Religious Love

by Horton, T. P.

  Chapter 5: The Lava Lounge

  Olivia fixed my make-up, “Girl it could not have been me. I would have turned Eastland mall out!”

  “Well when you’re used to being taken advantage of by men, which was the normal ending that I was accustomed to. It didn’t matter how much I did my part. I took it as another loss in my losing streak,” I discussed briefly with my friend.

  “What happened next,” Olivia asked.

  “Girl I got mad at God. Then I went through this spiral of emotions. I may as well be single for life, just have friends and some occasional sex partners

  I would still go to church. I was considered a backslider to my congregation. I was a backslider. I was real enough to step down, not get up and pretend behind the pulpit. It was an awakening; sinners will forever remain in this world until God destroys its very existence.

  ************

  I was stuck, high as a kite in front of my television. The girls were with my grandmother. I was feeling horny and grew extremely exhausted from a daily habit; masturbation. I was wondering if Harold was doing the things with ole girl like we once shared exclusively; until God left the building.

  I laughed at myself because the room was quiet. That’s the shit that high people do. I turned off my radio that was playing low and turned up the television.

  The room was still a little loopy; that was some good green. Little Debbie’s, Grypo’s and Dr. Pepper satisfied my munchies. I was hoping that something else would satisfy my sexual desires. I started to call Harold but chose to leave well enough alone.

  During the commercial break, Lava Live enticed me like my favorite piece of hard butterscotch candy. It wasn’t something funny to watch like before, it was darn right seductive. They picked the right bitch’s voice for that promo! It lured me into her beckoning for a sister to try the shit out. Before I knew it; my profile was created. The first couple of times I would just listen to the other profiles to pass time. Then I decided to answer some of the responses in my message box.

  After a role in the hay with a couple of them and a few catfish; automatically off the rip, I clown them for the bad deceit. I stopped calling for a spell. I grew more frustrated due to a lack of some really good wood.

  Day’s went by and I decided to give the Lava Lounge one last try. I sat there again with boredom listening the random men solicit themselves for good company.

  I made it plain in my profile, I believed in telling the truth about what I looked like. I had some flaws that I wasn’t happy with about my body. I kept it all the way 100%. As I got ready to delete my profile and throw this phase in the can, this voice caught my attention so I responded.

  We went back and forth on the site for about a couple of weeks. We didn’t participate on the chat-line very often so we played the waiting game. When I finally did get a response from him; I left my number in the in-box, deleted my account and hoped he’d call me.

  A week later Lee and I started talking on the phone for a while and came to terms that it was time for us to meet. I remember this day like it was yesterday. It changed my life; it would be the first and last time that I would see Lee for a long period.

  “Wait hold up,” Olivia interjected.

  “You’re my best friend, how come you did not tell me, that you and Lee met on the chat-line.” She called herself checking me.

  “Pump your breaks and break your rotors boo; all my business does not mean that you need to know every detail of my life,” I checked her back and we laughed.

  “Olivia if you don’t shut your mouth and let this child finish, telling us; we are going to have a problem!” Pearl said as she looked at me with so much love. She pointed the sterling silver antique brush at Olivia.

  “Okay Pearl, I won’t say another word. Go ahead Denien continue," Olivia said as she sat down on the couch crossed her legs. “I’m ready now.”

  Chapter 6: Easter Sunday

  It was bright and early in the morning and I had gotten Ruby and Sapphire dressed for church as I waited for Lee’s arrival. I was nervous because I had nothing to go by but his voice and vague description of him.

  I got dressed in a silk turquoise two piece suit with a pair of matching silk pumps. My hair looked like Easter; fresh and crispy. You know me and mine had to be straight for the good ole fashioned show that people would showcase for the holy festivities.

  My phone had rung soon as I got done stepping through the midst of White Diamonds perfume. It was Lee letting me know that he was about ten minutes away from my home.

  There was a knock on my door. I stood at the top of my stairs, “Come in.”

  I braced myself to see what my telephone man was working with, “Look at you!” I said as he trotted up the stairs.

  I must say, he was very handsome. I love dark-skinned brothers; even more so if that head was bald, and he had both it looked good on him. I was hoping that he felt the same way too; he was walking up the stairs mighty slow and somewhat precautious.

  He looked at me and kind of turned his head to the side, I grew weary because of my visible flaws; hair. And when I say hair; hair was all over my body.

  He got to the top of the stairs, I gave him a hug. He told me that I was cute. I told him; he was not bad himself and introduced him to Ruby and Sapphire. They shook hands; we headed to God’s House of Restoration. When we pulled up and got out of the car; my church family greeted him with the love of God.

  We went into the church, had service and enjoyed each other. Church was over with; we headed back to my crib where I introduced him to Tamika.

  Tamika was my best friend at the time. She was leery of Lee because of the saga between me and Harold. She didn’t want me to be hurt on this rebound romance. Lee was a good judge of character and he felt her feelings towards him.

  I prepared Sunday dinner, and we ate finger licking chicken, steamed green beans, fluffy mashed potatoes and buttery cornbread. The conversation was small and almost one worded after she asked him. Where did you find her at, how did you two meet?

  We didn’t discuss how we met with her. I gave her a look that told her to calm down, he is cool people. That- was-that, we left well enough alone. Hours lapsed, and it was time for evening service at my family’s church; Union Tabernacle, for the children’s Easter Program. Again it was another beautiful church service; those babies got down on them speeches, songs and poems. By nightfall, it was time for me and him to be able to spend our one on one.

  I called Tamika, asked if Ruby and Sapphire could stay the night at her house. She agreed. We got off the phone.

  The one thing about me is; I did my dirt. But my girls never saw a man leave my room in the morning. It was time for me and Lee to see if the check we wrote, talking smack over the phone for weeks; would either bounce or cash. It was time to see if this man, who was younger than I was accustomed too, could keep up with my Lamborghini of flesh. When he entered my car and took a test drive; I hoped he could match or put in some high interest with my high sex drive.

  We got naked and silently lay in the bed. It was like one was waiting for the other to turn the fire on in the room. I was growing impatient because he was hung like a horse and I was ready to giddy-up on his beautiful piece of work.

  I can’t recall who started it, but I was glad that it was going down. This man knew how to work me slowly, even though it was a one night stand, the night seemed like a never-ending story. The streetlight lit my room like sunrays through my blinds as our bodies mimicked the sweetest glow of seduction.

  We tasted each other, felt each other and got it in with each other. I was shocked that he could keep up with me. Time stood still in the heat of our chemistry as we moved in slow motion until we fell asleep.

  I knew that it was too good to be true and that it would probably be the first and last time I would see Lee. We both were in something; that was the purpose of Lava-Life. I just enjoyed the time that we spent together. Though it was a one night stand it felt right.

  The next
morning before he left, Lee looked at me with an intense demeanor on his face. He told me that I was beautiful to him. What he said next struck a chord deep down within me. It was almost a prophetic moment of truth. I had never told him anything about my past and neither did he.

  He looked into my eyes and said, “Denien the world don’t owe you anything; anything that you want in this life. You have to get up and go get it, you hear me.”

  I looked him back into his eyes and prophesied,

  “That business that you are working on, you shall be a millionaire.”

  He was taken back as he let me got, “How do you not know that I already am a millionaire?”

  I did not know but gifts and callings are without repentance. God knew what was up the road for Lee. I wasn’t and still not a person of conflict unless I get pushed to that point.

  It was so intense even though our one night stand started with God in the mix. We spent that whole Sunday at church in the presence of the Creator. I know now that God was putting the seal of approval on his pre-ordained union. What we did that night didn’t matter because I was already making love to my husband and didn’t even know it.

  “That’s deep.” Olivia said. “Mrs. Pearl I know you told me to be quit but damn, that’s deep.” Olivia took a drink of water as the bridal party agreed with her,” Keep going girl.”

  I looked him strongly in his eyes and received every last word with tears of conviction in mine. I know that the creator was using him. He drilled sternly in my head, that I could do anything that I put my mind to.

  The positive seed that he planted inside of my heart; I believed it. For the first time, it clicked even though I heard it before.

  I looked at him again, in that same moment and spoke life, into his endeavors by telling him that his business would be successful. He will be a millionaire. He looked puzzled at what the Creator was speaking through me. He knew that I no real inclination of his personal business.

  When he walked out of the door; I asked God if I could have him. He responded to my spirit. “He is yours.”

  I didn’t know how or when; God did. I kept him at his word. Lee and I went our separate ways, lost contact, and I never saw each other again. The one thing that I did know, God was a man that could not tell a lie.

  Chapter 7: Life Goes On

  Ten years had flown by just that fast. I still hadn’t heard from Lee. I thought of him off and on every now and again. There were moments that I could feel him and what he would be going through at certain points in his journey. All I could do was pray for him asking for a hedge of protection around him.

  It was in 2005; I was awakening out of a deep sleep to go use the potty. Lee popped up in my head. I saw him battling with something serious, I begun to pray, went back to sleep and woke up with him on my mind. There were times that he would pass through my thoughts very lightly; then there were those times where my love sat heavily in my spirit.

  In 2007; I had a dream about him. He was sitting on this brown raggedy couch. It looked like a beat up let out sofa that cat’s took advantage of by tearing up the fabric. He had despair all over his face. I could see the words confusion, danger, hurt, betrayal going in one ear out of another simultaneously as his hands were over his eyes with tears falling through the cracks of his fingers.

  I jumped up immediately and fought hard in prayer for his sanity. The devil wanted to give him a nervous breakdown, but I started to pull those strongholds down in the name of Jesus. When I felt the turmoil and torment in his mind cease; I anointed my head for protection and went back to sleep.

  *************

  During this time I was celibate for the most part. I would go several months or years without having sex. I had occasional lovers if I really needed to get off my funk. I could have had some real relationships; shoot I tried it with one. But he said I was too sweet whatever the hell that was supposed to mean.

  A woman of my caliber was hard to be understood by the male species. I had too many guarded walls on my heart. I didn’t want to be vulnerable with anyone and show any signs of weakness by loving even though loving someone was a desire of my heart. But not more than I wanted to get love back in return.

  Rosetta raised her hand, “Denien why did you have so many walls covering your heart?”

  “One simple answer; I was tired of being hurt by every man that would come through my life. I always knew that I was wife material. Look at it I had been raising my sisters since I was six. I was accustoming to what it took to be a homemaker regardless of what my past had been showcasing throughout my life. No matter if I was dating, having a friend with benefits; I always treated it like it was more than what it was subconsciously.”

  When you get hurt by someone that you have feelings for it always takes something from you. It may take your trust, ability to love, the way you feel about men in general. That’s when I learned to just live life without expecting anything in return. In doing so; it took away many unnecessary disappointments.

  Rosetta shook her head in deep agreement. She knew exactly where I was coming from as if she was going through it as we speak.

  *************

  In 2010; I moved to Portland Oregon. Ruby’s father had got in contact with me as well as Sapphires. They wanted me to move back Portland so that they could be back active in our children’s lives.

  I was working a pretty decent job; making good money and finally had my feet on dry land the right way. I took into heavy consideration and asked of them to both sit down; get a plan and we’d go from there.

  Needless to say, I once again sacrificed my life to make sure that my two children would have their fathers back in their lives. The conditions were they would put their monies together, get a place for me and mine.

  When I got to Portland they had not found a place they paid for one of those motels that looked like a studio for a months’ time. The money that I had from selling all my belongings was enough for proper clothing and the essential needs. The rest I was compelled to put up to furnish my home.

  After those thirty day’s they were nowhere to be found. One of them got married and the other; I heard from him no more. I felt like such a fool. My intentions were for my children. The execution was devastating not to me but Ruby and Sapphire suffered more behind the fatal disappearing acts.

  Sapphire took it hard she wanted to be loved by her father so bad. That straight a student took a turn for the worst but that another story for a different day.

  ************

  I ended up moving in with my sister for two years; the worst two years of my life. The economy sucked and I couldn’t find any work. That didn’t stop me from looking under every rock and crevice. I walked every day from one side of town to another looking for employment.

  In the midst of that I met a dude named Paul. He was the same age as I though he acted fresh out of his mother’s womb. The only reason that I talked to Paul was for no other reason; something to do.

  My sister called herself playing match maker. I was leery after my first sister tried the same thing and they ended up together. I didn’t trip then because even he was just something to do.

  Paul was childish and when he didn’t get his way; he would disappear. The woman that I am tried to understand why was he that way. I found no answer to what I was seeking, so I threw up the deuces and walked away. One thing about me; I have been through enough bullshit to recognize game.

  He stopped responding, I stopped calling and life went on without Paul. And I lost no sleep. Until he came back three months later thinking it would be that simple; talking about he was going through some things.

  He was going through some things alright; I bet my bottom dollar that thing was a female with a name. When he was done going through Paul figured, he could come to me and get healed. The devil is a lie.

  *************

  I tried to go to bed that night. I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned because Lee was heavy on my mind again. Whatever he was wrestli
ng with, I could feel it in my spirit. I don’t know if I was dreaming or having a premonition. I drifted in the spiritual realm of where he was being held captive in the battle of his mind.

  Life was being sucked out of him like a cat taking a baby’s soul. I could hear the oppression crying out from his soul like a man trying to escape hell and couldn’t; he was domed.

  My heart went into deep beats that shot panic through my mind. There was a woman’s ugly hand. She was his puppet master as she dangled him from her unhuman looking claws. Those were some ugly hands which are demonstrating unruly, demonic powers by an evil witch on a mission. Her eyes had no life in them; they were charcoal black including the whites as well as pupil. Her laugh was one that screeched out like a banshee happily satisfied with her manipulation. She felt like she couldn’t be destroyed. I appeared in the dream pleading the blood of Jesus. That devil left but Lee was very weak. I took the sword of fire that appeared in my right hand, boldly went and cut the stings off of him. When I went to help him, I woke up.

  That dream was so real. I could still smell her cheap perfume in my nostrils. This time was different instead of moving on with my day. I took a fast for Lee. I fought two day’s for him. I knew that I was on the right track because all hell started to break loose in my own life.

  **************

  We clashed badly in my sister’s home. What was expected to be a couple weeks turned into 2yrs of no work and it sucked, I was always used to working my butt off for my children. They were frustrated because they weren’t use to living the way we were; crowded in filth. I was living with bunch of grown folks; too many Chiefs and not enough Indians.

  My demons started to embrace me all over again. The way I survived all those years ago my demons wanted me to revert, entertain and reintroduce myself to the game. A game I fought hard to retire from. I meant wasn’t going back to that horrid place.