blade just beginning to slice into the Crazy’s flesh. My chest heaved as I sucked in air. “What?”
“Don’t hurt her,” Carlos said. He skidded to his knees beside us, pushing my knife hand away from the woman’s neck.
I stared at him, dumbfounded. “Why the hell not?”
He glanced down at the filthy woman, seeming to be at a loss for words.
She stared up at him, and recognition shone in her unstable gaze. She started cackling maniacally. “Mom! Jesse! Did you see?” She tilted her head back, looking at empty space. “Carlos came back!” She giggled, the sound soon turning into a full-blown laugh, and she flashed the grimiest teeth I’d ever seen.
I had to turn my head away to keep from gagging from the stench of her breath. “Carlos…?”
The young woman’s laugh cut off abruptly. “You can’t have him! He’s my brother! Mine!”
20
ZOE
MAY 7, 1AE
Lake Tahoe, Nevada
When Gabe left me a note to meet him down by the lake at lunchtime, I knew he had either great news or terrible news. Since he’d asked me to meet him in private, I assumed it had something to do with my electrotherapy sessions. Like maybe he wanted to take a break for a while.
Maybe he wants to focus on fixing Vanessa? Helping Carlos’s long-lost sister, who they’d found the previous afternoon—and who was also a definite Crazy—seemed more important than administering more failed attempts to recharge my memories.
As I wandered down the cement path to the lakeshore, I hoped that if Gabe was planning to take a break from our sessions, he wasn’t going to pull the plug completely. They weren’t going well, not in the least. There had been absolutely no advancement on my end, and we’d been trying for almost two weeks. In fact, Carlos’s Ability was improving quickly, growing stronger and more focused, but I was left with nothing more than a headache now and again and a temporarily out-of-service Ability. Regardless, we couldn’t stop now. A break I could handle, but I wanted us to keep trying…I needed us to keep trying.
I spotted Chris a few yards away, sitting on a large rock on the beach, Gabe pacing back and forth in front of her. I quickened my steps, trying not to let their bland expressions worry me.
“What’s wrong? Is everything alright? Is it Carlos?” He was the only one missing from our undercover electrotherapy group. Forcing myself to look away from Gabe’s pinched expression as he continued to pace, I focused on Chris.
She offered me a reassuring smile. “Carlos is fine, Zoe, don’t worry. He’s out with Dani and his sister.”
Gabe looked up at me like he finally realized I’d arrived. To my surprise, his keen eyes widened, and he smiled—not just a polite hi-how-are-ya smile, but an aha!-by-Jove-I-think-I’ve-got-it smile. “Ah, great. You’re here.”
I let out the breath I’d been holding onto like it would’ve made any impending bad news less knifelike. “Wait, what happened? Why are you so…” I tried to pinpoint his emotions. “Excited?” I wasn’t sure that was even the right word.
Gabe lifted his shoulder. “I had an idea…something different. Have a seat, and I’ll explain.” He gestured toward a smaller rock beside Chris’s.
I looked at Chris, and when our gazes met, she shrugged and shook her head. “You know as much as I do.”
With a sigh, I sat on the rock.
“So,” Gabe started. He was pacing again, back and forth in the sand, creating a trail of obscure, overlapping footprints in front of us. “I’ve been an idiot.” He ran his fingers through his long blond hair.
“What?” Chris and I asked in unison.
Gabe let out a soft chuckle. “It’s so obvious, I can’t believe I didn’t think of it sooner.” He was quiet for a minute, deep in thought.
When he looked up at me, prudent and appraising, I could only stare back at him in wonder. I tried to control the increasing hope that he might’ve found a way to help me get my memory back, but it was difficult while he was keeping me in such suspense.
Chris glanced at me in my periphery, and I could feel her hope perking up alongside mine.
“Please tell us, Gabe.” I dropped my head into my hands. “I’m dying here…”
“Sorry. I’m just trying to wrap my mind around all the possibilities.” He exhaled heavily. “We’ve been treating your memory loss like amnesia. Essentially, Carlos has been going in and trying to jumpstart the memory centers of your brain, trying to spark them back to life, right?” A small grin tugged at the corner of Gabe’s mouth. “But what if there’s nothing wrong with your memory centers? What if it wasn’t actually Clara who did this to you…at least, not completely?”
Bewildered, I frowned.
“Hear me out,” he said and crouched between Chris and me. “What if you did this to yourself?” When Chris and I remained quiet, Gabe continued, “Dani’s Ability is mental, like yours and like mine. She can communicate with animal minds. Your Ability is similar. You can’t communicate with other minds, but you can feel them, you can see inside them.”
As much as I appreciated his attempt to help me understand, I was still confused.
“Are you going to spit it out, Gabe, or—” Chris said.
“I’m getting to it.” He flashed us a cocky smile. “When Dani was in the Colony, she was in extreme danger. To save herself, she drifted into Ray, remember?”
I nodded. I’d seen what Dani had been subjected to while she was in the Colony, what Clara and the General had done to her toward the end. Her memories were vivid and frequent, in spite of her attempt to forget her time there.
“What if your mind did something similar? What if you shut parts of your mind down to protect yourself from Clara?” Gabe’s gaze was intense and filled with a spark I hadn’t seen in it for a while.
“Are you thinking that if Zoe did this to herself, she’s the only one who can reverse it?” Chris asked, rising to her feet. She glanced furtively from Gabe to me.
“Maybe. I have an idea of what we can do to help her reverse it, but, yes, a lot of it might be up to Zoe. If we stop thinking of your condition in terms of amnesia and instead think of it more like repressed memories, it makes sense.” He looked at me intently. “Don’t you think?”
I nodded. “I think so…”
“Your body’s natural instinct is to protect itself. In fact, people’s minds do it all the time, blocking traumatic memories and such. And I have no doubt it was traumatizing to have Clara prodding around in your mind, threatening to destroy the very essence of who you are.” Gabe paused, considering something before he continued. “Depending on what she was trying to do to you, it might simply have been too much, and your mind locked your memories away as a defense mechanism.”
A chill raked over my body as I thought about her meddling with my mind. I never really thought about that night, but suddenly I could feel the cool, night air and Clara’s looming presence like I was there again.
“So…h
ow does she un-repress her memories, then?” Chris asked.
“We need to figure out what triggered the reaction in the first place…what caused the repression.”
Brow furrowed, I glanced first at Chris, then at Gabe. “Clara, maybe?” Although I obviously couldn’t remember her from my past, I’d seen her in other people’s memories and knew she was pure poison, and I could only imagine how terrified I must have been while she was cerebrally raping me. But I couldn’t actually remember.
Gabe nodded. “Exactly. How much have you thought about that night?”
I pulled my knees up against my chest and shrugged. “Not much. I try not to, actually.”
“Well, it’s time to try,” Gabe said.
Studying him and Chris for a moment, I wondered how I was supposed to suddenly remember such specific details if I really had repressed all of my memories from that moment backward. “Every single day, I try to remember even a smidgen of my past…what makes you think it’s magically going to work this time?”
“Because I’m going to help you,” Gabe said, offering me his hand. I stared at it, wondering if this was the final moment of being this me, or if it was another step closer to defeat and desperation. Accepting his hand, I stood.
“Are you thinking about conducting some sort of hypnosis?” Chris asked, an intrigued gleam in her clear blue eyes.
Gabe nodded. “It’s our best bet.” He looked back to me. “If I can put you into a dreamlike state, we can try to work backward to help you unlock everything you’ve repressed. We can free your mind.” He was nodding and smiling enthusiastically, trying to increase my comfort level. “I think this could work, Zoe.”
The general atmosphere around me shifted. Not only had Chris suddenly grown more hopeful, but Gabe seemed completely rejuvenated as well.
“Are we trying it now?” I asked.
Gabe turned to Chris. “Do you mind sticking around? If this works the way I hope it does, Zoe’s going to be quasi-awake, but totally focused on what I’m asking her to do. I’m not sure what latent memories or emotions will surface; you might need to soothe her.”
“Of course,” Chris said with a curt nod. “I’ll do whatever you need me to do.”
My eyes shifted back and forth between them. “Thanks, you guys,” I breathed, wiping my clammy palms off on my jeans. “I really appreciate all your help with this. Whether it works or not, it wouldn’t even be an option without you.”
Chris smiled. “I like projects.” Her eyebrows danced. “Especially ones that have to do with brains.”
Gabe made a noncommittal noise and stared at me, deep in thought. As we stood face to face, I realized how important this moment was…or might be. His pale blue eyes were fierce, holding a glint of both apprehension and resolve. I could feel his certainty that if this didn’t work, I would never get my memories back. This was his final hope.
With a heavy exhale, he raised his eyebrows and smiled. “Shall we?”
Offering him my own weak smile in return, I gave him a quick nod. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” Goose bumps were already inundating my body at the thought of what he might uncover inside my mind, should his theory prove correct.
“Alright.” Gabe pointed to the shady base of an evergreen at the edge of the shoreline. “Have a seat over there. I want you as close to the ground as possible in case you collapse.”
I let out a nervous laugh, and on shaky legs, I walked over to the shady patch beneath the tree.
“Chris,” I heard Gabe say from behind me. “I’d like you to be next to her to hold her up in case she loses consciousness completely.”
“You worried she’ll pass out?”
“That, or I’ll push too much and put her to sleep. I need her to be partially coherent for it to work. But, again, I’ve never done a procedure quite like this before.”
“That makes three of us,” I muttered and sat down, propping myself up against the base of the pine tree that would serve as my psychiatrist’s chair while my mind was invaded one last time.
Gabe crouched down in front of me, and Chris sat to my right. Her mere presence was reassuring.
“No matter what you hear, Zoe, no matter what you see, I need you to listen to my voice and do what I say, okay?” Gabe said.
After taking a deep breath and nodding, I settled into a comfortable sitting position, my legs folded in front of me and my eyes closed. To rid my mind of anticipation and doubt, of fear and excitement, I focused on the gentle breeze tickling the back of my neck and the grating call of the jaybirds off in the distance. I could almost smell the crisp freshness of the melting snow from the mountains surrounding us as I let the warmth of the sun lull my senses.
My mind was suddenly lighter, almost like it was floating away, and remotely, I wondered if it was Gabe sending me into a half sleep.
“Alright, Zoe,” Gabe said softly. “Think back to your very first memory.”
Letting out a deep breath, I felt my body wilt as I unwound my limited memories like a spool of thread, the days and weeks unraveling into frayed images and incohesive thoughts.
One of my earliest, blurred memories was from that first night, when I’d been found in the abandoned house.
I felt fear and uncertainty…I saw Dani’s wide, green eyes and Jake’s horror as I stepped out from the closet. I felt what I now understood was Chris’s soft, cerebral touch lessening the edge of uncertainty filling me. I saw Jason’s hardened features, which made me question Dr. Wesley’s decision to leave me with them—complete strangers, or so it seemed to me.
“Who do you see?” Gabe’s voice was a velvety cord of trust and reassurance, binding me between this time and a not-too-distant past.
“Ja—” I cleared my throat. “I see Jake and Chris, and Dani and Cooper…we’re in the house in Colorado Springs.” I was vaguely aware that I was sitting on the hard ground, surrounded by towering evergreens, and that Gabe and Chris were sitting with me, but my mind was drifting somewhere far away…
“What happened before that?” Gabe asked quietly.
Holding onto the tether that was Gabe’s voice, I tried to reach further back, to delve deeper into the past. A slight pain blossomed in my temples, making me hesitate. “It’s not working…”
The more I tried to focus, the sharper the pain became, making me wince. I’ve felt this before…
“Who brought you to the house?” Gabe asked. His voice was a bit more distant now, but just as persistent. I strained to hear it over the images fading in and out of my mind.
Although I knew it was my mom who’d taken me to the abandoned house, my mind had been hazy that night, and only bits and pieces lingered in my memory. “It was Dr. Wesley—my mom—but I…” There were only splotches of memories, nothing connected or coherent.
Details. I needed to remember details.
I latched on to what I did remember: the feeling of the cool, night air against my skin when I first awoke and the sound of my mom’s footsteps behind me as we walked—no, ran—into Colorado Springs. What did she say to me in the forgotten moments? I feared it was something important, but I couldn’t remember. All I could think about was the fact that the woman who’d saved my life, a stranger, was also my mom. For the first time since I’d learned of it, I felt sad.
I was back at the golf course, kneeling on wet grass. Someone stood beside me, their warm body shielding me from the nighttime chill. The person was humming. She was humming. I felt cool fingertips against my skin, followed by an excruciating pain that lanced through my head, making me gasp for breath. But I couldn’t gasp for breath. I couldn’t move.
Unable to open my eyes, I began to panic.
It wasn’t the first time I’d panicked. I wracked my brain, trying to remember why such an acute, helpless feeling felt so familiar. I had been afraid before, but not for me… “Dani,” I breathed.
“Is Dani still there with you, Zoe?” Gabe asked. Although his voice was faint, it was warm and soothing in the swallowing darkness
of my mind.
I felt something wet on my cheek, but still felt paralyzed, unable to move. A set of triumphant blue eyes flashed in my mind’s eye, along with blonde hair and pale skin…
There was sickening sweet laughter and an eerily calm voice whispering nonsensical things in my ear, and a deep, innate sense of terror consumed me. When I realized I still couldn’t move, I tried to scream, but nothing came out, and I felt hot tears burning down my cheeks.
“Zoe,” Gabe said quietly. “Where are you? What do you see?” I could barely make out Chris and Gabe whispering as my mind tumbled with confusion and fear.
“I can’t see anything,” I croaked. “I can’t move…”
I heard Dani’s voice echoing around me, and my heart raced. I needed to help her. She was afraid, she was alone, and she needed me.
Emotion bubbled up in my throat. “I’m on the golf course…Dani…”
“Dani wasn’t with you, Zoe.” Concern deepened Gabe’s voice.
I shook my head the barest amount. I was confused. “But I can hear her. I can hear her voice, it’s all around me…she’s hiding.”
“It’s only a memory, Zoe. Don’t let it scare you. It’s not real. Dani is fine.”
Part of me knew it was a memory, a distant part of me that was overshadowed by a fear I didn’t understand but was impossible to ignore. “I was trying to find her.”
Another sharp pain shot through my head, and this time, my body tensed. I felt gentle fingers against my wrist, alleviating some of the panic and emptiness that swelled inside me. I could still hear Dani’s voice, crying out to me, but I couldn’t move, I couldn’t do anything. I was frozen.
I felt the pressure of Chris’s hand squeezing mine, and it helped to keep me grounded. “Zoe, are you okay?” she asked, and with those four words, my trembling ceased.
“Zoe, are you okay?”
I opened my eyes to see a woman—a doctor—crouched down beside me. She reached out for me tentatively, her eyes filled with sadness and longing and unshed tears. Seeing her tears made my heart ache.
The Ending Series: The Complete Series Page 111