“Hey, Elise,” she said in answer.
“Hi, Sloane. Do you have a minute to talk?”
“Sure. Is something wrong?”
“It’s Brent Carter, one of your campers.”
Cold settled in Sloane’s stomach. “Has something happened to him?”
“His foster parents are moving to New York and they’re giving him up.”
“They’re abandoning him?” The memory of the cold pain of being tossed away threatened to swallow her whole.
“I know this is out of the blue and you already do so much for these kids that I hate to ask anything more—”
“What do you need?”
“Have you ever thought about being a foster parent, or maybe even adopting a child?”
“Uh, I don’t know.”
“The reason I’m asking is that his foster parents said that since coming back from your camp, he’s been really quiet except for when he talks about the camp, about you and about a cowboy named Jason.”
Jason, who’d been the first one to tell her that he could see her adopting kids someday.
“Brent did seem to come alive while here.” Of course, that was mainly with Jason, and Brent’s favorite cowboy wasn’t here. Would he feel just as abandoned here as where he was now?
“Normally these things take a while, but Brent has been through so many moves already. And your family has been vetted because of the camps, and the history of adoption is strong. I think we could get this expedited if you’re interested.”
“How long do I have to think about it?”
“Until tomorrow. I’m sorry that’s so soon, but the family is moving fast on this.”
“I’ll let you know by tonight.”
“Thanks so much. He’s such a special little boy. I’d love to see him find a loving home where he could come out of his shell for good, where he’d feel safe.”
Her heart ached for Brent. She knew that alone-in-the-world feeling and how it had taken a while to feel as if she was actually a part of her new family. All her brothers and sisters had been through the same thing. Even without Jason, surely they could all make Brent feel safe and loved.
But was she ready to be a mother? Until recently, she hadn’t even been ready to undertake a serious romantic relationship. Motherhood was an entirely different level of commitment. But the idea of Brent being bounced around yet again made her heart ache as if it were being squeezed in a vise.
She glanced toward the house from her spot at the edge of the pasture. Before she decided anything, she needed to talk to her family.
She waited until they were all seated at dinner before she broached the subject. Ben and Neil and her sisters-in-law weren’t there, but they no longer lived in their parents’ house anyway.
“I need to ask you all about something,” she said suddenly, drawing everyone’s attention.
“This about Jason?” her mom asked, a hopeful tone in her voice.
“No.” She hesitated, still unsure how to broach the subject. Maybe full steam ahead was the only reasonable option. “What would you all think of me becoming a foster parent?”
In response to the startled expressions, she launched into a full explanation of Brent’s situation, including what Elise had said about his continued attachment to life here on the ranch. She expected a ton of questions, but it seemed she’d well and truly stunned her family into silence. Surprisingly, it was her dad who spoke first.
“I think it’s a great idea. You’ll make a wonderful mother.” That was evidently all he had to say on the matter because he proceeded to cut open his baked potato and apply butter.
“Well, it’s not how I imagined you providing me with grandchildren, but you know how we feel about giving children love here, especially ones who need it the most. And it doesn’t mean you can’t have kids of your own, too.”
Sloane had to laugh a little. Her mom wasn’t going to give up on Jason becoming a member of the family, and Sloane had to admit the idea didn’t bother her like it once had.
But as the meal progressed and they talked about what would happen next and how they would adjust life at the Hartley house to make a place for Brent, Sloane’s thoughts kept drifting to Jason. What would he think of her decision? It wasn’t as if they were so serious that he should be consulted about the decision, but she still felt as if she should give him a heads-up. But what if her suddenly having a kid changed things between them? Ended them?
She swallowed against the rising lump in her throat, hoping that wasn’t the case. But if it was, she’d find a way to get over the pain. Because this time the end of the relationship would be her fault, even if she felt she was doing the right thing.
* * *
JASON SMILED AT the sound of Sloane’s voice on the other end of the call. He wished she was as close as she sounded. Since the weekend with her in Dallas, his beds on the road had seemed mighty empty. He was beginning to think he wanted her there way more often—maybe even all the time.
There was no denying it anymore. He was falling in love with her. He thought that realization should freak him out a lot more than it did.
“Hey, beautiful,” he said.
“Hey.” She sounded distracted, and for some reason alarm bells started clanging like a railroad crossing in his head.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Just...lots going on.”
“You’re always busy, but you never sound like this.”
At first she didn’t respond, which made him worry even more.
“I’m nervous,” she said. “I’m about to make a big decision that not only affects me but also my family. And...it’s going to have an effect on us.”
A dark feeling formed in his chest. Instead of seeing more of her, was she about to end things with him? He’d thought she was in this as much as he was.
“I’m going to become a foster mom for Brent, maybe adopt him.” She shared how he’d been uprooted over and over, and he deserved a permanent home. “I can give that to him. But if I do, I can’t just take off on a weekend to meet you. And this isn’t something you bargained for—”
“Sloane, stop.” Yes, she’d knocked him for a loop with her news and he didn’t know exactly what this meant for them, but it didn’t negate that she was doing a good thing for that little boy. “You’ll be a great mom.”
“You think so?” She sounded unsure.
“No doubt. Brent is a lucky boy.”
“Elise, his caseworker, says he mentions you a lot. His cowboy hero.”
He smiled at that, but he also felt some instinct to distance himself from it. He couldn’t even define his and Sloane’s relationship. Neither of them had said the three little words. Bringing a kid into the picture confused things further, though he’d never say she shouldn’t give Brent a home.
“Have I freaked you out enough?” she asked.
“It’s a surprise, but it makes sense, too. You have a big heart.”
He just wondered how much of a place he had in it.
* * *
SLOANE HATED NOT being able to see Jason’s face as she dropped her bomb. He sounded supportive, but he hadn’t signed up for dating a woman with a kid. But the more she thought about it, the more she realized she couldn’t leave Brent to a system that treated him like the ball in a pinball machine. Even if it meant she couldn’t afford to do the camps anymore.
Even if she lost the man she was pretty sure she loved.
“I have to go,” she said. “Need to call Elise and make arrangements.”
She wanted to ask where her decision left her and Jason, but she was too afraid of the answer.
“I hope it all goes well.”
Did she hear a distance already growing in his voice, or was that her fear making her hear things that w
eren’t there?
“Thanks. And good luck on your ride.”
When they ended the call, she had to escape the house and slipped out the back door. She needed time to think and process before she called Elise. Only a couple of minutes passed before Angel caught up to her.
“You okay?”
“You mean other than I think I might have gone crazy adding motherhood to my already-busy life? Great.”
Angel slipped her arm through Sloane’s. “If anyone can handle it, you can.”
“Why would you say that? You know firsthand how difficult being a single parent can be.”
“You’re perfectly capable, but I also don’t think you’ll be doing the parenting thing alone for long.”
“You are getting way ahead of yourself. A few dates, calls and texts are one thing. Marriage and a ready-made family are something else entirely.”
“You’re downplaying your relationship, but you love each other.”
Sloane stepped away from her sister. “Neither one of us has said that.”
Angel crossed her arms. “Just because you’ve not said it doesn’t mean it’s not true.”
“How could we possibly be in love? We haven’t spent enough time together.”
“That is just an excuse to avoid admitting a truth that scares you—that you started falling for Jason that first weekend the moment he made a connection with those kids.”
“Getting along with some kids isn’t the same thing as being responsible for one, being a parent.”
“You’re right, it’s not. But it doesn’t change my opinion about you and Jason. I know you, and you’ve never had your love for someone written so plainly on your face. Not even when you were with Blake. Definitely not Jeremy or anyone else you’ve gone out with.”
Considering the depth of what she felt for Jason, part of her wondered if she’d even known what love was when she was with Blake. Even if she had, it had been a different kind, the love of the immature and maybe, if she was being honest, desperate to be loved. Thank goodness she was stronger now, was more of the person she was meant to be. But she knew how much it would hurt if Jason was no longer a part of her life.
“I guess time will tell if it’s anything long lasting.”
Angel shook her head. “Sometimes you just have to take a leap.”
“I thought that’s what I’ve been doing lately—with Jason, agreeing to an art exhibit that may be a waste of time, deciding to become a foster parent. I don’t even recognize myself anymore.”
“Well, from where I’m standing, the changes are positive. You deserve to be happy, and Jason makes you happier than I’ve ever seen you. And judging by the amount of calls and texts he sends you, that feeling goes both ways. A guy doesn’t blow up his cell plan for someone who is just a booty call.”
Sloane was thankful for the darkness so her sister couldn’t see the way her face was burning at the memory of what had transpired in that Dallas hotel room. At the thought that she wanted it to happen again.
Angel started to turn to retrace her steps to the house, but she stopped and looked back at Sloane. “Ask yourself what you really want, more than anything, and don’t let fear keep you from going after it. If you love Jason, tell him. At least you’ll know where you stand and be able to move forward accordingly.”
Long after Angel went back inside, Sloane sat out on the stack of hay bales next to the pasture and stared up at the clear sky covered in stars. With each passing moment, she felt the chaos in her mind calm a bit more. As she picked out recognizable constellations, she admitted that Angel was right. Sloane loved Jason, and she needed to tell him no matter how much it frightened her.
She smiled as she let her eyes wander over Orion, letting a plan form in her mind that might change her life forever.
* * *
NO MATTER HOW many times he ran the numbers, the result was always the same. He had to ride in a big rodeo this weekend in order to have a hope of making it to the Finals. On the heels of Sloane’s revelation about becoming a parent, he’d not been able to focus like he should have at the last rodeo, and he’d ended up out of the money. Combined with the Dallas competition he’d ditched, he’d left himself no wiggle room.
He felt sick to his stomach—not because of how close he was cutting it but that if he hoped to salvage his season and his father’s dream, it meant he’d miss Sloane’s art exhibit opening. But as soon as his season was over, he’d make it up to her somehow.
Jason wasn’t proud of the fact, but he put off telling her until the day before the event. They’d talked less since her big news, but he’d attributed that to how busy she was. He supposed it was at least partially because he didn’t know what to say.
But he wasn’t willing to just stand her up on her big night, one that might determine the future of her camps. He ran his hand over his face when it hit him that he was putting his goals above hers. He honestly didn’t know if his decision would be the same were it not that his dad wanted to see him win the Finals so much. It seemed the man thought of little else. And his parents had been so supportive of him throughout his entire life, how could he deny his father this one wish?
Still, he felt as if he might throw up as he placed the call to Sloane. It took four rings before she answered. One more and it would have gone to voice mail. The fact that he knew that told him just how many times he’d called her, how much he liked hearing the sound of her voice instead of just reading her words in a text message.
“You sound out of breath,” he said.
“That’s because I’m running around like a balloon animal fleeing a porcupine. Every time I turn my back, I feel as if my to-do list gets busy making more items.”
“You have to watch those to-do lists. They’re known for being frisky.”
“Great, now you tell me.” She pulled the phone away from her mouth to say something to someone else. “Sorry.”
“No problem. Should I call back?” Damn it, why did he ask that? He needed to get to the reason for his call and get it over with.
“No. In fact, I’m going to actually sit down and relax while I talk to you.”
He hated himself even more because she wasn’t going to be relaxing for long.
“So what time do you think you’ll be here tomorrow?” she asked.
He closed his eyes for a moment and asked for divine help in breaking the news as gently as possible.
“I can’t make it.” So much for divine intervention.
“What?”
“I’m so sorry, Sloane, but I have to compete this weekend. No way I’ll make the Finals if I don’t. Not after the way I flubbed up last weekend.” He wasn’t about to mention the failure to complete the Dallas rodeo. He didn’t want her thinking he blamed her.
“Oh.”
“I wish I could compete closer so I could do both, but there’s nothing—”
“You don’t have to explain. I understand.”
From the sound of her voice, he wasn’t so sure about that. He wasn’t an expert or anything, but he’d swear she sounded as if she was hurt but trying to hide it.
“I’ll make it up to you.”
“There’s no need. You’ve been working toward this all year. It’s more important than looking at silly paintings by cows and horses.”
“They’re not silly. This exhibit will help get you closer to your goal, too.”
“We’ll see.”
He hated how doubtful she sounded and wished more than anything that he could pull her into his arms, make her believe that everything was going to be okay.
They talked a few minutes longer, but then she said she had to get back to work. As usual, she wished him good luck. But for the first time, he wasn’t sure if she meant it.
* * *
SLOANE WALKED AWAY from th
e cluster of people she’d been talking to for the past few minutes because she was afraid her fake smile was going to start crumbling. She walked toward the front of the gallery and perused the series of pictures of past campers, photos of laughter and smiles captured by Angel’s camera. Sloane was afraid there would be no more laughter and smiles to capture because the opening was almost over and only one painting had sold, to a tourist from Denver.
It was as if the universe was twisting the dagger in her middle just a little more. Not only was the opening going poorly, but she’d been abandoned once again. And where was Jason competing tonight? Denver.
She knew the reason he’d given her was perfectly valid. She’d checked out the standings herself because she was evidently a glutton for punishment, but her investigation had shown the truth of his words. If he didn’t compete and do well this weekend, his dream of getting back to the Finals and having a chance to finally win was over. At least for this year.
Still, she couldn’t help the pain consuming her middle. And it was ten times worse than when Blake had left her. So maybe Jason hadn’t technically left her, but her gut told her it was only a matter of time. Doubts had begun pecking at her the moment she’d told him about Brent. His decision to skip the opening, even though part of her totally understood why, just added to those doubts. She needed to end things first because she was bringing Brent home soon, and there was no way she was going to get his hopes up about Jason being a part of his life and then have Jason break Brent’s little heart. He’d been through too much already. She’d find a way to navigate her own loss, but she’d do everything in her power to protect Brent. Even pushing away the man she loved.
“I love looking at all those darling faces.”
Sloane glanced over at Merline Teague, owner of the gallery. “Yeah, they’re special kids.”
“Is something wrong, honey? You sound sad.”
Sloane managed a smile she hoped was convincing. “Just tired.”
“And you were hoping to sell more paintings tonight.”
“I shouldn’t have. I mean, they’re not really art, after all.”
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